Our Bubba Jack Is Gone :<(, the hardest decision i've ever made Options

[unagirl]

Last Thursday my husband and I had to say goodbye to our 13 year old tabby Jack. After about a month of attempted treatment for renal failure, we just couldn't bear to watch him suffering anymore. He had taken to hiding in the basement, he wasn't eating, wasn't drinking, and was having a hard time even walking around.

When we first took him into the vet, they kept him there for 4 days on fluid treatments, and he actually improved. When we brought him home, he did ok for the first day, but then after that, he decided he didn't want to eat anymore. Under the advice of our vet, we began fluid treatments at home. They seemed to perk him up a little, but he still wouldn't eat (and we tried feeding him everything!!!)

We discovered a vet in our area that specialized in renal failure, and took Jack to him for a second opinion. By this time, Jack was so fed up with trips to the vet that he just cried the whole time and it just BROKE my heart. This new vet kept him for a day for additional fluid treatments, and they also force fed him (which i was a little uncomfortable with.) That night i brought him home and he immediatly went to the basement and would not come back up. I found out from the vet the next day that his kidney levels were astonishingly high, and had more than tripled in the week and a half we had him home. He was in a very advanced state of renal failure. The vet's prognosis was grim -- hospitalize Jack for a week (and he was very unsure if that would even do anything) and after that, intense fluid treatments at home with constant trips to the vet for monitoring (and we were already doing fluid treatments at home!). I found myself faced with the hardest decision of my life. I just could not....COULD NOT hospitalize Jack again, and constant trips to the vet were even more horrifying to think of. For the next 3 days, he hid in the basement, not eating, not drinking, and only passing the fluids that we gave him (and couldn't even make it to the cat box). It broke our hearts, because he was still alert, and still somewhat responsive to effection, but we couldn't bear to see him suffering and hiding. On the 3rd day home from the vet, we made the painful decision. It was time.

We took Jack back to his regular vet, and it was SO much harder than i though it would be. He was a lot more alert than most cat's in renal failure, so they gave him a tranquilizer first to make him relax before they gave him the lethal shot. It didn't so much make him relax as it made him completely catatonic. It was heartbreaking. I thought he'd be somewhat aware that we were there, but it was like he was already gone. The drug was so strong he couldn't move or even blink (he had little tears running out of his eyes because they wouldn't shut). They finally gave him the final shot, and he was gone. It was truely the most heartbreaking thing i've ever had to go through.

It's been less than a week, and the grief is so intense. I got Jack when i was 19, and he was everything to me! It was like he was my child. And my husband became equally attached to him over the last 5 years. The house feels like it's lost it's soul without him there. And on top of it, we're, of course, second guessing our decision, and feeling terribly guilty. Did we act too hastily? Should we have waited? Did we give up on him? All this runs through my head constantly, as well as the images of him being put down. When i go through all the events one by one, i DO feel that we did the right thing, and it was our decision to make because we knew him best. He wasn't going to get better, and anything we did would have just prolonged his suffering. But still, what if...what if....what if.....

I feel so lucky to have been able to have him in my life, and i know i'll never meet another cat like him. He was truely unique. It's hard to believe he's gone. I know that time will offer peace and healing. But.....i just miss him so! :<(