A Ray Of Sun Behind The Clouds

I never in a million years thought my heart would open up to another kitty so soon after the passing of Pumpkin on July 23rd.

This is how it happened. I was so depressed and decided to visit my local humane society with my 16-year-old son. I know it sounds strange, but I felt that visiting those homeless kitties would somehow provide me with some comfort. I always thought that someday I would adopt a little kitten and I wanted to see if my heart would be open to one.

Well, the kittens were soooo cute and playful and I even held one. Then I saw HIM, in the cage right above the kittens. He was a big, handsome grey tabby with trusting eyes. He was rolling onto his back and pushing his puffy cheeks against the glass window trying to get our attention. My son and I looked at each other and said, "Uh-oh." We knew our hearts were lost. I called my husband to come to the shelter and when he arrived his eyes went right to Samuel (who was putting on his cute, little show to get his attention). He wanted him before he even knew that Michael and I were interested in him! So much for a kitten! We all held him while he purred and purred. The caregiver told us that this was the first time anyone had asked to hold him and she looked so happy that we chose him. Samuel looked into my eyes with such love and trust and I gave him my heart. I told the caregiver that my heart was lost to him and he would be having his forever home with us. It was so hard to leave him overnight waiting for the adoption to be approved.

Samuel had arrived at the shelter as one of 20 cats that were confiscated from a woman's home. She must have fed them all really well. He is only 2 years old but already weighs 20 pounds! He loves to play, though, so hopefully he'll soon be in shape. He is a big Romeo who already is trying to score points with our 6-year-old black Turkish Angora, Sabrina (also from the shelter, abandoned because her family wanted a dog instead).

Does this mean Pumpkin's been replaced? Certainly not! Because of the great love that Pumpkin taught me how to give, I will be able to go on. I know that he would want it this way. My love for Pumpkin is eternal and I will ALWAYS miss him. My mom is convinced that Pumpkin chose Samuel for us from Heaven. I don't know if I'd go that far, but he truly is a gift from God. In fact, after my daughter chose the name Samuel for him, I discovered it means "an answer to prayer".

Whether you're ready to open up your heart to another furbaby within weeks or months or even years, my advice is to do it. There are so many furbabies that need loving homes. The pain I am experiencing with Pumpkin's passing is worth the years of joy he gave me. I look forward to a life, no matter how uncertain, with Sabrina and my new furbaby boy, Samuel.

Love,
Helena

The Pain Is Taking My Breath Away

Yesterday at 11:00 a.m. our 14-year-old orange tabby, Pumpkin, passed away in the arms of our family. We had 20 minutes before the vet came him to put him to sleep. During that time, he purred and turned to each family member to say goodbye. I gazed into the eyes of each of us and purred. I think he understood we were trying to help him feel better. Even though the vet told us that the liver tumor was extremely large and Pumpkin was very anemic, having him put to sleep makes me feel like a murderer. It was difficult for the vet to found a vein because of the anemia. When the vet put the needle into Pumpkin's arm, he let out the most pitiful, long meow that I have ever heard. My heart broke. He passed away quickly, but I feel like his last moments were not peaceful. I feel so guilty. Thank God we had a very compassionate vet who took care of Pumpkin through the years. Even he had tears in his eyes. Afterwards I didn't want to leave and held Pumpkin's lifeless body, kissing him over and over.

This past week my boy had stopped eating and drinking and couldn't walk without falling over in exhaustion. He had been so large and robust until just 3 weeks ago when I found out about the large liver mass. Watching him fade before my eyes was so painful. I would have sacrificed anything to make him better, but there was nothing that could be done. Any treatments would have just prolonged his suffering.

Right now the pain is so great that it is physical. I feel like there is a large hole in my chest. It hurts so bad that sometimes it is hard to breath. It just aches throughout my entire chest. I break down in tears all the time. Last night when I went to bed, it really hit me. Pumpkin has always slept in my arms all night long. My arms felt so empty without him to hold. I see him all over the house and can't feel any peace here.

I have had many cats since I was a little girl (I am now 33), but the Pumpkin was THE cat you are lucky to meet once in a lifetime. He was compassionate (never leaving our sides when we were sick), grateful (he always loved the special things we bought for him), and kind (he had so much patience with small children.) He went through the good and bad times with us and comforted me at all the low times in my life. He was more than a cat to us. He was a treasured family member. He was the anchor in our lives. I don't know how to go on without him.

I think I'm losing my mind. When I looked out my front window this morning I thought I saw him. My heart skipped a beat. Maybe he isn't dead at all! My heart sank when I realized it was a golden retriever puppy with the same coloring. I want him back and I don't know how life will ever be joyful again without him.

Thank you for listening to me. Only you and my family understands this pain. I am sorry for the loss of all of your beautiful friends and reading your posts helps me to know that I'm not alone. Even in my grief knowing you are out there helps me. You are my hope.

Love,
Helena

Pumpkin,
You are gone from our arms, but you will live in our hearts forever. See you in heaven.
Love,
David, Helena, Michael, and Vanessa

Saying Goodbye To Pumpkin

Tomorrow I have to have my 14-year-old cat, Pumpkin, put to sleep. We found out that he has cancer 2 weeks ago after I took him in since he was getting so skinny and was lethargic. Now I can tell he is suffering because he hasn't had anything to eat or drink in 6 days and is barely responding to us. My heart is broken and I am crying as I type. My last gift to him is to have him put to sleep so he no longer hurts.

I am 33 years old and have had Pumpkin since I was 19. He is the sweetest, most affectionate kitty I have ever had. He was wonderful with our kids, even sleeping with them when they were sick. In his prime he was a large, chubby orange tabby who loved to share shrimp with my husband and cuddle in our arms all night in winter. My 16-year-old son loved to spoil him with a cat tree, a king-sized cat bed, a water fountain, and his very own heated cat window seat. My son has loved him since Pumpkin was 2 years old and Pumpkin always loved him the best, purring the loudest for him.

Thank you all for sharing your own experiences. It gives me hope that we can some how carry on and even feel happy again some day.

Helena