Mourning

The past few days I have become overwhelmed with grief. Tomorrow will be 21 days since TJ passed away and almost 7 months since Sadie passed away. I find myself thinking about how much I have lost. How many dear pets I have had to bury over the years. I have always been one to rescue any animal that needed a home...including Sadie. She was a pregnant stray who found me. No shelter would take her and I didn't know what to do since I already had 2 dogs and 4 cats. Before I could figure it out she kicked the neighbors dog out of its doghouse and had her pups there. She had 11 puppies...the neighbor wanted to drown them...creepy man...so I took them in...raised all 11...found them all homes and kept Sadie. That was in 1991 and she just passed away January 31st. I can't stop thinking of how much I have lost...how many I have had to bury...the unending sadness and grief. Now I worry because Muffin...my 19 year old cat has cancer and is fine for now but I know I will have to go through this all over again and my dog Snoopy (14 1/2) is getting up there too. So his time is also coming. Sometimes I ask myself why I do it? Why do I keep taking more pets in because eventually they will also pass on and once again I will be devastated. The only answer I can come up with is...I do it because I know they need me and I can give them a good life...but why can't I just stop? I've already lost so many...so why do I continue?
Following is a list of all my dear pets that I have lost:
Scuffy 23 Childhood Poodle
Misty 22 Childhood Cat
Shana 15 Siberian Husky
Charlie 14 ##er Spaniel
Cleo 14 cat
Angel 18 cat
Kitty 5 cat
Sadie 17 Shep/Lab
Briar 13 English Setter
TJ 22

For them I grieve endlessly...I will always love and miss them and FOREVER KEEP THEM IN MY HEART.

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

For Tj

Well...It's been 18 days without my best friensd "TJ" and I feel like I am in a bottomless pit that I can't get out of. I thought I was doing better but I guess I've been so pre-occupied with my sons surgery...that I just thought I was going to be ok. Boy, was I wrong. The grief hit me like a ton of bricks today! I wish I could just sleep all day so I didn't have to go through it. Everywhere I look I can still see his little face. He had such a sweet personality...we knew each others wants and thoughts just by looking at each other. My husband never could understand how I exactly knew what TJ wanted without saying a word. Every night when I lie on the couch to watch TV...I swear I can still feel him walking from the bottom of my feet to my stomach to cuddle with me...but there's no one to hold anymore. I know I was so lucky to have him for 22 years...that was half of my life...how can I go the next half of my life without him. I just want to give up. I can't go through the rest of my life feeling so miserable.

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

Missing Tj

I just wanted to acknowledge that it was 1 week ago at 9:25 pm tonight that TJ died in my arms. I always knew somehow that he would pass away when I was with him. He and I were so in-sync it was unbelievable. I'm glad his death was peaceful~or at least it seemed to be. I just hope that he wasn't scared when the time came to go. I hope he is at peace with all my other pets that have passed. I like to think of all of them together getting re-acquainted and relaxing under a huge shade tree with a gentle breeze blowing. I feel TJ's presence around me alot of the time. I have gotten several signs that make me believe he is ok. I should feel better but all I want is to have him back and be able to hold him.

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

I Can't Do This Anymore

I can't keep this up any longer. Every morning I don't want to wake up because I will just have to think about getting through another day without TJ. Everyday is spent running from my emotions. Everyday I think where can I go or what can I do to keep me busy and occupy my mind so I won't have to think about my loss. Tomorrow night will be one week since I lost TJ. It's really taking a toll on me. I am greatful every night when it's time to sleep so I can rest my mind and my emotions.
I didn't think life was supposed to be so hard...I have had more grief than I thought any person should have to bear in one lifetime. They always say that God will not give you more than you can handle. Well Lord...My shoulders are only so strong...I'm only human.

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

Unsympathetic Spouse

Does anyone else have a spouse who doesn't know how to express their feelings? TJ passed away 4 days ago and my husband hasn't even so much as given me a hug. He never has been good at showing his feelings. I have only seen him cry once and that was 18 years ago when our dog was hit by a car. It could be part my fault though...the night TJ passed away...I chased my husband out of the room because I was so distraught and out of it that I didn't want him to see me that way. I don't know if he's afraid that he'll make me cry if he says something or what it is. I always told him that after having TJ for 22 years...that when TJ passed away he may as well bury me with him because I would be totally out of it.

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK