Unbelievable Grief, Unbelievable Grief Options

[dietersmom]

I see those words "House is so empty" and my entire body is in gut wrenching pain! On Wednesday 9/8/04 we had to put our beloved schnauzer, Dieter, to sleep. He was the light of my life, my best friend and companion (my husband's too). We don't have any children and have been married for 15 years and Dieter was 14 yrs and 4 months old. I had no idea the undescribable grief that would take over me. I can't sleep, eat, think. I really feel like I'm losing my mind. I find myself looking for him, just wanting to hold him and snuggle and get those special DeeDee kisses. He was the greatest dog, ever, truly our baby. My husbands "little boy", as he would call him. I do feel blessed that we even got a chance to spend our life with him, he was that special. In the last couple of weeks I'd noticed he was having a tough time climbing the stairs, then on 9/1 I took him to the vet to let them have a look. The took some x-rays and did blood work and started treating him with prednisone. The blood work came back with really elevated liver enzymes. On 9/3 we were back at the vet because he was running a high fever of 105. They gave him fluids and put him on an antibiotic. He wasn't interested in his food or water, so I fed him ice chips, which he always loved, to try and keep him hydrated. He didn't get better and on 9/7 we ended up at the Emergency vet with the temp back at 105 and him in great pain. I know you guys know how it just kills you to see them sick and you'd do anything to take away their pain. They took more blood, and x-rays and ended up doing an ultrasound of his liver due to even higher enzymes than on 9/1. Well that showed 5 masses in his liver, and the outlook grim. In December 2003 we had a malignant melanoma removed from his neck and it was the worst stage melanoma. So given his history, and many discussions between our vet and the Emergency vets, we had to make the decision to let him go so he wouldn't suffer. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do even though I know it was right. I spent the morning of 9/8 just loving him and he was in such pain and just let us know it was time. God, how do you prepare for this grief. I'm completely shattered and lost without him. I work for a company in another state and have my office at home and I can't even go in there. He was always with me, my little "co-worker". I miss him sooooo much. I find myself roaming the house, grabbing his toys and laying my head on his bead to just be near him. We try to sleep at night only to wake up with either myself or my husband sobbing for our "little guy". I'm so glad I found this forum. I so needed to connect with others who have been there and are there. I just don't know how to get through this.

[Sharon]

I am so sorry to hear about your little man.
Zoe was my baby, too, so I do understand what you're feeling. I was totally caught by surpise, too. I had not idea she was so sick, and she was gone too soon.

Give yourself this time to grieve, I'm convinced I'd lose my mind if I don't!
You are in our thoughts.
-Sharon

[Stymy's Mom]

Dear Dietersmom,

I am so sorry for your loss. You came to the right place. The people on this web site are so caring, it has been such a help to me. I too had to put my dog to sleep due to cancer, and yes you are right, that is the hardest thing you can do. But know that you did the right thing. Dieter is happy now and with you in spirit. You were so lucky to have your little man and he was lucky to have such caring parents.

It has been 4 weeks since I lost my little boy and everyday gets better. Mostly because I can visit here with my friends and sometimes they help me and sometimes I can help them.

We all know how horrible your pain is and we are all here for you.

Love and Belief,
Vicki (Stymy's Mom)

[Gort]

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your precious Dieter. You are in good company here. We all feel the pain of losing or beloved pets.

You and your husband had to make the most difficult decision of your lives. I think you made the right one as hard as it may have been to do. Dieter is free now. Free of pain and suffering. Probably the most precious gift you could have given your 'co-worker' buddy. I was fortunate that my Ava left this world under own accord, saving me from having to make such a difficult decision at some point.

I've been here since Sept 7 when I found this site. Ava left this world on Sept 3. It's sad to hear of so many people's losses and the suffering that they (we) are all going through. I needed a place to share my feelings and although it's hard to read everyones sorrowful notes, it brings comfort to me that I am not alone in my suffering. You are not alone either Dieter's Mom. We're all here for each other.

[Steph]

I'm so sorry that you lost your dear little friend. I'm glad that you found this site. It is a very helpful place with many kind people.

I've been in that "insane grief" place too. I know it very well. As hard as it is to believe, it does get better.

My Luba died suddenly on June 5th, (she had a hidden heart condition - I had no chance to say goodbye to her), Initially, I thought I'd go mad from the grief but I'm doing better now. There are relapses, but not as intense.

Be kind to yourself. Let yourself grieve. We are here for you.

BTW - Luba was my little co-worker too. Work is a drag now without her.

[gingerspal]

Hi Dieter's Mom (and Dad)
I am so so sorry you have lost your Dieter--and it is all so new to you right now! you won't feel quite so raw in awhile--(Really!) it is impossibly difficult in the beginning...we can all attest!
I went for walks and generally tried to shake up my routine--I went swimming too--it seems physical things are very helpful (but of course then I would come home and the feelings all return)--but honestly--the exercise WAS very helpful.
It is difficult at first to consider that this new chapter in your life will go alright...but quite honestly Dieter is still with you and will see to it that you recover! I read that here --someone wrote that their vet said "they will stay with you until they know you are alright"! --wow!! I really loved that!! You don't see Dieter..but he is there. You will come to agree with me in time.
It is all too early but I hope you will consider posting a photo and some stories about Dieter. Lots of us have done that over on the memorials and tributes board and this board. It helps to put your fondest memories up and just get them "on the outside". You might need to wait a little but on the other hand you know best. Writing is a great help! & you have an interested audience here.
I am SO GLAD Dieter was your little boy!! You treated him wonderfully for his whole entire life from the beginning to the very end! His life was rich with love and attention. In the end you took on the pain, so he wouldn't have anymore pain. My heart goes out to you and your Mr. {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}!!
Love,
patti

[LittleGirl's...]

I am so very sorry about your loss!! The grief is heart-shattering, I know.

What a lucky little guy Dieter was, to have you 2 as his parents.

DeeDee is still with you---even though his little body has passed on. And the 3 of you will be fully reunited when it's your time. In the meantime, he would want you to have as much joy in your life as possible (it will be hard at first, I know).

When my Little Girl passed on in March, at first I lived on this site. The only other things I could do were watch movies and sleep. And I avoided speaking with anyone who wouldn't understand (I ended a long-time friendship with my supposed best friend because she knew that my Little Girl was the center of my life, yet she wasn't there for me; I knew there was no excuse for her lack of support).

Keep coming here. We're all here for you. I'm sending prayers your way! Much love,

Kathy

[andrea_m]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my dear kitty of nearly 15 years 6 weeks ago - very suddenly and unexpectedly. I had no idea anything serious was wrong - I had just noticed some weight loss about a week and a half before. I found her laying on the floor at 4 in the morning just when absolutely no vets in my area were open. The emergency clinic was an hour 15 minutes away - I could do nothing but reassure her we'd get help as soon as we could, but she just couldn't hang on. I know indeed the pain you're going through. It's very hard and, yes, gut-wrenching. It's like the loss of a child, and isn't that supposed to be the hardest loss?? The pain does start to subside, though. It'll get easier, trust me. I'm beginning to feel better although I still have my moments. You'll always carry your precious Dieter in your heart. I know - sometimes that doesn't seem good enough - you want to see their physical bodies, you want to hold them again and cuddle them - I've been having a hard time with that one this past week. But he'll always be there - his spirit is around you. Sometimes it'll catch you by surprise. A memory, a smell, a sound... A feeling. He's still with you. Last week in bed I remembered so vividly how sometimes my Friday would sleep at the end of the bed, putting her little body right beside my feet. Even if I was uncomfortable, I never wanted to move and disturb her. How do I know she wasn't there just then?? The remembrance was so strong. Treasure the memories. Keep the items he left behind - they're special. Honor all this. Our animals are so precious to us that the love never ends. It continues, and as long as it continues, he is there. Take care.

[TrishB68]

[SIZE=7][COLOR=green]Dear Dieters Mom & Dad,

I am so so sorry for your loss, I know right now that the pain is just beyond words. My Sparky left us on August 31 and the pain for me is still so raw and disabiling. I have found that the people here are wonderful. You should surround yourself with people who care about you and feel the same way about pets as you do. You will find that people who have not had the wonderful oppurtunity to love an animal are not as supportive as you would like them to be. I have found that writing little poems, looking at and sharing pictures, talking and crying have helped a lot. I think I am at crying at least once an hour now which I guess is an improvment over crying 10 times an hour. I had to go to my doctor and get medication to aide in my sleep because I couldn't sleep no matter what I did and I still have to start eating more than crackers. My son has been a smartie pants and added some cheese wiz to the crackers. I still think I see him laying in his favorite places and I too pick up his toys and smell them and kiss them and put my head on them. I don't think that this is abnormal. I can't really tell you when the pain starts getting better, because I too am still in the phase where things never feel like they will get brighter, but I can say that you are in the right place and you can come here and post anything and you will get support no matter what. DeeDee is at the Rainbow Bridge playing (pain free) with all our furbabies just waiting for us to join them when it is our time. Try to stay strong and remember the good & happy times you had with Dieter and make those memories carry you through. Also when I lost my doggie back in 1998 I found a website that you could make wonderful tribute pages to your pet and I found that this helped me out a lot. I have put the link to my Corky's tribute page in case you wanted to see the great work they do plus you can get to their Home page from his page. Good Luck

God Bless.
Lovingly, Trish
Sparky's Mommy
Corky's Tribute at Petloss.com

[dietersmom]

I've just read all the support each of you have given to my husband and I. I've read each one aloud to him and we have continued to have what we must hope are therapeutic cries. All of you have no idea what your kind words and experiences have meant to us. Just to have found special people who care and love others enough to share and help, is so rare in this world today.

After posting about our loss of Dieter, I had no idea what to expect. First I felt good sharing about him and how special he was to us. I just want to shout to the world what a special soul our "little man" had. Anyone whoever met him, fell in love with him, he was such a great dog. Today we received a card from our vet and the techs, receptionists and kennel workers took the time to each write a special note to us and a note about what Dieter meant to them.How nice to know others acknowledged what a special four legged friend he was.

His life definitely was one of fun and utter devotion to my husband and I. That is what I'm trying to focus on now, the memories and not the pain. I'm still crying a river of tears. It's going through all the firsts of doing things again, just without him next to you that gets to me the most. Just this afternoon my husband made me get out of the house, I had not left since Wednesday 9/8. I was trying to put on make-up only to know I'd cry it off, and Dee Dee used to sit and watch and wait for me to shut the mirror, as soon as I would shut it he would wiggle and bark, getting so excited, because he knew that I was going somewhere and he would get a treat. As soon as i shut the mirror, the silence hit, the tears ran and I just hurt.

It's just all of those things that I know I'm going to encounter daily that I find sooo hard to move past. He always ate popcorn with his dada and the other night my husband knew he had to just pop some and get through it without him. Anytime we would get crushed ice from the fridge he would come flying out of nowhere for some, he loved ice, and now he's not there. It's just these things and so many more. I know all of you understand and have or are going through the same experiences with your own pets specialness.

Thank you for listening to me, it gives me hope in humankind to know there are wonderful people out there like each of you that are willing to open your own wounds to help others heal. In time I hope I can do the same for people too.

[gingerspal]

Hi again Mr & Mrs. Dieter,
I loved that you think we have helped you....because when I came here I felt the same thing--open arms! How wonderful because even my closest friends couldn't really help me--it was here I felt normal and continue to feel normal, because no one here has ever once implied that it wasn't alright for me to be very very upset over my loss. It is because everyone here IS very upset and shaken! We are all in slightly difference places grief-wise but no one ever forgets the beginning...where you are...it has to be the hardest hurdle of all---the beginning.
I am glad the mister got you to go out, I hope you'll do more of that! I am thinking about you and your precious dieter! (he has a wonderful name!)
Much Love!
Patti

[zoeysdad]

Dear Dieter'smom,

Fourteen years is a long time to have you precious Dieter. It's strange how in the back of our minds, we know we'll lose them someday, but we just can't seem to face the reality of it. And then when the unthinkable happens, there is no way to prepare for it and we are completely at a loss as to how to cope with it.

I lost my Little Man (a Lhasa Apso) who was almost twelve on Aug. 18th, so I'm a little further with the grieving process than you and your husband. The grieving process seems to differ a little for everyone, but I think I'm learning the hard way that it's something I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life.

I'd like to share a few things with you that have helped me deal with my loss. First of all, talk about your beloved Dieter with us as much as you need to. You can "post" as many times as you wish; it really helps to just talk about him. I posted a "tribute" to my Little Man in the "Memorial, Tribute" section of this website, and it helped me so much to just write that letter to Little Man and say exactly what I felt. Please consider doing the same for Dieter. You and your husband can tell the story of how you first got him and tell of the many wonderful memories you have of him. I find it comforting to read these tributes left by other pet lovers and hear of the incredibly strong bonds they had with their pets. Sometimes the storys are both funny and sad but I haven't regretted reading a one of them.

Please know I understand the unbearable pain you're feeling and I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I don't have any children either but my Little Man had become my child in every sense of the word. Only another pet lover could understand that statement. Dieter WAS your child and your grief is just as real as any parent's who has lost a child.

Your in my thoughts,
__JIM

[MAXIESMOMMY]

It is good that you were able to do the popcorn thing. I haven't been able to do too much that reminds me of Max. I try to avoid things that remind me of him. We used to cuddle on my recliner at night with a fleece blanket, but I had to buy a new blanket in a different color. I did buy a stuffed animal. I guess maybe I am making progress. It still kills me when I come across little reminders that I am not expecting. I have to prepare myself mentally for so many things that I know he is no longer a part of. We were having company and I was looking for a serving bowl and came across a can of his prescription food. I just had to stop what I was doing, and go cry. This is so devastating. It's been four weeks today. I left for vacation on Saturday and my husband stayed home with him. Max actually left us on the Wednesday. So, he hasn't been gone quite 4 weeks, but it's been 4 weeks since I've patted his little head and whispered that mommy loves you in his ear.
I know what you are going through. It really hurts.

Take care,
Carol

[Wanda]

Dietersmom-I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved furbaby. I lost my 17-yr old furkitty in June and it was awful. The pain was horrible and it hurt so terribly! I felt like I'd never get through it. The days are starting to get easier but still there are some days when it's unbearable. I know what you are going through and it really hurts! Coming here writing and reading helps tremendously and it's good therapy to!

Please except my condolences in the loss of your beloved Dieter.

Hugs
Wanda

[dietersmom]

I just want to thank each of you for your kind words of support and mostly for understanding and allowing me to share this painful time. If it wasn't for the support from each of you, I don't know where I would be right now, or my husband, as I read each one tof your kind heartfelt responses to him. We are so greatful.

I just feel like someone has ripped me wide open with a knife and just keeps turning it round and round. I miss Dieter so much it's almost unbearable. I know I have to get through this, I have no choice. I feel like I'm just rambling right now, but feel safe here saying what I am feeling. I've spent a lot of time on this site in the last few days and have read so many stories of the exact same gut wrenching grief and have seen where some of you are beginning to heal and that gives me hope. I'm trying to remember something funny Dieter did when I begin to cry (saw this suggested) and it's helping sometimes.

I had never had a dog before and my husband had, and his favortie from childhood was a Schnauzer. After lots of coaxing we went looking and there he was. He was such a cute little puppy. The funniest thing was that we were playing with him and he grabbed the handle of my purse in his mouth and went running dragging it along, and it was the same size he was! I guess he chose us, as I was going nowhere without him or my purse. He stole my heart. He also loved to play basketball and would go crazy if he could hear the kids in the neighborhood outside dribbling the ball. He would bark at the door til I would take him outside and he would be so excited, actually standing on his hind legs and with his front paws knock that ball out of anyones hands and then it was his, rolling and biting and barking at it. He was a great little guard, and the kids just loved it. I miss him.

This just hurts so much more than I ever imagined. Again, thank you all for letting me talk and for all your kind words of encouragement and support. I couldn't get through this without you.

[gingerspal]

dietersmom and dad!
You know, that purse thing....he really DID choose you!! seriously! he DID. All my animals have done something like that and I have come to think of it as a cosmic thing--dieter KNEW you were the ones! --and boy! you did not let him down! Ginger first came to my yard and hid in our bushes (he was a stray). My then husband tried to coax him out for days!--but when I finally went out...Ginger walked straight out to ME! These animals KNOW their owners when they see them--I am quite convinced. It is the highest honor to be chosen like that!

When I was a "dog person" (that is what I started out as) I always wanted a schnauzer for their wonderful eyebrowed faces and total charm...they do seem so human! I love that dieter played basketball! When I cry hard about Ginger my memory I use to bring the smile is when he was sunbathing. He laid out in the yard on his back like a little man stretched out to his fullest capacity with the sun beating down on his big white underside. He always looked so lifeless (because he was asleep) and we would wonder if the dog from next door had knocked him cold and tossed him back into our yard! Ginger was so scrappy, he would go a couple of rounds with any dog if he had the chance.

I like to think that Ginger now only shows his best side at the rainbow bridge--(no more fights!) so he is sunbathing and getting along with dieter (and dieter is romping with basketballs!) They are together with all the other pets! dieter and ginger are completely whole and happy...it is we who are beside ourselves with unhappiness!

I agree with Jim...the loss you feel is nothing short of having lost a child! People with children might bristle with those words, but I certainly felt like I had lost my child!! I never in my life cried as much as when I lost Ginger..!!--I am certain it is the same for you! You do have to cry the healing tears. God gave us tears so we could bear the pain. Just also remember the basketball and purse scenes so that a smile can emerge from time to time too!
{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Thinking of you!!
Love,
Patti

[LittleGirl's...]

Hi,
I could just picture all those special things you've described! What wonderful memories. And the real Dieter will never die. His soul lives on, in bliss.

Share any time! And thank you for your support during my relapse of grief today!

Love,

Kathy

[dietersmom]

It's been one week since we had to put Dieter to sleep and it's been one of the hardest times of my life. I still find myself crying and sometimes questioning was it "really" his time? Did we do everything possible, did we make a hasty decision? I know I can't keep doing this, that we didn't want him to suffer, we would never make him live just so we could still have him in the here and now. That would have been very selfish and I know he was in pain. Maybe these are normal feelings, I just don't know.

Tonight we met my husband's brother for dinner and when we were leaving there was a couple walking, with 3 Schnauzers. I just started to sob watching them, wishing he was back, knowing we were going home to an empty house. I know time heals all wounds and hopefully some peace will come soon. Thanks for listening.

[gingerspal]

oh yes dietersmom, it is so common with everyone who has had to decide about euthanasia!! nearly EVERYONE revisits the decision and second guesses it. I have come to see that this uncertainty comes part and parcel with the entire experience.
We humans tend to project human capacities onto our pets. I am not sure why we do that...but we do.
Consider that Dieter never thought into the future. He never had one thought aside from his here and now. So he never thought anything about the advancing and upcoming minute or hour--he never thought about next week or next month...those are only human concepts. So you have deprived Dieter of nothing. WE feel deprived because we consider things like maybe I could have had him one more day (or some such thought) ---but the only thing Dieter was deprived of was suffering and pain. He is not looking down from the rainbow bridge and saying you could have "bought" me a couple more days!! No, dietersmom...instead he is looking down and wagging his tail and saying thank you for the good sense you showed--thank you for loving me so much you were willing to do the hardest thing you've ever done so that I could be released from pain!
I haven't seen any cats that resemble my Ginger and I am glad of it!! It is hard enough to see the neighbors cats stroll through Ginger's "territory" unchallenged. He sent them all packing within moments of stepping a paw into "his" yard. I am jealous and envious that they are walking around and Ginger isn't. Small of me I know!! and I know too that I will get over it one day (won't I???)
{{{{{{{{{{dietersmom&dad}}}}}}}}}}}!!!
Love
Patti

[LittleGirl's...]

I agree with Patti 100% !!!

You are in my prayers, Dieter'sMom and Dad!

Much love,

Kathy