Hi....
I can hardly believe I'm writing these words-- our sweet little dog Yogi was struck and killed by a speeding driver yesterday afternoon.

She was an eleven year old Italian Greyhound, very vibrant and loving. My husband took her out front to chase the ball-- her favorite thing in the world. Usually she was pretty sensible and stayed on the lawn but for some unknowable reason, yesterday she stepped into the street --at the exact moment this car seemed to materialize from nowhere. If it hadn't been speeding it wouldn't have hit her-- she was practically standing still.

I was inside in my office at home and heard the whole thing happen-- my husband yelling, the impact, all of it. She was killed pretty instantly-- I'm grateful that she didn't suffer. I did scream once at the driver who was crouched by her body-- I couldn't help myself, I screamed with all my might, You killed my dog. At least he didn't hit and run. My husband told him he shouldn't be speeding and that he better scram. I felt like my whole body was shaking apart. I went and stood by her broken body until we could move her, to make sure no other cars hit her.

We don't have children, though I'm not even sure if that really matters, but we adored Yogi. We had her for almost eleven years, since she was six weeks old. Her little muzzle was turning white but she was still completely joyous, vibrant and puppylike. She had one fang that kind of tilted out, so we called her Snagglepuss. She had this way of shivering and giving people "kisses" by wrapping her forepaws around your head and pressing her chest against your face. She loved all sorts of people--even crazy people and scary people that you kind of wished she didn't love so much ;-) I guess all pet-lovers must think this, but what a magical quality she had --it was uniquely her own and I'm crushed, knowing there will never ever be another one like her. They're just like people, aren't they? Each one so unique.

Maybe it's human nature to feel like if we love something so much that somehow it magically protects them, that nothing will ever happen to them. It's such so hard to believe or take in. I don't know. I feel so stupid and lost and like something has torn my heart right out of my chest. It's 2:30 in the afternoon as I write this. I can barely eat. All I seem to do is leak tears and stare. I keep thinking I see her. I keep imagining I heard her little toenails tapping on the floor. She loved to watch us from her beds as we worked. What do you do? How do you not die from grief? I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound grand or melodramatic, I just really mean it. How do you get through the day after they die?

Diana,

I'm so sorry for you loss. I can tell you how I got through the first day. I cried a lot. I bought a dozen roses and scattered them on the road where my baby died. I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't really do anything except miss her and want her back. That lasted more than one day, unfortunately. I can tell you that it slowly gets better over time, but it took a lot of time. Finding this website helped me. Knowing other people understand still helps me. It's been over two years now, and it still hurts. But it doesn't feel like I'm dying inside anymore.

Magdalene

Dear Diana,

I'm very sorry for your loss. Yes, the first day is usually, at least for me, pretty horrible. I went through a similar experienced when my pepper was hit by a car. I still wince at the thought, but I promise it does get better. At least to the point where you can think of your fur baby and not feel the pain of the loss.

I lost my Candy, Pepper's sister a few months ago and that's still fresh.

The only way to survive and cope is one day at time. I found coming here and posting my thoughts and feelings has really helped in my healing process. When you interact with others who are experiencing or have experienced the same thing, it helps ease the burden that you would normally carry by yourself.

Please, I encourage you to post here and share fond memories when you feel able. Right now, that place that you are in is going to be tender for a bit, but know, it will get a bit better each day.

Again, please accept my condolences. You baby looks like such a sweatheart.

Hal

Candy's Dad

Diana,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss; it all seems so unfair.

My dog passed away in July and I still struggle with it, probably because I feel very much responsible for her death.

I didn't know what to do with myself...still don't at times. The first couple days after she passed I literally laid outside on blankets all day under the tree in the front yard. I didn't care if the neighbors thought I was nuts. It was too difficult being in the house without her. (Another blow: After my dog died on a dreary, damp 4th of July preceded by heatwaves, for weeks thereafter we had beautiful, cooler, low-humidity weather--it was pure torment that I couldn't walk her anymore or have her lying under the tree with me).

The best advice I can give you is to talk to as many caring and understanding people as you can, as often as you feel the need. Attending a Pet Loss support group can be helpful too. So can the kind people I have met here at Lightning Strike.

Thinking of you and your dear Yogi...

Diana,

What a gorgeous, perfect little lady. It was tough to read your post, because the loss of my little girl is still fresh (9 days), and your pooch actually reminds me of her. But I want to let you know I came on here the day I got the call that my Penny passed on, and the support has been so valuable. I post my experience nearly everyday...and I'm finally reading other stories. Everyone here "gets it", and you can talk about Yogi anytime!

The first day (the day she passed) was awful...I still find myself in disbelief at times. But I found the next day was worse. That's probably today for you. At first I tried to be intellectual about it...&%^yze the situation, etc. But then I just got mad, then so insanely sad. I decided to let myself cry as hard as I had to. I remember just wailing and laying in my bed. I'm sure the neighbors thought I was being tortured. But it felt like I was, and I didn't care about what anyone thought. Right now, you are probably still in the state where "this just can't be true...she can't be gone...there has to be something I can do". I remember just feeling immobile. For 3 days actually...I took a couple days off work. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I began journaling to my girl...telling her all my feelings. I write in it probably 2 times a day. People probably will think I'm crazy, but I know she's with me. I thought I heard click clacks on the floor, like you did, and I realized my other pooch was in my lap. He even looked. She's helping me through it. Each day gets a bit better, but I have my moments. I also started reading a Pet Loss book which helps a great deal. I have started to see the many lessons of life she's taught me, through her life and her passing. I'm sure you feel the same about sweet little Yogi.

Just a thought...I bet my Penny was excited to meet Yogi. She loved chasing her ballies too. Right now they are leaping and bounding through fields with their long skinny legs (I know italian gray hounds have long legs like my little Min Pins). She also loved her squeaky toys, so I think they are getting along very well right now. They are a couple sexy little ladies:)
No pooch will be like Yogi, but know that she will never be gone. She is such a part of your life, that I'm sure she will remain in your heart and home. I'm finally moving "day-by-day", but for the first couple days it was literally minute by minute, then this weekend was hour by hour. You will get through. So, Diana, minute by minute....just get through each one. Yogi will help you...she's cuddled up next to you right now! She loves you very much. Think of the cutest thing she does, and just let yourself smile...even through the tears.

My thoughts are with you,
~Shannon

Magdalene, Candy's Dad, Hope, and Shannon,

Thank you so much for your sweet words-- I sobbed through every one of your letters. It is pure torture isn't it? But it helped me so much to feel your warm thoughts and wishes. I'm so grateful to be reminded that we can get through even the worst moments.

Diana

Diana
I am so sorry about your wonderful Yogi. I lost my dear sweet Cleo just a week and a half ago. It's horrible, just horrible, but it does get a little better. I couldn't eat for days and I was sobbing and exhausted. My favorite position was curled up in a ball in a dim room. I wrote her letters, I still write down lots of happy memories as they come to me. The list is getting pretty long. I look at pictures, which makes me both happy and sad, remembering the good times but wishing so badly that she was still there.
Our pets are so special and they give us so much joy. Look for little signs of her. Yesterday I saw a single monarch butterfly, (very late in the season for it) flit through our backyard. Cleo was orange and black like the butterfly-I really think it was a sign from her. Yogi is ok and not in pain and you will be reunited someday.
I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there. Cry all you need to. This site is great but I know there are in-person support groups through Humane Societies in many cities. Yogi was so loved, I am sure she had a lovely life with you.

Jennifer, Cleo's Mom

Diana, I am so sorry for your loss. My sweet boy Pappy Rica left me on Sunday. I held him as he drifted off to sleep. He was a black cat that found me 8 years ago. My heart is broken. He would put his paws around my neck and nudge my chin. I have talked to many friends and am going to see a therapist on Thursday. I found this site Sunday night and it has helped me so much. There is nothing to be done but to be in your grief.

Diana,

I am so sorry to hear of your sudden and tragic loss. It seems the ones we are not expecting are the worst, but any loss of a fur kid is hard. I was on vacation when my Fleetwood kitty died and now am getting ready to go on another vacation and am terrified that something will happen to my Corrina kitty while I am gone (she’s almost 15 years old.) I wished I could tell you that tomorrow morning the pain will be gone, but I would be lying. Just know that as time goes on the pain does get better. Just cherish the memories you have of Yogi and when you miss her most just wrap yourself up in those memories and she will be there in your heart.

You came to the right place, there are many wonderful people here who know and understand the pain you are going through right now and all of us are here as one great big cyber shoulder to lean on!

Hang in there,

Mark
Missing Fleetwood

I am so sorry for your loss! I have an Italian Greyhound, and your picture just struck at my heart.

It is the hardest thing in the world to lose our babies....... it is almost unbearable. Somehow, we get through it, but we don't ever get over it. We just learn how to live with it, although our lives are changed forever. But I don't think our babies ever truly leave us....

I am glad you shared 11 wonderful years with Yogi. She is now at the Rainbow Bridge and probably busy playing with her new friends.

Take care of yourself these first few days!

My Ren died August 21st and my Zorro June 30th. I still cry... I think I always will. But I was so blessed to have shared their lives with them. For that, I am forever greatful that I got to be their Mommy...

I really liked this quote... although I am still mourning, as you are, it does make me think.... I should be so greatful they lived...

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God
that such men lived.
---George S. Patton, Jr.


Take Care
Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

Hi, Dianaa, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Yogi. The loss of a beloved companion is one of the hardest experiences we go through on this side of eternity. The grief and healing journey is identical to the loss of a human family member or friend. It is a one day at a time journey that cannot be rushed, but does not have to be traveled alone. Each of us here understands first hand the deep sorrow you are presently feeling, and the enormous void in your life without the physical presence of your precious Yogi. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dianaa, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Diana,

I am very sorry for your loss--there is no way to stop the feelings that you are having--and sometimes-it will feel like everyday is the first day--Experience your grief--cry when you feel like it---I know the pain is so intense that you want it to go away and it eventually will---

Take care of yourself---that's what your Yogi would want

Diana,

I am saddened to hear about your Yogi. I lost my Woody on 09/21/08 in the same manner. My wife was taking our dogs for their afternoon walk when Woody pulled the leash from her hand and ran into the street where he was hit by a car. Woody never ran into the street before either. I'm sure that the person that hit my Woody was exceeding the speed limit, too. People always speed on that road. My wife managed to get the animal control people to take Woody to the emergency vet clinic but there was nothing they could do for him and she had to make the very difficult decision to let Woody go. Please believe me when I say that I know exactly how you feel. When I left the house that Sunday morning I had two dogs but when I came home I only had one. Like your Yogi, my Woody was a very special dog and I miss him very much. It has been one month since I lost him and the pain of the loss is still heavy in my heart. I couldn't eat for the first five days. I would lay down to sleep at night the first week and I would wake up after a few hours and lay awake the rest of the night crying and thinking about my Woody Boy. The first two weeks I would have to walk out to my truck a few times each day while I was at work to sit and cry over my Woody. The best thing for me was to cry and I cried a lot for my boy. Woody was only four years old and we rescued him from a shelter when he was a year old. We only had him for three years. It will get easier for you little by little. I speak from experience. I still think about my Woody frequently each day but now the tears only come when I am sitting alone when it's quiet. I still love my boy and I know that you love your girl and that you will always love her. The only way I can deal with this is to tell myself that sooner or later I would have had to give Woody up anyhow because we usually outlive our furry friends. The bad part is that I didn't expect it to be so soon or to have someone hurt him like that. Post here frequently. Say exactly what's on your mind. It helped me and it will help you. There are some great people here and they rally care. Let them help you through this like they helped me. God bless.

Steve

Diana, I am so very sorry to read of your loss of your dearest Yogi. Thank you for sharing her picture with us. She was a beautiful girl, and I know you loved her deeply.

I think you will find alot of comfort just posting on this board. So many animal lovers here. As you will see there are many who lost their baby in a tragic manner, such as yourself. When I was a child my very first dog was hit by a car. She was very young, but I remember the pain was intense. Ever since then I am over protective of my dogs when they are out.

I lost my last lab a year ago to cancer. The first few days I didn't get out of bed much. I've always struggled with depression, so I know this was part of it. And I had 4 months to prepare for Lizzy's passing. She was 9 1/2 and the cancer diagnosis was a shock. She was extremely healthy and played like a puppy. The last months she was still playing every day and I could see her body beginning to change. However, she remained strong even on the last night of her life. I remember her strength when I have my own struggles. I still think of her every day, and miss her like crazy. I can often be heard saying "I love you Liz...miss you Liz." It always makes me smile now. Her pictures surround me, she was such a happy dog.

As the others have suggested take one day at a time. Crying is so good for the soul and will help you through your grief. I can tell you that some day your tears will be replaced by smiles. May the happy memories of Yogi bring you comfort during this difficult time.

Nancy

Diana,

I'm so sorry to hear about precious Yogi. What a precious puppy. Please accept my condolences and know that things gradually do get better.

Michelle

Dear Jennifer, Pappy Rica, Mark, Nemo's Mom, Moon Beam, Mistletoe, Steve, Nancy, and Michelle, dear friends,

I'm so thankful for your kind words, I don't think I can adequately convey how grateful I am. I've cried over each of your notes more than once and I know that I will keep re-reading (and crying over) all of them for a while. It's true isn't it? There really is a big, mysterious comfort in sharing this sadness, if only to know we're not alone in it. Your gentle thoughts and photos and memories and suggestions are all so good, I am going to start keeping a little list for myself. This grief is terrible, but I think part of me is almost scared to let go of it because I dont want to let go of any little part of my connection to my baby.

Oh, it's just good to be able to talk about my "baby" and not feel somehow ashamed that she was a dog and not a human; to be able to cry as I type; to be able to just remember what a truly truly funny little girl she was, how she pranced when she walked, folded back her ears like origami, how she hated her winter coat, how happy passersby would be just to look at her, how she looked us right in the eyes, all the time. I miss her so and I just want her to come home.

Thank you so much for being here.

Diana

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Your precious Yogi was taken from you too quickly. When that happens there is no time to think. There are so many phases of greif and we've all been thru them step by step. Everyone here completely understands. This is a great place to post pictures and talk to your baby. Sometimes, as hard as it is, we have to stop and say how lucky we were to have had them impact our lives in so many happy ways. It will take time, but the pain will lessen. Never feel, shy, stupid, crazy etc for any way you need to get thru this. They ARE are children, a part of us and our lives. Yogi has some great company over the Rainbow Bridge. You are so lucky to have had her for 11yrs. (yet it can never be long enough)...Hugs.. Ann

Diana

I am so sorry to hear of your pain; it is a feeling I know too well.

I can see in the picture and in your description what a special soul Yogi was and is.

Also, I smile when you say she trusted people that she "shouldn't have" - it is that innocence and purity that I love in pets. My two cats who also died young and tragically, had that same trust and innocence. My cat Ziggy was shot and she would have walked right up to anyone so it's possible she was shot at close range. It is easy to be angry at the humans that are so disconnected from our fur friends that they don't value life. At least the motorist who hit Yogi stopped, though that doesn't make the pain easier. I have seen a couple of animals hit where it almost seemed purposeful and the drivers took off. I'm sure the driver was impacted by what happened and let's hope that they'll think twice about speeding in the future.

I do want to tell you something that might comfort you. When I was a teenager, our dog who was 12 at the time, got out from the fenced yard and was hit by a car and died. I was about 15 and inconsolable. A couple of days later he came to me in a dream and said (not in words exactly, but in thoughts if that makes any sense) that he was happy. He was sitting on a rocky beach similar to one where we frequently went when I was young that he adored. He also "said" that he would be there for me whenever I needed him. With that dream I felt a total feeling of peace. I was then able to move on, knowing that this was an important and sincere message for me and that he truly was safe, happy and connected to me through love. I am sure Yogi sends the same message to you.

I do not know why these things happen, but they do. I guess it shows how deep and strong the bonds are that we have with our pets - sometimes more so than with humans, at least for me.

take care and sending you healing thoughts in this difficult time.

Jan.

Dearest Joanne, Ann, and Jan,

Thank you for your beautiful words-- each of your letters means so much to me. I find that suddenly this has become the most important website in the world. Joanne--I'm going to look up the book you recommended-- your suggestion about reading about this experience is so helpful. And thank you, Ann, for so compassionately confirming that we all have such a validity to our feelings. And Jan, your dream is so beautiful and precious and I'm so very grateful that you shared it with me (of course, I was dissolved in tears over it and now here I am all over again.) You must be right, our sweethearts are well and with us always--we've merely lost their bodily form, and really what we love is their sweetness and beauty and divine spark.

I've decided to tell most of our friends about losing Yogi through email, so I don't have to go through quite as much of the same experience of tearing loss with every call. Getting to hear from each of you has helped me see how precious and helpful the internet really can be.

With deep gratitude,
Diana

Dear Diana,

I am so sorry about Yogi's fatal accident. Having a furry family member pass away is difficult to say the least. I think when it happens without any warning it's even worse. My heart goes out to you as you begin your painful journey of healing. It's a long rough road with alot of bumps along the way.

The upside of walking this journey is that you have others here who walk right along with you. Caring and sharing we help each other learn to cope and heal and eventually come to grips with our emotions. The missing never stops but the deep anguish subsides given time.

You made so many beautiful memories with Yogi. These memories are her gift to you to have and hold forever. Nothing can ever take them away not now or ever. They belong to you. Only Yogi's body has perished. Her spirit of love and all that is within her is very much alive and well. You can be sure she is still with you in that respect just as she always was.
As you become able to let go of the pain, you will begin to feel the warmth and joys again of the life you lived together. The goodness for the times spent with Yogi will slowly begin to seep in and ease your pain.

While life is short.............eternity isn't. Your days aren't over yet with Yogi. Only worlds separate you for now while you stay bonded together by hearts and love. One day you and she will reunite in a place where there is no end.

Over the last year I have read many books of healing and find them very powerful and draw strength from them. I find these kinds of books lend spiritual growth for me. Here are a few more inaddition to "ANIMALS and the AFTERLIFE" that I found most inspiring:

DOG ANGELS by Allen & Linda Anderson

GOD'S MESSENGERS What Animals Teach Us About the Divine by Allen & Linda Anderson

COLD NOSES AT THE PEARLY GATES by Gary Kurz (He also has 2 new ones that have just come out)

I wish you peace and comfort Diana.

Hugs of love and comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth

Thank you, Beth.

I've ordered the books you recommended-- it will do my heart good to read. Your sweet words helped so much.

I wonder-- do you think you can permanently injure yourself by crying too much? I can't seem to stop. I'm afraid my eyeballs might explode.

Dianna,

My eyeballs would have exploded long ago if that were possible. Tears are important to shed as they help to release the hurt inside of us. Letting them go may be exhausting but necessary. Yogi's death is still very acute. Especially because of the way he died, I would imagine you are still in some state of shock and disbelief. No doubt your pain is still raw and most likely it will take alot of time before the tears slow down. I didn't think my tears would ever stop. My emotions were so out of whack that I didn't know when the tears would come nor when they would stop. Eventually I got some tear-free times that would seem to indicate I was doing better and then WAM, a thought would cross my mind and the tears would start all over again. My emotions were very sensitive for a very long time.

Just yesterday, one of my patients that I hadn't seen in a very long time came in. The first thing she asked me about was Goliath. At first I began to tell her that he had passed away and then a few seconds later I felt the tears begin to well up in my eyes. Somehow I was able to compose myself and we wound up having a wonderful conversation about how much love our furkids bring into our lives and enrich our own souls. We also talked about how much friendlier and compassionate animal lovers seem to be.

Your journey of healing will take time Dianna. You'll find yourself taking baby steps toward recovery. At times you will take bigger steps. Sometimes you may find yourself taking a few steps backward. You can expect many ups and downs as you are just learning now how to live in a different way. Adjusting to major changes in life is hard. I promise you that one day you will be able to speak of Yogi and smile once again.

Hugs,
Beth

I seem to have survived another day and night, thanks to everyone on this website. I'm trying to stop counting the hours since Yogi's death (68, but who's counting?)

Today I woke up feeling somehow sadder than ever, but I sense it's because I'm finally moving from shock and denial (many fantasies that it was all an enormous mistake, she survived the impact, and we should just go dig her up and take her to the vet) (sorry-- creepy image there) to plain old dumb acceptance and grief. I told Scotty I hate the fact of the pain itself but I'm glad, somehow, to be finally able to take it in and feel what I need to feel. In a way, sadness feels like something I can offer to my girl.

My husband loves all things oceanic and he told me he thinks that grieving must be a little like making a pearl. You start with a bit of grit and then every day you add another tiny layer of beauty-- the love and the memories-- and some day down the road you actually have a pearl. He is such a smart boy.

Then I went outside to have myself a good cry and as I was sitting there on the ground, I noticed a couple of Yogi's left over droppings off in the yard. It actually made me so happy to see them that now I know I've really lost my mind. At least I didn't put them in the freezer or anything.

This is just to say good morning and thank you, each of you. I wish I could give everyone here a huge hug.

Diana

Dianaa,

It will get better and then it will get bad again and then it will get better again. I still miss my Woody Boy very much and we are going on five weeks without him. The &%^ogy your husband made about the pearl is spot on. He is very clever.

I know what you mean about the "droppings". I felt the same way when my Beauregard passed ten yers ago and I saw his "droppings" in the yard and recently when I walked Smokey and I saw Woody's "droppings". I had to remind my self that they aren't really a part of him, just processed food.

I just finished the "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates" book and it helped me very much. I hope it gives you some comfort, too. I'm thinking about you (and pretty Yogi) Dianaa. Take care.

Steve

Steve and Beth,

Thank you for your encouragement. Grief is awfully sneaky, I guess. Today I had some quiet spells where I thought I was finally somehow getting "better" but then I would have a total melt-down. I feel so fragile, like I can't bear even the slightest unkindness in the world. I've even lost interest in the election-- my neighbors have been fighting and I just want them to see how much we need each other, how important it is to be kind to each other.

So many hard moments-- the first time I came back in the door today and Yogi wasn't there to greet me; missing our morning walk; seeing her empty bed; realizing I still sit a certain way on the couch because I need to leave room for her. Ouch, ouch, ouch....

I've been putting seashells on her little grave and talking to her every morning and evening.

Thank you, friends.

Diana

Hi Diana - I've had the weirdest thoughts too - so don't think you are alone. When my first cat died I kept thinking how cold she must be in the yard where she was buried. Then with Ziggy I almost was happy when I found out that her injury could have been fixed (if the vet had not made fatal errors in judgement) except of course that she was dead.

With my old dog, who I had to euthanize, I found his droppings in the yard (I knew they were his because they were like hairballs - he was licking his joints and injesting the hair) and like you I wasn't sure what to do with them. I have a towel that I wrapped Ziggy in the night before she died, and two months later, I can't get myself to wash it. It's like if we wash these things we kill the last things we do have. Not rational I know, but anyway you get the idea.

I am thinking of you and I know your pain!

Jan.

Hey there Diana,

I was just checking in and seeing how you were doing. I'm glad to see that reading and writing the posts has been helpful. I know for me it truely has been!

You spoke about being afraid to let go of the grief because it would be as if you are letting go of your baby. I remember saying that same exact thing the first week...over and over. It was as if letting go of the pain was equivalent to letting go of Penny. However, I have noticed that letting go of the pain is just that...letting go of the pain. Nothing in a million years would make me let go of Penny. She'll always be my little girl! I think I thought that way about doing things I enjoyed as well. Everything from playing my music, to eating an ice cream sandwich. I felt that if I enjoy my food, then life is alright, which means Penny being gone no longer affects me. But my husband made a comment that was very helpful -- I guess they get homemade cookies on Sunday after dinner as he's deployed, and two Sundays ago he called after dinner, and that is when I told him Penny had passed. Therefore, a few days ago when I was telling him that I couldn't do the things I enjoyed, he said that last Sunday he could not stomach the idea of eating the cookie for the same reason I said...and started leaving the chow hall. But suddenly he thought of Penny at his feet with her puppy eyes just so happy to get "free sniffs" and the hope of a dropped crumb. At that point I realized that the reason our pooches were so happy is because we were happy people who enjoyed life, and Penny wouldn't want it any other way. Now when I eat something tasty, I just smile and imagine her little tail going 100 miles a minute:)

I was also watching the Dog Whisperer today and of course he always speaks of dogs "living in the moment". That they love life for the moment they are in, and I began to think that maybe our dogs want to teach us the same ideas. You can't live in the past or in the what ifs, but in the now. Love life for the moment. That thought has helped me get through some of the guilt and frustration I've been feeling. Yogi had 11 years of amazing, purely happy moments...and she in turn gave you the same. What a gift these little munchkins can be!

Just want you to know I was thinking of you...and Yogi's origami ears (Penny totally had those too!!)
~Shannon

Dear Dianna-

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can remember thinking about how I was going to survive every day and it is so hard. And I wish I could say it gets better but I think it just gets easier. Today it's been two months since I lost my baby and it's still hard. like you it was a freak accident and it coming out of nowhere is what is the hardest. And its a traumatic experience. I've been such a basket case since my loss I have been seeing a therapist and she explained that is not just grief but trauma. We've all been through trauma and it is possible to make yourself sick from grief. I've lost 15 pounds from it. And it's so hard to tell yourself to stop being said and stop crying because as much as you love Yogi is as much as you feel sorrow. but let it out. its okay to cry and scream. Some days are better than others.
This is an amazing source and everyone here is so sweet and comforting. I'm glad you're finding solace here.

I was watching Dogtown the other day and they put up wind chimes in the cemetery. They say every time they chime its from a dog kicking up dirt in Rainbow Bridge running around having fun . I thought that was sweet. It reminds you that they are always there.
my heart goes out to you and your husband.

Shannon said that so well. I feel the same way. Letting go of the pain opens the door to acceptance that allows us to feel all the wonderful memories our furry kids leave us when they depart. Nothing in this world could ever cause me to let go of Goliath either. The years we spent together enriched my life so much and the continuance of remembering all he gave me to remember is what fuels my loving spirit.

Goliath also has those awesome orgami ears. I loved stroking them as he slept in my lap. Though he earned his angel wings, I think he could soar through the Heavens with his ears alone.

One of the things Goliath and I shared were peanutbutter sandwiches. Whenever I had trouble sleeping I would get out of bed and go down to the kitchen. Goliath would follow and watch me as I made a peanutbutter sandwich. We'd head back to bed and share it. Each of us loved that special time. Afterward we'd both feel content and fall asleep together with my arms wrapped around his little self and I would stroke his ears until sleep came. Today when I can't sleep, I still get up and make a peanutbutter sandwich. I close my eyes as I savor each bite and smile as I think about my sweet Goliath, and give thanks.

Much love with lots of hugs,
Beth

Jan, Shannon, 4Bentley, and Beth,

So good to see your messages this morning. I had trouble getting myself out of bed today, feeling like such a big part of my reason for living seems to be gone....Yogi liked to wake us in the morning by "tap dancing" around our bed, battering the sides with her little paws. Then when she heard me lie down on my yoga mat, that was her cue to rush in and stage a love-athon, standing over my head and mashing her chest against my face and smushing her little head around in my hair. It was wild, we'd crack up laughing and beg her to stop. Then, just as suddenly, she'd be done and rush off to attend to other pressing affairs in other parts of the house. She was such a nut.

Thank you my friends for your words about letting go of pain. That was very helpful to me to hear-- you must be right, our fur babies want us to be happy. I realize I've been doing the same thing-- clinging to hurt, feeling disloyal or unloving for any moment of pleasure or laughter, enjoying a bite of food, or even leaving the house (what if she "misses" us?)

Although, oddly, I find that I can't eat meat at all any longer. I wonder if that will wear off? Has that happened to any of you?

Thank you again for all your warmth and friendship-- each of you gives me so much hope and solace.
Diana

Yes Dianaa,

I can relate to that. Every time I lose an animal I cannot bear to eat meat for some time. I know everyone is different, and it's important to eat and keep yourself strong, but I find it, for some time, impossible to do. I suppose we are associating the meat on our plate with our departed animal's flesh.

I loved reading your story about Yogi "attacking" you on your mat. That is so sweet.

hope2heal

Hi Diana---If I may, I would also like to suggest a book on our losses of our babies.It is entitled 'Cold noses at the pearly gates' by Gary Kurz.It has helped me and others.Your in the right forum for sure.My deepest sadness for your loss.
Your forum mate,
Bubba..............

Hi Hope, Hi Bubba,

Thanks for your kind messages. Hope, it's good to have your affirmation-- I think you're right about these unconscious feelings around eating. It's very strong for me right now. A friend suggested we have "sick food" tomorrow, like the sort of thing you eat when you're trying to recuperate from the flu-- she suggested tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. I feel so blue, so indifferent to everything-- even when I'm hungry I don't want to eat, but I'll try.

Thank you Bubba, for your recommendation-- I went ahead and ordered the book-- I love the title and all that it implies....

Yesterday there was a little gecko on Yogi's grave, then one ran over Scotty's toes as we went for a little walk--that's never happened to us before! Then that evening there was a little gecko on the wall right across from my desk. All in the same day. Granted, we live in South Florida and there are geckos outside, but that was very, very odd.

I put some more seashells on Yogi's grave tonight and told her I love her.

Thank you, my friends.
Diana

Looks like Yogi's sending you a sign in the form of geckos. Yogi's with you and watching over you. It truely is a "one day at a time" deal. Then one day when you least expect it, something you see, read, or feel will bring you peace with this. I'm still waiting for it myself, I have to believe it's there. Or it could be something as simple as time itself. ...Hugs to you.. Ann

Thanks for your sweet message Ann,

Yogi really was a bit of a gecko herself. After we got her, to my surprise I began to see little echos of her in practically every animal I looked at-- horses, birds, even manatees and elephants! It was something in the movement of their eyes or the way they held their head or just their patient gentleness. I love the way you can see the spirit of the individual in the body of the community, I feel like it's reminding me of her and keeping her so close to me all the time. I read your profile and know that you will start to see signs from your beautiful Arthur very soon.

With hugs,
Diana

Dearest Diana, I'm so sorry for not getting here any sooner. Such a tragic loss of your most precious fur baby girl Yogi. What a personality. You must miss her something fierce especially since she left this earthly plane in that manner. Please accept my deepest condolences and know that I do weep with you. Honest and for true.

Yes, it's very comforting to know it was quick and she did not suffer. Please remember that. Hold onto that, Dear One. It makes no difference how young or old our fur babies or feather babies are when they pass on to The Rainbow Bridge. What does count is their quality of life and not quantity of life as well as their relationship to us. Diana, I've lost so many of my own and others having worked in Animal Rescue and Rehabilitation for almost 30 years and I was a nurse for over 26 years in the human field and there are losses there as well.

Truly, I feel what you're going through because my own current loss was very tragic and sudden, too. It's been a year now and I still grieve and feel so gosh awful horrible about it. I've had the privilege of adopting two retired Greyhounds in the past. First there was Maiden, a female of 6 years old. Then there was Trader, a male of about 3 years old. I miss them a lot and would have another adopted Greyhound right now except that Buddy dog came along and he needed to be rescued. He's wonderful, so dear, sweet, friendly, loving and I've had him for about eight years now. He was somewhere between 6 months and 1 year old when I rescued him.

I love Italian Greyhounds so much and have known a few. It's easy to see how one can fall in love and be so attached to such loving, dear, sweet, adorable fur babies as Italian Greyhounds. Bless you, Diana! You and your dear husband both. You said in your first post that you have no children and wonder if that makes a difference. Well, it could easily make a difference considering not only your relationship to your fur baby girl Yogi but also to losing her.

Diana, please see these articles which I posted right here at LS that may help you a whole lot understanding what you're feeling, why you're feeling and/or behaving the way you are and your husband as well. It's in the area of this board called "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" and the post is titled "Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going Insane." Here's a direct link for you so you can click and it will take you directly to that post and those two articles. The second article regarding the emotions of pet loss has actual case histories of real people, what happened, how they felt and how they got through it.

Here is the link: Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going Insane.

Please know that you, your husband and Yogi are in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many Angels to you for comfort and guidance thought this most difficult time in your life.

Comforting Hugs, Love and Peace to You, Your Husband and Yogi!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. I made these a while ago and simply was not able to post to you until now. You see, it's very difficult for me to comfort one such as yourself after I've read what happened and can't even see the screen through my tears much less find anything at all of comfort to offer you. So, I apologize again for being so late getting to you, Diana. I hope you understand and I'll bet you do.

Here is the photo of Yogi that you posted. I took her photo to a program, added some enhancing applications to bring out more of her beauty then used several different types of frames. I'll put down the URL Links for you to click on and bring up the photos which I've type a brief description underneath of what I did. More Comforting Hugs!!!

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MySpotFour/Yogi.jpg
Original as you posted the photo.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MySpotFour/Yogi-2.jpg
Automatic enhanced.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MySpotFour/Yogi-1.jpg
I enhanced applying several features.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...ur/Yogi-2-1.jpg
Automatic enhanced simple gold frame.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...ur/Yogi-2-5.jpg
Automatic enhanced simple silver frame.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...ur/Yogi-2-2.jpg
Automatic enhanced black with gold frame.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...ur/Yogi-2-3.jpg
Automatic enhanced black matte frame.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...ur/Yogi-2-4.jpg
Automatic enhanced gold antique frame.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...ur/Yogi-2-7.jpg
Automatic enhanced double frame with matte.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...ur/Yogi-2-6.jpg
Automatic enhanced triple frame.

I'm so sorry. Such a heartbreaking way to lose her. What a beautiful dog she was. My deepest sympathy.

Good morning Diana,

I too see the echos and beauty in other livng creatures. Today the world is even more magnificent to my eyes and ears as I take in each and every sight. Often times I watch the sun come up and listen to the birds that sing while the deer, raccoons, squirrels, and other small animals come one by one and gather in our backyard which butts up to the lake we live on. Soon I can see the fog and watch as the swans and ducks gracefully glide through to the shoreline. As the sun comes up higher and higher, the fog begins to lift and everything becomes more clear; both visually and spiritually.

Each day is a new beginning for every one of us to reflect on the memories we so cherish, but more importantly to take in the beauty of life and live for today. When tomorrow comes today will be but a memory. Though I may dream of tomorrow and cherish the past, it is today that I live and love for.

Click to view attachment

May Yogi's spirit bring you sunshine on this beautiful day and keep your heart warm with the wonderful memories she left you as her gift. Feel her loving spirit that is right by your side this day.

Much love and many hugs to you Diana,
Beth

Thank you, Dottie, Steph, and Beth,

What beautiful wishes and beautiful words.

It's almost a week now since I lost my Yogi and I'm starting to perceive small glimmerings, like the tiniest shoots on a twig-- small lessons and gifts-- like the enormous gift of connection and recognition I've felt from you on this website.

I feel like Yogi made my husband and me into a true family and joined us in a deep way with her eternal sweet spirit.
She "introduced" me to so many of our neighbors
She taught me about the pleasures of the outdoors and the beauty of the simplest things, like the pure pleasure of crossing one's paws at the perfect angle, the joy of a nap, the sweetness of a back scratch, and the importance of the unexpected, random kiss on the elbow.

And thank you too, my friends, for those lovely images-- both mental and visual-- they've give me more pleasure to contemplate.

This morning, I trimmed back some of my herb garden-- lavender, rosemary, sage, oregano-- and made a wreathe for Yogi's grave. Now my hands smell of the herbs. We are all intertwined.

Much love to each of you.
Diana

Wow, Beth - what beautiful words.

It's interesting because I did a short talk about the sacredness of animals last weekend, prompted by my Ziggy's death, and I learned that quantum physics scientifically proves that all particles, even those with great distance between them, affect other particles in the world - we are all interconnected.

I often think of this life as a grand illusion - like maybe this is the "dream" and our state in "spirit" is the true state.

I am grateful your words, and also those of appreciating the magnificence of the world we live in, which is not only a world of loss and pain, but one of joy and love also.

Jan.

Wow! What more can I say? I do echo all that Jan has said, Beth. I pray you continue to do so well. Bless You, Dear One!

Many Comforting Hugs, Love and Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Zita's Mom,

I love what you said about interconnectedness. For that moment, reading that, my heart smiled. And that is something that has not happened since 10/11/08.

Jan, Dottie, and all friends,

It is so good to hear your compassionate and wise "voices." Every morning, I go to visit Yogi's grave, then I check to see what wisdom and comfort you have so generously offered. Thank you so much.

Last night we went out with friends who are passionate dog lovers (they own about seven or eight dogs between the two of them-- I've lost count!) And they were encouraging us to start thinking about getting a puppy. I feel so torn and confused about that. Yogi was our only child and part of me worries that a new dog means that we're being disloyal or somehow less devoted to her memory. Like a widower who remarries too quickly? But I also find that I've started peeping at breeder and rescue websites and just the sight of the puppies gives me such a sweet moment of happiness. I know that my sweetheart is unreplaceable--beyond a one of a kind--what does it mean to get a new pup?

I think I'm starting to understand why so many fur families have more than one doggie or kitty at once.

We went out yesterday and bought a flower to plant on Yogi's grave-- it's called a necklace plant--sophora tomentosa-- and it produces lovely sprigs of yellow buds that attract butterflies. The girl would love that. But what really got me about this plant? Its new leaves have an incredible velvety quality that reminds me of the feel of Yogi's ears.

With love,
Diana

Diana,

My deepest sympathies to you. I know what you are feeling, as this is so raw and new for me, and I am lost. I, too, have felt that I need to have a dog in my life as much as a dog in need needs me/us. I even looked at a breeder and at rescue and have some feelers out, as I am active in the dog world. I dont want to feel guilty or that I am somehow being disloyal and I have decided to wait til Spring at least for me to be sure I want to do this. But I know the feeling you are experiencing when you think about a new pup, and the joy yet the missing your baby. I am curious to see what others say as well.

Thanks for listening, blessings,
Carol

Hi Diana,

Each one of us is different in recognizing when the time is right to bring a new furlove into our home and heart. For me, it was important to work through the roughest part of the grieving process first. My thoughts were still scattered for some time after Goliath passed away. I wasn't in any kind of emotional shape to make any kind of major change or decision since I had not even begun to recover from the traumatic effect Goliath's death left me with. I wanted to be sure that I wasn't bringing a new puppy into my heart for my own selfish reasons. A new puppy deserved my full attention and love.

I was sooooooooo glad I waited. Goliath passed away on Novemeber 6th, 2007 and we adopted Browser on April 26th, 2008. During the 6 months that fell inbetween, I was able to come to terms with Goliath's death and also work on my own spirituality. Once I knew I was thinking clearly and logically again, I realized Goliath would not see bringing a new puppy in as a betrayal. Goliath always wanted me to be happy and Lord knows I had plenty of love left in my heart to share with another. No doubt Goliath is very proud of his baby brother, Browser.

Whatever decision you make, be sure to think it through very carefully before you decide. Bringing a new puppy into your heart and home is an enormous responsibility. Make sure you have lots of energy too because they certainly do keep a person running all the time. When they're awake it helps to use the eyeballs you have in the back of your head. You're going to need them.

Take care Diana.

Hugs,
Beth

Diana-

I got a new dog three weeks after I lost my baby Bentley. It seemed as if every time i talked to someone in my family about how sad I was they said to get a new dog. I wasn't sure but I soon found myself looking in the paper and browsing on our local shelter's website. I decided to get a dog from a shelter because I reasoned that if I couldn't save my dog's life at least I could save another's life. And my husband and I have so much love to give we could redirect our grief and love a dog who needs a home.

I wish now I hadn't. It was too soon.
I found myself devastated when I heard the new dogs nails pitter patter on the wood floors like Bentley's would. I would see her run by in a flash of black and catch my breath. is that bentley? Then the resentment set in. Bentley never peed in the house. this one doesn't seem to do anything but. She chews, she nips at my one year old- Bentley would always run over to her with licks, this one growls and chases the cat- Bentley would cuddle and lovingly receive tongue baths. I know I shouldn't think this way, I know its not fair to the new dog but I can't help it. I take her on walks and I think i don't want to walk you I want to walk Bentley. I constantly tell myself to give her a chance but I just think it was too soon. the excitement of thinking about a new dog momentarily replaced the grief and that felt so nice but I am still too deep in the grieving process. Maybe if I waited longer like Goliath six months or so I could have healed more.

It is nice to have pets in the house to love and I don't mean to discourage you in any way. i just want to share my experience with you because I too had my dog leave me suddenly. Just make sure you are open and good luck to you.

Dear Beth and Bentley's Mom,

Ah, both your thoughts are so so helpful and appreciated-- thank you so much for weighing in honestly. My sweet Yogi's only been gone for a week-- it's surprising to me how all at once so many friends are suggesting we get a new dog. I guess our friends just hate to see us in pain and want to find the "antidote" right away. I feel very encouraged and strengthened by your words that it's okay to wait. (Funny -- it all sort of reminds me of my father who tried to rush me into marrying my first boyfriend-- yikes! Am I ever glad I waited for the right one to come along...;-))

Big hugs and gratitude,
Diana

Yes, "the right one" I think that's the key. I adopted Ziggy right after Christmas and Zita had gone missing October 20th. She didn't replace Zita, not in any way shape or form, but she was definitely the "right one". So I think it's mostly about paying attention to yourself. I also adopted a dog who looked a lot like my first dog - he has been extremely challenging and is nothing at all like my first dog. You can never replace the ones who are gone, so it's a matter of finding the one that is the right match for *you*. Your pet is the one family member you *are* allowed to choose. With Ziggy, I just knew. She was the "one".

take care

Jan.

Diana,

I too have looked at puppies. But I know I will not be getting another until at least summertime. For me, I'm more concerned about Jax, Penny's bruder. They have NEVER been apart. In fact, we got Jax after we had Pen for 6 months, and he was actually much too young already (I realized only recently he was less than 4 weeks old when we brought him home) so she has always been more like his momma. He's been doing alright over the past two weeks, but I was worried about him yesterday -- it was the first day he was crated without her for my full work day. My mother came to visit after Penny passed, so for the last week or two she was there with him all day. He definitely was acting much differently when I got home.

My husband also felt guilty for looking up breeders. For me, I think that looking or just thinking about pups is simply our expression of hope. All our pets were one of a kind...and part of the grief, for me anyway, was that there will never be a more spunky, beautiful, and perfect dog besides the two I have (had) and looking at sweet little puppy faces makes me think back to the day we picked her out. It gives me a sense of comfort to imagine that one day we will add another to our happy pack again, and that dog will mean the world to us, and be sooo special to us in their own way. However, I've decided to really wait. Of course part of it is that I want to do it when my husband is home so there is a chance for equal bonding (he got Penny while we were apart for 6 mo while he was stationed elsewhere, and then we got Jax when he was gone for 3 mo...so there was obviously a difference in how each of them bonded to us). But I also decided that nothing will fill Penny's void. I agree w/ 4Bently. I think I would start to resent the dog cuz I would just want Penny. So when, and only when, I am consistently feeling at peace with her passing will I even start to actually think about another pooch. I think that's just best for me personally. I also figure adding another dog will mean that things will not be "the same" just because I have two again. It will be a change, alot of work, and starting over to an extent. When I'm ready for that new chapter, then I will know it's time.

However, I know when my mother-in-law lost her chihuahua very tragically, she got a dog nearly the next week, and for her that was the right thing. I suppose it's a personal choice. Hopefully you and your husband can make the right decision for you and your family. Perhaps set a timeframe (such as I'm just going to wait until summer...at least). Maybe for you it will be in a month you will think about it, but setting a timeframe may take away some of the burden of having to think about it right now.

Thinking and praying for you and little Yogi,
~Shannon

Dear Jan and Shannon,

Ah, this is very good, very smart-- thank you both so much. Yes-- I think you must be right--there's no one-size-fits-all sort of approach for this kind of thing (though sometimes I wish there were...) It's nice just to feel like it's okay to try and follow one's own heart instead of trying to figure out some sort of cosmic rule book. Thank you, Shannon, for unpacking the issue so thoughtfully-- there are so many possibilities, it feels very heartening to me and helps me feel less afraid of making a "mistake."

I had a beautiful dream about Yogi last night-- we were playing, she was dancing around, and suddenly the yard beside our house was filled with all sorts of dogs, playing and romping. It made me so happy, it felt like a gift from her. It helped me so and I feel like I understand even more clearly now how some of my friends here have told me that sometimes the "dream" world can feel more real and immediate than the "real" one. Maybe they really are messages?

***
Diana