Losing My Kitty Buddy, crf - how do you know when is enough? Options

[ravennoir1]

My beloved 15 + year old Kitty was recently diagnosed with CRF. Even though it's only been a short time since she was diagnosed, she's already been through a lot. Right now, she's suffering from a really bad kidney and urinary tract infection and so she's not eating and she's been throwing up a lot. She's got the best care I can afford (I've already spent nearly a thousand dollars on her treatment in the last couple of months alone), but I don't want to prolong her suffering just because I can't bear to lose her. She's my furry little kid. I'm devastated at the thought of having to put her to sleep but can't bear to see her like this. She's not her wonderful, happy, talkative, playful self. She's withdrawn, lethargic and seems to be depressed.

Everybody says "you'll know when it's time" but how?? She goes through times when she seems almost normal again but then she gets even more sick the next round. I'm so not ready to let her go but should I keep holding out hope that she'll have a few good days in between the bad ones? I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Kathleen032]

I'm so sorry your kitty is sick. I'm not sure what CRF is, but it sounds pretty bad.

Your question about knowing when it's time is a tough one. For me, the ultimate question about prolonging their life came down to "Am I doing this for them, or am I doing it for me?" I knew when my answer was "doing if for me," it was time to let them go. I am an advocate of doing what you need to do to help them, but when it's a matter of just prolonging a life that has no quality, I think it's time.

It's tuff...with my cat, Dolly, I think I may have waited too long. She had mammary cancer that had progressed to a point of the tumors ulcerating...but as far as I could tell, she still had a zest for life. She would purr and knead me every night and she still enjoyed eating. It was when she stopped eating that I knew it was time. With Shiloh, I sometimes question if I acted too soon. She had come out of chemo induced remission for her lymphoma and the vet oncologist suggested other types of more aggressive chemos, but it was then that I knew I'd be doing it for me and not for her. So, the first day she started feeling bad, I had her put to sleep. My kitty, Hobbie, made the decision for me...she waited for me to tell her it was okay for her to leave. She died peacefully at home, with me by her side, and no vet assistance.

I think you will know...when you see your kitty suffering and you know you're hanging on for you and not for her...it's time.

I'm so sorry you're having to make this decision. It's a difficult one.
You and your kitty are in my thoughts.
Hugs,
Kathleen

[ravennoir1]

Hi Kathleen,
Thanks for your message. I really appreciate your kind words. CRF is Chronic Renal Failure. So unfortunately, she's suffering from a terminal condition. I took her to the vet tonight and they put her on something new to help with the vomiting and the kidney infections, but she still hasn't really eaten anything. I just have to hope that maybe once the anti-nausea meds kick in she'll get something of an appetite back. It's all so heartbreaking to see her like this.

But thanks again for your kindness. It does help to know that someone understands.

Thanks,
Jennifer

[encouragingangel]

Dearest Ravennoir1,(jennifer)
I'm sending strength and sympathy to you and your beloved cat. I know this pain~ my 16 year old cat Jupiter died almost 6 months ago from CRF. Like you, i questioned when it was "time", and also found that the answer was not so simple. As Kathleen said, when we're keeping them alive for us, and not for them, it's time to consider assisting.
In my case, i helped jupiter to die at home, with the assistance of an angelic vet. Jupiter had stopped eating and drinking, and was clearly in unrelenting pain. I'm so grateful for the death and life that he had, and do not regret helping him to die.
I thought i would die from the pain, but i didn't. I've learned so much from this whole process. There is a really good site for helping with the whole process of letting go, i'll post it in the other section.
mostly i want to send you so much love. may your heart be wrapped in light.
Susan

[encouragingangel]

it's in the links, news and other info "beautiful site for grieving"

[mosmommy]

Hi Jennifer,
I just read your post and I cried so hard for you and your baby. My baby Cosmo was diagnosed with CRF on May 24, 2005. I did not even look into other options for sustaining his life. I trusted what my vet told me, she said his numbers were high and the meds and fluids would most likely not help to bring the numbers down. He was not using his back legs when I brought him into the vet on Monday, and I hoped against hope that on Tuesday when I called he would be fine, but he wasn't. I blamed myself for 2 months, because of stories like yours, for not trying other options. However, in another person's post, I read all of the trials her and her baby were going through trying to beat this horrid CRF thing, and I finally felt Peace that I did not try to keep him alive. As Kathleen stated, it would have been for me and not for him, so I know now that I did the right thing.
The decision to assist your baby in letting go of her earthly body, is a very personal one. What was right for me, may not be right for you. I echo the advice that the other sweet souls in your post have given you, it is time when the methods you try are more for you than your baby. I know this is a tough time, but if you feel up to it, go back and read my posts of Cosmo's story, and take whatever advice I was given- to help you. If you do not feel up to it, just know that posting your own story will bring you many helpful and encouraging words of comfort and support. I am happy to see that you have found this forum to help guide you in your decision, and quite possibly, your grief and loss. My heart goes out to you, I know how tough this is. Please let us know how she's doing, and come back for support when you need it. I'll be thinking of you and your baby, and praying that everything turns out for both of you.
Love,
Michelle

[ravennoir1]

First of all, I want to thank everyone here for all of the care and support. It really means a lot to me right now. Kitty spent the last few days at the vet on IV fluids and antibiotics. I have her home now. But unfortunately, she's not really urinating despite all the fluids. Which probably means that her kidneys are not functioning anymore. Or at least not enough. She is eating a tiny bit which is good. But if the kidneys are as bad off as we think, it's only a matter of time now. The vet is supposed to call me today with the most recent blood test and creatine levels. The last one that they took the other day showed her creatine was up to 6.1 and before that it was at 4.6. (For those who may not know, normal kidney function would have a creatine level of about 1.9.)

Seeing her the other night at the pet hospital in the tiny little cage with the IV's coming out of her really made me realize that she can't keep going through that. She doesn't understand why we keep doing this to her and for a cat that was always so active and happy, this is no way to live.

I think we'll probably be trying to spend as much quality time with her over the weekend and this coming week. But I don't want to prolong her pain beyond that. It's just going to be devistating to lose her.

[ravennoir1]

Kitty is gone now. It breaks my heart and I've hardly stopped crying all day. The vet came to the house and we took we her out on the deck so she could be outside where she always wanted to be. It was quick and painless unlike the pain and suffering she was experiencing and would have continued to experience with the renal failure. After it was all over, I laid down on the couch for a little while this afternoon and when I woke up I swear thought I heard her purring. This has definitely been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. She was the bestest puddy tat ever. I'll miss her so much. But I could not let her go on in pain. Thanks again to everyone here who offered kind and supportive words. It really meant a lot to me.

[tammy]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It really is devastating when something like this happens.
My thoughts are with you.

[ravennoir1]

Thanks Tammy... this has been the hardest day ever. I just can not stop crying.

[tammy]

unfortunately I know just how you feel.
I don't know if you exercise, but the day after my boyfriend dragged me to the track and I ran as hard and as fast as I could. That seemed to help me get out some anger (even if it was for just a few minutes).

I hope you feel at least a little better tomorrow. Tonight will be difficult.

-Tammy

[rushie'smom]

Raven,
I'm so sorry for your loss tonight. I lost my dog just over a week ago and these inital days are just awful. My heart goes out to you. You likely did hear her purring, I've been hearing my dog in our house since he died. He also doesn't like me moving his bed at night since I find it back in the middle of the hallway every morning. I think they hang around to help us through the pain and to make sure we're okay. I hope you find comfort in knowing your dear kittie is not in any pain and thanks you for helping. Come here as often as you need, it's a wonderful place to share with people who understand.

My deepest sympathies,
Rushie's Mom

[Dixie's Mom]

Raven,
I am so sorry that you lost your precious kitty.
She sounds like a total sweetheart....
I know you are totally heartbroken, but please don't doubt that you did the right thing.
The first few weeks are SOOO hard. But the pain DOES lessen with time.
The only thing that saved me from losing it completely was posting on this board. Even if no
one responds, I know that people are reading and can relate and understand what I am going through.
I'm thinking of you as you go through this difficult time.
Love,
Dana

[Lisa...NOAH'...]

Dear Raven,
I'm sorry to hear about your cat. I also lost my cat TJ to kidney disease...it was 1 month ago last night. Seems like a lifetime though. I miss him SOOOOOO very much. There are times when one minute I'm fine and then out of the blue I break down and sob. The love you feel for your cat will be forever in your heart, soul and especially in your memories. I'm sure your kitty is watching over you just as my TJ is watching over me. I've gotten many, many signs that make me sure he is ok and still with me.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Lisa...NOAH'S ARK