Dearest Judy, please don't feel guilty because of course it's no fault of yours in the least but I've been sitting here weeping for about the last hour or two because I can feel your pain so acutely. It's as though at many times that anguish from your loss is most cetainly unbearable. Sure, I made a cartoon of Lucky earlier and that possibly put a smile on your face but I had to do more. Much more!
So, I thought and thought and prayed and prayed. Then the song came to me but I had to find the perfect YouTube video to accompany the lyrics of this most beautiful and comforting song of Hope and Peace. It only took me two tries to find it as though it was destiny.

Please, don't think I'm some sort of a "Jesus Freak" cuz I sure ain't. I'm open to all cultures, religions and belief systems that make a person good, honest, decent, loving, compassionate, giving and so on. Like yourself, I'm one who "walks the walk" and doesn't just "talk the talk." The reason I'm explaining this is because of the first video. I was gobsmacked when I saw Him holding and loving your precious fur baby from 2 minutes and 6 seconds to 2 minutes and 10 seconds into this video. It sure appeared like a sign to me! Also, please note how He is always right there beside you in troubled waters to lovingly guide you and point you to safety and Hope for a brighter tomorrow, too.

Since I never, ever "force my beliefs down anyone's throats" I chose two videos. Both are awesome and I pray that they bring comfort, love and peace to you in this great time of your terribly gosh awful sorrow, grief, pain and loneliness. I love you, Hon!











I'm "On Your Side" and "Sailing right behind" You "Silver Girl" Judy!!!
Sending Many Angels and Comforting Hugs to You and Your Precious Beloved Fur Baby!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Judy, I hope and pray you will get thru your 1yr anvsry without too much grief. You deserve that sooo much. You have helped so many here with your compasion and understanding. I know your heart is still breaking, but don't let it totally shatter for we still need your warm heart to help us heal. Sometimes I think about my past furbabies who have now been gone longer than they have lived. I never will or want to forget them. And not 1 year has passed that I didn't stop and think about them. B-days too. I will be thinking of you and sending you a Big Hug... Ann

I thank everyone for stopping by and their kind thoughts and wishes. Even my new boy, Lucky, will not take away tomorrow's pain as I remember that day....last year...when my baby boy,
Little Guy dragged himself to us for help...he couldn't breathe. This is when I wish my memory wasn't so good...I remember everything. By 4 PM we were back home and he was no more.

I can't always remember what I ate or did a few days ago but this I can remember, including the telemarketeer phone call while we were in the middle of rushing to the ER.

It is better for me not to write any more descriptions now.

Little Guy.....one more day and you will need help badly. I thought you were having a little trouble breathing on Saturday and called the vet who had closed. Then I thought I was over-reacting and imagining it...some little signs I don't remember. But we had an appt Tuesday for you to be checked out and I would mention it to the doctor.

Little did I know that on Monday...the fluid must have exploded into your chest and you just could not expand your lungs to breathe. You are the first one to leave me that I saw you physically having awful trouble. What my others had they could hide enough of it so I saw no suffering but knew something was wrong and the vet would confirm it. With you...everything was totally unexpected..how you dragged yourself from the back of our home (60 feet) to where we were, I'll never know. You could not even meow or make any sound at all. You just collapsed and I believe went unconscious..then you got up and dragged yourself a few more feet and collapsed again. Your eyes were so blank I thought you had died but I scooped you up and we called the vet and told them we were on our way...they were ready and waiting for your emergency...I am thinkful for that. They didn't hesitate to get you and take you in the back and put you in an oxygen tent to help you get oxygen. The vet said your gums were blue for lack of oxygen. She took x-rays and showed us the fluid in your chest. I am so sorry we couldn't have prevented it from happening.

One more day...tonight you would still sleep where you could watch me and come to me when I got up in the morning and lay by me. It would be the last time you could do that...........

Tears and love to you, baby boy.

My Dear Cherished Friend, Judy. I read your message and Wing Many Angels to You in Prayer to Soothe and Comfort you in this time of your utmost pain and grief. God Bless!!!

Little Guy......Today we lost you forever. In 5 hours you will come to us for help. In 6 hours...we are home....without you. Why was it your time?

I am attaching the note I got afterwards from the vet hospital...lots of love there for you. Two vets also wrote...the lady treating you...and the lady who gave you peace. I was never able to read these to you but it is all about you from those who were with you and with us that day....September 10, 2007.

With tears streaming down my face, dropping into my lap...I can say no more today. This day belongs to you forever...and not in a happy way....I am so sorry that disease attacked you so swiftly as it did this day. All you ever wanted to do was love us...and you did that so very well.

Love you, baby boy. You are not suffering anymore...but we are and will always..as long as the memory of this date remains with us. So precious. You fought pneumonia as a kitten and won..wanting to live. You tried to fight the new disease..probably a cancer..at 16 1/2 years old but this time the evil won.

But you will never be forgotten............not ever......and neither will your twin brother, Keeper and your little diva sister...Little Girl. We love you all and we miss you all. Hugs to your souls.


Your "Mom" and "Dad" forever

Dearest Judy, I've been thinking all day about how you're always there for everyone to comfort them in their time of devastation, sorrow, grief, loss and loneliness. How you put a smile on their faces. All this when you yourself are in such gosh awful terrible pain from your own loss. You are so selfless, dear, kind, loving, compassionate, empathetic ... And so much more ... And so much more ...

Suddenly a song came to me that has your name written all over it! So, I went to YouTube to find the best version with the most beautiful images that are You! Thank you, Judy! Thank you for being who and what You are to everyone!!! And now the song ...




God Bless You Most Abundantly, Dear One!!!

Your Friend Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Judy- I haven't been able to get myself to get anything done these past few days. You and Little Guy have been on my mind and I know how it becomes as you count down to the time when your life changed forever. I am sending you the warmest of all wishes as you grieve this year. Please know that I am thinking of you both and hopefully Lucky can get you to smile through those tears.
Warm wishes,
Stephanie

Thanks, Joanne. It took Little Guy's leaving for me to search for something and found this forum.
No, it doesn't ever get any easier to deal with....as long as we can remember it in detail. It is hard to believe it has been a year but it will help now not to keep thinking...last year he was here on this date, etc etc. That makes it twice as hard to deal with.

Yes, next month you will be dealing with the "first year" thoughts. Then those will be gone.
That helps me but it is sad also...sometimes it was good to think last year they were here..but only in the good months of the year.

Thanks for stopping by at this special time.
Judy

Thank you, Dottie for the kind words and also for the beautiful pictures and song. Of course, I cried the entire time it played....cause it is that emotional of a time right now.

I appreciate your stopping by on this date...it is nice to read special thoughts at this time.
We always wonder why the world does not stop a moment when we lose our special ones...as a sign of respect for our loss..and then we realize the world does not know what happened and is really too busy to care even if they knew. And so, when those who have suffered the same loss and pain take the time to stop by..it is appreciated.

We try to help others through the pain when we can but when our "date" comes around...it is something we cannot ignore..and so...we remember....

Your search for the images and song is appreciated.
Judy

Hi, Stephanie: I left you a post in your Tributes to Duffy topic...remembering our boys. Thank you for coming by here at this time. I will always remember our September calendars...........

I know Sasha has settled in your heart and, of course, Duffy is always there. Yeah, Lucky is such a silly kitty...he can make me laugh. Especially when he does things like notice our doorknobs open the door to outside..so he reaches for the doorknob with one paw on it but can't figure out how to make it open the door. Or, when I am fixing his Fancy Feast food and turn around and he is standing on his back legs with the front paws on the edge of the kitchen garbage can, looking inside as if he thinks he can find something better. I'll bet Sasha has a bunch of actions that make you smile also. It is nice to smile again.

But when this date comes around...no matter what the year....I won't forget. I have forgotten past dates because I don't want to relive the day. But Little Guy was one day before 9/11 which the whole country remembers and because of that I will always remember Little Guy's last day....date. And, what happened that afternoon.....

It is better not to remember details. And this "first year" anniversary. We do love our boys and miss them and losing them at almost the same time...is a bond I will never forget. Thanks for the warm wishes and you know I wish the same back to you.

Judy

Oh, Judy, so true. So very, very true. My one year anniversary will be next month on October the 16th. Oy Vey.

God Bless You, Dear One!!! Big Hugs and Lotsa Love!

Your Pal Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Judy, I am having a hard time looking at this year's calendar and seeing the word 'September' on the top. Tough month.
Hugs to you!

Oh my, it looks like I will be able to piggy back on to the September mourning club. Elliott was put to sleep on September 13---please tell me that a year from now it won't feel quite as bad! I am so weary from crying and my eyes looks really scary. Fortunately I've been able to work at home the first two days of this week but have to go in tomorrow. I dread it and yet, I think I need to get out of the house. Strange thing: I don't want to clean my house. I don't want to vacuum because I don't want to suck up his cat hair. I don't want to do my laundry because Elliott's last nap was on top of my pile of dirty clothes (you can still see the indentation where he had nestled in). I don't want to wash the last little cat dish that is sitting on the dining room floor because he had his last few bites of food from it......I'm glad to hear that you did get a kitten, Judy, I think it's a good way to move forward. Listening to silly kitten stories makes me smile, so I appreciate that. Thanks for sharing......Mikki

Joanne

I agree the memories are there forever. I don't know if I ever truly get used to them not being here physically. But then I think a lot of that is "memories' of them being here physically. I look at places Little Guy liked to be and a remember walking into that room and seeing him there.
That was always a comfort...seeing him anywhere. Our loss will always be just that...a loss...a gigantic loss. We can smile at the photos and thoughts of good memories but none of that ever truly substitutes for them being with us. We just do the best we can with each day. You are always checking up on me and I do appreciate that.

Take care,
Judy

Dottie:

I will be thinking of you on October 16th. I know what you will be feeling..as we do really all share the same pain...and the "anniversary" pain is simply the worst...just when we feel we are getting over the pain of the loss when it is very recent.

I appreciate your concern. Hugs back at cha....

Judy

Stephanie:

I know what you mean about September. I know I will never have a good thought about seeing that month..ever again. My two Pet Calendars both show kittens for the month. I have to leave it up this year but I hate to. I guess the one thing that made it bearable was this year by looking at the calendar...I can see my "date" and the "day" are different from 2007 (naturally) and since in my mind, I link a Monday with the "date"...I can tell myself....the cir%%stances are different this year. The 2 items are not linked and will not be for some time.

I never dwell on the day cause that comes every week. But I do link the day with the month and date. The month and date hurts by itself as it signifies a year has passed but at least the worst pain may only come once a year by thinking this way.

I can't wait until I can remove September from my sight. And I think of you and Duffy when this time comes. I know our boys are together but I just wish they were with us instead.

Thanks for remembering.

Hugs back to you.

A special hug just for Duffy and a special hug just for Little Guy. This month has your pictures on it in our minds...forever.

Judy

Im so sorry for your loss and Im in same situation. I put my dog rolo tto sleep last saturday. I have spent the week crying my eyes out, playing the what ifs, what if I didnt put him to sleep, was he really in pain, was it the right decision, I know it was but I feel gulty and heartbroken. This is not the ffirst pet Ive had to put to sleep. It about killed me when I had to put my 19 year old cat to sleep. she was my first adult pet and we had been though so much. I didnt think my heart will ever heal but with time it did get better and eventually I made a trip to a local shelter and adopted an adult cat who is wonderful and loving and really helped me get through all the grief and I know my cat snuggles would be happy I have someone to love and give a good home to. You til will eventually get through this. There will always be a place in your heart for your kitty and even 2 years later sometimes I see her pic and cry. I will always treasure our memories and love her forever. So please find some peace knowing your kitty is no longer suffering. my thoughts and prayers are withyou
If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to email me at symese123@yahoo.com.

Linda

Oh my, it looks like I will be able to piggy back on to the September mourning club. Elliott was put to sleep on September 13---please tell me that a year from now it won't feel quite as bad! I am so weary from crying and my eyes looks really scary. Fortunately I've been able to work at home the first two days of this week but have to go in tomorrow. I dread it and yet, I think I need to get out of the house. Strange thing: I don't want to clean my house. I don't want to vacuum because I don't want to suck up his cat hair. I don't want to do my laundry because Elliott's last nap was on top of my pile of dirty clothes (you can still see the indentation where he had nestled in). I don't want to wash the last little cat dish that is sitting on the dining room floor because he had his last few bites of food from it......I'm glad to hear that you did get a kitten, Judy, I think it's a good way to move forward. Listening to silly kitten stories makes me smile, so I appreciate that. Thanks for sharing......Mikki

Hi, Mikki

Yes, we have a September club...not a happy one, that's for sure. Well, Elliot was part of the same week as my Little Guy and as Duffy, Stephanie's boy.

I can't tell you that a year from now it won't feel quite as bad. Maybe it won't for you but it seems to be that the date triggers the same pain..at least for that date. That's why any distraction on that date is welcomed. The good news would be your eyes will heal because I haven't found anyone who has cried 365 days in a row the same as on the first day and during the first week, month, and whatever time it takes to realize crying doesn't always make us feel better and sometimes we can feel worse.

I agree with your need to get out of the house. I really needed to do that especially on my date.
I understand about your house also. As far as cat fur, I took a bunch from a hairbrush and put it in a ziplock (air tight) bag, with Little Guy's name and a tennis ball he liked to grab with his paws and kick at with his back legs. I had done the same for his twin brother, Keeper, who I lost in 2002 and even though that was 6 years ago...that fur is as soft as it was when it was part of him. I did the same with their sister who left in 2006. I find that ..that fur is the only way I can touch them physically and knowing it was truly a part of them and that fur is still "alive" is comforting. As far as the laundry..since he was on top of it all, I would leave the top item as it was and do what was under it...until I was ready to do the top too. The dishes I would wash and put away...that would definitely hurt too much to look at..for me. And now, with the new boy..he is using the same ones but somehow that is okay because..they are being used..for me that helps. (The emptiness inside with them gone does not need to be matched by my looking at empty dishes and remembering even more than I do without seeing more emptiness).

Yes, I saw that what helped me was the true distraction of another boy...who looks like my Little Guy physically but of course is very different. He has his own demands and personality. I have pictures of my Little Guy in every room and as he always stared at me through the camera..his eyes are on me all the time so I can see him anytime I want to. That helps me. I needed to be able to hold and hug another furbaby and so I adopted one from our SPCA.

It is strange to be in two places at once...one boy is a happy, healthy cat, age about 3, who is the nosiest cat I have ever seen..follows everyone around. He can make me laugh. When I lie on the couch to watch TV..he likes to curl up behind my knees (if I bring my legs up so he has a circle to lie in). Little Guy liked to be in my lap. So my other place is the sadness and emptiness of my boy being gone. And every night I see the spot in our living room he came to us for help but with my distraction...I do not relive that day often. I had a time like this (the happy, healthy time) with my Little Guy for over 16 years and I can smile at his pictures, showing him lying in all his favorite places.

We will miss them forever and love them forever but it does become too physically exhausting to experience the overwhelming grief that is so much a part of the early days of loss. There are many out in the world who do not understand and so we grieve in private many times. We know we can always come here and express our feelings and know we are understood..and most importantly, we know we are not alone in our pain. That helps. We take baby steps toward healing and that takes time. But there are no rules or time limits to our grief. What makes us feel better is the right thing for us to do. I could not heal alone and that is why when Little Guy left (he was the last of 3)...I did open my home and heart to another who had no one and needed someone just as I needed to be with another furbaby. If our special ones were never taken from us...their "brothers and sisters" who are waiting to share their unconditional love, and who needs a home would never have one. Maybe that is why ours cannot stay with us.

And, Mikki, my secret here is when I need a smile..I go to New Beginnings and look at the pictures and read the stories and they never fail to make me smile. Including the bunch of pictures of my new boy, Lucky.

So, thank you for coming by and reading about my boy. I wrote in your topic also. Just remember that here...you are never alone.

Take care...I wish you peace and healing....and in time you will find your answers.
Hugs...we do cry together.
Judy