New Addition

Greetings one and all, it's been sometime since I've posted. I've lurked the forums often but haven't posted. I've read most of the posts that the new members have made at some point. For the new members that might be interested, this was my original post:

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...517&hl=the+pain

It's been a little over 7 months since Ava passed away and I thought I was ready for a new fur buddy. I had been surfing the rescue and humane society pages looking for a German Shepherd Dog but the ones I inquired about basically told me 'that things wouldn't work out' when they found I didn't have a fenced yard and used a cable run. I could have lied about it but I'm not that type.

This past weekend, I had a local gig. When I arrived to set up, my music partner was already there which in itself is a little unusual but that's an entirely different story. My partner had a dog in the back of his jeep which isn't unusual, he's more or less become a second SPCA here in town and quite oftens takes in dogs that people drop off with him for one reason or another. He is pretty good with animals and either finds them a home or just keeps them himself. This black dog had monsterous erect GSD type ears and I also noted she was female. I thought to myself, 'nice looking dog' and went into set up. When I went in, my partner says "so... did you check out YOUR dog?" My reaction was huh? I asked what her name was and he said that he didn't know so I guess it was up to me to come up with a name.

I have to admit that I was impressed with the dogs looks but it certainly caught me off guard. After setting up, we went out into the parking lot and let the dog loose for a couple minutes. She stayed close to us and didn't run for cover or away. Pretty good for about 6 months old. She would circle around never getting more than 20 mtrs away before coming back to us. He told me to take the dog for a test run and if things didn't work out, to bring her back to him. I agreed and then loaded her into the back of my truck (the box of my truck is covered with a canopy) and immidiately went to the grocery store to get some puppy food, milk bones and some rawhide bones.

It didn't take long to put the pulley and chain back onto the cable that I had taken down after Ava had passed away and introduce her to the inside of my house. She was pretty nervous but seemed to adapt pretty quickly... now to figure out a name for her. She has the body, head and tail of a GSD but her coat makes me think she is crossed with a black lab. I've never been one for 'ordinary' names even though I called her 'Blackie' when I first saw her in my partners jeep. Her radar dish sized ears reminded me of those Egyptian statues with the human body and a jackal's head (Anubis). I decided to call her Cleo (short for Cleopatra). Cleo seems very smart and has almost mastered sit on command already.

Now this is the part that has blown me away and I don't understand at all. On the first full day of having Cleo (last Sunday), I found myself crying... missing Ava. Since then I've cried hard everyday for Ava as if she had just left me. It's like it was only yesterday that Ava passed away. I have no idea why the tears have come back so hard especially seeing as it had become rare for me to cry over her. I don't think I'm comparing Ava to Cleo or visa versa. I know it's been 'forever' since having to deal with a pup and training. I know that I think about how well Ava knew what to do and when but that comes after 15 years of being together. My band partner called awhile ago to see how the dog was doing. I said the dog is fine but I don't know about me and started crying again. I'm crying as I write this. I just don't understand the rush of emotions that have come over me since getting Cleo. I guess I wasn't quite as ready as I thought I was for a new fur buddy. I hope I get over this soon.

Here's a picture of Cleo... tough to get a pup to hold still for a picture.

Nice Lyrics

I was out in the field today, no Ava to accompany me which is something I really miss. Listening to our local station, a Bryan Adams tune came on that I hadn't heard in several years. It's from the movie Robin Hood. Adams is Canadian so the Canadians here will know who he is but I don't know how big he is in the US. Being a part time musician, I try to go over words to songs as they play and these words really struck home on this one for me. I thought I would share them with you.

Artist: Bryan Adams Lyrics
Song: Everything I do I do it for you

Look into my eyes you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do I do it for you

Look into your heart you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do I do it for you

There's no love like your love
And no other could give more love
There's nowhere unless you're there
All the time all the way

Oh you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you Ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do I do it for you

The Rainbow Bridge

Thursdays and Fridays are the worst days of the week for me. Ava was fine on Thursday and gone on Friday, hence the problems with these days. It's been 8 weeks and I'm still having a rough time with things. I know I am getting over the grief slowly but it's the two steps forward and the one step back that is driving me nuts. My life seems so empty without her.

This morning I went into the support resources and articles area and re read some of the posts in there. I even clicked on a few of the links in there. One took me to http://www.alln.org. Once there I found another link about the Rainbow Bridge. When I clicked on it and the flash movie started, I started to cry. So be warned, I found it very emotional so you might also. None the less, for those that may not have found this link, I'm posting it for your viewing pleasure. It's actually a very moving flash movie and poem (with music). I hope you enjoy it. I loved the final sentiment... "until we meet again"

http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html

The Pain

Ava was a german shepherd cross with a coyote (?). I picked her up in a small town when the local police planned to put her down if no one took her. She was a stray about 6 months old that had been dropped off. I'm a big german shepherd fan and after my last one was hit by a truck and killed several years prior, I hadn't planned on getting anything other than another pure bred. She was sickly and underweight and obviously been abused by who ever had her first. She was german shepherd looking enough that I took her in. That was over 15 years ago.

It took her a long time to figure out that she was a dog. She used to get car sick after about a mile of driving, she was afraid of water, didn't bark and was quite timid. When my job changed, I now went out into the bush alot in my work truck. I figured I'd start taking her with me and if she got sick in the back of my truck, I could just hose it out... no problem. It wasn't long before she started to dance around when she heard "go for a ride?" Once when we were out walking on logs that spanned a creek I 'accidently' bumped her and she lost her balance and had to jump into the creek. Once she realized that she could swim I couldn't keep her out of the water. She never did figure out that when swimming, save taking a drink until later so she would paddle about lapping up water as she went. Silly dog. She never did get into chasing sticks or balls and it took her a LONG time to teach her the few tricks that she eventually picked up on. She didn't have a mean bone in her body. Perpetually shedding her thick coat.

She was never allowed to run free except when I took her out in the field for work. In my humble opinion, that's where alot of accidents and illnesses come from so from the beginning, she was on a chain. As my living cir%%stances changed, she got a cable/pulley run attached to her chain which expanded her area to practically the entire back yard. I moved to a house that had a yard that I could afford to fence so that's what I did. Six feet high all around and no more chain. The second winter at this place we got a lot of snow which 'shrunk' the height down to about 3 feet so you guessed it, she started hopping the fence and wondering the neighbourhood always coming back after a few hours. Once the snow melted she wouldn't jump the fence anymore. The following fall, we got the first skiff of snow and I guess she figured "ground is white, so I can jump the fence". From then on it didn't matter if there was snow or not, she would jump over the 6 foot fence and go for a stroll at her leisure. Unfortunately, that meant time to go back on the chain for her own protection. Again I moved this time she got a 100 foot cable/pully run. Of course when ever I went to work that didn't involve the office, she was my trusted companion that accompanied me everywhere.

Recently, my son moved away leaving me and Ava to hold down the fort. She was my best friend. Always there for me with an uncanny ability to know when I was feeling down. She'd come sit beside me and nudge me or rest her head on my leg, just to let me know she was there for me.

I put her out after feeding on last Thursday at about midnight. I had an office day on Friday so no field day for her. Normally as part of my morning routine, I'd look out in the back yard to see what 'Dog' was up to and watch her for a bit but I didn't do that Friday. I went to let her in for visit time and feeding at about 9pm on Sept 3. I didn't get a response when I asked my usual, "Doggest want to go inside?" I then found her lying at the bottom of the stairs looking like she was asleep but I knew that the sound of the door and my voice would have made her get up if she could. I knew the minute I saw her that she had passed on.

Ava had slipped away sometime the previous night or during the day, age had caught up with her. She was about 15 to 16 so she had a good life. I miss her terribly. I didn't think I could cry this much over a 'pet' but I am finding out differently. I found this site while at work this morning and started crying again when I read some of the forums.