Feeling Worse 3 Months Later? Options

[kanecutter]

Just wondering if anyone else out there has had this happen. I had my dog euthanized on Feb. 4, 2009. It was Kidney Desease, I was so devastated I could not stay in my own skin in my home for about 3 weeks. Could not bear her absence. She was what I lived for, I guess. Now over 3 months later, I am backsliding and feeling even worse. But this time nothing helps. No people, no going out shopping, no walking...all old coping mechanisms that I used when she first died don't work this time at all.
Does anyone else feel this bad even after more than 3 months? I got a therapist because I just could not deal with the pain alone any longer. She's someone to talk to but still....feel like dying. Can't seem to find anything worth living for without my girl.
Please let me know if anyone else felt this way. Or, else I think I may be losing my mind.

thank you!

[AngelBear'sLuv]

Just wondering if anyone else out there has had this happen. I had my dog euthanized on Feb. 4, 2009. It was Kidney Desease, I was so devastated I could not stay in my own skin in my home for about 3 weeks. Could not bear her absence. She was what I lived for, I guess. Now over 3 months later, I am backsliding and feeling even worse. But this time nothing helps. No people, no going out shopping, no walking...all old coping mechanisms that I used when she first died don't work this time at all.
Does anyone else feel this bad even after more than 3 months? I got a therapist because I just could not deal with the pain alone any longer. She's someone to talk to but still....feel like dying. Can't seem to find anything worth living for without my girl.
Please let me know if anyone else felt this way. Or, else I think I may be losing my mind.

thank you!

[Trulie]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. My dog passed away on April 20, 2009 and I am having some good days and some bad days. It sounds like you are having a very difficult time accepting that your dog is gone. In my case for days I felt awful crying and feeling like there must have been something else I could've done to help her. I had to finally accept that no matter what I did I could not change what had happened and that I have to accept this and try to remember happy times with her and not keep on dwelling on what I could've done. Have you thought of joining a support group some areas have support groups for pet loss? Maybe if you gather all your pictures of your dog and go to the store and buy a lovely scrapbook for dogs and concentrate on making a wonderful memory book this would help. Sometimes we need to also keep busy so that we don't keep thinking about it. You may not be ready from the sounds of it, but perhaps you may want to consider getting another dog. A puppy would keep you very busy and it may help you to make a bond with a new puppy friend and the new puppy would depend on you giving you a reason to carry on. I hope you get all the help you need as you sound very upset. Please talk to people on this website to help you get through these difficult times and talk to friends. My prayers are with you.

[patricia]

im so sorry about your loss. i know that when my cat riley died last year of kidney failure i was shattered. i didnt know when i would recover and i cried 24/7. although i eventually learned to control my emotions at work (i was very lucky my employer and coworkers were so understanding of me showing up to meetings red eyed or bursting out in tears at any moment) but at home was a different story. it felt like i would get better and then i would feel worse. i didnt know what to do. i considered going to a therapist and finally decided to go to group counseling. i dont know if you have those options where you live, but where i live my local humane society had group counseling for those of us grieving for our lost pets. i cant tell you the differnece it made because these people were so amazingly understanding as they all knew what i was going thru (just like this site) i was at liberty to cry and cry as did everyone in that group and i knew no one would look at me funny because "it was just a cat". maybe this is another option you might look into. but grieving is such a personal issue. there is no time limit. and its always an emotional roller coaster. i have a photo of my riley near my bed and even this past week as i was getting ready for bed, i burst into tears because i miss him so. everyday i log on and as i read everyones story, i cry and cry because it reminds me of my fred and riley. im glad you are talking with a therapist. another thing that helped me was to build a little memorial for him. and as i walk by it every morning i talk to him. i have one for my most recently passed as well: fred. i talk to him as well. and i imagine both of them in a wonderful new home where there isnt a glass door dividing them from the sun which they both loved so much. its a place where they can run freely and dont have any more pain. i try really hard to think of them there and that makes me happy. maybe you can think of your baby in a wonderful place where kidney disease doesnt exist. and finally, i know you may not want to think of this option but i know it helped me quite a bit. although i wasnt looking for another pet, how could i say no to one that had been hit by a car and was headed back to the shelter. i got my little lucy days after fred died. it wasnt easy. i didnt want her and the first day i couldnt bond with her but as the days passed, lucy made me laugh amongst the tears, and she made me feel needed again and more importantly she gave me that wonderful unconditional love that they do. believe me i was just devastated when fred died and i still am. i didnt know if i would make it either. in my mind, fred sent me lucy cuz he knew his momma needed someone to lick her tears away. i still cry for my fred but lucys always nearby to put her little head on my lap or to lick my ears, (well that or chew up my earrings i know its hard to even consider but i know i was an extreme case and lucy is the little light of my life. i wouldnt have it any other way.

im so sorry you are going thru such a hard time. i know what you are feeling. you will be in my prayers.
patricia

[AngelBear'sLuv]

I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly. You are not alone in the sadness you feel. I am still really struggling, too, after losing my girl in January. We have lost someone very special in our lives and a dear soul with whom we had a very deep bond. It is devastating to feel this much pain in one's heart. It's hard to cope with the loss and the emptiness. And it's tough to suddenly stop all the little habits and lose the simple smiles they brought to our days. We are, after all, creatures of habit. All this change feels bewildering. And the one thing that could bring us the most comfort during the trying times of our lives is our dear girls - and now we don't have them. It can all make us feel crazy... and fragile... and yes, even like we're losing our minds.

I've come to realize that the only thing I can do is take small steps. Going on this site for support is one. Getting through the worst moments by letting myself cry as hard as I need whenever I need to is another. Focusing on the blessing of having had her in my life helps too, as does celebrating her life in little ways - knowing that she would want me to remember all the fun and happy times we had, and that she would be heartbroken to know how sad I am now. I know more than anything, our dear girls want us to be happy. A person on this site once gave me these kind words of comfort: "The pain you feel from losing her will never exceed the joy she brought to your life." So I know I must push myself to celebrate the infinite joy that my Abbeygirl gave me. What an incredible gift! There is so much comfort to be found in the warm memories that we cherish. I know, too, that there are other dogs out there who need our love - when the time is right. I'm certain that it takes our hearts so long to heal because they are building new room for even more love. I hope this helps you. You are definitely not alone. My thoughts and prayers are with you in these difficult time. Godspeed.

[AngelCareOne]

HI KANECUTTER. WE HAVE SPOKEN BEFORE. PLEASE PARDON ALL CAP LETTERS CUZ OF BROKEN LEFT ARM. IS MUCH EASIER TO TYPE THIS WAY WITH ONE TO THREE FINGERS RIGHT HAND. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING ...

MY GOD, I AM SO SORRY THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU. YES, IT HAPPENED TO ME, TOO. YOU AREN'T ALONE. YOU ARE NOT GOING INSANE BUT IT SURE MAY FEEL THAT WAY. I'LL BET IT DOES FEEL THAT WAY TO YOU. {{{{{HUG}}}}}

I WILL COPY AND PASTE WHAT YOU'VE SAID THEN RESPOND TO EACH THOUGHT. K? K ...

YOU: Just wondering if anyone else out there has had this happen. I had my dog euthanized on Feb. 4, 2009. It was Kidney Disease, I was so devastated I could not stay in my own skin in my home for about 3 weeks. Could not bear her absence. She was what I lived for, I guess.

ME: KANECUTTER, WHEN I FIRST LOST ALEX, I WENT INTO PHYSICAL SHOCK FOR SECOND TIME IN MY LIFE AND HAD TO BE TREATED. IT IS DIFFERENT FROM EMOTIONAL SHOCK. THE FIRST TIME I HAD EXPERIENCED PHYSICAL SHOCK WAS WHILE WATCHING THE 911 ATTACKS UNFOLD ON THE TV. BY THE WAY, MY LOSS TOOK PLACE 10/16/2007 ...

THEN CAME THE DAILY HYSTERICAL SCREAMING AND CRYING. DID NOT SOUND HUMAN. I WAS TOLD I SOUNDED LIKE A WOUNDED OR TORTURED LARGE CANINE OR PRIMATE. LIKE YOURSELF, MY WORLD WAS COMPLETELY SHATTERED. LIKE YOURSELF, I COULD NOT STAY IN MY SKIN. THERE WERE THE DAILY REMINDERS ...

EXAMPLE: I GET ONE MEAL A DAY FROM MEALS ON WHEELS. BLESS THEM. EVERY DAY WAS LIKE CHRISTMAS CUZ ALEX LOVED TO SHARE THOSE MEALS WITH ME. HIS FAVORITES WERE PASTA, RICE, LIMA BEANS AND MORE. AFTER ALEX WAS GONE, I COULD NOT EAT THOSE FOODS WE SHARED. COULD NOT SAY THE WORDS WE SHARED. COULD NOT DO THOSE THING HE LOVED TO DO WITH ME. WAS SINKING DEEPER, DEEPER, DEEPER ...

YOU: Now over 3 months later, I am backsliding and feeling even worse. But this time nothing helps. No people, no going out shopping, no walking ... all old coping mechanisms that I used when she first died don't work this time at all.

ME: SAME HERE, DEAR ONE. I HAVE NEVER HAD ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN IN MY LIFE. NOT EVEN WHEN MY SUPER DUPER HUSBAND DIED AUGUST 31, 2003 AND HE WAS THE BEST, BEST, BEST. FOR KENNY, I GRIEVED SURPRISINGLY SHORT PERIOD OF TIME THEN AND TO THIS DATE HAVE ONLY THE FONDEST MEMORIES. NO MORE GRIEF, SORROW, CRYING FOR KENNY BUT I ADMIT I DO MISS HIM. THE MAN WALKED ON WATER AND WAS FAIRY TALE MARRIAGE MADE IN HEAVEN. STILL, ONLY WONDERFUL MEMORIES. I AM SO BLESSED HE WAS IN MY LIFE. THAT'S HOW I FEEL. GO FIGURE ...

NOT SAME WAY FOR ALEX. AS I SAID, I SANK DEEPER ... FINALLY HAD FIRST OF WHAT I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS NERVOUS BREAKDOWN AROUND NOVEMBER 2007. ONE MONTH AFTER LOSS. COULD NOT TALK TO ANYONE, NOT ANSWER PHONE, NOT ANSWER KNOCKS AT DOOR ...

SPENT ALL DAY ON SOFA SLIPPING IN AND OUT OF WHAT I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS DELUSIONAL STATE CUZ I'VE NOT BEEN THERE BEFORE EITHER. DURING THOSE STATES I WAS TYPING UP VERY NICE MESSAGES AND CREATING VERY BEAUTIFUL IMAGES WHICH I DO ON PC IN REAL LIFE. THE FRUSTRATING PART WAS THAT I COULD NOT GET MY PC TO SEND THOSE MESSAGES AND IMAGES AND UNABLE TO PUT THEM IN SAVE TO SEND LATER. COULD NOT REACH THOSE KEYS. I STRETCHED AS HARD AS I COULD, REACHING, REACHING, REACHING BUT COULD NOT ... THEN WOULD COME BACK TO NORMAL STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS AND REALIZE IT DID NOT REALLY HAPPEN AND I WAS LYING ON THE SOFA ...

WAS ABLE TO CARE FOR BUDDY DOG, STYX KITTY, GO TO BATHROOM, EAT AND DRINK A TINY BIT ON OCCASION. THAT IS ALL. SAME TYPE OF BREAKDOWN WITH SAME SYMPTOMS OCCURRED AROUND MARCH 2008, ABOUT 3 TO 4 MONTHS LATER GIVE OR TAKE. BOTH BREAKDOWNS LASTED AROUND THREE WEEKS OR SO AND I KEPT GOING IN AND OUT OF THOSE "DELUSIONS" ALL DAY LONG, ALL NIGHT LONG. GOODNESS, THIS IS SO TERRIBLY EMBARRASSING TO ADMIT BUT I PRAY WILL HELP YOU ...

BY THE WAY, I DO LIVE ALONE, PC IS PRETTY MUCH MY WINDOW TO OUTSIDE WORLD SO PERHAPS THAT'S WHY THOSE "DELUSIONAL STATES" (OR WHATEVER THE HECK THEY WERE) DID TAKE THAT FORM. I DUNNO IF WOULD HAVE TAKEN ANOTHER FORM IF I WERE MORE MOBILE, OUT AND ABOUT. I JUST DON'T KNOW.

BEFORE AND IN-BETWEEN AND AFTER THOSE BREAKDOWNS WAS THE DAILY HYSTERICAL SCREAMING AND CRYING AS I DESCRIBED. NO CHANGE IN INTENSITY. PERHAPS WAS WORSE. LIKE YOURSELF, MY WONDERFUL COPING MECHANISMS DID NOT WORK. NONE OF THEM WORKED AND I AM SO GOOD AT IT, TOO. ARG. ARG. ARG ...

YOU: Does anyone else feel this bad even after more than 3 months? I got a therapist because I just could not deal with the pain alone any longer. She's someone to talk to but still ... feel like dying. Can't seem to find anything worth living for without my girl.

DEAREST KANECUTTER, I TOO WANTED SO BADLY TO DIE. WAS NOT SUICIDAL CUZ I HAD TO STAY ALIVE AND KEEP PROMISE TO ALEX THAT HE WILL HAVE EARTHLY JUSTICE FOR WHAT THOSE THREE MONSTERS DID TO HIM. ME THINKS THAT'S WHAT HAS KEPT ME GOING? PERHAPS? SOUNDS LOGICAL TO ME ...

LIKE YOURSELF, ALEX WAS MY HEART, SOUL, WORLD, LIFE, MY ALL. LIKE YOURSELF, WE DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER ALL DAY LONG UNTIL IT WAS TIME FOR HIM TO GO TO BED ...

THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU, KANECUTTER. IT'S ONLY BEEN ABOUT 4 WEEKS OR SO BUT I AM NOW BEGINNING TO COME TO GRIPS WITH LOSING HIM. I AM NOW FINALLY ABLE TO BEGIN TO ALLOW MYSELF SOME LOVELY ALEX MEMORIES WHEN I SURE AS HECK COULD NOT DO SO BEFORE NOW CUZ EVEN THE WONDERFUL, FUNNY, CUTE AND MORE MEMOIRES ONLY SERVED AS HURTFUL REMINDERS. I STILL CRY ON OCCASION BUT IS NOT AS INTENSE OR FREQUENT AS BEFORE SO I KNOW THAT I STILL NEED SOME MORE TIME TO HEAL ...

YOU: Please let me know if anyone else felt this way. Or, else I think I may be losing my mind.

NO, DEAR ONE. NOT LOSING YOUR MIND. BUT IT SURE AS HADES FEELS THAT WAY. DO YOU REMEMBER THE LINKS I GAVE YOU BEFORE? HERE THEY ARE AGAIN JUST IN CASE. ALL ARE IN "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" AREA BUT I WILL GIVE DIRECT LINKS ...

1. Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going "Insane," Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4893

2. A Different Way To View Suffering, from George Anderson ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5282

3. A Place For Us - Why They're Not Really "Gone", by Terri Onorato
NOTE: CLICK ON "A Place For Us" LINK IN THE FOLLOWING ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5237

4. 'Light A Candle' Online - It Is Free - Please Read And I Send Love To All
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4662

5. How To Heal When You Have Lost A Pet, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Healing Sessions ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4814

KANECUTTER, THERE'S A WEALTH OF INFORMATION IN THE "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" AREA HERE AT LS. PLEASE GO THERE AND SEE IF THERE'S MORE THAT CAN BE OF HELP AND COMFORT TO YOUR OWN UNIQUE LOSS AND NEEDS IN ORDER TO TRY AND FIND YOUR PATH TO BEGIN TO HEAL ...

BIG COMFORTING HUGS AND I WISH YOU PEACE!!!

ALWAYS,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. PLEASE PARDON ALL TYPOS. AND MORE HUGS!!!

[nicole'smom]

I know when Nicole, my beloved cat companion died on Dec.7/08, I wanted to die with her. I lost interest in everyone and everything that had mattered to me for the first 2 months. Fortunately for me, I had Tsuki, Nicole's little sister, who still needed my affection and care. I promised her I wouldn't abandon her and she gave me the strength and will to live.

I still have moments when I'm overcome with sorrow and desolation just at the thought of Nicole. I just bear down til the pain passes. Like others have suggested, would it be possible for you to consider adopting a puppy, or is that something you just can't think of now? I just know that having Tsuki in my life made all the difference in my darkness and despair. I will be thinking of you and hoping that you find encouragement and comfort, kanecutter.

[BK59]

I am feeling this way now. I feel for you believe me. I am so sick about my decision but hope that one day I can remmeber why I did it for him. He was such a wonderful little dog and deserved only the best in life. I am so so sorry for your loss. I am sure you did the most loving thing possible even though I know it doesn't feel like it. Now if we can only remember and come to terms with we did it For them NOT To them.

[kanecutter]

Thank you all for such comforting encouragement.

DOTTIE, yes, I do remember talking to you before and I did go to each link you gave me back then. I also am alone and I lost my mobility just before I had to have my little girl put to sleep. She and I would always run rabbits together at her beagle club. Ruptured my spine just before putting her down. Losing mobility makes it so much harder to cope, I understand it must be awful for you, also.

I just thought that by now, the pain would be less, but instead it is worse. And you should never be embarrassed to tell your story about going in and out of reality for a time. It just shows how strong you are to finally be starting to recover.

I think it is the beautiful weather here.......I went to hell and back in order to purchase this place for my little BEa so she would have so much land to retire with me. I fenced it all in for her. one full acre, and she never got to see it or chase the chipmunks and rabbits here. She's gone, and I finally have what I always wanted for her and I. but without her it is too sad.

Unfortunately I cannot get another dog or anything because I only have one good knee left and now my spine is gone and I refuse to trust surgery. So, I fear not being capable of caring for another dog.

Well, I guess I have whined enough over this situation for now.

Thanks so much for listening.

I hope to talk to you soon.

Paula

[AngelCareOne]

Thank you all for such comforting encouragement.

DOTTIE, yes, I do remember talking to you before and I did go to each link you gave me back then. I also am alone and I lost my mobility just before I had to have my little girl put to sleep. She and I would always run rabbits together at her beagle club. Ruptured my spine just before putting her down. Losing mobility makes it so much harder to cope, I understand it must be awful for you, also.

I just thought that by now, the pain would be less, but instead it is worse. And you should never be embarrassed to tell your story about going in and out of reality for a time. It just shows how strong you are to finally be starting to recover.

I think it is the beautiful weather here.......I went to hell and back in order to purchase this place for my little BEa so she would have so much land to retire with me. I fenced it all in for her. one full acre, and she never got to see it or chase the chipmunks and rabbits here. She's gone, and I finally have what I always wanted for her and I. but without her it is too sad.

Unfortunately I cannot get another dog or anything because I only have one good knee left and now my spine is gone and I refuse to trust surgery. So, I fear not being capable of caring for another dog.

Well, I guess I have whined enough over this situation for now.

Thanks so much for listening.

I hope to talk to you soon.

Paula

{{{{{PAULA}}}}} I CLEARLY REMEMBER EVERYTHING YOU SAID, DEAR ONE. HAVING ALMOST TOTAL RECALL IS BOTH A BLESSING AND A CURSE I WOULD SAY.

HEY, YOU AREN'T WHINING IN THE LEAST. YOU COME AND TALK AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN ABOUT ANYTHING YOUR HEART WANTS AND NEEDS TO EXPRESS. HONEST AND FOR TRUE. BLESS YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS TO ME, PAULA. BUT, AREN'T WE THE GIMPY ONES, YOU AND I? BOTH OF US WITH OUR DIFFERENT DISABILITIES WHICH CERTAINLY CAN MAKE COPING OR EVEN TRYING TO COPE SO MUCH MORE DIFFICULT.

MY GOD, I FEEL SO BAD THAT YOU FINALLY SET UP THE PERFECT HAVEN FOR YOUR FUR KID AND YOURSELF THEN SHE PASSES TO THE RAINBOW BRIDGE. HOW TERRIBLY YOU MISS HER. NOW, I KNOW IT'S BIG TIME REALLY, REALLY HARD FOR YOU BUT I'M GONNA ASK YOU ANYWAY. PLEASE TRY TO IMAGINE, IF YOU WILL, HOW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR HER HAD YOU NOT COME ALONG. YOU SEE, I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME THINK HOW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR HER HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR YOU AND ALL YOU DID FOR HER EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE SO INJURED. MY GOSH, ITS LIKE COSMIC KARMA THAT SHE WAS SO VERY, VERY FORTUNATE THAT YOU CHOSE TO BE HER MOMMY!

THIS IS SUCH A GOSH AWFUL TIME FOR YOU ALL WAY ROUND. OY. PLEASE HANG IN THERE, KEEP COMING BACK AND TALK, TALK, TALK. DAD GUM IT, WE'RE GONNA FIND THAT HEALING PATH. MAYBE NOT TOMORROW, NEXT WEEK OR NEXT MONTH. IT TAKES LOTS AND LOTS OF TIME AND YOU MUST BE KIND TO YOURSELF AND ALLOW ALL THE TIME YOU NEED.

YOU AND YOUR ANGEL FUR KID ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS. I WISH YOU PEACE!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

[AngelCareOne]

HI AGAIN, PAULA. I WENT BACK AND READ AGAIN ALL YOUR POSTS FROM BEGINNING MARCH 15, 2009. HERE'S A DIRECT LINK. CLICK HERE. I'M WONDERING IF IT MIGHT HELP BOTH YOU AND YOUR ANGEL FUR KID IF YOU THANKED EACH OTHER IN A REALLY BIG WAY. I KNOW IT SURE MADE ME FEEL GOOD WHEN I POSTED THIS FOR ALEX. WANT TO GIVE IT A TRY?

IF I RECALL CORRECTLY, YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO VIEW VIDEOS SO I'LL COPY THE LYRICS, TOO. BIG HUGS!!!

Please click on "Because You Loved Me" Beagle

"Because You Loved Me"

For all those times you stood by me.
For all the truth that you made me see.
For all the Joy you brought to my life.
For all the wrong that you made right.

For every Dream you made come true.
For all the Love I found in you.
I'll be forever Thankful baby!

You're the one who held me up ...
Never let me fall.
You're the one who saw me through it all!

You were my strength when I was weak.
You were my voice when I couldn't speak.
You were my eyes when I couldn't see.
You saw the best there was in me.

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach.
You gave me Faith 'coz you believed.
I'm everything I am because you Loved me!

You gave me Wings and made me Fly ...
You touched my hand I could touch the sky!
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me ...
You said no star was out of reach.

You stood by me and I stood tall.
I had your Love I had it all!

I'm grateful for each day you gave me!
Maybe I don't know that much ...
But I know this much is true ...
I was Blessed because I was Loved by you!

You were my strength when I was weak.
You were my voice when I couldn't speak.
You were my eyes when I couldn't see.
You saw the best there was in me!

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach.
You gave me Faith 'coz you believed ...
I'm everything I am because you Loved me!

You were always there for me!
The tender wind that carried me.
A Light in the dark Shining your Love into my life!

You've been my Inspiration!

Through the lies you were the truth.
My world is a better place because of you!

You were my strength when I was weak.
You were my voice when I couldn't speak.
You were my eyes when I couldn't see.
You saw the best there was in me.

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach.
You gave me Faith 'coz you believed ...
I'm everything I am because you Loved me!

I'm Everything I Am ...
Because You Loved Me!!!

[kanecutter]

Oh, Dottie, you are so kind. The lyrics are so sweet, but I blow by them because reading them is too darn painful. What is wrong with me? I think I am going to definately do foster care for a beagle rescue here. Everyone who knows me says I should not do it. It is too soon and I seem unusually obsessed with helping little old beagles that suffered like Bea.
They say I am displacing my emotions and will be in worse shape. I feel the need to do it yet am thinking, no, I want Bea, I must have little Bea. Why did I rush to euthanize her? So guilty for not waiting longer.

I would give my life to see her one more time. I just cannot figure out if this foster care idea is to help me or if it really is displacement, as it has only been 3 1/2 months since her death and I cannot even picture her in my mind without extreme pain. Any suggestions on this beagle foster care idea?

Thanks so much...

God bless you.

[AngelCareOne]

DEAREST PAULA, PLEASE PARDON USED OF ALL CAP LETTERS. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING ...

I'M SO SORRY IT'S TAKEN ME THIS LONG TO RESPOND AND I'LL ANSWER EACH THOUGHT ONE AT A TIME. HERE GOES ...

YOU: Oh, Dottie, you are so kind. The lyrics are so sweet, but I blow by them because reading them is too darn painful. What is wrong with me?

ME: I'M SO SORRY, SWEET PAULA. HEY, THAT SONG TEARS ME UP AS WELL, I OUGHT TO HAVE KNOWN BETTER. HUGS!!! AS FAR AS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOUR REACTION AND FEELINGS ARE NORMAL AND VALIDATED. YOU'RE FEELING GOSH AWFUL GRIEF AND YOUR DISABILITIES MAKE EVEN TRYING TO COPE WITH THAT GRIEF, PAIN AND LONELINESS FAR MORE DIFFICULT. ALSO YOU FEEL GREAT SORROW FOR ALL THE BAD THAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FUR KID BEFORE YOU CHOSE TO BE HER MOMMY AND DID ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS FOR HER THAT YOU DID DO. IN ADDITION, YOU LIVED TO CATER TO HER NEEDS AND DESIRES EVEN TO THE POINT OF CREATING THAT AWESOME HAVEN FOR HER AFTER WHICH SHE SOON CROSSED OVER TO THE RAINBOW BRIDGE AND YOU WEREN'T ABLE TO ENJOY YOUR PLANNED RETIREMENT WITH HER. YES, PAULA, ALL YOU'RE FEELING IS MOST UNDERSTANDABLE. HUGS!!!

YOU: I think I am going to definitely do foster care for a beagle rescue here. Everyone who knows me says I should not do it. It is too soon and I seem unusually obsessed with helping little old beagles that suffered like Bea.

ME: PAULA, IT'S NOT AN OBSESSION. IT'S A WONDERFUL CALLING AND SERVICE TO PROVIDE A HOME, LOVE AND CARE FOR THESE FUR KIDS IN NEED. PLEASE READ THE MEMBER'S POST HERE AND MY RESPONSES ...

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5332

AS YOU CAN SEE, I CERTAINLY DO UNDERSTAND THE GREAT BOND AND LOVE YOU FEEL FOR YOUR RESCUED BEAGLES AND I FEEL THE VERY SAME FOR THOSE DOGS I'VE RESCUED. I JUST LOOK AT IT A BIT DIFFERENTLY. IT'S MY JOB AS WELL AS HUGE DESIRE TO MAKE CERTAIN THESE ABUSED, NEGLECTED FUR KIDS HAVE THE VERY BEST OF LOVE AND CARE SO THEY CAN LIVE OUT THE REST OF THEIR DAYS WITH AS MUCH JOY AS I CAN POSSIBLY PROVIDE TO THEM. BUT ...

YOU: They say I am displacing my emotions and will be in worse shape. I feel the need to do it yet am thinking, no, I want Bea, I must have little Bea. Why did I rush to euthanize her? So guilty for not waiting longer.

ME: ... BUT IT IS SO DREADFULLY HARD AS HECK TO EUTHANIZE THESE SPECIAL FUR KIDS AS IT IS WITH ALL OF OUR FUR KIDS. GREYHOUNDS USUALLY LIVE TO AROUND 9 YEARS OLD AT WHICH TIME MOST OF THEM DEVELOP CANCER IN THEIR FRONT HAUNCHES AND MUST BE RELEASED FROM THEIR PAIN. THE VET I SAW WHO SPECIALIZES IN GREYHOUNDS TOLD ME THIS AND WAS AMAZED THAT MAIDEN HAD MADE IT TO 13 YEARS OLD. PLUS, IT WAS THE FIRST TIME THIS VET HAD SEEN CANCER IN A GREYHOUND'S JAW INSTEAD OF THE FRONT HAUNCHES. THE SURGICAL OPTION WAS TO REMOVE MAIDEN'S LOWER JAW ...

NO, I WOULD NOT DO THAT TO HER. SHE HAD LIVED FIVE MORE YEARS THAN NORMAL LIFE SPAN, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN IN PAIN AND NEEDED TO BE FED BY UNUSUAL MEANS AND THERE WAS LITTLE HOPE THAT THE SURGERY WOULD EVEN BE SUCCESSFUL IN GETTING RID OF ALL THE CANCER WHICH MEANS IT WOULD METASTASIZE AND MY FUR KID WOULD SUFFER SOMETHING FIERCE. I TRIED TO CARE FOR HER WITH VALIUM AND COAX HER INTO DRINKING AND EATING SOFT FOODS. BUT, SHE WAS SUFFERING BADLY. POOR KENNY, MY LATE HUSBAND, HAD TO LEAVE THE VET EXAM ROOM AND COULD NOT HELP MAIDEN DURING THE INJECTION. I STAYED AND DID HEP HER. STILL, IT TOOK THE VET AND TWO TECHS TO LOVINGLY AND GENTLY PULL ME AWAY FROM HUGGING MAIDEN ONCE SHE WAS GONE ...

YOU SEE? I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY GOOD-BYE EITHER. I HAD PREPARED KENNY IN ADVANCE AFTER MAIDEN'S DIAGNOSIS AND WHILE SHE WAS SILL ALIVE BY TAKING HIM TO THE HUMANE SOCIETY IN THE NEXT CITY OVER WHERE THEY OFFERED GREYHOUND ADOPTION. THAT'S WHERE WE FOUND TRADER DOG. POOR KENNY WAS SO TERRIBLY SAD AND UPSET THAT I WENT THE VERY NEXT DAY AND GOT TRADER AS A SURPRISE FOR KENNY WHILE HE WAS AT WORK. I'LL NEVER FORGET WHEN KENNY WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR AND TRADER DOG RAN TO HIM WITH TAIL WAGGING TO GREET HIM. BOTH OF THEM WERE ELATED! PLUS, I HAD HONORED MAIDEN'S MEMORY BY RESCUING ANOTHER GREYHOUND WHICH ALSO HAPPENED TO BE BRINDLE IN COLOR ...

OF COURSE, YOU WANT BEA. {{{{{HUG}}}}} AND YOU DID DO THE RIGHT THING IN NOT WAITING TO EUTHANIZE HER. YOU DID WHAT WAS BEST FOR HER. PERHAPS NOT BEST FOR YOU BUT WE CANNOT ALWAYS AFFORD OURSELVES THE TIME WE WANT SO BADLY TO SAY GOOD-BYE. PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU DID INDEED DO THE RIGHT THING AT THE RIGHT TIME. HONESTLY, YOU DID.

MY ADVISE TO YOU REGARDING BEAGLE FOSTER CARE IS YES. BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE PHYSICALLY ABLE DUE TO YOU INJURIES AND IF YOU CAN SOMEHOW, SOME WAY KNOW WHAT A WONDERFUL CALLING THIS IS TO TAKE ON THE LABOR OF LOVE TO MAKE IT YOUR PURPOSE SHOWING YOUR RESCUED BEAGLE THE BEST OF LOVE AND CARE GIVEN THE UNIQUE NEEDS AND DESIRES OF YOUR FOSTER FUR KID.

CAN YOU DO THAT, PAULA? IF SO, THEN KNOW THAT YOU ALSO HONOR THE MEMORY OF YOUR BELOVED BEA BY DOING THE SAME FOR ANOTHER FUR KID IN NEED CUZ YOU ARE A TERRIFIC FUR KID MOMMY!!! NEVER FORGET THAT.

I WISH YOU AND BEA PEACE!!!



BIG COMFORTING HUGS!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PLEASE PARDON ALL TYPOS AND MORE HUGS!!!