Having A Difficult Day

Today was especially difficult. It's been 6 weeks since my Rico went to the Rainbow Bridge and i am missing him more today than ever. Have been weepy on and off all day.

I just came in from planting some "bleeding heart" on his resting place that i took from my old house when i moved. It was the first chance i have had. I was missing him really bad and feeling really guilty too. I was not there when my soon to be ex-husband buried him. It was by choice but now i am feeling really bad that i was not there.

He had already passed on when i woke that morning. His last 2 days were hard on him and me. He was 17 and getting old and frail. I had a feeling he was in the early stages of kidney failure. He was not happy about our recent move. He lived up until then, his whole life in the country as "King of the Hill", going outside as he pleased, hunting mice, and enjoying naps in the sun. Now we live in a neighborhood with houses all around. He missed "his home".

He would be up all night....going from window to window....wanting to go out....meowing and yowling something terrible. The last week or 2 he was going on all day and night that way in spite of the fact that i let him out often, checking on him frequently and paying lots of attention to him. He managed to get lost twice but was found by a friend and also a new neighbor. The last time he was lost i had a feeling he left because he was unhappy and ready to move on. But my daughter posted lovingly made signs around the neighborhhod and he was found. Unfortunately he had tangled with something and had a few deep scratches and a bite or 2. One abscessed and his leg became swollen twice it's size. He had trouble walking and was not eating as well. I thought it was time to let him go but my kids were out of town with their dad and i just couldn't put him down while they were gone. So.... i took him to the vet and the vet gave him fluids as he was dehydrated and gave me some medication for the abscess. She thought he might be ok and live a few more months before the kidney failure got worse. I had high hopes. Took him home and put hot compresses on his leg...gave him water with a dropper and tried to feed him his favorite tuna but he pushed my hand away. He could hardly walk or hold his head up. I stayed up well into the night with him but had to get a few hours of sleep for work in the morning. When i woke........he was gone. My oldest said goodbye to him and went off to school. My husband came over. My youngest couldn't face the day. She stayed with my husband and they buried Rico together and i went off to work. I just couldn't stay there and see him be put in the ground. I regret it now that i was not there. When i was planting the bleeding heart tonight i just wanted to dig and dig and hold my baby once more. I should have stayed up with him that night and held him and loved him until he took his last breath. Oh Rico.....i miss you baby. Mommy loves you and i hope you are happy and well now and waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge.

A Sad Day For Me

Hello All,

I just discovered this site tonight....not being able to sleep due to the fact that my furbaby passed on early this morning and i have been crying my eyes out for the past few hours over the loss of my dear cat Rico. I have been reading your touching posts and realizing that i am not alone in my sadness. I have experienced this before about 20 years ago when i lost my cat of 2 years suddenly. I remember the pain and sadness i felt and swore i would never get as attached to a pet again. But... how do you not get attached to a dear pet of 17 years?

He was up in age and showing it so i knew it would not be long before i had to face the fact that he would not be here any longer. We moved to a new house in Jan. which was rough on him after having "run of the hill" at our former house for almost 17 years. I had to keep close eye on him when letting him out in our new neighborhood. He got lost once for a day and was found and then last week he was gone for 2 days when my daughter posted signs in the neighborhood and a nice person saw him while walking her dog and returned him to us. He had tangled with something and had some wounds....but it had happened before and always got over it. He developed an abscess this time....took him to vet...was considering putting him down as he really was not doing well......but the kids were out of town and i couldn't do it without them knowing. The vet seemed to think the antiboitics would be a good choice so i opted for that. Stayed up late with him last night feeding him water with a dropper as he was dehydrated and putting hot compresses on his leg. He seemed to have a little trouble breathing and i figured that was not good. Finally around 1 AM i put him to rest but when i got up early he was gone.

I am feeling quilty that i did not stay up with him and hold him in his last hours. God only knows how much comfort he had given me over the years and i feel like i let him down. I pulled my self together this morning for the sake of my kids and went to work too but when i got home and he wasn't there to greet me i lost it and have been crying ever since. I need to be strong for my girls yet i feel like i need to grieve the loss of Rico. How do i do this? Will i ever overcome my quilty feeling of not staying with him and holding him in his last hours?

So terribly sad.....Cheryl