Megaman's Rush Went Home Today, Grief Options

[rushie'smom]

My 10 year old Airedale was put down today. It was awful, so awful. He'd been suffering for a few days and was in and out with our hopes going up and down. I had to have a talk with my two children (18 & 13) to decide when we would make the difficult choice to end the treatment attempts and let him go peacefully and end his suffering. I'm grateful that ours were the last faces he saw and the last voices he heard and that it was blessedly quick and painless, but I still keep second guessing my decision. Should we have tried the surgery that he had little chance of surviving? I feel so guilty that he began his troubles while left in a kennel while I was on vacation. Would he have been okay if I'd stayed home? So many questions, no answers.

I just want a second chance to make different decisions! I want him back! I want another walk, another kiss, a few more years! I wasn't ready! When he turned 10, I knew he was getting old and we'd have to start preparing ourselves in case something happened, but I wasn't prepared for it to happen so soon!

I found my daughter lying on his bed sobbing because it smells like him. There's a big empty spot where he used to be. I can barely stand to look at his toys and bedding scattered around the house. I don't know how I'll put them away tomorrow. It cuts like a knife to know we'll never see that fuzzy mug greeting us at the door when we come home. I don't know how I'll take a walk without him trotting at my side and lots of people asking about him and telling me how handsome he is.

I prayed last night that God would decide what was to happen and that he'd send us the strength and courage to do what was right for our loved family member. He gave us that strength this morning. I hope he'll give me the strength to eventually remember the funny loveable things about my buddy and not keep seeing his final moments in technicolor again and again in my mind.

Thanks for listening.

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[Lisa...NOAH'...]

What a BEAUTIFUL dog! I'm sorry for the grief and agony you are feeling right now. Don't beat yourself up second guessing yourself. I've been there and it will literally tear you apart. Regardless if our pets passed away at home naturally or if they had assistance...we all question ourselves...wondering if we could have done something sooner or differently to change the outcome. My dog Sadie passed away at home on Jan.31st and my cat TJ just passed away at home on Aug. 1st. and I still wonder if I should have done something differently. Even though I know I did EVERYTHING possible...I still second guess myself. And yes...it's tearing me apart. I hope you and your family will find comfort in knowing that all of us here care and understand what you are going through.

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK