Lacy Is Gone

I posted this to the wrong forum so I am now reposting it here.

How do I write about my little Lacy through all the weeping. She was the most precious little cat. I loved her so deeply my heart is breaking. I am disabled with a limiting illness very few people understood. I was ridculed and treated badly. And then little Lacy came into my life. A little white cat all riddled with ear mites and worms. I nursed her back to health and she repaid with 13 years worth of loving service and attention. We were inseparable. There was not Linda without Lacy or Lacy without Linda. She needed her times alone but most times she wanted always to be whereever I was, in whatever room. At the end I had to put her to sleep. I took her outside for a few days in a row on her harness in the grass. She loved the grass and the bugs. In the old apartment she could sit in the yard on her harness and I would be out in a lawn chair with her and we just would "be" together. The last day she got to be out in the grass too before I took her to the vet. She was even throwing up water. She weighed only 3.6 lbs when she left me. When they anesthesized her she was lying on the towel on the table and as she went to sleep. I have my head right on the table right next to her head. I kissed her on her head over and over as I petted and stroked her and told her how much I loved her weeping silently all the while. "Mommy loves you so much" I told her "You are the bestest little kitty in the whole wide world. She was so calm. She just layed there. She just looked the Vet when she gave her the shot. As she was falling to sleep from the anesthetic, her little tale would bounce a bit each time I said I loved her and talked to her, just like it always did. I hope she knew how much I loved her. I hope so much she felt loved and safe, especially at the end. Then the vet came in after she was asleep and gave her the injection to let her leave. I stayed for that too. In a flash she was gone. I am beside myself with grief. I loved her so much it is hard for anyone to imagine. She was my constant friend when no one else wanted to be. She left me yesterday and I have not stopped crying since. I know hopefully time will make this easier but right now it is so hard. I never cried this much when my grandmother died. Lacy was like a part of me and that part of me has been ripped away. I feel so guilty somehow. She brought such joy to my life and I want to feel like I did the same for her. She actually saved my life on more than one occasion. Oh God how I loved Lacy. Oh how I still love Lacy. I cannot write anymore. The grief is so bad. I put her in my arms and took some web cam shots of her before we went out in the grass that day. I had no film in my regular camera. This is my little girl before she died.

Lacy Is Gone

How do I write about my little Lacy through all the weeping. She was the most precious little cat. I loved her so deeply my heart is breaking. I am disabled with a limiting illness very few people understood. I was ridculed and treated badly. And then little Lacy came into my life. A little white cat all riddled with ear mites and worms. I nursed her back to health and she repaid with 13 years worth of loving service and attention. We were inseparable. There was not Linda without Lacy or Lacy without Linda. She needed her times alone but most times she wanted always to be whereever I was, in whatever room. At the end I had to put her to sleep. I took her outside for a few days in a row on her harness in the grass. She loved the grass and the bugs. In the old apartment she could sit in the yard on her harness and I would be out in a lawn chair with her and we just would "be" together. The last day she got to be out in the grass too before I took her to the vet. She was even throwing up water. She weighed only 3.6 lbs when she left me. When they anesthesized her she was lying on the towel on the table and as she went to sleep I petted her and told her how much I loved her weeping silently all the while. She was so calm. She just looked the Vet when she gave her the shot. Her little tale would bounce a bit each time I said I loved her and talked to her, just like it always did. I hope she knew how much I loved her. I hope so much she felt loved and safe, especially at the end. Then the vet came in after she was asleep and gave her the injection to let her leave. I stayed for that too. In a flash she was gone. I am beside myself with grief. I loved her so much it is hard for anyone to imagine. She was my constant friend when no one else wanted to be. She left me yesterday and I have not stopped crying since. I know hopefully time will make this easier but right now it is so hard. I never cried this much when my grandmother died. Lacy was like a part of me and that part of me has been ripped away. I feel so guilty somehow. She brought such joy to my life and I want to feel like I did the same for her. She actually saved my life on more than one occasion. Oh God how I loved Lacy. Oh how I still love Lacy. I cannot write anymore. The grief is so bad.