New Addition, Introducing Cleo Options

[Gort]

Greetings one and all, it's been sometime since I've posted. I've lurked the forums often but haven't posted. I've read most of the posts that the new members have made at some point. For the new members that might be interested, this was my original post:

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...517&hl=the+pain

It's been a little over 7 months since Ava passed away and I thought I was ready for a new fur buddy. I had been surfing the rescue and humane society pages looking for a German Shepherd Dog but the ones I inquired about basically told me 'that things wouldn't work out' when they found I didn't have a fenced yard and used a cable run. I could have lied about it but I'm not that type.

This past weekend, I had a local gig. When I arrived to set up, my music partner was already there which in itself is a little unusual but that's an entirely different story. My partner had a dog in the back of his jeep which isn't unusual, he's more or less become a second SPCA here in town and quite oftens takes in dogs that people drop off with him for one reason or another. He is pretty good with animals and either finds them a home or just keeps them himself. This black dog had monsterous erect GSD type ears and I also noted she was female. I thought to myself, 'nice looking dog' and went into set up. When I went in, my partner says "so... did you check out YOUR dog?" My reaction was huh? I asked what her name was and he said that he didn't know so I guess it was up to me to come up with a name.

I have to admit that I was impressed with the dogs looks but it certainly caught me off guard. After setting up, we went out into the parking lot and let the dog loose for a couple minutes. She stayed close to us and didn't run for cover or away. Pretty good for about 6 months old. She would circle around never getting more than 20 mtrs away before coming back to us. He told me to take the dog for a test run and if things didn't work out, to bring her back to him. I agreed and then loaded her into the back of my truck (the box of my truck is covered with a canopy) and immidiately went to the grocery store to get some puppy food, milk bones and some rawhide bones.

It didn't take long to put the pulley and chain back onto the cable that I had taken down after Ava had passed away and introduce her to the inside of my house. She was pretty nervous but seemed to adapt pretty quickly... now to figure out a name for her. She has the body, head and tail of a GSD but her coat makes me think she is crossed with a black lab. I've never been one for 'ordinary' names even though I called her 'Blackie' when I first saw her in my partners jeep. Her radar dish sized ears reminded me of those Egyptian statues with the human body and a jackal's head (Anubis). I decided to call her Cleo (short for Cleopatra). Cleo seems very smart and has almost mastered sit on command already.

Now this is the part that has blown me away and I don't understand at all. On the first full day of having Cleo (last Sunday), I found myself crying... missing Ava. Since then I've cried hard everyday for Ava as if she had just left me. It's like it was only yesterday that Ava passed away. I have no idea why the tears have come back so hard especially seeing as it had become rare for me to cry over her. I don't think I'm comparing Ava to Cleo or visa versa. I know it's been 'forever' since having to deal with a pup and training. I know that I think about how well Ava knew what to do and when but that comes after 15 years of being together. My band partner called awhile ago to see how the dog was doing. I said the dog is fine but I don't know about me and started crying again. I'm crying as I write this. I just don't understand the rush of emotions that have come over me since getting Cleo. I guess I wasn't quite as ready as I thought I was for a new fur buddy. I hope I get over this soon.

Here's a picture of Cleo... tough to get a pup to hold still for a picture.

[Gort]

I'm having real doubts about this...

Cleo is going to be a great dog but I am re-evaluating my situation as a pet owner after watching her this evening. This evening I had put her out in the yard to burn off some steam while I tried to get through my bills and mail. When I went and looked out the window when I was almost done, she was playing with and biting the chain dangling from the pulley on the cable. That was only after about a half hour, I can imagine what it is like when I am at stuck in the office for a day or more. I would hate for her to injure her mouth or break her teeth. I wish I could afford to fence my back yard. She has tons and tons of energy to burn being a pup and I wonder if maybe I'm not the best person to be her guardian. I think she needs to be in a rural setting where she could be with someone or a family 24/7. I have work trip in June and already I'm worrying about having her looked after while I'm away and after tonight, what she'll be up to why no one is with her most of the time. My neighbour will feed/water her but they're a young family so won't have time to spend with her.

My cir%%stances have changed considerabley since Ava was a pup. My son was 9, my job was a 2 minute walk from where I lived. Ava was pretty sickly for the first few months I had her so she didn't do alot of bounding around. As soon as she was healthy and old enough, I had her spayed. She had her energy once she recooped from that but she was around 1 and I was only 31, I had more energy then than I do now. As Ava matured, she became an 'adult' and then later, an elderly lady. She didn't run as often nor as fast as she had in her prime. Along with her, I went from 31 to 47, naps have become a good thing after work these days Ava was mature and mellow enough that although she probably wasn't particularly happy when I was away for a few days, she certainly didn't require the attention she once did. I'm not sure I have the energy to devote to Cleo that I once had. Perhaps I should have got a cat, they're alot more indipendant than a dog.

I've felt miserable emotionally and I seem to constantly be fighting back tears when ever I think about Cleo. When ever I think of Cleo, I think of Ava too and that makes me sad again. If only I could have her back but I know that isn't possible. I thought I was ready which is why I had been surfing the rescue and shelter sites, but now that I have Cleo here, I have real doubts that I was ready and whether I am emotionally up for this. The thought has crossed my mind more than once in the past few days, to phone my band partner up and tell him that he should find someone else to be Cleo's family. I don't know if I can do it properly for her.