I Did Not See This Coming, Sudden Death Options

[BlessedByMolly]

Day 5 without her.................

My family I know thinks 'enough already'...but I just cannot help feeling so down.
I am trying to be up for my toddler, but i am really just acting.

I don't want to play in the backyard anymore. Her fur is all over the yard
as I had brushed her 2 days before.

I look out in the backyard and all I see is her. I am having a hard time being warm and fuzzy with
my shepherd. Jazzie. I know she feels the loss too....but I just cannot drum up the energy.

I chose the urn and will have it engraved. Today is the day they cremate her.

I have read many a post on here and it helps for a bit, then I just sink again.

Hi Sheppie-
I can relate to you, I'm so sorry for your pain. I am on day 8 without my Molly. She had just turned 14 and was diagnosed with Glaucoma of the eye. She was already blind but I had to make the decision to end her life because I did not want to go thru with surgery to remove the eye nor did I have the money for the expensive treatment that was not guaranteed to work for her. I could not see her in pain, and now I see signs that I didn't see when she was here. She was a Jack Russell Terrier and I had
her since she was 9 weeks old.

I know you will miss your dog as I will miss mine too.
Just know I am so there with you. I feel sometimes people don't understand how I feel, do they know how empty and cold my home feels now? I still leave the closet door open for her like I always did because her toy box was in there. 14 year habits are hard to let go. I have cried everyday.

I am frantically searching for something that will make me feel better and have yet to find it.
No luck at all. I don't know what to expect in the journey I must now take without her. I feel no desire to look for a job. I have been unemployed now going on 11 months. The recession hit me hard.
I am single and live alone and this dog was my child.
I feel I have been stripped of the things that were most dear to me.
I thought about it today and I asked God, what more can you take from me?
I do believe everything we go thru there is a lesson to be learned. I have to keep cherishing
the fact that I have alot of good memories with my little one and she got me thru alot of hard times
in my life. I only showed complete mercy to her ending her life without continuous pain and suffering.
It was her time to go, and it is my time to let go.

If you need anything, let me know.. Please know you are not alone in feeling the pain and loss..
I will say prayers for you..
Dawn

Attached image(s)

 

[tanbuck]

Hi Sheppie. I am so sorry for your loss. It has been 12 weeks since I lost my cat, Frasier. I understand the feelings you are having. I still have them. Although I function and work and laugh each day, I also cry each day. I totally understand your feelings about the back yard. I have yet to vacuum the room where Frasier stayed before his death. And even though I still have a wonderful dog, Buck, and Frasier's littermate, Niles, I still have a huge hole in my heart for my missing baby. I know you're probably confused about the way you feel towards Jazzie but don't be. I love each one of my pets as if they were my real children (I don't have any children) but for about 2 weeks after Frasier died, I just couldn't warm up to Niles. I've always considered Niles to be my soulmate kitty but something weird happened in those first few days. I can't really describe it but I think you know because of what you said about Jazzie. I was so confused but the weirdness did begin to wear off and now I just want Niles with me every minute.
I'm so sorry you're hurting. In the beginning it's just so suffocating and then it just hangs over you like black cloud. Last night I told my husband that it's really hard right now because it's been long enough that people don't expect me to still be talking about him and missing him so much. My husband just said that you don't erase 14 years in 12 weeks. He's so right. It just hurts. Again, I'm sorry for you. This forum is the best place to be because no one seems to think that anybody is "suffering too long". My thoughts are with you.
-Donna

[Guest_byrd_*]

Friday the 13th at 4pm, let the dogs out in the backyard and my toddler and I got dressed to join them.
At 4:30 noticed my husky/shepherd x struggling to catch her breath. I placed her on the grass and rolled her
gently over. She was in distress and did not have good colour. I rushed her into the vets office. I was there in 10 mins.
From my time of arrival to the the xray being taken and the terrible news "hemangiosarcoma"....was total time 20 mins.
I said "are you suggesting euthanasia"...to which the vet nodded her head. "What"???????????????????????????????????? I walked this morning and she was running around the yard and barking at 4pm....less than 1 hour ago.

I did not see this coming. She was the picture of health. Never vet related issues only yearly exams. Plus we just had her bloodwork done in July to make sure she was great. So she was 11 but had the energy, great body weight and playfulness of a 3 year old.

I work in a vets office so I see things. But...this is my dog. I cannot eat/sleep or function. I wished (in anger) my other left instead (German Shepherd) as she is dog aggressive and not as kindly towards my toddler on occasion.

I am looking for help...but don't know what kind. I am looking for answers yet know there are not any really. How will I get over this? Will I get over this? I hate everybody right now. I am angry and sad and starting to get mad.

How does a dog that is walked daily, is trim, fed excellent food, well cared for and extremely loved get this nasty cancer?
Why is cancer for dogs on the rise?

So so so sad

[sheppie]

I really do thank you all for your generous support. And in fact I have found some on here.
You all get it. I 'hear' the same feelings in many posts. It has not been a week and now
I think I feel nothing. I am numb. I keep making the mistake of saying "hi girls" when we come home
and "walkies girls"?...the quickly say "oh girl, sorry Jazzie".

I think I will die when I pick up the urn.


Again I appreciate all of you taking the time to write.....I have read each post many many times already.

[janika]

Oh sheppie, what can I say. We had to wait 2 weeks before we could collect our darling Noushkas ashes from the vets.
I clutched the little box with her name on all the way home and sobbed my heart out. But as soon as we got home and we put her next to Tasha where they used to play, and planted the flowering shrub and snowdrops, I felt a sense of comfort that she was back home.
It's 12 weeks now. The days are more bearable, but I still cry at some time every day. Her ball and toys and food are still in her cupboard > I can't move them, don't think I ever will.

It will be a very sad time for you, collecting the urn , but please take comfort that you will feel closer to her again.
I will be thinking of you.

Love Jan x

[AngelCareOne]

Dearest Sheppie, just so you know that I'm working on that first image, here are the first steps. I'm afraid I sharpened both images too much and will fix that. I did make Molly's eyes more pronounced, removed the leash in one image and began removing the leash on the second, gave her and her surroundings more color by adding saturation. Well, it's a process and the larger the image then the better it is to work with. Here are the links to the beginning. Please don't dismay as it does get better. Please click on the links to bring up the images I'm working on ...

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r166/My...Sheppie_C-2.jpg

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r166/My...Sheppie_C-3.jpg

And, for BlessedByMolly, here's the very first step only of enhancing one of your Molly fur kid Angel's photos. I haven't worked on her eyes or anything else yet. I do want you both to know that I haven't forgotten and it just takes some time for certain photos. Plus, taking care of Styx kitty while he's so very sick is a big responsibility, too. No worries, he's only had a couple mild crises on the 17th and 18th then has rested comfortably up to and including now. Bless him! Just know that I may be gone for a couple days here and there. Still, I won't forget you!

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r166/My...Blessed_B-1.jpg

Many Comforting Hugs!!!

I Wish You Peace With Your Rainbow Bridge Babies!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

[patricia]

picking up the urn is so hard. it was a week and a half before i got the dreaded call. i dreaded the call and the trip to the vet's. my heart was as heavy as a boulder. i sobbed all the way there and as i neared the door i slowed down. i didnt want to walk thru the door. it was so difficult. it symbolized for me the finale, the reality. it wasnt a nightmare. it was real. i dont even remember who was in there because the tears that poured out were blinding my vision. i didnt care that i was howling and making sounds that i didnt know i could make. everyone came and gave me a hug as i crumbled to the floor. i made the drive home thru more outpouring of tears. i cuddled and held the velvet box to my heart. but (and there is a but) as i walked thru the door, i felt such comfort that fred was home again. he was where he belonged; with his momma. his and rileys little boxes sit in a special place now where i can see them as i come in and as i leave. i cant tell you how even to this day, im glad they're home with me.
yes you will die a little as you pick up the urn. but your heart will find comfort and peace that shes home again…where she belongs. give jazzie extra hugs and kisses.
you are in my thoughts and prayers
patricia

[sheppie]

Thanks Dottie- I will send another photo if I may?
Thanks Patricia and to all of you and your support.

I must open this site 3x a day. I read a post of two and then I have to stop.

I was doing ok these past 2 days as a friend is here visiting with me.
So we are up and out and just busy. But now she has gone out for awhile and
out of the corner of my eye I saw a clump of fur on the ground. Yes, hers.

I just stared at it then the incredible raw feeling hit again. And now I just want to
jump into bed and sleep b/c then I forget about it. But i have a 2 yr old so that is not possible.

I think I am at the bottom as I write this. No, I know I am at the bottom.

[janika]

Sheppie, just to let you know that I am thinking of you. PLeased you have your friend with you. It's hard looking after a two year old, especially when you are heatrbroken, but she needs you to be strong. She will help you get through this terrible time. Remember at all times our angel pets would not want us to suffer.

Love and hugs

Jan xx

[janika]

Hi Sheppie

Just realised that you have a little son , not a daughter, please forgive my mistake. Doesn't take much to confuse me these days. I referred to your toddler as 'she' in my previous posting.

I hope that you are ok. I had another bad day today, but then I came on here, again, and saw the picture that Dottie did of Tasha, it really cheered me up. I'm off to bed now (11 p.m. uk time) and hopefully will dream of Noushka and Tasha and their lovely smiling faces.
Thinking of you.

Love Jan x

[AngelCareOne]

"The Rainbow Connection"

Why are there so many songs about Rainbows,
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And Rainbows have nothing to hide.

So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection ...
The Lovers, the Dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered,
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it,
And look what it's done so far.

What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing,
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection,
The Lovers, the Dreamers, and me!

All of us under its spell ...
We know that it's probably Magic!

Have you been half asleep? And have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm s'posed to be.
Someday we'll find it! the Rainbow Connection ...
The Lovers, the Dreamers, and me!

"You and me together, Mom! We'll make a Rainbow Connection!"

"I Love You So Much!!!"

"Gonna go play with my pals at The Bridge Now. See ya latter, Mommy!"

[AngelCareOne]

"Hi, Mommy. This is from me to you and I mean it with all of my Heart! I wish all these Blessings for you and so much more ... And so much more ... And so much more! I sure hope you like the video I chose because all the Angels remind me of you! Please click on the golden, glittering picture that I made of you here at The Rainbow Bridge to hear and view. Wow, that sounds like you singing, Mom!"

"Sleep Song"
By: Secret Garden

Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby. Back to the years of Loo-Li,Lai-Ley. And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow. Bless you with love for the road that you go.

May you sail fair to the far fields of fortune with diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet and may you need never to banish misfortune. May you find kindness in all that you meet.

May there always be Angels to watch over you. To guard you each step of the way. To guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.

May you bring love and may you bring happiness. Be loved in return to the end your days. Now fall off to sleep. I'm not meaning to keep you. I'll just sit for a while and sing Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.

May there always be Angels to watch over you. To guard you each step of the way. To guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.
Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.

"I Love You, Mommy!!! Oodles and Boodles of Fairy Kisses to You!!!"

[sheppie]

Oh my........these are beautiful. I don't know what to say. I cannot type thru my tears right now.
Thank you.

I am ok but so sad. We will have to p/u the urn Friday.

I think that will make it real.

[AngelCareOne]

You are very welcome, Sheppie. I wish there was more I can do. And, there is. Yes, your world is shattered! And, so true that picking up the urn will be yet another blow to you since, as you said, that makes it real. It really did happen, was so unexpected and you had no time to prepare yourself or even say your last farewells as many do when they know their fur kid's time is close to an end. That makes it all the more devastating!

I recall some time ago where a Fur Kid Dad and his lovely Wife lost their first dog and all the wonderful things they did with the urn, where they placed it, what they did with the paw print, collar and tags. So, I went in search of that thread for you. Please be sure to see all three pages for images and you can read all that he did. The images I made back then are far simpler than now since Photobucket, where I host images, didn't offer all the features and additional graphics that it does now. Again, please see all three pages and here is the direct link for you ...

New Here And About To Lose Our First Dog

It's very lovely, loving and may give you some ideas, Dear One.

Also, you're not alone. It helps to know you're not alone. I didn't talk much for quite some time about how devastating my loss was and so sudden just like yours. And, I didn't go into much detail. Sheppie, your feelings are normal. It may feel like you're going insane, but you aren't. So, when kanecutter, who is disabled like myself, began to share then I opened up a little on this short thread. Here's the direct link ...

Death And Dying Pet Support, Anyone else like this after 6 weeks?

When kanecutter was sinking deeper and deeper, I shared much more ...

Feeling Worse 3 Months Later?

Please read my replies to Paula in the link above. Please make certain to see all the links in my post above to kanecutter giving her information which validates all she's experiencing and also telling her ways to cope. All are written by doctors and Veterinarians who specialize in Pet Loss so please be certain to check out those links I gave kanecutter. Okay? Take your time. No hurry since they're in the Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles area here at LS.

I'll be back to check on you. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your Angel Fur Kid!

Many Comforting Hugs!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

[sheppie]

Dottie,

I just watched the video link about rainbow connection above, I can no longer see the keys.
Please know I will take some time read those links as you suggested....but now it all just seems too much.

Thank you

[Brutus]

Hi Sheppie, I'm so sorry for your loss....so sorry....I lost my soulmate Brutus, 13 yr old black lab, a week ago Monday and I so feel your pain and tears. I sometimes feel like I can't go on...or maybe I don't want to go on. I actually laughed yesterday for the first time in a week and a half and I felt so guilty I couldn't stand myself. It feels like a part of me is missing as I'm sure it is, and now a part of you is missing as well. I know what you mean about others thinking "enough already"...I know that's what some think who know me. The easiest way for me to explain my pain is...it hurts so bad I feel like I can't breathe..it feels like I'm choking and not getting air.

Stay busy, it will help. And let it out, don't keep it inside, no matter what. I got Brutus' urn back within two days, he was euthanized on Monday evening and they called Wednesday afternoon to say he was back. I waited until Thursday morning to get him., and it was hard...hard to believe it was all that was left other than memories..believe it or not, it actually helps to build a little memorial, at least it did for me. So, I've had him a week now...I put him on a shelf in our bedroom above where his bed was, on the shelf I put a framed poem I wrote for him, a picture, his second fav toy (his favorite went with him) with his collars, and a flower and candle. I'm not crazy about the fake flower so I will keep looking for one that is just right. I wish I had put a bigger shelf for more stuff but my house is so small....at any rate, it helped me to put up this little memorial...I blow him a kiss everytime I enter and leave my bedroom! We went away for a couple days this past Monday and I cried hysterically, wanting to take him with me, but my husband talked me out of it...which now I'm glad he did, afterall this is his home and where he was most comfortable.

here it is:



Dotties graphics and pictures are really great aren't they? She is an angel I'm sure. There are alot of angels here.

Hugs to you.

-Sonya-

[sheppie]

Brutus, thanks for that.
The clinic called and has her there waiting............
we are in no rush so will wait out the weekend.

I showed my hubby this site last night. We drank wine and read thru a lot of the posts.
He was all teary eyed as was I. I told him to take some time on his own and peruse thru the
postings...that there are some really great posts on here.

I showed him your box of your beloved and suggested that we too, hoist her up high and light a candel to celebrate her life.

Whew.........another day without her............whew.......breathe..........

[Farrie]

Hi Sheppie

I've read all your posts. I feel our loss to be quite similar. I dont have to tell you how much it hurts.
I lost my baby girl Burnie 2 days ago. She was just beautiful! Friday afternoon she was fine...Just normal Burnie, not a worry in the world, (as far as I thought), friday night I go out to feed her and she is not interested in her food, I get her out of her kennel and she is staggering, I just got this hot flush come over me and I feel sick, this is not her at all. We call the vet emergency number as it was after hours, and rush her over to the vet. She gives her a check up, we were told it could be just the real hot weather we been having, just watch her overnight and if she is no better bring her back.
Early the next morning she is curled up in her kennel and would not come out. We rush her back to the vet. The do blood tests and x rays. We got a phone call in the afternoon. That dreaded phone call!!!. She has a massive tumor in her abdomen and it has spread all up into her lungs. She said we could take her home but she might last one day one week, she coudn't breath properly, she couldn't eat. She suggested that putting her to sleep was the for the best. We went to the vet, I held her I cuddled her and did not ever want to let her go. We were all with her when it happened, when she went to sleep. All of this in less than 24 hrs!! One perfect beautiful baby one moment and then she has gone!

I dont want to go into the backyard..Its like the backyrad has died with her...Her hair is everywhere and I don't want anything to touch it, it my little bit of her that is still there. I just want to cry all the time. It is so hard!!!
Today I was laying on the ground in the backyard with my head in her kennel crying and sobbing with her hair on my face and her smell in my nose! I just want her back so much.

Sheppie it is so hard...My heart is with you, I know what you are feeling, it feels it will never end! I just want my baby back!! I'm just happy that there is a site like this were we all understand how we feel and we all love our babies so much.

Just know that I am thinking of you and that we are hurting so much but we are not alone!!

Take Care

Ben.

[sheppie]

Oh Farrie....I am soooooooooooooooo sorry for your loss.
I felt as if I was reading my own initial post. How awful and yes I know exactly how you are feeling right at this moment.

I will write more later but now sadly I make the trek to the vets office to collect her urn.

[janika]

Thinking of you Sheppie.

Love and hugs
Jan x