My Zappy Is Gone Options

[julzappacat]

I had to put my cat Zappa to sleep on Saturday morning.

About a week before Christmas, I noticed that he stopped eating for a few days and was starting to have trouble getting around. When I brought him to the vet, I had no idea how sick he was - he was jaundiced and he had to be admitted. He had a range of tests to determine what the problem was with his liver. The following four days were horrible not having him at home, while he was hospitalized, but I visited him every day. He had started eating a little on his own, but he still needed to be force fed.

I took him home and force fed him multiple times per day for two weeks. Then all of a sudden, we realized that he was only eating when we made him eat and what I thought was progress was just a veil. His blood tests hadn't improved and even revealed that he had become anemic towards the end.

By last Friday night, it was apparent that his health was rapidly declining and the vet and I came to the conclusion that there was nothing else we could do. He couldn't walk or even drink on his own and he couldn't even manage to take care of himself at that point. This was the hardest decision I had to make but I know that he was no longer comfortable and it was his time.

This brings me to today - 2 days later and I seem to cry more than not. Zappa was the first pet I ever had and I had him for all 13 years of his life. I don't know what to do to feel better. I still find myself walking into a room and instinctively checking the bed or sofa to see if he's there. I always wanted to be where he was and when he was well, he always wanted to be where I was, even if it was right on top of the book I was reading at the moment.

He meant everything to me and I just loved him so much. I can't compare my relationship with him to any other - he truly was a best friend and took care of me as much as I took care of him. I am happy that I found this board and I hope that we can help one another get through this pain. It is a pain I never knew I could feel. All I want is to get to pet his soft little head one more time, give him a kiss and make sure he knew how much I loved him and always will. I miss my baby.

Here is a picture of my sweet little guy ... everyone who met him, fell in love with him.

Attached image(s)

 

[ryancat]

Zappa's momma, I am so very sorry for your loss.I am glad you found this site because it has been such a blessing to me and so many others.I wish there were words for you to help you feel better but there really isn't anything I can say.I hope that by knowing your not alone in your grief that it helps at least a little bit.Of course you miss your baby....this pain is so fresh and right now it seems like the pain will never go away.Trust me when I say that it will get better in time.It will never go away completely but you will learn how to live with it.We lost our sweet boy Sox back on Oct. 13th and I still feel the need to come here almost every day to express my pain and talk to others who are going thur the same thing as we are.Your Zappa was a beautiful kitty and he knew that you loved him.Having to make the decision to put an animal to sleep is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do.I still struggle with that decision almost every day.You did what was best for your boy and now he doesn't have to endure anymore pain or suffering.You will see him again one day when it is your time to pass on.For the time being he will wait at a place called the rainbow bridge with all the other pets who are waiting for their owners too.Whe you feel up to it please share some stories about your wonderful boy with us.We would love to hear about him.One day you will be able to look back on your life with him with smiles and fond memories instead of pain and heartache.Please come back whenever you need a friend.We understand your pain and know that you are not alone in your grief.I'll be thinking of you and putting you in my prayers tonight.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

[Moose Mom]

Oh your Zappa was so handsome! He sounds like such a special kitty. I'm so sorry you lost him. It hurts so much to lose such a close friend. That relationship is like no other.

We lost our Moustache kitty almost 3 months ago. For me the first week was the hardest, I cried most of the time. I'm still crying some every day. It's different for everyone, but it will take some time.

Do whatever seems to make you feel better, but know it's just very hard for a while. I hope we can help you cope. Just try to take care of yourself now.

Thinking of you and Zappa
Lori

Wow, Zappa looks so much like a kitty I had and lost 10 years ago.

[julzappacat]

Renee and Lori -

I am so sorry to hear of your losses as well.

Thank you for your kind thoughts - I didn't know how much it would help to hear from others that have been through or are going through the same thing. I am finding that it eases the pain a bit just not to feel so alone and I sincerely thank you.

I will be back to visit this site and I hope we can help each other get through these hard times.

Jules (Zappa's Mommy)

[mollysmom07]

Zappy is a doll. I really feel your pain. Molly went through some tests last year and pulled through until now. I am not sure what happened. WHen you say that Zappy sat on your book I laugh and cry because Molly always sat on my magazines and I fussed at her and made her sit beside me. Of course, I feel guilty for repositioning her. She was so lovable like your Zappy. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Somehow we will get through this.

[KatSpirit]

What a good looking guy. I am so very very sorry for your loss. I wish there were some magic words to help erase the pain and emptiness you are feeling with Zappa gone but I know there aren't. It really helps being here with all the caring people who are feeling so many of the things you are going through and be able to talk from your heart. My beautiful furbaby, T.C. was with me for 23 years has been gone for 10 weeks, and even though i still have that empty feeling I'm starting to remember some of the things he used to do that helps to fill that empty dark space with happy memories. Take care and be gentle with yourself and know Zappa will still be loving you.
Kathi

[AlleysMama]

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is nothing to take away the pain, but talking about my Alley that I lost a month ago, and sharing her with everyone on here does help. Zappa was a cute little guy and looks nearly identical to Alley's sister who belonged to my sister.

Feel free to share any pictures and stories of Zappa that you feel up to doing. We are all suffering the same pain of loss here and truly do understand how you feel.


Paula

[myhrtisbrkn]

Z's Mom,

What a sweet little face! I'm so sorry for your loss. It takes such courage to let them go.

Macks Mom,
Dayna

[julzappacat]

Zappa was a cute little guy and looks nearly identical to Alley's sister who belonged to my sister.

Your Alley was a beauty! I noticed that she has the same sort of fluffy tail that Zappa had. Coincidentally, she looks very much like Zappa's sister who belongs to an old college friend.

Distant relatives perhaps - hopefully keeping each other company

[AlleysMama]

Alley never spent much time around other cats during her life, so I'm hoping she IS with zappa and all the other kitties who have passed and that she is making some new friends among all the furbabies on here.

[vizsla-angel]

Jules,

Zappa's so beautiful and I'm so sorry for your loss. With it being your first time, I understand that it is especially hard. Even though I was only about 13 when I lost my first cat, the grief was so overwhelming.

Zappa bears a striking resemblance to my second cat, Starlett. I named her that because she looked like a little move star. She'll make a great companion for Zappa too. We are all pretty convinced here that all our cats are together having all kinds of wacky adventures while our dogs watch over to keep them from getting into too much trouble.

In the mean time, know that you are not alone and we are all here for you. Take good care of yourself.

Love,
V

[julzappacat]

Thanks friends - it makes me feel better to think that he's not alone.

[tikkanen]

Zappa's Mom, I am sorry to hear of your loss. Indeed Zappa was quite the handsome gent. Everyone here cares and it does help to hang here. We can't make your pain go away, but we CAN make the alone part go away. When I lost my Tigerpaws, I was a train wreck, and I still miss her very much. What I have learned is, in time you will get through this. The emptiness will probably never go away but the pain will. I hope this isn;t premature and if it is I apologize, I was unsure if I would ever have another kittty, then I realized that Tigerpaws would want me to because that is who I am. Our babies know w e hurt and they don't want us to and they know that if another comes into our life it is not to replace them, but to make us whole again as that is who we are. A month after Tiger died a little tiny 4 week old kitty turned up at the fire station and I took it home. Lily is now a happy healthy rambunctious little stemwinder and has worked her way into our hearts. She came to me (us) when the time was right for me (us) to give our love to a new kitty, and we then adopted her a sister (Sasha) from the vet's office. Don't despair. You will get through this and when it is the right time, you will love another kitty, because that is who you are

Be Well,

Mark

[ratlover]

Dear Jules,

I am so sorry to hear about your precious Zappa. You did the only thing you could do, given the cir%%stances, and it was an act of love on your part to always do what was best for your sweet, beautiful cat. When we make a decision for that reason, it is always the right decision.

Animal friends have to be some of the THE best friends because they're always there, they never question us, they never judge us, and the bonds we establish with them are some of the strongest that we'll ever experience. They are pure souls, completely unselfish and it just tears us apart when they pass on.

I've lost three cats since 1997, although I've suffered through more losses over the years between childhood and now, and it never gets easier, nor should it, I guess.

The last cat I had who passed on was named Mr. Boo. He came to me as a stray kitten, starving, tearing into a trash bag on my back porch, in 1993. I took him in with the idea of just keeping him warm and then bringing him to the humane society a few days later, but he fit in so well with my other two cats at that time, Alex and Chee-Chee, and looked so happy with us, that I decided I had to keep him. They were all outdoor cats, and sadly, the town we lived in at that time had a large stray cat population. Alex contracted feline leukemia from a fight with a stray and died a terrible death a few months later; a vet who wasn't very good tried to keep him alive with steroids and medicines and the truth was, we should have had Alex put to sleep a week earlier because that last week, on this 'trial' of medications saw him go through the most horrible seizures and pain. I finally brought him in to be put down, but he died in the waiting room with me while that horrid vet ignored me. I cried and felt sick for weeks and weeks, and then even months later the sadness didn't leave. I still feel sad all these years later.

Chee-Chee picked up the feline leukemia from Alex (he bit her on the nose while play-fighting) and when we saw the same, terrible symptoms begin and had her tested for it (and confirmed) and when she spent an evening crying in pain from this horrid disease, we decided we couldn't let her suffer any more. I cried as the vet brought her to us, an IV inserted into her shaved arm, and injected the overdose of anesthetic. I hurt so much, and it's an awful decision to have to make, but I weighed it against her physical suffering and realized that if I forced her to live until she died on her own, just to keep her around longer, that it would be unfair to her. I had to do what was best for her.

Then Boo, at age ten, and one of the closest cats I have ever bonded with, came down with diabetes. He was a big boy and even with dieting, we had a hard time keeping his weight down. What we didn't know, and what was never mentioned to us, was that his heart might also be involved. Here we were, going through all the medications of insulin and special foods, thinking we were doing all the right things. For a few months, he made these strange coughing noises on and off and me, not knowing any better, thought he was just trying to cough up a furball. Ironically, a month after his death, while standing in a vet's office with another pet, I see a poster on the wall that mentioned the symptoms of heart failure, and wasn't a 'strange cough' one of them. I often wondered why I couldn't have had seen that poster months before he died, when I might have been able to still do something about it.

The night he spent at the vet's office when he couldn't stop urinating everywhere (the buildup of liquid in his chest cavity) and when he started to collapse, I spent awake all night, sobbing, thinking about him, wanting only for him to come home. I couldn't get through the night fast enough; it was as if the minutes crawled by.
The next morning we went to get him, as the vet said he could come home, but only if we kept him quiet because it was explained to us that he had congenital heart failure and had been in an oxygen tent with pure oxygen to help him breathe.

We went to get him and I remember him purring loudly when he heard my voice and saw our faces at the cage door; then, he started panting on the way home and stood up in the carrier, tried to circle weakly; to make a long story short, he died in my arms, gasping, on the way home. A part of me died with him.

Like yourself, I kept looking for him everywhere. I couldnt' stop talking about him to my husband and kids; I couldnt' stop crying. We had his photo up on the wall with our other cats, and when this kind of wound is very fresh, you find yourself touching the picture and wishing that you could just reach into it and scoop them out of there and into your arms again.

What you're going through is normal; unless someone else you know has lost a precious pet and knows the feeling, it seems as if no one can understand the depth of your pain. It is normal to cry, and for those feelings to go on for a long time.
He was your good friend, and your love for him, and him for you, will live forever.

You gave Zappa the best life possible; was a beautiful little cat, and in his photo he looks so happy. Cherish his pictures, and the memories you have of him, and coming here to this forum will most certainly help.

My thoughts go out to you in this painful time.