Memories Of Zappa

I got Zappa over Winter break during my Junior year in college. My friend had brought home Sabine (Zappa's sister) and I wanted a kitty too! I never had pets growing up, so this was a big deal for me. We went to our friend's home to see the other babies and I had no choice - Zappa wanted me to take him home. I was trying to pick which kitty I wanted, but he wanted me. He did this little 'sideways dance' as we called it and I knew it was meant to be. I felt like he was performing for me, silly little guy.

As soon as we got into the car to drive away with him, I said to him "your name is Zappa". Frank Zappa had recently passed away and I thought it would be a nice tribute and it turned out to be a very fitting name for my silly kitty. I learned right away that he wanted to be wherever I was and I felt the same.

As a college student, there were always tons of people in and out of wherever I lived, so Zappa always made friends very easily. I think he is the most social cat that I've ever seen. With the overabundance of beer bottle caps in our college student lifestyle, he found a hobby - playing fetch! That's right, if you threw a bottle top down the steps, he would run after and bring it back to you (carrying it in his teeth) and drop it not quite at your feet, but just far enough that you had to get up. I look back and think that I was the one who was really doing all of the fetching in his game. I remember on a vet appointment, they once noted that he was missing a few teeth ... I just sort of shrugged and said "huh? I never noticed". Oh well, he was having fun! Although it wasn't so much fun when he would decide to play this game in the middle of the night on the hardwood floors and sometimes I would wake up with a bottle top stuck to my belly after unknowingly sleeping on it all night.

He was a very playful guy - he loved to scratch on shiny things like mirrors, the fridge and the stove. Zappa also enjoyed chasing his string toy and catnip-stuffed fishies. He used to suck on his fishies so much that they would get so wet and they would soak your socks if you stepped on them. As annoying as that was at the time, I would love to step on one of those cat spit soaked things right now, just to know that my baby monster was still around.

I figured out that Zappa lived in 11 different homes with me. I just got settled in the house I own now and I wish he could've had more time to enjoy this one - it would've been great when he was younger, but he started to have a hard time with the stairs towards the end.

There are so many people that were touched by him - even my mother's cleaning service from his breif stay at her house! People who don't like cats, loved him. My fiance is allergic to cats, but I know that the tears he shed on the day he died were not an allergic reaction, it was love. He was hard not to love - he would rub his head on and jump onto anyone who came to visit.

Well I've gone on enough for now - it is surprisingly comforting just to put the words down. I hope that we can all find comfort in keeping the memories alive and just being there for one another. It has only been 4 days since my Zappy was with me and I still feel very empty. With every day, I get a little bit closer to feeling normal (meaning, not overwhelmingly sad), but without him I do not think I will ever feel completely whole.

Thank you for listening.

My Zappy Is Gone

I had to put my cat Zappa to sleep on Saturday morning.

About a week before Christmas, I noticed that he stopped eating for a few days and was starting to have trouble getting around. When I brought him to the vet, I had no idea how sick he was - he was jaundiced and he had to be admitted. He had a range of tests to determine what the problem was with his liver. The following four days were horrible not having him at home, while he was hospitalized, but I visited him every day. He had started eating a little on his own, but he still needed to be force fed.

I took him home and force fed him multiple times per day for two weeks. Then all of a sudden, we realized that he was only eating when we made him eat and what I thought was progress was just a veil. His blood tests hadn't improved and even revealed that he had become anemic towards the end.

By last Friday night, it was apparent that his health was rapidly declining and the vet and I came to the conclusion that there was nothing else we could do. He couldn't walk or even drink on his own and he couldn't even manage to take care of himself at that point. This was the hardest decision I had to make but I know that he was no longer comfortable and it was his time.

This brings me to today - 2 days later and I seem to cry more than not. Zappa was the first pet I ever had and I had him for all 13 years of his life. I don't know what to do to feel better. I still find myself walking into a room and instinctively checking the bed or sofa to see if he's there. I always wanted to be where he was and when he was well, he always wanted to be where I was, even if it was right on top of the book I was reading at the moment.

He meant everything to me and I just loved him so much. I can't compare my relationship with him to any other - he truly was a best friend and took care of me as much as I took care of him. I am happy that I found this board and I hope that we can help one another get through this pain. It is a pain I never knew I could feel. All I want is to get to pet his soft little head one more time, give him a kiss and make sure he knew how much I loved him and always will. I miss my baby.

Here is a picture of my sweet little guy ... everyone who met him, fell in love with him.