Thank you, Dottie for the kind words and also for the beautiful pictures and song. Of course, I cried the entire time it played....cause it is that emotional of a time right now.

I appreciate your stopping by on this date...it is nice to read special thoughts at this time.
We always wonder why the world does not stop a moment when we lose our special ones...as a sign of respect for our loss..and then we realize the world does not know what happened and is really too busy to care even if they knew. And so, when those who have suffered the same loss and pain take the time to stop by..it is appreciated.

We try to help others through the pain when we can but when our "date" comes around...it is something we cannot ignore..and so...we remember....

Your search for the images and song is appreciated.
Judy

Hi, Stephanie: I left you a post in your Tributes to Duffy topic...remembering our boys. Thank you for coming by here at this time. I will always remember our September calendars...........

I know Sasha has settled in your heart and, of course, Duffy is always there. Yeah, Lucky is such a silly kitty...he can make me laugh. Especially when he does things like notice our doorknobs open the door to outside..so he reaches for the doorknob with one paw on it but can't figure out how to make it open the door. Or, when I am fixing his Fancy Feast food and turn around and he is standing on his back legs with the front paws on the edge of the kitchen garbage can, looking inside as if he thinks he can find something better. I'll bet Sasha has a bunch of actions that make you smile also. It is nice to smile again.

But when this date comes around...no matter what the year....I won't forget. I have forgotten past dates because I don't want to relive the day. But Little Guy was one day before 9/11 which the whole country remembers and because of that I will always remember Little Guy's last day....date. And, what happened that afternoon.....

It is better not to remember details. And this "first year" anniversary. We do love our boys and miss them and losing them at almost the same time...is a bond I will never forget. Thanks for the warm wishes and you know I wish the same back to you.

Judy

Oh, Judy, so true. So very, very true. My one year anniversary will be next month on October the 16th. Oy Vey.

God Bless You, Dear One!!! Big Hugs and Lotsa Love!

Your Pal Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Judy, I am having a hard time looking at this year's calendar and seeing the word 'September' on the top. Tough month.
Hugs to you!

Oh my, it looks like I will be able to piggy back on to the September mourning club. Elliott was put to sleep on September 13---please tell me that a year from now it won't feel quite as bad! I am so weary from crying and my eyes looks really scary. Fortunately I've been able to work at home the first two days of this week but have to go in tomorrow. I dread it and yet, I think I need to get out of the house. Strange thing: I don't want to clean my house. I don't want to vacuum because I don't want to suck up his cat hair. I don't want to do my laundry because Elliott's last nap was on top of my pile of dirty clothes (you can still see the indentation where he had nestled in). I don't want to wash the last little cat dish that is sitting on the dining room floor because he had his last few bites of food from it......I'm glad to hear that you did get a kitten, Judy, I think it's a good way to move forward. Listening to silly kitten stories makes me smile, so I appreciate that. Thanks for sharing......Mikki

Joanne

I agree the memories are there forever. I don't know if I ever truly get used to them not being here physically. But then I think a lot of that is "memories' of them being here physically. I look at places Little Guy liked to be and a remember walking into that room and seeing him there.
That was always a comfort...seeing him anywhere. Our loss will always be just that...a loss...a gigantic loss. We can smile at the photos and thoughts of good memories but none of that ever truly substitutes for them being with us. We just do the best we can with each day. You are always checking up on me and I do appreciate that.

Take care,
Judy

Dottie:

I will be thinking of you on October 16th. I know what you will be feeling..as we do really all share the same pain...and the "anniversary" pain is simply the worst...just when we feel we are getting over the pain of the loss when it is very recent.

I appreciate your concern. Hugs back at cha....

Judy

Stephanie:

I know what you mean about September. I know I will never have a good thought about seeing that month..ever again. My two Pet Calendars both show kittens for the month. I have to leave it up this year but I hate to. I guess the one thing that made it bearable was this year by looking at the calendar...I can see my "date" and the "day" are different from 2007 (naturally) and since in my mind, I link a Monday with the "date"...I can tell myself....the cir%%stances are different this year. The 2 items are not linked and will not be for some time.

I never dwell on the day cause that comes every week. But I do link the day with the month and date. The month and date hurts by itself as it signifies a year has passed but at least the worst pain may only come once a year by thinking this way.

I can't wait until I can remove September from my sight. And I think of you and Duffy when this time comes. I know our boys are together but I just wish they were with us instead.

Thanks for remembering.

Hugs back to you.

A special hug just for Duffy and a special hug just for Little Guy. This month has your pictures on it in our minds...forever.

Judy

Im so sorry for your loss and Im in same situation. I put my dog rolo tto sleep last saturday. I have spent the week crying my eyes out, playing the what ifs, what if I didnt put him to sleep, was he really in pain, was it the right decision, I know it was but I feel gulty and heartbroken. This is not the ffirst pet Ive had to put to sleep. It about killed me when I had to put my 19 year old cat to sleep. she was my first adult pet and we had been though so much. I didnt think my heart will ever heal but with time it did get better and eventually I made a trip to a local shelter and adopted an adult cat who is wonderful and loving and really helped me get through all the grief and I know my cat snuggles would be happy I have someone to love and give a good home to. You til will eventually get through this. There will always be a place in your heart for your kitty and even 2 years later sometimes I see her pic and cry. I will always treasure our memories and love her forever. So please find some peace knowing your kitty is no longer suffering. my thoughts and prayers are withyou
If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to email me at symese123@yahoo.com.

Linda

Oh my, it looks like I will be able to piggy back on to the September mourning club. Elliott was put to sleep on September 13---please tell me that a year from now it won't feel quite as bad! I am so weary from crying and my eyes looks really scary. Fortunately I've been able to work at home the first two days of this week but have to go in tomorrow. I dread it and yet, I think I need to get out of the house. Strange thing: I don't want to clean my house. I don't want to vacuum because I don't want to suck up his cat hair. I don't want to do my laundry because Elliott's last nap was on top of my pile of dirty clothes (you can still see the indentation where he had nestled in). I don't want to wash the last little cat dish that is sitting on the dining room floor because he had his last few bites of food from it......I'm glad to hear that you did get a kitten, Judy, I think it's a good way to move forward. Listening to silly kitten stories makes me smile, so I appreciate that. Thanks for sharing......Mikki

Hi, Mikki

Yes, we have a September club...not a happy one, that's for sure. Well, Elliot was part of the same week as my Little Guy and as Duffy, Stephanie's boy.

I can't tell you that a year from now it won't feel quite as bad. Maybe it won't for you but it seems to be that the date triggers the same pain..at least for that date. That's why any distraction on that date is welcomed. The good news would be your eyes will heal because I haven't found anyone who has cried 365 days in a row the same as on the first day and during the first week, month, and whatever time it takes to realize crying doesn't always make us feel better and sometimes we can feel worse.

I agree with your need to get out of the house. I really needed to do that especially on my date.
I understand about your house also. As far as cat fur, I took a bunch from a hairbrush and put it in a ziplock (air tight) bag, with Little Guy's name and a tennis ball he liked to grab with his paws and kick at with his back legs. I had done the same for his twin brother, Keeper, who I lost in 2002 and even though that was 6 years ago...that fur is as soft as it was when it was part of him. I did the same with their sister who left in 2006. I find that ..that fur is the only way I can touch them physically and knowing it was truly a part of them and that fur is still "alive" is comforting. As far as the laundry..since he was on top of it all, I would leave the top item as it was and do what was under it...until I was ready to do the top too. The dishes I would wash and put away...that would definitely hurt too much to look at..for me. And now, with the new boy..he is using the same ones but somehow that is okay because..they are being used..for me that helps. (The emptiness inside with them gone does not need to be matched by my looking at empty dishes and remembering even more than I do without seeing more emptiness).

Yes, I saw that what helped me was the true distraction of another boy...who looks like my Little Guy physically but of course is very different. He has his own demands and personality. I have pictures of my Little Guy in every room and as he always stared at me through the camera..his eyes are on me all the time so I can see him anytime I want to. That helps me. I needed to be able to hold and hug another furbaby and so I adopted one from our SPCA.

It is strange to be in two places at once...one boy is a happy, healthy cat, age about 3, who is the nosiest cat I have ever seen..follows everyone around. He can make me laugh. When I lie on the couch to watch TV..he likes to curl up behind my knees (if I bring my legs up so he has a circle to lie in). Little Guy liked to be in my lap. So my other place is the sadness and emptiness of my boy being gone. And every night I see the spot in our living room he came to us for help but with my distraction...I do not relive that day often. I had a time like this (the happy, healthy time) with my Little Guy for over 16 years and I can smile at his pictures, showing him lying in all his favorite places.

We will miss them forever and love them forever but it does become too physically exhausting to experience the overwhelming grief that is so much a part of the early days of loss. There are many out in the world who do not understand and so we grieve in private many times. We know we can always come here and express our feelings and know we are understood..and most importantly, we know we are not alone in our pain. That helps. We take baby steps toward healing and that takes time. But there are no rules or time limits to our grief. What makes us feel better is the right thing for us to do. I could not heal alone and that is why when Little Guy left (he was the last of 3)...I did open my home and heart to another who had no one and needed someone just as I needed to be with another furbaby. If our special ones were never taken from us...their "brothers and sisters" who are waiting to share their unconditional love, and who needs a home would never have one. Maybe that is why ours cannot stay with us.

And, Mikki, my secret here is when I need a smile..I go to New Beginnings and look at the pictures and read the stories and they never fail to make me smile. Including the bunch of pictures of my new boy, Lucky.

So, thank you for coming by and reading about my boy. I wrote in your topic also. Just remember that here...you are never alone.

Take care...I wish you peace and healing....and in time you will find your answers.
Hugs...we do cry together.
Judy

Well, Little Guy, September..the month you left..is now gone. I can no longer say..last year at this time you were here. Now it is...last year at this time you had recently had to go..it was a cruel time of the year. Last year with the Holidays coming up....they were terrible cause the memory of your emergency and making the decision for you to go...lingered on.

I found myself crying at times during September because I do miss you so.

Again...I find myself taking everything..one day at a time.

We love you and miss you and always will.

To: Symese
Im so sorry for your loss and Im in same situation. I put my dog rolo tto sleep last saturday. I have spent the week crying my eyes out, playing the what ifs, what if I didnt put him to sleep, was he really in pain, was it the right decision, I know it was but I feel gulty and heartbroken. This is not the ffirst pet Ive had to put to sleep. It about killed me when I had to put my 19 year old cat to sleep. she was my first adult pet and we had been though so much. I didnt think my heart will ever heal but with time it did get better and eventually I made a trip to a local shelter and adopted an adult cat who is wonderful and loving and really helped me get through all the grief and I know my cat snuggles would be happy I have someone to love and give a good home to. You til will eventually get through this. There will always be a place in your heart for your kitty and even 2 years later sometimes I see her pic and cry. I will always treasure our memories and love her forever. So please find some peace knowing your kitty is no longer suffering. my thoughts and prayers are withyou

Linda

Hi, Linda

Sorry for the late response but I just read your message. Nothing had told me I had a new reply from you and I was going through my thread here and saw this and don't see I replied.

I am so sorry about your dog and your cat. Yes, I have been there also. I am glad you went to a shelter and got a new kitty. I understand about even though time has gone by...to see a picture and cry.....me Too!.

Yes, Little Guy is no longer suffering and I know your babies are at peace also. Nothing will ever end the suffering we feel when we think about them. Time helps so it is not everyday. But it really will never stop..no matter how much time has past.

Thank you for the beautiful offer. And Thank you for taking the time to stop by.

Judy

Thanks, Joanne

I really don't believe humans are capable of the unconditional love we see our babies give so freely. It comes naturally to them...we may try to work at it but I don't see human nature as capable of it.

And yes, I believe these special ones do know more than us about such love. Remember we live in the past (a lot) or the future, but they only live in the moment, in the present time for them.
They don't have their minds crowded with all the things we allow to run through our minds.

That's why, I guess, we have to learn to love them as much as we can in the moment because we don't know when those moments will be snatched away.

It hurts to even think of all of this right now.

Take care,
Judy

Joanne: you said:

Looking back, I realize just how rich I was. I believe I had more than most. I will never forget holding each of my babes in my arms. For now, Judy, those are the memories I have that I cherish in the now.

I echo your words and thoughts. My boy's 16 years now seem like a blink of an eye. And I am glad to have pictures of all my best friends....I remember them all and I remember special memories each one brought into our lives.

I cherish those too.

Judy

I wanted to thank you all and say that I am one of the ones who "can't stop crying." Your words here mean a lot to me, and I am glad to be here and sad to what brought me here. I take comfort in knowing strangers can come together and help each other, having never even met. Perhaps our furbabies are here with us after all, teaching us to be so very very kind and loving to strangers in such a tragic loss.

I wanted to share something I have had on my desk, the last two lines of which are on my parents headstone,

This is from writer Henrry van Dyke:

Time is...
Too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice.
But for those who love,
Time is not.

Thank you for being there for me.

ckrspanl:

Thank you for stopping by and for your comments. I really appreciate the writing of Van Dyke about Time..............it is so true, isn't it?

Now when I visit my Little Guy's topic here....I will be reading that writing many times as I go back through the posts here. It is a good writing to be part of my boy's topic.

I'm glad you have felt better after reading things I have said. Since we all feel the same pain about our loss, I guess by tapping into my pain....the words I find there that help me feel better also helps others.

When you think about it, through us....our babies really help a lot of people...their passing will never be forgotten and because of our loss.....we reach out to others...for help and to help..and it becomes a circle of friendship and understanding and creates a bond that only those who love these babies as we do, and in particular, we who have suffered our loss and live with that pain..that truly keeps on giving.

Take care....one day at a time and baby steps toward healing...is the path to follow.

Judy

Hello LoveThem,
I just wanted to stop in and say was Thinking of you!!!
Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!

Sissycat:

Thanks for stopping by. I always check on your topic and read your sweet words to your special one. That love always makes me smile. Hugs back to you!

Judy

Joanne:

"life doesn't seem fair"...You are so right...that's because it is not fair. The question is Why?
Maybe as imperfect humans we are given good and bad things happening in our life but who
can answer WHY our special furbabies have to go through what they do? They are truly without sin, as innocent as a baby, so why is life so unfair to them?

Sometimes the hurt becomes unbearable again....when we remember what they and we went through.

You lost 3 within a few months of each other....how cruel is that? Answer: very.

But then again these babies don't have thousands of people flocking to their doors to give them a home..it can go the other way..especially now..with home foreclosures...all I read about is if they lost the home...they can't take the cat, dog, etc. What were these babies....a status symbol? That can be abandoned just like that?

So as cruel as things get....it is the people who have opened their hearts and their homes and really love these babies...that have to keep on going...even when they are taken away. There are always more to take their place. Maybe someday.....spay and neuter...will happen to the extent that there are not thousands available...and not enough homes.

But the pain is so physically exhausting because we never can forget the ones taken.....

..............and we never will forget.............never.

Hugs to you and your babies...
Judy

Dearest Judy, you're so wise. I wish I could put my thoughts into words like you're able to do and you're always there for everyone. God Bless You and what a genuine Treasure you are! Some friends of mine came with me to say, "Thank you so very, very much for being who and what you are to so many!" I honestly don't know if you realize just how special you are, Dear One. Oh, please meet my three friends ...





Aren't they precious? Awww, they sure are. With Alex gone, I have no one to talk with that can actually carry on a conversation unless you count Buddy dog's barking and Styx kitty's meowing. It's wonderful to read what you post to people and I learn so much from visiting your thread and others where you've spoken. Gosh, I'm a bit tongue tied. What I'm trying my best to do is express my utmost gratitude to you for all the comfort you are to others, how you always know just what to say and your delivery is always with utmost genuine sincerity.

I wish so much that I could turn back the hands of time and bring your fur baby back to you. Truly, I do. And, I know in my heart that you feel the same about me and Alex.

You're probably sleeping now. At least, I hope you are and having lovely dreams. Thank you so much also for understanding how difficult it is for me most of the time to put my thoughts into words so I usually rely on images, songs, poems and the like to speak what I wish so hard to put across to others.

You are indeed a special Messenger from Him. No doubt about it, Judy. God Bless and Many Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi, Dottie and Joanne:

Thank you both for the very nice words. I read my last post and remembered the pain and through tears I then read both of your posts. I appreciate it when you stop by my topic..coming here keeps me "in touch" with my Little Guy...in its own way.

Dottie: Your 3 friends are so cute. Thanks for sharing. Sometimes the conversations of barking and meowing....are the most precious of all.


Joanne: You are amazing..the way you take care of your six babies...all different personalities and keeping track of who needs what and how they are doing. I know even though it is more to love..you also go through more heartbreak but as we all know......they really are worth it.

These babies just bring something so special into our lives..that only THEY can bring....we don't want the pain but they are worth it.....especially when we are given times that are good and happy and healthy...the memories that we need to remember...when the pain eventually comes. And again...as I said...they really are worth it..those precious ones we love so very much.

Judy

Joanne:

you said:
And you know Judy the one year has come and gone for both of us...and still it seems like yesterday.

How very true. I could say more about what one year means but.....well, you know what happened when I did that already.

Thanks for coming by. I still will talk about my Little Guy here..no matter what.

I wish everyone who truly cares...peace and healing.

Judy

But, there are some who think because we continue to post here, this is all we can do. There is nothing wrong with looking back. And its nice when others come and post letting us know they care too.

You are right, Joanne. I also enjoy posts letting us know others do care. Many here continue to post. We do it because we feel it is okay. I'm sure 99.9% would agree it is okay to come here and talk to our babies.

Take care and thanks for stopping by.

Judy

I just wanted to give you a hello.

I hope to continue coming here forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I can even help one person it is always worth it. The way all you guys helped me so much.



Hugs to you LoveThem!!!

Thanks, Sissycat, for stopping by. Yes, this is a place one SHOULD feel free to come and talk to their special ones. You always make me smile..as devoted to Sissy as you are. I think it is beautiful.

Stop by anytime and hugs back at you

And..special hugs to our babies..after all I am sure Angels love hugs too!

Also..glad to hear you bonded with a new kitten. I just know Sissycat guided that baby to you.

Judy

Joanne: It sounds like your babies are doing much better..I am so glad. I saw your pictures and they just all look like twins. Beautiful babies...give them all a hug from me.

Judy

Hi Judy,

Giving you a hello as well. I hope to be here always as well. You guys have helped me soooo much, I can never thank you guys enough.

Hugz


Candy's Dad

Hal

Joanne: I am sorry to hear about Whiskers...I hope all turns out well. You are such a great Mom..I am sure they will all be okay. Glad to hear Lily's diarrhea cleared up. Poor babies don't need that.


Thanks for stopping by. I know that October was a year since you lost Rassy Cat and next month in January...will be a year since you lost Mew and Howard...it is a sad part of the year and yet you find the time to come here and comfort others in addition to handling your babies.

(Just ahead of you in September was my one year and I have recently thought of a new question about losses....can disrespect of one's loss sometimes hurt more than the loss itself?).


Be well and take care,
Hugs
Judy

Hi, Hal

Thank you for coming by and for your comments. I am glad I helped you in any way. When someone stops by like you just did, and Sissycat, and Joanne, and so many others here and says something I said helped them feel better......that's when the pain of losing my Little Guy becomes less intense....like because of him..I am here...and if I can help..again it is because of him..and I see how his passing has truly touched many others. It's like our best friends brought us all together knowing if we are here...we are not alone.

So Hugs right back at you, Candy's Dad. Your Angel and mine do watch over us all the time.
And I will be checking your topic or New Beginnings to find out about your new family. I am excited about that....probably not as much as you are but still it is exciting..good news for the Holidays.

Take care and come back anytime.

Judy

Hello Judy,

You sure do help so many of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is funny how we are all brought here by a loss of some sort, but gain many friendships.

My family always says who are you talking to on computer. MY FRIENDS

Thank you Judy for being my friend!!!

Sissycat

Thanks so much for keeping in touch here. You are so right about there being a lot of good friends here. It's not perfect but then neither is life.

Next to having these furbabies with their unconditional love...the next best thing is true and honest friends. We always appreciate people who are themselves and not judgmental......

actually, when you think of that....that's as close to being like our sweethearts that we miss so very much....as humans can be.

It is easy being your friend and thinking of you as mine too. Your words to Sissycat always make me smile...seeing the love in each and every sentence you post. We share that feeling of love for our babies.

Hope you and your new kitten enjoy the Holidays. I know from having my adopted boy, Lucky, that it always feels good to have a furbaby to hug.

There is something special about Hugs...

So Hugs to you and your baby and your special Angel, Sissycat. We are grateful to have had the love and the sweet memories of those we know we will never forget, and grateful when we make another connection and regain some of the things we have been missing so much.

Peace and Hugs,
Judy

Hi, Joanne

Thank you for your answer to my question.

And I can answer back that I think you said it all very well and I totally agree with all you said.
There are probably those who might not agree but I am sure they are in the minority. After all, who in their right mind would deliberately disrespect a loss like we and so many here have been through? Now that I think of it, I think I found the answer to this last question...in the question itself.

Although I would wonder what these people see when THEY look in a mirror?

Thank goodness for the majority.

Judy

Thanks for stopping by, Joanne. I posted to your topic as I know this is your one year anniversary on Mew and Howard.

I missed my boy a lot over the Holidays. A lot.


I don't think there will ever come a time when we won't feel that ache when we think of them.

We do move on...and have given new homes to ones who need them but we will never ever
forget the special ones who brought us here to this forum where we have found most people here are so warm and caring. And when we can ease the pain of new members by sharing the burden,
it is special.

Take care,
Hugs to all our Angels

Judy

Hi, Joanne:

When I think of how nice it is when people help others especially when we are grieving, nowadays that also reminds of the fact that not everyone can help.

It seems like there are always people ready to judge us and to force their opinions upon the vulnerable, and some in particular, invoke God's name, as if He has their opinion also. And
if they are not agreed with, they become hurtful...to the very people they are telling they are praying for them. Well, someone can only make fun of my loss one time....I have no forgiveness in me for that.

People like that just make all grieving sadder. But wherever we go, we cannot get away from them, can we? All we can do is protect ourselves and others most vulnerable.

I miss the honesty of my Little Guy. And..everything else about him.

Take care and hugs to you and your babies,
Judy

To my Little Guy:

I have missed you so very much lately. Even Lucky cannot distract me very often. He just turned 3 years old so he was alive when you were alive and you were still healthy when he was a kitten. I don't think he ever really had a home cause he doesn't know things I thought were natural but he loves people very much and that is a big plus.

I look at your picture as you rest on the couch on a blanket or on the bed as in my avatar picture and I remember towards the end when you would curl up on that bed and I would walk over and hug you and tell you what a good boy you are....knowing deep down something was going horribly wrong inside you and I could not fix it. It makes me cry to think about that even right now. You were such a beautiful good boy...always thinking of me first. I miss you so much it is hard to type through the tears.

(And if that Judge here doesn't like the way I talk to my boy here..well..I don't care what you think, I'll talk to my boy when I want and how I want and if you want to make fun of this..I just wish you would go away and leave us in peace).

Hugs, Little Guy, lots of love and hugs.
Your Mom and Dad do miss you terribly...and always will.
(A hug for your sister and your brother too).

I hear you about those distractions or lack there of. I got Arthur 3 yrs ago today. I relived that day all day today..Never new how much joy he would bring me and such sorrow 2 1/2 yrs later. It's so very hard, but you do have Lucky to hold and love. I have Piper, who bites me, alot, and the nieghbor too. Oh boy!..Sending you lots of hugs...Ann

LS is a place where compassion plays the biggest role, welcome all of those who can find it in their hearts to be compassionate.
Amen!

Thank you ..Ann, Joanne, and Toonie.. for the supporting words.

Ann: Yes, I have Lucky and you have Piper..but when we remember Little Guy and Arthur...they hold such a place in our hearts that sometimes we can't help the tears and grieving and while our current pals are good to hug.....we cannot forget how it felt to hug our best friend who was taken from us. Received your hugs, Ann...they help too.

Joanne: We know there is a "who" whose own loss was never made fun of....yet showed the true colors recently when ... making fun of what someone writes to their lost one .. is more important than compassion and whose actions show they believe their own loss is more special than anyone else's here. I just kept thinking of those hurtful words while trying to write to my Little Guy and they just made me cry harder. It was my words to him that were made fun of. I can't forget or forgive such a person. I agree with you about the pain of our loss being so terrible. Thanks for stopping by with your support.

Toonie: You are so right about LS and compassion and there is always a welcome for those whose words of compassion are true feelings and whose actions are one's true self. There is no room for actually making fun of what we say to our lost best friends. Thanks for stopping by with the reminder of being compassionate. We can only wish all were that way but the proof is in the written words of hurt, that not all are capable of being that way.

So, thank you all again for responding. I was close to feeling I could not write TO my boy anymore because of what was said to me about doing that...but that's not right and so I came back here and wrote to him and I do appreciate your thoughtful responses. You all have helped.

Take care and I do wish peace and healing for all of us. No matter how much time has passed, I know it is still difficult for all of us in that we miss our best friends and will do so forever...until there is a reunion day filled with happiness, healthy, and love...cause that's where they all must be and so shall we someday, if we are lucky.

Judy

Oh my gosh Judy, I just had to reply.

It's unbelieveable to me that anyone would ever make fun of someone's loss. I just wanted to tell you- don't EVER for a second feel bad about writing to your Little Guy. If someone was so unbelieveably selfish and self-centered to make fun of your loss, they are not WORTH even another second of your time or thoughts, really!!!! Don't let it get to you. I can't believe someone would do that, but I can assure you 99% of people are not like that, and don't let their bad thoughts/issues/problems get to you. Please don't ever doubt yourself or your feelings. You are such a good person and so caring. I can only make an assumption that who-ever would do such a thing has such deep-seated issues of their own, it has nothing to do with you or what you write. Perhaps you were just a target on one of their really bad days. BUT please let me assure you not to think of it for another second, don't give what they did another second of your time. They just aren't worth it, honey!!! There is good and good people in this world, and you are one of them. HUGS!!


“Don’t let one cloud obliterate the whole sky.”

--Anais Nin

IF I WERE ASKED to give what I consider the single most useful bit
of advice of all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable
part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely
in the eye, and say, "I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me"."
~~ANN LANDERS, Syndicated columnist

Just remember when you think about what they said, they were leading a small life....
"Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else's hands, but not you."
-- Jim Rohn, Author and Speaker

Never doubt yourself or your feelings!!! We are all just part of this thing called life, and our humanity and compassion for each other gets us through....

Hi, Joanne:

You said: Yes Judy, those who think they are more special are just more self centered or even perhaps just selfish....Words can be hurtfull and thats for sure...Those that use words as hurtfull weapons would throw a fit if what they did was done back at them. I believe in Karma...and we always get back what we dish out. So I hope you continue to post your tributes to your little guy. That is what this forum is all about.

Yes, I can agree with all your thinking. This forum is about not being fearful about our grief being judged and when it happens, it is hard to forget the words once written. They burn into your mind at a time when you are trying to "touch" your baby by talking TO them. It is hard enough to put aside the sadness and the terrible pain we remember especially on the final day we had to let them go and we try to talk to them again...to feel better, hoping they are listening, but to have those words actually made fun of.....just throws us backwards into that terrible black abyss of hurt.

As I said I will write when I want to and whatever I want to say to my boy, in spite of the lurking Judge. And in spite of that hurt sent to me, I would never ever make fun of anyone's loss.

Thanks for the support. It is good to be reminded this is a place with many, many, good and caring people who are here coping with their losses and yet at the same time, letting others know they feel the pain and are here as support.

Take Care.........Hugs to your babies and mine............we miss them so very very much.
Judy

Hi, Nemo's Mommy:

Thank you so much for the wonderful words of support. I enjoyed reading the quotes at the end of your message too. I know you are right about trying not to think of what was said. But when I see such a one post again...it is a reminder of what was said to me and that's what makes it hard to forget.

I guess just like with grief....time will help heal how we feel....

Thanks again for writing....the support I feel here helps me a lot. So much more positive is here vs a small amount of negative...and as I said earlier...hopefully there will be peace once the negative leaves.

Hugs and thanks,
Judy

Judy why don't you be upfront about the lurking judge on LS and tell us who it is. There is no way most of us can find any posts to substantiate what you say, and truly, the person you are accusing deserves to have an equal opportunity to defend him/herself . You have twice expressed the wish that the person would go away, I find your attitude goes against the LS spirit, before another LS member is excluded, shall we have the whole story please!!!!!Those who come here are as vulnerable as you and being told to go away is unfair. No one else has ever said things like that about/to you. Lets be upfront or not say anything at all shall we!

Thanks, Joanne. I understand what you are saying. It does help to read words of support and I really appreciate hearing from everyone urging me to ignore what hurts as best I can. Being able to freely write to our lost ones has always been an important part of healing for some.

I know my Little Guy will understand if, right now, I do not feel I can talk to him freely. I will work on that.

I did want to send you best wishes in your upcoming surgery this week and hope you can come back soon after.

Hugs to all our babies...after all, they are the true Angels here, aren't they?

Judy

Judy,

I don't know the particulars of what happened here (to you) but I just have to say that I can't imagine why in the world anyone would criticize anyone for using whatever space they want here as a journal of sorts, to speak to their babies. For heaven's sake, so MANY of us do that, here and there, in amongst all our other 'dumpings'! That just sounds outrageous. And it's really up to each of us to decide what we want to post.

On another board I've used, that kind of thing/therapy is encouraged, not frowned upon! That's what boards like this are FOR, to write whatever we feel inspired (taken from the latin root = in spirit) to write. Goodness gracious....whoever doesn't get that simple concept should perhaps stay away from public forums where free speech (w/i standard board guidelines) is encouraged. What use would they be w/o such freedom?

Thank you, Furkidlets' Mom, for your supportive words.

I completely agree with all you said here. Talking to our babies is so very important. The freedom to say to them whatever we feel is simply priceless.

We have been through the absolutely most terrible time of all....that day we lost our beloved special ones. It means so much to have a place to come and feel free to talk to our best friends who are gone physically. I agree with your wording about being "outrageous". And, your last paragraph summed it all up very well.

Just like we use good memories of our special ones to help make the sad ones fade, words of support are positive and can also help to make other kinds of words fade away.

But just like the pain we feel losing our babies any kind of pain associated with them never goes away 100%. We wait until it becomes bearable..then we know healing will come.

Thanks again for being here.

Judy

Hi, Little Guy

Just want you to know I miss you so very much. And I have to tell you so here as well as at home.
I don't want you to think I have forgotten you but I know you understand what happened lately about my words to you being made fun of..is something I don't know how to forget. If I talk to you, I remember that. If I don't talk to you, that hurts too.

Miss you, my boy. You are loved every day and missed every day and the tears still come too easily.


Mom

Words can be very painful, or very healing. Like you said to me our angels hear us. No matter where you talk to your boy, surround yourself with your healing words to him. It is your special time. Today at the shelter I gave a little long haired black cat named Fenway some extra attention. I thought of you since he looked like the pictures of Little Guy. Hugs to you Judy and of course your boy too..Ann

Thanks, Ann...I needed those supportive words. I'll bet that kitty appreciated that extra attention. Looked like my Little Guy? Good thing I wasn't there...I'd probably take him home.

And yes, I believe our babies do hear us...that's why it is important that we feel we can talk to them and why it can make us feel better inside...to talk to them.

Hugs back to you and to our Angels...they can never get enough hugs, can they?

Judy

Hi, Little Guy

I just thought of another reason you should have been allowed to stay with me...I would never have met the "Judge" if you had stayed. That would have been double wonderful. The one who now pretends to have gone but the "anonymous" "footprints" have been very clear to see...constantly.

I never thought my words to you were "rehashing redundant words" until I was told and, of course, our dear friend here who lost her babies was told the same thing about her words.

Tell me people like this do not exist where you babies are....all of you. For then what would Heaven really be like?

I still love you and miss you terribly. So you see, there were lots of reasons you should have been allowed to stay longer.....it is sometimes difficult to make the pain of missing you more bearable when my words to you (which are my thoughts) are made fun of.

Hugs and kisses my boy,
Mom

Judy & Joanne,

You both have such a love for your babies... both those that have crossed over and your new ones. And you are both so helpful to those of us who have not journeyed as far along as you have on this path that none of us know how long it will be.

Many new people who have come here have been comforted by your words and you have helped so much with your words that are obviously from the heart and from the losses you have experienced. You take the time for people you do not know that are hurting while you too are missing your special ones.

Thank you both for being here and keep it up............. you are good for us!!! It must in some small way be helpful with your own loss to comfort others. Painful at times I am sure, but also healing in a very subtle way.

Ginger