My beautiful long-haired black cat (my boy) is gone forever. I had to make an instant decision on 9/10 to put him down. The vet said his chest was full of fluid and his gums were blue from very little oxygen. He had struggled to come from the back of our home to the front room to lie down on one side with his mouth open. It was so scary. He got up and moved a couple of feet and did it again. I thought he had died. We rushed him to the vet and he was put on oxygen. The fact he was 16 years old, had lost weight over the past few weeks...well, the vet guessed at a cancer somewhere in his body and what they would have had to do to help him survive maybe 4 weeks, or maybe the next day it would be another emergency to drain his chest. That draining causes a lot of pain. I couldn't let him suffer but I didn't want to let him go either. So the instant decision to put him down. Now I can't stop crying everyday. He was so gentle and sweet. I miss him so. I thought how I had told the vet that purring seemed to choke him up; she said she never heard of that. I said he sits with his tongue hanging out a little. She didn't know what that meant. I saw a picture on the Internet of a cat who was having trouble breathing and his tongue looked just like my boy's. Maybe if the vet understood breathing problems she might have been able to do something before something horrible went wrong all of a sudden and his chest filled with so much fluid, he could not breathe hardly at all. I didn't know when I scooped him up, it would be the last time I would hold him. I've thought about getting a new pet which would be a distraction (I've done that before and it helped) but my husband said it is too soon and he is not ready and we gave away all the cat food and he was upset that if we got another cat or kitten we would have to buy food again. I don't know how to answer that. I have had dogs and cats all my life and believed that when one goes it may be God's way of making a home available for one that needs it. 16 years is the longest I ever had an animal and it was wonderful. I've been to the Emergency Room since and am undergoing GI tests. I think my grief is affecting my digestive system and I don't know how to stop it. This cat was the last to go of 3 kittens originally born in our yard and he was my favorite. Grief is easier to bear when there is at least one other animal at home, at least for me. Thanks for listening. I needed to talk. I would try those Pet Loss Hotlines but they are only at night and I don't want to upset my husband by talking to them when he is here.
I read all everyone's stories and I feel for all of you. We love them so much, that's why there is so much pain. But I wouldn't have not had them to avoid the pain that comes in the future. It is never never easy. I don't know how to bottle my grief.

Do not "bottle" your grief. You must allow yourself to feel that pain. It is essential to our healing as humans.

I cried for days after my baby died. I still do from time to time. It is the anniversarry of her death 1 year ago on Novenber 10th. I have begun to cry again. You will feel a reprieve from the grief evevtually and in your own time. Everyone is different. Don't rush yourself and don't let anyone else rush you. When it comes to a new pet in the house all should be in agreement. The animal will sense distress if that is present so both you and your husband need to be on the same page when it comes to recieving a new pet into your home. Don't rush that either. You need to grieve your lost one first. This goes back to the beginning statement. You must embrace that grief. It is the only way through it. Cry if you must but do not deny it. I will watch for you

Take care my friend...........

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved kitty. And I know what it is like to feel you have to hide your grief from your husband. When our, Mack died my h, even though he loved our boy as much as I, couldn't stand to see me cry. This forum saved my life.

Mack and Sadie's Mom,
Dayna

We just lost our cat to cancer two weeks ago today and it just eats you up everyday. You MUST go through the grief, no matter how painful. I was okay for a few days and even smiling and remembering funny little things, then last night, the pain smacked me again. It is not a straight road from pain to acceptance. You will go back and forth through emotions you never knew could rock you so hard. I am learning to live with it and know that my baby is no longer sick, or has to suffer the drainings that he did in his abdomen for months. They were not as brutal as chest drainings but we still felt for him everytime he went in. You will come through your pain. Just know your beloved furchild is with you all the time, if not physically, but in spirit and love. He will love you forever just as you love him...
Please allow yourself to grieve, it is the only road out of the pain. We are all here to help one another. I just found this site myself a week ago and it has been a blessing to have so much love and compassion from those who know how you are feeling. Please share your pain with us and pictures and we will be here for you and eachother.
Orion's Mommy, Susan

xrayspex(John): You're right..I can't bottle the grief..that's why I still cry freely. As to a new pet..yes all must agree. I thought it would help me if I talked about it without any decision but we all react differently to grief and all of a sudden I just felt alone.

myhrtisbrkn(Dayne): My husband too grieves for our boy. He doesn't like to see me upset especially when he can't make it go away. I understand that. We put his favorite down (a twin to mine) in 2002 and he said he never felt such grief (his family were not pet people). He learned to love animals from our marriage. He really worries more than I do and that's saying something. Right now he is just relieved he doesn't have to worry. He doesn't realize a new pet gives you good time for years before this happens again. I guess I want the healthy time again and the love these pets give us so freely.
He told me to volunteer at the SPCA but if I fell in love and couldn't bring the pet home, I would feel worse than I do right now. They have cat condos and I picture the 2 of us going to visit and seeing who approaches us. I kind of want to wait some more also and then I see pictures on the Internet of who needs a home and my heart just goes out to them.
Kittymomma(Susan): I'm sorry about your baby. I just joined here and will have to learn how to put a picture of my Little Guy here, as you suggested. My problem is I can't stop grieving...the tears just keep coming. I accepted this suffering when I chose to end his suffering rather than hold onto him because I didn't want to let him go.
Thanks to all for their thoughts, suggestions, and well wishes. (Judy)LoveThem

I understand completely...I am in the same place. It is the only way out of the grief to cry and let yourself feel it. You cannot bottle it up, it will only come out later. We have decided to get a new kitten after the first of the year to liven things up in the house, we still have 3 cats, but we would add a hundred we have so much love to give. We are here for you when you need us and I know I have come here and cried while I posted and read other's threads. It is somewhat soothing to know we are not alone. You don't have to bear this burden of sorrow by yourself. Come here and post and talk about your boy. It WILL help get those feelings out and help you to grow past them.
To post a picture, you can always upload your pics to a photo sharing site like Photobucket and transfer them here. I just learned myself and it is easy once you get the hang of it. We would love to hear about your boy and see pictures. Sharing helps, believe me I know. It is 2 weeks today that we lost Orion...
Iwill be praying for you and please do keep coming here. There are so many who understand and share with you this experience.
susan

LoveThem, I am sorry for your loss. It is always hard, painful and not fair. I know you will get through this, it always happens tht way, you will. In your initial post where you said when one passes it opens up a place for one who needs a home, you are right. You also have the heart to love another when it is time. When it IS time, another will come to you and you will know it is right. Don't worry about having given away cat food etc, it is of no consequence. Rather just know what I say is true, that when it is time another will come to you, and when he/she comes to you it is when THEIR time is right,when they need your love, not our time, or our need to love another, and that in all essence is the right time. Until then rest in the knowledge all here understand, care, freely give a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to you and hold you and yours in their prayers.

Be Well,

mark

Dear LoveThem I am sorry for your loss. I know how terrible it must feel to be catless in the house, I feel it all the time in my own house as I lost my two cats this time last year. Your cat was 16 years old, you did so well by him, your good care let him live a very good life. But I know this is no consolation when all we want is to have them back!!!. My husband too didn't like to see me grieve, I think they just don't know how to handle our sadness and they would want us to shelve it, something they can do easier than us for some reason or another. He tried to hug me a lot but I wanted my cats, not someone I already have though how I know I would litteraly go crazy if I had lost HIM : I just had to spend a lot of time by myself, and get it out. I am better a year later, but that loss will be felt forever, and this too is normal when you love as much....But I see the future with more optimism, I will try to make a good life anyways.
It's taken me a year to get there, it does get better. For now, I don't see any more
kitties in my house, we are getting older and would like to travel eventually, last time we went to see my husband's family overseas we paid over a thousand dollars more just to leave on the Thursday night spend the weekend with the family and be back home on the Tuesday night. My cats were worth not spending too much time away.
My son's pediatrician had been right when he started allergies two weeks after we got our cats in 1993. This year he had no allergies, he had had them for 13 years, tests said he was allergic to grasses but I guess the cats gave him allergies too because he's okay now finally at the ripe old age of 20 What this all means is I can not have cats inside the house, I do have barn cats and I treat them like king barn cats, my husband wouldn't have let me spoil them like that but since my heartache he lets this be.... I still grieve but I am starting to like my life a lot more than last year at this time. Take care, it will get better and I wish you lots of new things happening to you a year from now.

JackJackbojack (Joanne): Thanks for joining in my replies. I'm so sorry about what you and your baby went through. I'm glad you changed vets. No matter what the story is, your last paragraph sums it all up beautifully and correctly.
Keep in touch.

toonie: Thanks for your thoughts. I think the catless word really hits home. We started with 3, all related so all the same age. The first one was hard but we had 2 others to take care of. The 2nd was last year but we had 1 left...Little Guy. Now he is gone and we miss all the good things about him. He loved to race from one end of our home to the other and I always yelled "Freight Train!" as he ran past. Or, he walked into the living room so deliberately we used to say "Here comes John Wayne". That's all gone now. He was 16 in May and even though in July I felt something was slightly different, he was still jumping around in August just 3 weeks before his breathing emergency. You mentioned allergies. Well, I have always been allergic to cats' dander. If I pet a cat and then rubbed my eyes, they would get red and itchy. If I washed my hands right away, I had no problem.
I'm glad that was all there was to my allergy so I was able to have my twin boys and a girl for so long. Take care. I know the future will be better but where I am right now is the problem..not enough time has gone by.

Hi there, LoveThem,

All I can say is I am so sorry. I wish I could take some of your pain and place a bit of it on my shoulders. The grief is horrible, and no one should go through it alone. Please take care, and I hope you will start to heal soon.

Daisysmom13

Thank you, Daisysmom13, for your thoughts. Keep in touch.

You wanted to take some of the pain onto your shoulders...you already have by responding to my plea. In fact, because we love and want to take care of these special friends of ours, we actually share in the love for an animal and so we also share in the pain when any one of us loses our special friend. That's why we can understand each other's joy and pain better than people who do not care about animals. They will never know the pain but they will never know the unconditional love we experience. I had 16 years of love with my little boy. I will not have 16 years of pain. The pain will heal in time, I can't make it go away sooner. I will miss him forever ...that feeling never goes away. We are in this forum because of our pain and knowing we are touching others who have been there, are there, and, since our love never stops, will probably be there in the future again, hopefully, many years away. I re-read my replies and I find comfort in the caring of others who have been and/or are in just as much pain as I feel. Each situation may be different but we really all feel the same feelings of maybe anger, guilt, empty, etc.
We just have to remember we are human. We are not perfect. We are not doctors. We try to do the best we can for our special friends. It can be very normal to feel we didn't do enough without stopping to think maybe cir%%stances were beyond our control. We can only learn from the past as best we can. There are more out there that may need us..that need the love only pet lovers can give to them.

The most important thing for you to remember is that crying helps you heal. Don't try to make yourself stop. Holding it in will only make things worse and could make you sick.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend Niko on Oct 15th and it was during a routine operation. All of a sudden I had to make "the arrangements" for my baby girl. It is so very hard, it has been three weeks and I still find myself crying uncontrollably at the drop of a hat.

Let it out when you need to, call a friend, visit us here...something to help you through. Just don't fight the pain, it will ease up a little as you go.

Another good site that helped me through is RainbowBridge.com

Here is my Niko's memorial to give you an idea of what else you can do for your baby boy...I hope I have helped if just a little.

http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/NIKO007/Resident.htm

Lisa
"Niko's Mom"

LoveThem,

awwwwhhhh. i'm there too and it just sucks i know. cry when you need too. everyone grieves in their own way. my boy has been gone 2.5 weeks and i cry everyday but it's getting better. now, instead of waking in tears and going to bed in tears, it just hits when it needs to once during the day. be patient with yourself and post here as much as you need to. i have been amazed at the support and understanding i've been given through this grieving process. it really helps to keep posting pictures and it made me feel good to post tributes on several different websites. keep thinking of all the good times and funny mannerisms and stories-they help alleviate the tears. i had flet that i needed to grieve to keep him close but i've learned through this site that keeping the memories fresh and the pictures close, that's the best way i could honor my sweet boy. i could not eat or sleep for 1.5 weeks. my tummy was sick and i had bad cramps but they're gone now. i hope the physical heals itself soon, though i realize the heart may take a bit longer to catch up.

you take care.
eddies mom

Thank you Lisahurne and Eddies Mom: I visited the memorial to Niko, Lisa. It was wonderful! What a beautiful thing you put together. Eddies Mom: You said it has only been a couple of weeks. Mine was Sept 10 and yet I do cry everyday because I miss him so much. He is still a part of our home. He was always an indoor cat so he has been on top of every piece of furniture, laid on every blanket, and as you can see from his picture, he had a spot on the bed. Then when I watched TV he would come and lay in my lap, which is pretty good for a 16 pound cat (when he was healthy). He always did everything right no matter how he felt. I guess that kind of made me hope it wasn't cancer. I will always wonder for sure but I didn't want to know that maybe he was suffering longer than I thought. If he hid anything from me, I'm respecting that. It's when he couldn't hid it any longer that he showed it and that is too late but we gave him peace and stopped any suffering. I would have hated walking in the door and seeing that he had died of suffocation while we were out. The 2nd worse was what actually happened that I described in my first post. It still gives me some relief to talk about it here. Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts and pain with me. We are not alone with our pain, perhaps that will be the path to healing eventually.

First, let me just say that I'm so very very sorry for your loss. Your boy is absolutely beautiful. Long haired black kitties have always been my favorite. My Alley was one, and my new love Riley is one also.

It has been just under 11 months since I have lost Alley and sometimes I don't think I will ever stop crying for her. Maybe I won't. There are times though, that I can look at her pictures and smile, remembering how wonderful and silly she was. It was 7 months later before I got Riley (his pictures are in the New Beginnings forum). Even then, it was still hard, because he wasn't my girl and never would be, but I came to appreciate him and love him for all his own little special qualities. He is my little lover boy and every day it is a joy to have him.

Only you can say when you are ready to have another one to love. There are many out there, who would consider themselves blessed to be taken home with you. Just keep in mind, that they will not be your boy. Don't expect them to act the same and like the same things. I have found though, that my heart is plenty big enough to hold my Alley with plenty of room for Riley as well.

As others have said, don't try to bottle your grief. It will come out eventually. Let yourself cry. let yourself be sad, and angry. You have every right to be. Losing your boy is a horrible, awful thing to have to deal with and he is worth every one of your tears. When you are ready, perhaps you can create a little memorial album or something with his pictures, or write down some of the happy memories you have of him. Take your time though, and above all, take care of yourself. He loves you and will always be part of you.

Paula

To: AlleysMama (Paula): When I first saw Alleys picture it made me cry...she looked so much like my Little Guy. I read her story and cried again. I did go to New Beginnings and left you a message there about your new kitty. He is gorgeous! I remember recently the vet commenting how long Little Guy's body was and his tail (just like your picture of Riley). I have quite a few pictures of Little Guy which I may add as time goes along. I wish I could get one like you did but my husband wants to wait a year or so. I don't know if that is good for me physically. I am tied up in knots and am having a lot of digestive problems. I think it would help me to have a new baby to hold and love but I don't feel like I'm allowed to. So I just continue to be ill physically. My husband says get a hobby but I don't want to. My animals were my hobby. He doesn't understand why it is so hard for me to let go. He was raised in a non animal lover home and has only come to care for them during our marriage but it is something he is learning, it did not come natural as it did for me. I would look at a puppy or kitten, etc and melt. I have been to the Emergency Room one time and have also now had a stomach scope and colon scope as my digestion is totally off the wall. I have never really been without a pet. Even as a single person I always had 1 or 2. It's a part of my life that is now gone and I don't know when I will be allowed to get it back. I'm so glad you got Riley. I love him already just seeing the pictures you are sharing. Thanks for your note here. When I saw Alleys picture...I felt a special black longhaired kittycat bond. Judy (LittleGuys Mom)

Judy

Something that helped me during the time between losing Alley and getting Riley was I started volunteering for a cat rescue. The one I work with has foster homes mostly, but they do keep 8 or so cats at the adoption center at petsmart. I go in every saturday and clean the cages and play with the kitties. I started that about 6 months after I lost Alley.

At first, I would just go visit them. I think they thought I was crazy at first, because I would just go in and pet the cats and cry. I was so desperate to touch one though, to feel its soft fur and see the sweet little faces. Once I started working there, it was only a month until Riley came in. He was 6 months old and had been in a foster home, so I hadn't seen him before. It was love at first sight

I don't know if something like that would be right for you, but it certainly would give you a chance to get a kitty fix until you, and your husband are ready to adopt one of your own.

Fluffy black kitties are so very special aren't they? I would love to see more pictures of your handsome boy when you are ready to share them.

Well, ask and ye shall receive. I reduced in size about 7 pictures of Little Guy and some of his twin brother. I posted them all in the Tribute section so please go there and see them. I didn't know how to put more than 1 picture into 1 post so I just attached them as replies which was okay because I could add a little story to each.

I do have a no-kill shelter a short ways away and have printed out the pictures from the internet of the cats ready for adoption. I have thought about going there and yes, a cat fix sounds wonderful. The only thing I am afraid of is falling for one and my husband not ready yet. I can't take losing any more especially when one is available so I will wait a while longer.

Yes, fluffy black kitties are special. When the twins were born in my yard, it was the first time I ever saw kittens like that. They looked like miniature teddy bears.
I started taking pictures right away so I do have a collection. Little Guy was a couple of pounds heavier than Keeper and his tail was fuller and longer. He had the shiny coat of a short hair. But they were both gentle always, loved to chase string. At first mom and them were full of fleas so they couldn't come inside until they saw the vet but we had a screened in patio they stayed in. When it was warm I would wet a washcloth and get them all wet to cool them off. Memories..........

-Love Them.

I can relate with this, in my entourage too it seems like it's obscene to keep grieving longer than 10 days or so and this is why I have become addicted to this place. A few times I told myself, okay today I won't look up LS today but it is my way of keeping in touch with the memory of my cats and this way I don't bug my family and friends about them, they are my secret ongoing loves, thanks to LS I have this outlet. Much appreciated, at times, a life saver at other times as well.

Note to Little Guy:

This is Thanksgiving Week and I see that for the first time in 16 years you won't be here to share the Holidays with us. I had a really bad day today thinking about it.........lots of tears. I miss you so much. I remember anytime I felt down or maybe not felt good, you were always watching me and staying close. Your pictures help me so that I can look into those golden eyes that always watched my every move.

Actually, it started last night when we got home and it was dark in the house because we had planned to be home before dark so didn't leave on any lights. When we did that before I always used to joke that you were waiting for us, paws on your hips, asking where we were and why you were in the dark. Only last night, the house was dark and empty and you were not there anymore. That is so hard to believe. Both of us miss you so much and we talked about you this morning and how your pictures in each room help us. We each talk about what was special about you to each of us and we smile at the memories we share when you make us laugh. I'm so sorry you were trying to hide what must have been some suffering at the end until you couldn't breathe with your chest full of fluid.
We didn't know. Your x-rays 10 days earlier showed a clear chest and apparently not even the vet anticipated what happened. I kept asking what should I look for to be sure you were helped when you needed it and would not suffer if I could help you. The vet just said vomiting..she never said breathing. She didn't even recognize the symptoms when I told her earlier. Can't fix that now. From the past experience with some of my former babies, I believe you can't stop cancer..you can buy time sometime but the end result will not change. Neither does the pain. We'll get through this Holiday..the next will be Christmas without you.
Love and Hugs from both of us. to you..and Keeper and Little Girl.

Animals will try and hide their pain, in a way, I was so angry that I wasn't able to prevent my cats from pain, on the other hand, when I put down my beautiful Yukon too early because I wanted to avoid any suffering and more so because I realized how animals hide their symptoms, I was crazy with fear that he was even worse than just with bad diabetic symptoms, I made the mistake of not accepting that suffering is part of life, some of it must be endured, to prevent it can be just as traumatic for the animal.
Learned the hard hard way.

Love Them, what a precious, wonderful human being you are. What a joy you must have been during the 16 years your boy got to be with you. Here you are, now you continue this comforting for all of us here, your words are worth gold, do you realize how much you are healing others here , i for one am so grateful to you, just got through reading your last post, it helps so much. All I can say is knowing your kind ways, your boy was blessed and he lived a most happy cat life, now this is something you brought him and it is wonderful. Hugs Love Them, you deserve the best in life and I hope all good things make their way to you, that your kindness be returned x100. Hugs and may the magic of your boy find a place in your heart where he can hum songs of comfort and cheer for you.

I second that, LoveThem. Toonie is right-I am one of the people who you have helped because of who you are. I am so grateful that you are here-not why you are here-I wish you didn't have to be here-but I am grateful that I met you.

To yours and Toonie's points about animal suffereing-I can relate. I still wonder how much in pain Duffy was before we had to make the decision that his cancer was causing him suffering. There is no doubt that he was suffering by the time we had to put him to sleep but the question remains as to how much of the suffering-how long prior-did he hide from us? That question haunts me everyday and I will never know. I tried to read him to see when he was ready. We were usually able to communicate with each other. But the doubt remains.

Ultimately, I want to reiterate how much of a comfort you have been in these forums even with such a fresh pain. You are very special.
Wishing you comfort and peace,
Stephanie

FprDuffy: I have to tell you that everytime I see your avatar picture..it makes me laugh. I have had doggies before and I totally relate to that scene.

Thanks for your words. I like to feel that something given to me to say helps another. About what you said about being haunted by not knowing the answer to when Duffy was hiding his discomfort from you....you know the answer...the answer is as you said "I will never know". In fact when you think about that question, you might consider replacing those thoughts that have no answer, with the thought that he is not in any discomfort at all anymore. He is at peace and in no pain. You gave him that and should take comfort in knowing you helped him as soon as you felt he needed help. I'll never know about Little Guy either but..you know what I tell myself? If it was important to Little Guy to hide anything from me then I don't want to know. I can't do anything about it now and I feel better knowing I was there to give him peace when he had his emergency. The suffering he would have had to go through to stay longer.......I wouldn't want for him to go through. If there is no cure and the quality of life becomes suffering, I have to make the decision to stop that suffering and I hate it, I hate the disease that forces it, but I can only help what I know about. And I remember I also didn't want him to be sick so I resisted rushing a 16 year old cat into exploratory surgery, etc. That's also why I didn't want an autopsy to find out exactly what was happening with him. At the end...he couldn't hardly breathe but I know that so many of these diseases do not show much symptoms until it is too late for we humans to stop it.
Don't let that haunt you at all. Duffy would not want that. Take Care.

I know you are still hurting like I am, but I am praying that you find some peace these days. This grief goes on and on, doesn't it? I love the pictures of Little Guy you have posted. Such a handsome young man! They make me smile. I will be pulling some good ones of Orion to post over in Tributes, myself soon. It is difficult some days to look at the pictures, other days, they make me happy to see them. This grief is such a roller coaster. We spent this entire last year caring for Orion and having to be there at all times of the day for his shots and meds and we are going away at Christmas to just *get away* for a while. We have not been out of the house this year, it was year of taking care of him. We NEED to go somewhere to just recoup our strength and to not be around the house for a while. We will be spending Christmas at Disneyland to help bring some Disney Magic and Joy into our lives, but already in my mind, is how last year we went and brought back Disney kitty toys for the cats and Orion loved them. These visions keep going through my head and I know when we are there and I see those toys in the store, it will bring it all back. We want to bring some more toys home for the cats and it just is going to get to me. Thanksgiving was hard because Orion always begged for Turkey. How do we do it? How do we take each day and get through it? It seems I cry at least one time every day, more often many times. I think sometimes my tears are all gone and then more come. It is just one day at a time and time seems to be passing so slowly. I read somewhere once that they say you will experience one month of grief for every year of your pet's life. I don't know if that is true, but it is a long time....Any time is a long time without them.

I am praying for you and sending hugs your way for some peace of mind. We just have to get through all of this, don't we? Someday, they say, Someday, we will be able to smile again. That time seems far off to me still.

With love and hugs

Susan

Thanks, Susan, for your post. Yes, it does seem to go on and on. I guess because our special ones are so much a part of our lives, we just can't separate ourselves. They may be taken away physically but we can't separate ourselves from them.

I look forward to seeing pictures of Orion in Tributes. My thoughts looking at Little Guy's pictures are they are good memories, memories that I can smile at remembering. I still can't believe he is gone forever and will never again run at high speed through my home while I yell "Freight Train!" as he flashes by. He made me laugh when he first started that because as simply as going to the litter box was all it took for him to act like he was on top of the world.

Perhaps when you go away for Christmas and bring back your babies some toys, you might pick out a special one for Orion and put it by your favorite picture of him and tell him he is still part of the family and gets one too!

I relate to so much of what you have said. Yes, it does take a long time. Last year at this time mine was here, healthy, and racing around. This year......he is gone...now that will start tears anytime. I feel disbelief a lot too.

I wish you peace also. Hug your babies twice as much..they may not understand why you did but they will certainly love it! It will be good for all of you.

Oh LoveThem...

I have your little guy in my heart, and you too. The fluid filled chest of your kitty sounds so much like my annie's fluid filled tummy. Awful!
And your talk of your pain causing you digestive problems... I'm there too...already! After only a few days. I surely hope you get yours fixed comfortably. I don't know about the new pet thing. I won't do it again this time. I still have 2 other cats, but it doesn't seem to lessen my pain. I hope that you and your husband can agree to what will help you both.

thank you for sharing and caring,
stay in touch.

annie's mommy

Well, Little Guy..........

This is the year 2007....you were here for 8 full months.

Last Monday was the 10th of December

I rushed you to the ER on Monday..the 10th of September.

That is the last time I touched you and held you. I will not like when the 10th is combined with a Monday....that's when you had to be taken away from me.

And the other sad part is.....no one outside this forum has ever asked about you, asked me how I am doing. It's like you never existed as part of our home...for those who do not live with us. That adds to the hurt and pain of losing you. Only we 2 humans who lived with you and your brother and sister ....will always remember all of you. When I am asked what do I want for Christmas...I wish I could just scream that I want you back..here with me, happy and healthy...that's what I really want.

I read elsewhere in this forum that people who hate cats will come back as mice......what do you think of that? Sounds fitting, doesn't it? Maybe that could also apply to those who don't care about other people's feelings especially when one knows they are not even thinking about anything because it was.....only an animal. A simple acknowledgment that something happened in one's life that was a big change for them would not take much of an effort to say but it would take a special person to think of it. It is just not part of everyone's consciousness. You were my buffer against people whose feelings are conditional. Maybe that's why animals were put on this Earth and why it hurts so much when their physical time is done. I do miss you so much. You watched over me and always made me feel special...just like I tried to do for you. Each one of us is given a special baby and you were one of mine.....I'll always be grateful for your 16 years of love. Time to cry now......

Little Guy:
Christmas is right around the corner now and we will spend the day without you for the first time since you came into our lives in 1991. There will be no celebration this year...no decorations...no Christmas tablecloth you loved to sneak into a chair under and when we couldn't find you and you thought you were hidden, your long tail would hang down from the chair and we knew where you were ...all curled up except for that tail. No more strutting into the living room like John Wayne..that made us laugh. No more you sitting on my newspapers as I tried to read and you just had to be in the middle of everything. If we went into another room and started talking...10 seconds later you would come strolling in and "talk" to us until we went back into the living room. Then you would follow and jump into my lap on the couch and purr so loud you could be heard over the TV.

You had a beautiful personality and lots of love to give and we were blessed for having many years of it. We love you and miss you terribly and the Holidays just make it worse right now. We had hoped you didn't have something that took you away from us but we couldn't wish you health...it was your time to go and all the time you tried so hard to do everything right. You couldn't do anything wrong. You made this world a better place for a while. We won't let you be forgotten..ever!

My deep sympathies for your loss, and for all who are here. I too am grieving over my recent loss of my special, cute and funny cat.
Its been 2 and a half weeks. Today is christmas eve, and up until thursday, I was really a mess, crying often etc. The past few days I have been better. What I learned is that just when you think you are doing 'OK', it comes out, that pain from the gut, and smacks you hard. Like the other day when I thought I was ok coming home to no cat here, then bam, i just lost it. held her picture which is close to the back door, and just cried and cried and cried. Its christmas eve today, and I got home from my fiances parents house and got sad all over again.
Hang in there it WILL get better....but like someone mentioned in a previous entry, its not a straight path to recovery....like my father told me today 'cry, it helps purge it all out'

i love you Gimpy and I hope to share your story soon....when I am ready.

LoveThem,
Wishing you peace on Christmas Day and feeling really grateful for all of my wonderful friends here in the forum who have helped me through some of the darkest days of my life.

Little Guy: You now have a new brother. His name is Lucky and he was at the SPCA shelter. He had no home and really never did. He reminds me of you yet he is his own special self. When he was lying on perch at the shelter with his eyes closed...I thought of you and when I approached him, we were at eye level, and he opened his eyes and I felt the special contact I always felt when you looked into my eyes. His eyes then never left me and he started following me around.

He is here 2 weeks today and is a very good boy. You would like him. He seems to remind me not only of you but also of your twin brother, Keeper, and even talks like a magpie...just like your sister, Little Girl. He still watches me constantly with those eyes and follows me everywhere. It seems like he is close to being the 3 of you rolled into one.

You are always in my heart and I do miss you terribly but when he gallops through the house...I think of how you used to when you were well...and I am grateful I had over 16 years of your being with me where I could hug you and keep you close to my heart.

I put his pictures in the New Beginnings Section and with you and your sister having topics in the Tributes Section, I feel still surrounded by all of you every time I come here. Hugs and Love to you.

LoveThem,

Lucky sounds wonderful and what a wonderful new addition. I adopted a baby yesterday from the animal shelter and am thinking about another. The void that Bonny leaves is so big that it's going to take more than one. In her leaving this earthly life she helps to save others. I miss her so much today. Yesterday was difficult also. It seems like this is a tough week. The adoption process is bringing up a lot of emotions for me.

Bonny'sMom

Thanks Bonny'sMom and Bue's Mommy for stopping by and sharing your feelings about the new baby.

Bonnys Mom: You said....In her leaving this earthly life she helps to save others. What a wonderful comment and it is so true about all our babies. In fact, I can believe God takes them from us to make room for so many that have no homes or love. The years they are allowed to be with us are really a gift.

Right now, Lucky who is supposed to be 2 years old runs around like a kitten and talks all the time. He really makes us laugh. I sit here by the computer and he gallops by as fast as he can from one room into where I am, runs by the desk into another run, all the while talking. Then 2 seconds later he runs the opposite direction back into the living room and when I turn around to see where he is, all of a sudden he is sitting on a perch looking out a window as if he has been there for hours! The little devil!

I'm glad you are getting another also and hope you will take pictures to post. You could put them in a topic in New Beginnings....

Bue's Mommy: Maybe Little Guy did. Sometimes when I hold him in my arms, my husband says he could swear I was holding Little Guy. Lucky does have his own personality and is a lot more active than my sweet lost 16 year old. Lucky also decides he likes to lick me on the cheek and he tries to get into my lap when I am at the computer. Silly boy!

Sure, Bue's Mommy....If you want to look at Lucky on your computer..just pick a picture. Do you know how to set it up on your computer? The pictures are all .jpg image files. I have a regular 800x600 for a screen that size. The ones I post are 50% reduced to 400x300 pixels. I'm still trying to pick a birthday for Lucky..my neighbor suggested Halloween for the black cat (he's so imaginative)

Let me know what you want to do.

Hi LoveThem and Bue's Mommy,

Thank you sooo much for your support. I feel so much better. I look forward to the new babies around the house. It will lift my spirits for sure. I have a four year old baby, Jessie also and he's missing Bonny so I think the company will be good for him too. I will send a picture of him when I get home tonight and another picture of Bonny. He was adopted last year when I lost my Chestnut from cancer. He was 12 years old. I had glorious years with Bonny and Chestnut. It's almost like an era has past and a new era is beginning. I'm at my work office so I don't have pictures to download, but later tonight for sure.

Thanks,

Bonny'sMom

Bonny's Mom: It was uplifting to read your reply. I am so glad to hear what you are feeling....we do share our sadness so it is doubly wonderful when we can share some happiness. I look forward to seeing the pictures of your babies. There is a topic thread in New Beginnings written by Mink&Willows Mom about Introductions. Looking forward to hearing about a bond developing between Jessie and the new ones. But then he must be good about introductions cause you said he was adopted and Bonny was already there so you have done introductions already. Any cute stories about Jessie and Bonny meeting? My 3 were all born together so they were all together all at once to begin with. If Lucky ever settles down..he may get a companion to play with in the future.

Bue's Mommy: I am still curious about which picture you like the best. I do love looking at all of them but there are some I like better than others and I am curious which one touched your heart.

LoveThem and Bue'sMommy,

Thanks for your responses. Today I adopted Elizabeth. She is a Calico cutey. She's about four months old and full of mischief. She will hopefully get along well with Jessie and her new sister Maggie. I pick up Maggie tonight. I will then have a pretty good menagerie of cats. I've never owned three at one time so this ought to be fun. My son Eric named Elizabeth. He had to go to the shelter with me because they want to see all children in the house under 9 to make sure the cat likes kids. That is probably a good thing. I did feel a little bad though because there was another lady on the list to adopt Elizabeth but I was ahead of her and she was soooo disappointed. I hope she adopts another one. It's really hard to go to the shelter. You really feel bad for the cats that are not getting adopted. Especially the adults. The last cat I adopted was an adult. I wish I had a huge property that I could have more. Then I would probably turn into the crazy cat lady for sure. I am attaching a picture of Bonny and Jessie together. As soon as I can I will take pictures of Maggie and Elizabeth and send them to you. I do feel better but I am a bit nervous about new cats. I want everything to work out right. I know I have enough love for all three.

I'm trying to attach photos but all my photos are over 300K. Am I doing something wrong. I can't seem to attach most of my photos.

Bonny'sMom

Bonny's Mom: One thing I have found out is that you can only attach one photo to one reply post. You cannnot attach multiple photos to one post but for each reply you can attach a picture. You have to wait at least 20 seconds before doing an additional reply so the forum can catch up with what you are doing.

As far as the size being over 300K. You have to learn about image files. It is best to save a file as a .jpg type. That is much smaller than other types of image files. So your filename can be : Cat01.jpg then another could be Cat02.jpg.

You do have to bring a photo into a graphics program which is a program that handles image files. Many can have a RESIZE option. I usually save my files the size of
800x600 pixels which is the size of my screen, so I can use them as my desktop photo if I want to. Then I go into my graphics program and RESIZE that 800x600 and do it one of 2 ways:
1. I tell the graphics program to scale (reduce) the size to 50% of 800 and 50% of 600.
This gets me a small size under 300K and the picture is 400x300 so I can see it all on the screen at one time. If the picture is bigger...I have to scroll back and forth to see it all and that detracts from the whole picture. See my pictures in Tributes for Little Guy or in New Beginnings for Lucky.

2. Or, I can tell the program to scale the size to 400x300 pixels and get a picture of approximately that size.

Just remember, when you save the new picture...give it a slightly different name so you don't overwrite your original picture in case you want that bigger size for something else.

You have to play around with this and see what happens. Ask any questions as you think of them.

The one picture you posted you said had 2 babies but I only see 1. Is the one I see..Bonnie?

Keep in touch. You can even start a new topic in New Beginnings all about your new family if you want to.

P.S. Bue's Mommy's offer to walk you through it in a PM is also a good idea.

To: Bue's Mommy: Your picture of: a cat in a bag? What did you tell her was in there?

Bue's Mommy and LoveThem

How are you doing? Thanks for the tips. I will work on them. What does PM mean? Why don't I know this? I'll keep trying.

Thanks again,

Bonny's Mom

Bonny's Mom: PM means Private Message. It is a way to send like an internal kind of email to someone in the forum that is only read by them. At the bottom of someone's reply you will see the words "PM me". If you click on that you are taken to a section where you can type a message that is not posted in the forum. If you look at the bottom of this reply you will see what I mean.

What I will do is send you a PM so you can see how it is done. You will see above to the right of your Logged in Name the words "My Controls 0 New Messages" ,etc. When you have a PM the above would say "1 New Message" and if you click on it...you go to the Inbox (think of receiving email) and you can click on a message there. Also a small window may open up saying you have a message and you can click in there and read it also. You won't harm anything if you make any mistakes. Maybe Bue's Mommy can add to this explanation better.

But I will send you one right now by clicking on the PM bottom of your reply just above this one in my topic here.

I lost my beloved Sheltie 1/9/08 this is the first pet loss I have experienced. My "Jazz" suddenly became ill and died he was only 6 years old. I always thought we would grow old together. I had never considered that he would die from this illness (denial). I can relate to how you are feeling because I feel totally "griefed out". I am writing to tell you as others have said to me you have to allow yourself to grieve. I wish that you would try to do something that will not result in your making yourself sick. I am a bit worrried about the same kind of thing happening to me because I don't want to eat. There are physiological symptons that go along with the stress of grief.
Calm down and try to relax. Lay down, chill, cry, scream, watch a comedy movie, look at photos. I don't know these are a few of the things that I have been doing the past four days. It helps some but the reality of the situation is that we have experienced a special loss and we have to allow ourselves time to work through the loss.
I hope this helps you and me

I am so happy for you Love! Bringing that new bundle of joy has opened another source of happiness for you to love. Your tributes in the memorials were beautiful......I cried as my heart went out to you.

How do you stop crying? That is the question I keep asking myself and have come to the conclusion that when I stop crying will be when I cannot feel anymore. The tears may never run out. But I always look for comfort from our Lord Jesus to help me sleep at night.

You are a wonderful person who has a deep capacity to love. I hope with your new kitty you have lots of laughs!

Thanks for the kind words, Goliath. I see you can relate to my question about How Do I Stop Crying. Your answer said you thought you would stop crying when you cannot feel anymore.

What I would add to that is...when you cannot feel the pain constantly anymore. What seems to happen is when you replace good memories with sad ones, the pain eases and over time this happens continuously and it is easier not to cry when the pain does not overwhelm you. It is not that it goes away. It just gets pushed down and down inside until you do not cry 24/7.

The good memories that help are: the pictures of your baby happy and healthy and maybe even looking a little silly into the camera. Those were real times and times of smiles and joy. Also for some, in addition, it is welcoming a new one into the home, especially if there are no others left because a new one demands attention and keeps you busy so you don't have the time to cry you used to have.

The pain of the loss will always be inside you and will always be extreme when you relive any of the sadness but doing that doesn't help anyone and that's why although you will allow yourself to slip back now and then (we ARE only human), you will find that looking for things to smile about is well worth that effort and if we do it enough, we have developed a wonderful new habit. We need to find good distractions. After all, the good memories are there to relive. We are given a gift to have them.

I find with the new cat because he has similar looks to my others, I do think of them when I am with him but I don't have to cry when I do. When I see him in places my Little Guy liked to lay in...it makes me smile. I tell Little Guy I wish he was here but I know his body is not here so I think maybe his soul is close by and he hears me.
And I don't have the time to do a lot of thinking and maybe become sad again because this new one demands 24/7 attention. I have never seen one like him and I will never know how anyone could have abandoned him. I think anyone could pick him up and hold him with no problem. I think if anyone sat down, he would be in their lap in a second. He just has me shaking my head because he just can't get enough attention...although he DOES nap now and then.

Hi, Little Guy: I can't believe it has been almost 5 months since I lost you. I miss you very very much and when I look at one of your pictures, I wish I could just reach in and lift you out and hold all 16 pounds of you again.

I read elsewhere a very touching sentiment and I am putting it here in your thread so all can read it as I know it will touch them as it did me:

One can ask with the depth of pain we go through WHY do we allow ourselves to become so attached to pets? All one has to do is think of the tremendous amount of unconditional love we get from then and then we can ask WHY wouldn't we?

Little Guy..you and your twin Keeper and your sister are very much missed from our home. Sometimes I imagine you are still all here in another room but I know that's just wishful thinking.

Well, here I am crying again while writing this. With the tears comes the pain but I am still grateful for the time we had together which I will never forget and will miss forever.

Love to you babies.

Your loving words for Little Guy are very touching Judy. The sentiment you expressed is so very true. How would I be able to tell anybody how much I love and cherish my furry kids if I had not received their unconditional love? Who else gives it so freely without any strings attached. All they ask for is food and water and to be near us..........nothing more.

As I continue healing I have realized that each ounce of pain and grief I am able to let go of opens a door to relish in more of the joyous memories of my Goliath. I would love to invite others to share some of their happy memories and stories of joy of the good times they have had with their special loved one. I sure want Goliath to know that he left me with many wonderful memories that I want to tell the world about.

As you miss your loving Little Guy on this day Judy......................please know that my arms are around you and comforting you. You are in my prayers each and every night when I get down on my knees and ask God to unburden your heart, as well as others hearts here.

Little Guy is all around you and in you. He will remain a part of you til the day after forever.

Hugs

Thank you, Beth. Your words are very comforting and I do appreciate your writing about your thoughts and your prayers. Hugs back to you

To: Whysosoon: Thank you for your message of Jan 13th. The fact you had a recent loss yourself and stopped to give me comfort was a wonderful, warm thing to do and it is very appreciated. I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner but sometimes we get quite caught up in our own grief and forget to stop and thank those who take the time to comfort us.

As you can see by the responses in this forum and also in my topic here, there are many wonderful people here who understand about grief and pain. In case you do not come back here I did send you a message hoping you will come back and start a topic about your recent loss and let us all show you how that pain is shared here and that sharing by so many is what helps us start healing.

I do hope you see this message and/or the private one I sent and hope to see you posting a topic here about your Sheltie. I think you will find just posting the topic will help you. I will look for you. Your message will not be forgotten.

Judy.............You are such a compassionate and loving individual. All of the genuine love you give to others so freely is a God given gift. Much of our world would be a far better place if people had just a fraction of the amount of love that just pours out from you.

Much love is sent your way and you are still in my prayers each and every night before I fall asleep and dream of my Goliath.........Beth