My Precious Devon, Help! Options

[Julie]

I lost my beloved Siamese on July 20. As I write this,I still cannot believe this happened. I say the words but I don't really believe Devon is gone. She hadn't eaten in two days and she was breathing very hard.I was so afraid something was very wrong. When I took her to the vet, I was told that she had a malignant mass in her chest cavity and there was nothingto be done. We put her to sleep that day. I amso devasted I can barely breathe. I go to work and function pretty well, but when I get up in the morning and when I come home at night I can barely stand it. My children are grown and we are very close, but it was just Devon and me. She was my baby! If I sound like I am ramblling,it is probably because I have drank a bottle of wine. I miss Devon so much, I feel like my heart is breaking! How am I supposed to get through this? I honestly feel that I have lost my child! My family thinks I should get another cat. I don't know if I am ready.I also don't know if I could go through this again. At a later time,I will write about what a wonderful time we had together, but right now I am grieving. I want my Devy back!!! I need her so much! Will this pain end?! I need all the help I can get.

[Kaluja]

I totally relate to what you are feeling. My baby Kaluja is dieing and he is my everything. I have been with him for 16 years and I'm watching him die before my eyes and there is nothing I can do. I live alone and he was my only fur baby. I too think about whether or not I should get a new pet right away, but I have to really think about where I'm living and if I want to stay here because my apartment is too small for an indoor cat. BUT the one thing I know is I am never just having one fur baby again. I will be getting at least two so that they will be socialized and I can always add to the family if I want to. I have loved the relationship Kaluja and I have had, but if I had another cat or dog I don't think I would be so afraid of being left alone in my mourning. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain, but your post has helped me know I'm not alone. Thank you.
Sarah

[Kathleen032]

Dear Julie,

I'm so sorry for your loss of Devon. I totally understand what you're saying about the morning and coming home from work being so hard. When Shiloh died last September, those were the worst times for me as well. I can remember crying all the way to work in the morning, and dreading the trip home in the evening because I knew Shiloh wouldn't be there to great me at the door when I got home. Being 11 months into the grieving process over Shiloh and 2 months into the grieving process over Hobbie, I can tell things do get better, but it takes time and lots of tears. Be kind and gentle with yourself, and give yourself whatever time and space you need to grieve.

You're in my thoughts.
Hugs,
Kathleen

PS - I look forward to reading more about Devon. She sounds like such a sweetie.

[Julie]

Thank you Sarah and Kathleen for your wonderful words. Although I hate to think that anyone feels like this, it is also comforting to be able to say these things and know that others really understand. It has been 11 days since I lost my baby but it seems forever. I cannot remember when I was not in this terrible pain. I go through the motions of living, but inside I am screaming.
I have lost my child! My baby! And most people don't understand.
I keep thinking it will get better. In fact, yesterday did pretty well. But today I am a total basketcase.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you both. I honestly don't know what I would do without friends
like you.
Julie

[ScottySlave]

Dear Julie -- How hard for you to get such a terrible diagnosis for Devon and have to lose him in the same day. No time to prepare or say a special good-bye.

I had one other special dog, Wellie, who became a Service Dog. She came into my life when she was 8 weeks old and left 18 months later. I didn't cry when she left; I howled. But I had other animals and responsibilities and time passed and even tho I still have her picture on my desk, her memory isn't painful any more.

But with my Scotty, Fiona, I do not know how I will get through the first awful days. I have been alone for the past 5 1/2 years, except for her. She has been velcro-ed to my hip from Day 1.

Other than the instant friend here on this board, there is not a living soul I can talk to about my relationship with her or who will be able to comfort me when she's gone.

This post seems to be so much about me, but it's the only way I can think of to let you know that I'm sending you a hug. Complete with dog hairs.

[Julie]

ScottySlave-thank you so much. It was such a shock when I lost her, but I was with her and held her. My family havebeen great but it wasjustthe two of us. And evn though they are very understanding, I don't feel comfortable saying to them what I say here. Mainly, because it would cause them to worry more about me. Ijust hadher for 4 years but I love her sooo much. She is the reason I couldn't wait t get home from work. She isthe reason I didn't care if I didn't get out of my apartment all week end! We would spend it together and I loved every minute. I honestly don't know how to get through this! I am also upset with my 2 "best" friends. I talkedto them te night we had to put her to sleep, and both said they would check on me the next day. I have heard nothing from either of them and they knew how I felt about her. And these are both pet owners! Today, is just a really hard day. Thank you for caring.
Julie