How Do You Deal With The Numbness... Options

[earsl]

I go from having an I could give a crap about the world attitude to having deep sadness, and back and forth. I realize this is grief, but I actually think I would like this stupid coping mechanism (numbness) to go away, so I can grieve properly for my dear Oscar. When I feel numb it feels like it's not real (he died last Tuesday) like I sometimes look at his picture or see something of his, and not only does his death not seem real, but in this numb feeling it doesn't even seem like HE was real. I actually kind of wish that I would just cry non-stop, at least then I would feel normal. I feel like I sound crazy, and maybe I do, but I thought you guys might understand this and just need some support in my insane moments. Also, my husband doesn't seem to be showing any grief. I mean he is trying to be there for me, and says he misses Oscar, but it just does not seem to effect him in near the way it effects me. This kinda adds to my insanity.