New Kitties Almost Make It Worse Options

[Kaluja]

My baby Kaluja died on Aug 8th and I was going to wait to get any new cats, but i broke down and took in two cats from a shelter. I hated the idea of them living that way and it makes it worse when you know that they had a home, but due to "allergies" they were given up. So, I picked them up yesterday and they are both very sweet. They are brother and sister. They are way larger then I thought they would be and my apartment is tiny, but I'm hoping to make it work.
I hate to say this, but it seems to be making me miss my baby more and I have the option of fostering them or adopting them and I think I want to foster, but the idea of putting them back in a box and moving them from adoption day to adoption day makes me feel guilty. My feelings are just so raw right now and I feel so guilty for thinking enough time had passed. This was supposed to be a joyfull experience and all though there are moments, most of the time I'm feeling sad. I feel so guilty and lost and confused. They slept with me last night and it was nice having them there and then sad because it wasn't my baby. I feel like I have a split personality. I feel crazy.
Sarah