I Can't Believe Nikki's Gone, missing my Nik-Nik Options

[dawnb93]

In 1997, I went to the SPCA looking for a puppy. I got an angel instead. Those huge knowing eyes staring out at me from behind the metal cage begged to be loved as no other did. She survived the mean streets of New Orleans, then parvovirus (which she had contracted at the shelter), mange, coccidia, and kennel cough. And that was all in the first three months of her life. She was the sweetest, most loyal, loving dog I'll ever have the privilage of sharing my life with. I was only graced with her presence for a mere eight years, but even a hundred years wouldn't have been enough. We had a connection, a bond that formed between us from the day I brought her home and introduced her into the family. She sensed when I was sad, when I was mad, and even when I was coming home from work. It didn't matter what time of day, if I came home five hours early, she would know and would be waiting by the window as I turned down the street. And when she died this morning, she was in the hospital across the lake, I was at home getting ready to go see her, and I knew. I knew she had passed. We beat the parvovirus, but couldn't beat the cancers that ravaged her liver and pancreas. She was the sweetest, most beautiful girl that God ever put on this planet and she is already sorely missed by Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, her four legged sisters and brother, and everyone whose life she touched. To my Nik-Nik, my Nicker-do, my Nicker-doodle-dandy, I love you so much. You can never be replaced. You will remain in my heart forever and ever. I just can't see how I can go on without you in my life. I can't bear to think of another day without those bright eyes looking up at me and that broad smile that always made me smile. What I wouldn't give to scratch behind those little rose ears again or to take you out back for a quick game of fetch. She was my baby, my light, my heart. Now my light has been extinguished and my heart has been ripped from my chest. I adore her still and I miss her more than words can say. I've lost pets before when I was a child, but nothing could have prepared me for this pain. "If tears could build a staircase and heartache make a lane, I'd walk the path to Heaven to bring you back again."

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[AngelBaby]

I also wrote down my memories in a journal. They were so clear in my mind and it is a treasure of Toffee I will always have. Here are a few entries from my 20 page memory journal... (it's kind-of long, you don't have to read it)

Toffee, I’ll never forget the way you made me laugh when I got home from work and you ran back and forth from the living room to the kitchen. Sometimes you would run so fast you would fall over on your side and slide across the kitchen floor. Happy guy.

Remember in the office when I played “That’s Alright Mama” by Elvis Presley and I held you and we danced around the room. It was fun. I danced by the mirror to see the expression on your face and you looked so happy.

On the 4th of July, many people were in the yard watching the fireworks, I brought you out. I think you liked being included in a special event. You ran around a little in the yard. I held you. I remember you twisting around in my arms and looking right in my eyes. You had never done that before. It was as if you wanted to say, "I am glad to be here. This is fun. Thank you." And I whispered in your ear "I'll always love you."

Once I walked around the room behind you gently holding your tail in a horizontal position to remind you to work on keeping it up. You mostly kept your tail tucked in, I think from habit and previous cir%%stances. I also liked to gently wag it side to side for you to remember happy times and to encourage you to experience them again. You didn’t mind at all. In fact, I think you were smiling when I was following you around holding your tail out. When I let go, you would try to keep it up. You understood what we were doing. It was a fun game. I miss you, Toffee.