Brandy & Furball, I lost them both Options

[Janet]

I am feeling so sad right now, and i don't think i have any tears left. Yesterday i had to have my beloved Australian Shepherd Brandy put to sleep. She had pneumonia and an infection, we took her to the vets and she started to get better. So we brought her home, but the next day she got worse. We took her back to the vets and he told us her heart was failing. So we made the awful descision to have her put to sleep. I cried so much, i thought my heart would break. I miss her so much. Then as if things could not get any worse we had to have our Siamese cat Furball put to sleep today. I went in the garage where she sometimes sleeps and found her bleeding and unable to move her back legs. We rushed her to the vets and he said that it looked like she had been attacked by a dog. Her pelvis was broke and she was in pain. I was in the house and didn't hear anything. So we made the descision again to do the right thing for her. But i miss her and Brandy so much. To lose two of our pets in two days is unbearable. I go through all the questions, what if i'd done this, or what if i'd done that. But it won't bring them back. I want to hold them and tell them again that i love them. We were with both of them when they took there last breath. And i know some day i will be with them again, until then i will think of them every day and try and get through the pain of losing them.

[Rico's Mom]

Dear Janet,

I am so sorry about the loss of both your babies. It sounds like you did the right thing in both cases but I know how hard it must have been making the decision. May you find comfort knowing that they are no longer in any pain and that they are together at the Rainbow Bridge.

(((((Hugs)))))....You and Brandy and Furball are in my thoughts and prayers this evening.

Cheryl

[Janet]

Thank you for your message. It's so hard to believe i did the right thing, when they should be here, and there not. But i just couldn't see them in pain any more. If i thought of myself they would still be here, but i had to think of them and what was best for them. I loved them so much and will miss them every day. But i will be with them again some day at Rainbow Bridge.

[m3linda]

Oh Janet,

I just had to have my Lacy put to sleep and you had to lose 2 beloved pets in a matter of 24 hours. It must be so incredibly heart-breaking for you! We can be here for you in your time of need, it won't be enough but we will be here for you. May God bless you and the little angels you lost.

My love goes out to you.

Linda

[Janet]

Linda,
thank you for your message. I hurt so much right now, i can't believe i lost two of my babies in 24 hours. We had Brandy for 13 years and she was such a sweetheart,
Furball we had for 12 years. It was so unexpected with both of them. I don't think where ever ready, but they were both still so young. I thought i had many years left with them. How did you lose your Lacy? i know how much you must be hurting, i know you loved her just as i loved my babies. But we gave them years of love and we'll be with them again some day.
Janet

[midwest]

I am so sorry for your loss of Brandy and Furbaby. How tragic to have them have to leave so close. I can't even imagine, and I am so heartbroken for you.

Possibly knowing that both of them are together and sharing in a happier place for them may help.

It is so hard to say goodbye to our babies. I also was with mine throughout the procedure. She always was so quirky there was no way I could let her go without my being there. My only regret that it would not have been so tough, because it took 3 legs to find a vein, and even then they barely found a good one. Needless to say, things took a little longer, but she was brave as we said goodbye.

I hope somehow you can find comfort at this time. I know it will be difficult, and will take time. I truly do feel for you! Please share their lives with us. We would love to hear them.

Midwest

[Janet]

I would love to tell you about my babies. We got Brandy an Australian Shepherd 13 years ago. A year before that i lost my dog Shoo Shoo who was 18 years old. 5 years before that i lost her mother Liz who was 14. And the pain of losing them was so bad that i swore i wouldn't get another dog. But i love animals so much that i opened my heart again and Brandy came into it. She was such an inteligent dog, she learned things so quickly, and was so sweet. She loved to go for walks with my husband. He would take her up in the hills, and she knew when he got his shoes on that he was going to take her. She would get so excited. And she had so much energy, she could run forever. She was so gentle, and when my grandchildren came over would be so patient with them. If somehow she got outside when we were gone she wouldn't take off she would lay by the front door until we got home. She knew she couldn't find a better home. But 9 days ago we took her to the vet because she was just laying about and was having a hard time breathing. He said it was pneumonia and she had a temperature of 105. I feel so guilty for not taking her to the vets the day before. But a year ago she had a lump removed and they said it was cancer but they got it all. They said it may come back though and thats what i thought it was when she got sick. I wanted that extra day with her so waited to take her to the vets. Now i think if i had taken her the day before maybe she wouldn't have got so sick. The vet wanted us to put her down the day we took her in, but i asked him if there was anything he could do for her. So he put an IV in her and gave her fluids and anti biotics and she started to get better. 3 days later she was walking around and eating, so we brough her home, but a day later she was sick again. I didn't take her to the vet that day cause it was a Sunday and our vet wasn't open, and i wanted her to go to him. Once again i have the guilt of thinking if i had taken her she may still be here. The vet said that her heart was beating abnormally, he did an EKG and said her heart was failing. I couldn't believe it after coming so far. But she couldn't stand, could barely lift her head and hadn't eaten in 2 days. Me and my husband were with her when she passed, and i still can't believe she's gone. I miss her so much You think there going to be around forever. I feel like i'm in a bad dream and i just want to wake up from it. 24 hours later i lost my cat Furball, but as this is such a long letter i won't go into details about her, i'll write about her later.

[Kathleen032]

Dear Janet,

I've been feeling so sorry for myself because I lost 2 furbabies within 9 months of each other. I can't even imagine the pain you must be feeling having lost 2 in a 24 hour period. I'm at such a loss for words...I'm so very, very sorry.

Hugs,
Kathleen

[Janet]

Yes, it is painful to lose my two babies within 24 hour hours. I thought the pain of losing Brandy was bad enough, but then the next day to lose Furball, i felt like i was having a nightmare and i just wanted to wake up. If i think of one without thinking of the other i feel guilty, but to think of them both at once is so overwhelming. I have to grieve for one for a while, then grieve for the other. I'm at such a loss on how i can get through this without going insane. I feel like my heart is breaking. But i have 2 more dogs and another cat, so i have to continue on for them.

[midwest]

Janet, thanks for sharing. It sounds like you did everything to help Brandy, even though it never seems like we do enough. One more day earlier, I don't believe would have made a difference in the overend outcome. At least you can treasure that one more day. It is so hard, and yet we still have to go on.

It sounds like you have a very welcoming home with the other dogs and the cat. What a warm heart you must have. They are fortunate to have you. Love them to pieces as I'm sure they sense the loss of both of your babies, and just may not understand.

I hope each new day makes it a little easier for you.

Midwest

[Janet]

Thanks to everyone who has helped me through the last few days. Without all your letters i wouldn't have got through it. I'm so glad i found this web site. When i first lost an animal 18 years ago, there wasn't anything like this then. And i thought i would go insane. People just didn't understand and i couldn't talk about it cause people would think i was crazy. I know i will always feel guilty about not taking her to the vets a day earlier. Even though i know the outcome would have been the same. I was reading a letter from someone else who had lost her pet and she said that she slept with her furbaby in the living room that night. I did the same with Brandy. I put some blankets on the floor and slept beside her, just wanting to be as close to her as i could for one more day. I'm glad i did that, so she knew i was there for her if she needed anything. I will miss her so much and my Furball, tomorrow i will write about her.

[Janet]

I told you i would tell you about my Furball today, so here goes. We got her at 6 weeks old. I've always loved Siamese cats and have always had one. Even thought there very tempamental. When she was younger she used to love to go under the area rug i had in the family room. You'de see this bump moving under it, then she'd come out of the other side. As she got older she got arthritis so couldn't run any more. But she still got aeound pretty good. We had to keep her cat food up on the counter so the dogs wouldn't get to it. But she couldn't jump up on the counter so we had to lift her up. Until we did that she used to cry, and i would tell her to be quiet. Not in a bad way more just like be patient. Then after she ate she'd go lay by the phone until you lifted her back down.
About a year ago she was laid in the garage in her cat bed when 2 dogs from next door came into the garage and attacked her. My son heard the noise and went out there and scared the dogs away. We rushed her to the vets and thankfully she wasn't hurt, just shook up. But ever since then her back has always been sensitive and she didn't like to be touched there. On Tuesday i went into the garage to do some laundry and she was laid there crying. I looked over and there was blood everywhere and she was trying to move her back legs and couldn't. We took her to the vets and he found a puncture wound on her stomach and another on her back, and said a dog must have attacked her and her pelvis was broke. So we made the heart wrenchingdescision to put her to sleep. I was in the house just yards away from where she was and i didn't hear anything. It could have been the dogs next door again, but i have no proof. It just happened so fast. My husband had gone through the garage just 20 minutes before, and everything was allright. Now i feel guilty for her being out there, even though she loved to sleep out there. I should have kept her inside. My daughter has offered to clean the house for me cause i've really neglected it. But i don't want to vacuum her and Brandy's hair up. I found a clump of her hair on a bar stool near the counter. She used to shed everywhere. I should clean out her litter box cause it's not very healthy. But i can't make myself do it. There's amark on the wall from where Brandy used to lay next to the couch. I want to clean it cause every time i look at it i picture her laying there. But it's one of the only things left i have of her. I hear people say they dream about there pets, but why don't i. I would love to.
Tomorrow will be a hard day cause we get Brandy's ashes back. What do you do to take your mind off it, so you don't go crazy. I wondered why God took Furball so close to taking Brandy. And all i can think of is, Brandy needed a friend with her so she wouldn't get lonely, so God sent her Furball.

[kiarasmom]

Janet--
I wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear of your loss of Furball and Brandy within a 24 hour period. I can't imagine going through the loss of two furbabies so close together. My heart just bleeds for you. Please know we're here for you. Tell us more about your babies and share the joy that they brought to your life. You're obviously a very special person and those stories will go a long way toward helping you with the healing process. Take care. You're in my thoughts. Terri

[Janet]

Right now i'm in the middle of reading a book called When Your Pet Dies by Jamie Quackenbush. I bought it 18 years ago when my first dog died. I was so overwhelmed with grief, and it really explains a lot.
Brandy was the most beautiful Australian Shepherd. My other dogs years ago had been ##erpoos, but i had seen Australian Shepherds and thought how beautiful they were. When i descided to get another dog i said thats what kind of dog i want. I saw an ad in the paper and called and the owner brought her over to the house and i fell in love with her right away. When my husband got home from work i was on the floor playing with her, and he fell in love with her too. They are very intelligent dogs and we taught her to lay down and roll over, and shake. (I'm sure other dogs do that too, but i'm biased). My husband used to take her for a walk almost every day in the hills near where we live. She knew when he got his boots on that they were going "Walkies". She had so much energy and could run forever. The last year or so she slowed down because of age and she had to be lifted up into the back of the truck, but still loved to go. About a year ago she had a lump removed from her side, the vet said it was cancerous but he got it all. But said it might return. When she got sick last week we thought the cancer had come back. I waited until the next day to take her to the vets cause i wanted to spend one last day with her. I slept on the floor in the family room with her that night. When we took her to the vets he said she had a 105 degree temperature, she had pneumonia and an infection inside her. Then i felt guilty because if i had taken her in the day before she may have got better. But i have to live with that guilt. She always slept between the couch and the end table and would always get dog fur on the couch, it's still there and i can't make myself vacuum it away. I look for her there all the time. In the morning when my husband had his morning bagel, he would save a piece for her and my two other dogs, and she loved that. She loved oranges, apples, bananas, lettuce, just about anything. Even grapefruit. I miss her so much and just can't believe that i won't see her walking through the patio door again. She was so sweet and gentle and was so good around my grandkids. I'm sorry to have gone on so long about her, but she was the love of my life. And i miss her so much. Till i see you again Brandy, Sweet Dreams.

[Janet]

This may seem like a strange question but i need to know if anything like it has ever happened to any body else. When Brandy was alive,my husband used to take her and our other 2 dogs Duchess and Cleo for walks in the hills near our home. She loved to go there, it was the highlight of her day. Today he went there with our other 2 dogs and when they got out of the truck Duchess (who was brought up with Brandy) walked a couple of steps then sat down and wouldn't move. She started crying and whimpering, she's never done this before and all i can think of is Brandy was there and Duchess sensed her. Is this possible? I like to think that she's still going on walks with her 'Pa' and Duchess and Cleo.

[Brigid]

Janet, I know we are all telling you this at the moment, but it's true: you truly you are a strong, brave, incredible woman and I cannot imagine how bereft you must be right now. Brandy and Furball sound like the loveliest animals and I am hoping so strongly that with such beautiful characters they have now met my lovely Ryddley as they start their journey together. I am glad she will have such lovely companions to share her new life with until we cross over, too. You DID do the right thing, and we ALL have regrets. I had them when my father passed (and have them still) and I am going through the agonies of the damned right now with little Ryd's passing and her last awful, tormented hour on earth. I want to address two things you have mentioned: 1) other people have dreams about their pets, so why don't you, you ask. I have been asking myself the same thing. My housemate, who owned Ryd with me (I hate the phrase 'owned' because if anything, she owned us, but I am so tired and traumatised right now that I can't really think of the correct nomenclature), swears he SAW her two days ago. He's not given to flights of fancy, we live in a very rural area and she was a very unusually marked cat, so it seems far too coincidental. I was devastated; why didn't I see her, I wanted to know. I was so sad becasue I feel that I loved her more (not kind of me and not necessarily true). But I think maybe we cannot choose these things, no matter how much we wish for them, and we must just take comfort in knowing that their spirit is around us at all times, whether or not we see a physical manifestation of this in dreams or seemingly in the physical world.
2) You mentioned about Duchess 'sensing' Brandy. I swear this is so. Bertie (my neighbour's cat who hangs around here a lot and was fond of Ryd as much as cats are of other cats) has been howling his head off since she died and lies on her grave (in the garden) most of the day. He actually seems depressed; truly he does. Sometimes he sits up and stares at a spot just above her grave as thought he is looking at somethings and other times he lies right across her grave. I believe that animals are much more attuned to things than we are. Whenever I was sad or tearful Ryd would howl and lick my face; she absolutely knew that I was in distress. So I think it is not such a leap to believe that animals can sense and see the spirit world in ways that we cannot. When the Tsunami happened NO aniamls died, because they all had an innate sense of what was coming. So yes, I do believe Duchess saw something that you could not. What a marvellous, comforting thought! It should bring you solace; it sure does me!

[Janet]

Brigid,
What a beautiful tribute to your kitty Ryd. June 6th is when i lost Brandy. So i like to think that they travelled to Rainbow Bridge together. I too was racked with guilt thinking did i do everything i could for Brandy and Furball. Did i have them put to sleep too soon. Maybe they would have got better. But i know in my heart i did what i thought was right. It was nice to read that you believed that our babies come back and visit. After Furball died my other cat who used to climb up on the counter a dozen times a day to eat, didn't go up there for 2 days. She went into my spare bedroom and laid on the bed all day, and she's never slept on that bed before. So i think she was missing her. Today i went to visit my daughter and grandkids, everybody had been telling me i needed to get out, instead of staying in the house all day. But i only stayed a few hours, it was just too hard. I cried all the way home and when i walked in the house it was the first time i've been somewhere and Brandy and Furball weren't there to welcome me. That just about killed me. If our pets die from old age or peacefully in there sleep we would miss them, but the guilt isn't there. Because we know it was Gods will. But when they have a violent or sick ending thats what we remember. I've been thinking what if i had managed to get some antibiotics down Brandy would it have helped her with her pneumonia. But i tried, i made scrambled eggs to put them in, pieces of meat, even cat food which she used to love, but she just wouldn't take them. My husband even crushed them up and mixed them with water and put it in a syringe and gave it to her that way. But she threw it back up again. maybe i didn't try hard enough. The vet said he didn't detect a heart problem the first time we took her in, but i can't believe it came on that quick. My husband will be home soon with Brandy's ashes, and thats going to be so hard. I thank everyone for all there thoughts and prayers, i couldn't have made it this far without them. Sleep well Brandy and Furball.

[Brigid]

Janet, I feel such a kinship with you regarding those last days. Just this time last week I was trying to make a nutritious 'soup' that Ryd would be able to lick, even if she wasn't up to chewing. We did everything we could, even liquidising steak pie sauce, which she always liked. She would lick a few mouthfuls and then stop. She even licked a bit of custard, but then stopped. On Monday, her last afternoon, she bravely licked crushed prawns off a sideplate which I had to hold at an angle at her poor little face, so lethargic was she. I feel bad that I picked her up and put her outside; I thought that if she got a bit of sunshine and fresh air that would somehow make her feel better. Instead she just slumped down. I, too, am going through unspeakable guilt: why did I let Bertie sleep on Ryd's place on the couch on the Sunday, why?? All she wanted was a quiet snooze in her favourite spot and I denied her that. Why did I squirt the medicine into her throat (with a syringe) with such a violent action? Did she hate me for it? I was only trying so desperately to make her well. And then, when we took her into the vet's that fateful Monday evening and the vet said to wait forty minutes while they took blood and x-rays, why oh why did I leave the vet's surgery to drive around for those forty minutes? When we came back we raced up to the hospital but she either had already or was fast slipping away. I told her I loved her, but I think she was no longer compus mentus enough to hear my words which meant that when we left the vet's she must have thought we were abandoning her. I guess that we just have to know that we were trying our best to help them in the hope that they would or could get well. And I hope and pray that they knew we were trying to help them. Because that's exactly what each of us was trying to do.
Like you I was aghast that the end came so quickly. I did have a creeping fear that we would have to make 'the decision', possibly even that very evening, but when we left her at five to six I had NO idea, nor did the vet, that she would go into respiratory failure and pass so quickly. I had wanted to bring her home and have the vet come to put her to sleep in a familiar place with me stroking her and telling her how much I loved her. But that's wasn't to be.
I know it will be difficult when Brandy's ashes come home, but you must remember that even though Brandy's physical form on earth was a beautiful one, all the things that made Brandy, Brandy, are STILL in existence and around you and you WILL see him again. I am ever more convinced of it. I am devastated becasue in less than two weeks I leave this house and move to a different continent. My lovely Ryddley is buried in the garden here in her favourite spot under a flowering bush. I have been so distressed about the fact that I won't be 'around' her, but I must take comfort in the knowledge that she is around me! Wherever I am. Wishing you peace and love to you, your husband (and it must be very difficult for him, too) and Brandy and Furball.
B

[Brigid]

PS. Sorry I meant to say 'her', not him (ref Brandy). Am not thinking very clearly right now. My apologies. )

[Janet]

Brigid,
It was painful last night when my husband brought Brandy's ashes home. After so many years of having her around, thats all that was left of her. My husband has tried to be strong for me, but i know he misses her too. They used to go hiking almost every day.
I too felt bad trying to force her medicine down her throat, but i just wanted her to get better. But the only thing she wanted was water. I would put some in a bowl and hold her head up so she could drink. I know your Ryd did not hate you for trying to get her medicine down her, she knew you would never do anything to hurt her. And letting Bertie sleep in Ryd's place on the couch, you weren't to know what the outcome was going to be later on. At the vets when you said she was slipping away and you told her you loved her, but you didn't think she heard. I know she did, she could feel the love as well as hear it.
When Brandy got sick and we took her to the vets, i didn't think she was going to make it then. The vet wanted to put her to sleep then, but i asked him if there was anything he could do, and he put her on an IV, gave her antibiotics and she started getting better. By the 3rd day she was going outside for walks and eating. I couldn't believe i had my baby back. When we took her home i was just so grateful to have her there. But the next day she got sick again. Now i wonder if we didn't do enough to try and make her well again. She got better once, so why not again. But i made a promise to my husband that i wouldn't let her suffer. 14 years ago i had a ##erpoo named Shoo Shoo. As she got older she started going deaf and she lost most of her sight. She was 18 and though she wasn't in any pain she was just existing. I would have to pick her up and carry her outside to go to the bathroom, she would go and i would carry her back in the house again. I knew i should have let her go before i did, but i just couldn't do it. My husband reminded me of this when Brandy got sick and made me promise i wouldn't do that to her. Now i wonder if i rushed into it too fast because of Shoo Shoo.
When Furball died we brought her home from the vets and i just held her and stroked her and told her i loved her. She looked so peaceful. My husband buried her in the back yard along with another cat we lost a few years ago and my sons two cats. I too think about what i would do if i ever moved from here. You want to be around your babies, but like you said they will always be around us. maybe you can take a cutting from the bush that covers her grave. Where are you moving to? Will you still be able to visit this web site? I too feel a kinship with you because of our babies.
When i told my husband what i thought about Duchess on her walk yesterday, that she sensed Brandy was there with her i thought he'd think i was crazy. But he agreed with me. He knows Duchess really misses her. We got Duchess when Brandy was a year old, so they grew up together. I think Brandy thought she was her baby. Last night she laid by the front door looking out of the screen door, which is where Brandy would lay a lot at night, feeling the night breeze coming through. It was as though she was looking for her.
I know the guilt we both feel will go in time, we just have to remember that we would have done anything for them, and did. And they knew it. I was telling my son last night why did i worry so much about giving Brandy certain things. When i was eating something i knew she would like some of i wouldn't give it to her cause i thought it wasn't good for her. But look where it got me. Now i wish she was here so i could spoil her and give her things she wasn't supposed to have, like human food.
Anyway i've ramble on too long, i appologise but it feels good to get everything out. I wish you so much peace, and just know that Ryd is watching over you and loving you.
Janet