My Heart Bleeds Options

[AlleysMama]

What a great story about Denis! I bet he was so pround of his "find"! Alley didn't like "people food" except an occasional lick of ice cream from the empty bowl but she used to bring me other little "treats" like mice, chipmunks, rabbits, etc. She always put them on the rug next to my bed so I would see them first thing in the morning. Yuck!

I hope Alley and Denis and all the others ARE somewhere together, taking care of eachother, the same as we are trying to do here. Two more days and it will be a month since Alley left. I miss her so much.

[sheps mama]

E.M. I've got another funny story for you. One day at work, I got a call from my neighbour who said, Shep is outside lying in your driveway. I said that it was most likely another dog who looked like Shep as there was no way it would be him. She said, No - it's definitely Shep as I've been watching him. He's been for a walk and had a pee in my garden and then returned home to lie in your driveway!

Then I remembered how Shep could open all the internal doors in the house - he would stand up and put one paw on the door handle and let his weight push it down. Our external doors were never locked on leaving the house because they couldn't be opened from the outside - but from the inside you only had to turn the handle!! The neighbour said - I've called the police because I think you may have been broken into, and they're on their way. I immediately left work and raced home to find Shep rolling around beside 2 police officers! They said - there's no sign of forced entry, and made me check all of our stuff. Everything was there.

It seems like Shep decided he'd had enough of hanging around and went for a stroll - like you do!! Since then we always lock the doors on the way out!! That boy - I swear he had a huge grin on his face as the 2 policemen told me how foolish it was not to lock your doors!!

Hope this made you smile.

Debbie
Sheps (irresponsible) mama

[Moose Mom]

Oh you guys, your stories are just too cute! I can see Denis bringing that bacon home, LOL. And Shep with the cake, they really can make us smile.

The story of Lucy and the mouse (good girl!) reminds me of the time my Butch kitty came upstairs from the basement with something in his mouth, so I held out my hand and said "what do you have boy"? Well he proudly dropped a, very live, mouse in my hand! OMG Yes it was hours and much upset before that was resolved, but the first thing I did was throw the dang mouse across the house. Ya gotta love 'em!

Love
Lori

[My Buddy]

All your stories are making me laugh...thanks...and Lori...at least the mouse was whole...although I can imagine the scream I would make. Our old cat Frank used to bring in "parts" of mice, now that's a nice present...yikes!!! Luckily, he was my husband's cat so he had the job of cleaning that up.... :-)

All the best to you all... Hrudey's Momma

[ryancat]

E.M., that story about your cat stealing the two pieces of bacon was so funny! Can you imagine what that person must have thought when they came back into the kitchen and had 2 less pieces of bacon?? Too funny...Thank you for sharing the photo of your beautiful kitty.I like to remember my boy Sox when he was in his prime too,not struggling as he did in his later years.He was always such a proud kitty.I love black kitties too, well,I should say black and white kitties most of all.Sox was a tuxedo manx and he always walked around the house like he was dressed up with no where to go! I love hearing all these stories of everyone's pets so please do keep on sharing them with us.My Sox used to love to catch lizards out on our front enclsed porch.He would bring them inside the house dangling from his mouth and drop them at your feet....awful!,but oh,so funny too.He would be proud of his catches.One time when we first moved into our new house 9 years ago he caught a small mouse that had been living here for awhile.Let me explain that when we bought our house it was in really bad shape and needed lots of work.We bought it from a very elderly couple who couldn't keep up with the maintenance of such a big house.We cleaned and cleaned for weeks but we could never catch that mouse that we had seen several times.Then one night we heard a bunch of strange sounds and when I got up to investigate I found Sox in the living room holding down this mouse with his front paws! I was scared to death but he kept on playing with it long after it was already dead.We finally managed to get it away from him but he was not happy that we had taken it from him.I guess he felt like he had worked hard for that mouse and then he didn't even get to eat it.Kinda gross I know but it's a true story.Well,I hope everyone is doing alright today.I had a good day but last night I was missing my boy something awful.I was up till 3 in the morning because I couldn't stop thinking about him.Anyone have suggestions on what to do when that happens?? Gotta go for now.Take care everyone.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

[vizsla-angel]

Ok here's something kind of funny, the topic "My Heart Bleeds" is the best place for comic relief!

I had a long haired brown tabby when I was a teenager named Starlett. We lived in an old house and always got mice. She go hunting in the basement when everyone was sleeping and I'd wake up in the middle of the night with her sitting on my chest presenting me with the greatest gift of all -- a mouse tail! On a good night I'd get woken up twice. You can just imagine the great sleep overs I used to have. Ewwwww.....

I think I would have preferred it if she would have hunted bacon! Hmmm, Denis is probably requiring bacon rather than gambling chips at the "Black Cat *******".

I had a good day but last night I was missing my boy something awful.I was up till 3 in the morning because I couldn't stop thinking about him.Anyone have suggestions on what to do when that happens??

Renee, that's when I come here and make up crazy stories. Then I cry a little, grab one of my kitties, see if my other dog wants to come to bed with me (if she's not going to bite me) and try to go back to sleep.

[Moose Mom]

Renee

I had a good day but last night I was missing my boy something awful.I was up till 3 in the morning because I couldn't stop thinking about him.Anyone have suggestions on what to do when that happens??

This is such a hard one. I'll tell you what I do, maybe you can find something here to help you.
First I try gently to think of all the good times. If that doesn't seem to be doing it, I take a warm bath and read a book, to get my mind off of my loss.

If I'm still up and upset I just give myself permission to be upset for a while, and then really get into it. Cry and scream and pound something. Maybe the best thing is just to let it happen when it happens, and know it will happen. My husband and I spent yesterday morning crying our eyes out, once again. Telling each other just what it is we miss about Moose.

On another note, Butch once brought us a live snake to admire, LOL. It was green and quite long, he had it in the middle and it was wiggling on both sides of his mouth like a green mustache. He was meowing at the door and thank god I looked! Otherwise that thing would have been in my living room! Irg, it's so hard to tell them what mighty hunters they are, when you are doing a "omg it's a snake dance"!

And eww mouse bits! Shudder, LOL. My sister had a cat, Mickey Mouse, who left grasshopper legs under the tv.

Love
Lori

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Yes, these are fun (even with the pain)! We can also add Sabin to that list of black cats playing cards for fun and profit!

One of the first amusing food things Nissa and Sabin did when they were still weenie little kidlets (not that they ever got very big even when full-grown) had to do with my H's and my trip to the Ex (Red River Exhibition) one year. Like many folks, one of our fav*ourite food treats there was the miniature donuts, so we bought enough to bring an extra bag home. I left this on the kitchen counter overnight, looking forward to having a few tasty treats with my coffee the next morning. But when I got up, there was no bag there. I'd never thought that our kids could even manage the leap to the countertop, as they were still so young and small that they were still climbing the open wooden stairs from the basement somewhat slowly. However, when I checked all upstairs and couldn't find the bag of donuts, I had to look downstairs...where I found the entire bag...strewn all about, every donut that wasn't already eaten, ripped apart in tiny pieces, as was the bag itself! Being a 'newbie' with felines, this was the first of many lessons about how WRONG the cat books of the day often were...in this case, "cats don't usually have sweet teeth" being the lie! I think they did it more for amusement though, as they really didn't like sweets as a rule...unless maybe they pigged-out too much this first time and taught themselves a lesson!

Rodents always were their fav*ourites, though, and we have a million stories about those. Sabin liked to catch mice across our street (in the tall grasses, before we ended up with a bunch under our deck) and bring them home, with me standing on the driveway waiting for him (and watching to intercept any possible cars, bikes or dogs), where he'd lope towards me, catch in mouth, saying, "Woo-woo! Woo-woo!" the entire way, all the way to the backyard, to indulge himself, in the safety and peace of the garden. Sabin took his food very seriously and never wasted one morsel, no matter what it was! (like his Mom)

And after he passed, Nissa carried on the tradition...in spades! Many were the times she'd come racing in the cat-door from the backyard, yelling "Yaah-AAaah!", live mousie in mouth, deposit it unharmed in the family room, OR upstairs if I'd gone up there for a moment to get something, just to have her fun with peeking at and chasing something that didn't make predictable moves, but soon losing that feline patience (never was her strong suit!), leaving her Mom to end up trapping the little guy after up to a 2 hour strategic battle with rolled up towels, a wide stick and whatever else I had to employ to lead the mousie to the live trap.....just to deposit him/her outside once again....until maybe the NEXT Mighty Huntress catch! Although Nissa did eat quite a few over her last 6 years ( I couldn't deny her, as it's the most perfect nutrition for a cat, and she needed all possible help for her kidneys), most of the time she just wanted a play-buddy (those poor mousies just couldn't agree!) and was most often so gentle with them, that the most damage they suffered (aside from fear!) was a bit of spit on their backs.

Nissa learned this trick when very young, when she started bringing in live birds into the house. I sat her down and explained that, seeing as she liked them to live, so she could still get thrills from watching them fly around (while I had to resort to asking Sabin to catch them FOR me...and being his sister's catch, not his, he always waited until I asked him...then grab them before he could kill and eat them), that she should endeavor to not harm them in any way, and that way she might be able to catch them again sometime and therefore get more pleasure once again......AND SHE DID JUST THAT FROM THEN ON with birds!! What a Little Grey Smartie! In all her life, she only caught and tried eating ONE bird...and didn't care for that meal anyway, so never did it again and continued to just watch &/or chase them so she could see them fly. I always told both her and Sabin that when they eventually crossed, they'd be able to fly themselves...and join the birdies in zoomie-type games...and I hope they're having much fun doing just that, now. (and maybe even the mousies can fly too, so it's an equally-fun game for them!)

[ryancat]

Lori,thank you for the suggestions on what to do when I'm up late at night and can't get to sleep.I will try all of them.Sometimes I don't think there's anything that would really help.I just hurt inside...it's so hard to live without him.Soon it will be 3 months,3 months since he passed away.How can that be possible? How can it be that I haven't seen him or played with him or loved on him in 3 long months?? It just doesn't seem possible.......I kept hoping that as time went by it would get easier to take but in reality it hasn't worked out that way for me.I never imagined that it would be so hard to let go of him,to move on,to not think about him every day.Am I crazy?? I grief for him even now but at night it always get worse because that's when it would always be just him and I.We would stay up late at night and my husband goes to bed early.He would sit meatloaf style on my lap (and that wasn't easy because he weighed 22 pounds up until he got sick with diabetes) and we would watch t.v. together.He liked reality shows just like I do.Forgive me everyone for going off like this.I guess it just has to come out sometimes.What am I supposed to say to people who think I should be over it by now?? They ask me,what's wrong with you or why are you in a bad mood,when in truth I'm not in a bad mood I'm just incredibly sad.How long before this pain goes away? Just when I thought I was doing so well I had to go back down that path of awful sadness last night and once again revisit his entire last day over and over again...it's pathetic really that I can't get my act together.I wish there were a magic pill we could all take and be over the pain of losing our beloved pets.Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this,sorry if I started to sound a bit crazy.It does help to write about my feelings and I thank you all for listening to me. Renee (Sox's mom)

[Moose Mom]

Renee honey

There is nothing wrong with you, nothing. Only with the people who think you should be 'over it' so soon. Three months is not a long time. You grieve as long as you grieve. Think of it this way, he was your son. If you lost your 16 year human son, do you think you'd be better at three months? I'm not sure you'd be much better at three years!

I think grief is a kind of going crazy, and not just once. So allow yourself to lose it sometimes. It's hardest in the 'special times', like you and Sox had at night. I'm not sure how, but it might be a good idea to try to change that up. My husband and Moose's special time was morning, I'd sleep in and they would have a love in. Now I get up with my husband and we have changed most everything he did before he goes to work. We started 'play time' with the new kitten. That seems to help hubby cope.

It does calm for most times, but I have to tell you, I still have days when I miss my Butch so much, and that's 10 years. I no longer feel crazy with the missing of him, but that took years.

Moose left just 10 days after Sox, I expect and accept crazy days. I think I'm a little more calm, and have more sane days now, but I really think the first year is just hell. All the countdowns, one month, two months, three and so on. First Christmas without him, first birthday. It's a killer.

One more thing, be aware and try to prepare for that awful first year anniversary, omg. That one for Butch almost did me in. You do get through it, it does get better, but not in a few months, or not for me. All I can really say is the second year wasn't as hard as the first.

Love
Lori

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Lori,

I'm so glad you posted this to Renee, as it's what I consider normal for the course of grief, too....but don't often-enough hear echoed back. I know from experience that it's so double, or even triple-edged, trying to accept that the pain of loss won't diminish anytime soon, yet feeling relieved to know there's no hurry to rush through it, and even not wanting the pain to lessen too soon, as if that's a mark of an uncaring, unloving heart....which it isn't, but I personally couldn't even imagine moving through the grief in record time.

I'd said this, too, in some other post...that the loss of a child of such and such an age would be expected to take much more time than most people give US (or we give ourselves, often!)....but on the other hand, even those who have lost their human children are often made to feel like they're abnormal, too....so sad, this society. In all losses, the only ones who usually, but not always, understand, are those who've had the same kind of loss. I don't get it....where people's compassion goes, or if they ever had any to begin with, or if they're capable of any, ever! But we shouldn't pass those kinds of non-understandings onto ourselves. They're simply wrong and only make the grief harder to take.

If it's any help, Renee....my nights have been sheer torture, too, lately....after almost 5 months. I sleep with a cat stuffie (with 2 better ones still on order, but not arrived yet), w/o which I'd NEVER get to sleep. It doesn't matter HOW old we are....we need to use whatever works for us. But even then, my dreams lately don't allow me much real rest....full of the awareness, and even the depression!, of having lost my girl, no matter what I'm dreaming of otherwise. It's always there and never leaves, awake or not....and it's taking a toll on me. For me, everything's getting much worse, not better....and I hardly even care, except for wishing I could die, too, and be done with everything and see my kids again, as it SHOULD be. It only feels like I don't belong in this world w/o them, nor do they belong anywhere I'm not with them.

Sabin's and Nissa's Birthday is coming up, on Jan.20...where they would have each been 20 (sounds like a double-whammy...20 on the 20th), followed just 3 days later on Jan.23 by Nissa's fifth month of being gone. All I can think of to do is get a big jug of rum or something....but I'll probably end up buying some chocolate mousies, if I can find them and doing something in their honour....can't even think straight about it yet. Maybe I'll just cry until I can't see straight anymore. This is too hard and I wish my heart WOULD just physically break and end this all in one fell swoop. I know this isn't helpful, but I, too, need to vent right now.

[vizsla-angel]

Renee,
There is no time limit on grief. It may be hard for some people to understand why you are grieving for your cat still, but then again there are others who will say it's only been 3 months. There would be people who would think the same if you were grieving a friend who passed away.

Just know that we are here for you and we understand.
Love,
V

[AlleysMama]

I wouldn't want to "get over" this so quickly, like Alley's life meant so little or something. I had her for nine short years. I'll likely cry off and on for the next nine years, missing her.

Everyone deals with things differently, in their own way, and their own time. Anyone who could get over it in a matter of days, doesn't deserve to have a pet, especially pets as wonderful and special as all of ours were.

After all the love they gave us, they deserve more than to be just forgotten.

[ryancat]

Lori,Furkidlets Mom,V., and Alley's Mama,thank you for your kind and understanding words.They help more than you will ever know.It helps just knowing that I'm not alone in the way I am feeling.I know I'm not going to get thur this quickly and I'm okay with that.It just hurts so much to think that I will never be able to see him on this earth again.It just seems so final.I know I shouldn't expect others to understand what I'm going thur because for them it was just another cat,not really a relationship for them like it was for me.For me he was like my own child.I looked forward to coming home every night to see him waiting for me at the backdoor.Now when I get home there's no one there and it just breaks my heart.My little Miss Mini does help alot but it's just not the same as it was with my boy Sox.He was special as all of our beloved babies are here.Maybe we are just a different kind of human being in that we care and love deeper than most people ever can.I feel sorry for those who never get to experience that kind of love.For me Sox will never be forgotten,it's impossible.He is imbeded in my memory forever.Thanks to all of you for helping me feel like I'm not crazy and I am so grateful to have a place such as this to come to and let my feelings out.It's really the only thing that helps me cope.Today I went to the Humane Society here in my town to visit with all of the kitties they have there that are up for adoption.I am thinking it might be time for me to open my heart to a new member of the family.It was nice to see and be around all those kitties but it also broke my heart.I cried with them and wished that I could bring all of them home with me.They were all so starved for attention and love.My husband tells me we shouldn't get another kitty that looks like Sox did but I really do want another black and white kitty.I just don't want to make the mistake of comparing him to Sox because I know there was only one Sox and no kitty could ever measure up to him.Does that make any sense at all?? There was this one kitty who was solid brown (the most beautiful chocolate brown I've ever seen on a kitty) and he definately caught my eye.He was so friendly and loving and I just wanted to steal him out of that cage and bring him home but I'm just not sure if I'm ready to get him.What do you guys think? This weekend they are having open adoptions at the Petco near my house and one of my friends told me I should come up there and look at the kitties they have up for adoption.My heart aches for another kitty to love and I think I'm ready but I don't want to feel like I'm just moving on so fast and replacing my baby Sox so fast.Well,anyway,I guess I'll close for now.Thank you again to each one of you for helping me feel better.It is so nice to have such dear friends here on this forum and I am so grateful to each one of you.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

[AlleysMama]

Renee - Sox can never be replaced. Neither can Alley. There will never be another like them. But when I am able to move, I'm going to adopt a new kitty. It won't be the same, but my heart and my arms, ache to hold another little furbaby. I saw one today on a shelter site that just broke my heart, I wanted him so badly. If I was allowed pets, I would have left work right that minute and went and got him. I look at those sites almost every day, torturing myself I guess, looking for one that reminds me of Alley, just to look at it. I dont know why, but when I saw this little guy I just ached to have him. For some reason he just jumped out at me, when the others were "just cats" on a webpage when I saw their pictures.. Unfortunately, I don't move until July and by then, he will likely have found his forever home. I hope that when the time comes, I see another who gives me a jolt like this little guy does. Here's his picture. http://search.petfinder.com/petnote/displa...i?petid=7608667

When the time is right, you'll have the same experience. You will just look a little face somewhere and it will just feel right. I only wish I could do it now

[ryancat]

Dear Alley's Mama,than you for sharing that adorable photo with me.He is such a little sweetie pie.I want him too! I look at that website too.I saw several kitties on there that reminded me of Sox.I guess it just helps to look at photos of kitties.There's nothing wrong with that.I know your right when you say that I will know when it is the right kitty.I'll listen to my heart and when a kitty touches it I know I will be ready for him.Take care and thanks again for caring.Sincerely,Renee

[vizsla-angel]

Renee,

He was so friendly and loving and I just wanted to steal him out of that cage and bring him home

That just could be your man! Are you sure you didn't talk yourself out of it?
Don't worry if he's not the color you were looking for. Yesterday someone on this forum said something about not wanting a golden retriever as her next dog and ended up with one. You wouldn't want to embarrazz yourself like that now, would you?

Cats' personalities are even more diverse than dogs in my opinion. Now don't beat up on my for this -- we all know I love dogs. Cats believe in things being done on their terms. That's why you don't see cats doing the kind of compet*itions dogs do. When we get new dogs, we can "train" them to do some of the things our other dog did. With cats, it's all just the luck of the draw. You're right, a new kitty isn't going to be Sox. He's going to be "New Kitty." And he will have at least two very adorable traits and one very annoying trait because that is standard equipment in all cats.

Thanks for sharing the kitty pic AlleysMama. Do you have any idea how hard I've worked to stay away from homeless cats these past few days? Now I must go to VA and save him! See what you did!

Love,
V

[My Buddy]

What a beautiful cat Denis is, so wonderful, I understand your pain, especially at night its a constant struggle...I am new to this grief thing myself, hard to believe my buddy has been gone for over two weeks now....I can't imagine "getting over it", I agree there is no time frame... how can there be, my Hrudey boy was with me 14 1/2 years that's a long time, 16 years....even more, take whatever time you need, embrace your blessings of having a special buddy for so long. Our old buddy Frank, 22 yr old tabby left us over 4 years ago, I still cry for him, I don't feel crazy (hopefully!)....I just miss him and am so thankful for that experience.

I am hoping you are having a better night tonight...

PS Alley's Momma....thanks for sharing that adorable kitty pix....now I am pining for that little black fuzzy beauty...

Take care Denis's mom.... Tory, Hrudey's Momma

[Moose Mom]

Renee

Of course you can't replace Sox, and you are not even gonna try. It's not 'moving on", you will still feel the same way you do now about Sox. You just have so much love and a great home for a cat, you are going to offer that to a baby who needs it . Sox loved you so much, he always wanted you happy, didn't he? Didn't he hate it when you were sad? Well now he want you to have a new baby to love. Sox knows you love him, how special he was and he wants you to be happy.

It takes time and patience to develope a relationship. You will never have just what you had with Sox, but a new guy helps us get back the joy in life.

Maybe you need to go back and get the brown boy, or maybe the PetCo adoption thing would be good. I'd say you are 'in the place' to get a new baby. I can't wait to see it! I try to stay out of shelter as much as possible, 'cause I always want to rescue them all too.

Furkidlets' Mom

Yikes too much pain at once. The two anniversarys are so close. Five months and the first birthday without Nissa. Oh my heart breaks for you. Sometimes venting is all you can do, that and like you said, cry till you can't see. I'd like to say I'll be thinking of you on the 23rd, but Moose will have been gone 3 months so...well that day will just suck big time.

AlleysMama

OMG what a cute kitten! Bourke, what a name. After a bag, lol. All the kittens in the litter are named after fashion, that must have been a day at the shelter! Of course I want him too. We all want him, he'll have a forever home in no time. Oh how I wish it could be with you.

Love
Lori

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Lori,

I'm so sorry the 23rd will be a hard day for you, too. With my head so screwed-up and my memory a 'distant memory' , I can hardly keep track of my own calendar, much less anyone else's!....so thanks for the reminder (I need these), so I can add you and Moose to my thoughts on that day, hoping the empathy will reach you across the miles. (energy knows no boundaries, right?)

Renee,

On your behalf, I trust you to know inside your heart and soul when, where and who you will bring into your life next. Lori's a smart cookie who knows what she's talking about - it's not "moving on"; it's continuing the capacity for love that Sox and you began. My therapist says the same thing...that it does MORE honour to our loved ones to continue to live and love than it does to stay unjoyful forevermore. When I'm down, I can't quite wrap my head around this concept, but when I'm having a better moment (usually very short-lived!), I 'get' it. I'm waiting for the time when I 'get' it more often than not...for me, that will be one marker of being more ready.