Greetings one and all, it's been sometime since I've posted. I've lurked the forums often but haven't posted. I've read most of the posts that the new members have made at some point. For the new members that might be interested, this was my original post:

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...517&hl=the+pain

It's been a little over 7 months since Ava passed away and I thought I was ready for a new fur buddy. I had been surfing the rescue and humane society pages looking for a German Shepherd Dog but the ones I inquired about basically told me 'that things wouldn't work out' when they found I didn't have a fenced yard and used a cable run. I could have lied about it but I'm not that type.

This past weekend, I had a local gig. When I arrived to set up, my music partner was already there which in itself is a little unusual but that's an entirely different story. My partner had a dog in the back of his jeep which isn't unusual, he's more or less become a second SPCA here in town and quite oftens takes in dogs that people drop off with him for one reason or another. He is pretty good with animals and either finds them a home or just keeps them himself. This black dog had monsterous erect GSD type ears and I also noted she was female. I thought to myself, 'nice looking dog' and went into set up. When I went in, my partner says "so... did you check out YOUR dog?" My reaction was huh? I asked what her name was and he said that he didn't know so I guess it was up to me to come up with a name.

I have to admit that I was impressed with the dogs looks but it certainly caught me off guard. After setting up, we went out into the parking lot and let the dog loose for a couple minutes. She stayed close to us and didn't run for cover or away. Pretty good for about 6 months old. She would circle around never getting more than 20 mtrs away before coming back to us. He told me to take the dog for a test run and if things didn't work out, to bring her back to him. I agreed and then loaded her into the back of my truck (the box of my truck is covered with a canopy) and immidiately went to the grocery store to get some puppy food, milk bones and some rawhide bones.

It didn't take long to put the pulley and chain back onto the cable that I had taken down after Ava had passed away and introduce her to the inside of my house. She was pretty nervous but seemed to adapt pretty quickly... now to figure out a name for her. She has the body, head and tail of a GSD but her coat makes me think she is crossed with a black lab. I've never been one for 'ordinary' names even though I called her 'Blackie' when I first saw her in my partners jeep. Her radar dish sized ears reminded me of those Egyptian statues with the human body and a jackal's head (Anubis). I decided to call her Cleo (short for Cleopatra). Cleo seems very smart and has almost mastered sit on command already.

Now this is the part that has blown me away and I don't understand at all. On the first full day of having Cleo (last Sunday), I found myself crying... missing Ava. Since then I've cried hard everyday for Ava as if she had just left me. It's like it was only yesterday that Ava passed away. I have no idea why the tears have come back so hard especially seeing as it had become rare for me to cry over her. I don't think I'm comparing Ava to Cleo or visa versa. I know it's been 'forever' since having to deal with a pup and training. I know that I think about how well Ava knew what to do and when but that comes after 15 years of being together. My band partner called awhile ago to see how the dog was doing. I said the dog is fine but I don't know about me and started crying again. I'm crying as I write this. I just don't understand the rush of emotions that have come over me since getting Cleo. I guess I wasn't quite as ready as I thought I was for a new fur buddy. I hope I get over this soon.

Here's a picture of Cleo... tough to get a pup to hold still for a picture.

It's SO nice to see you back here posting again! I have often wondered how you were doing.

First, let me say that Cleo is just gorgeous!!!! What a beautiful little girl. She has beauty and brains, what else could you want?

I understand your tears. When we got our little Brandy it brought up a pool of emotions for me too. I think it's because it is hitting that soft spot in your heart again. That feeling that ONLY a furbaby can bring. You have probably pushed on with life and not remembered that feeling. Oh I'm sure you have missed your sweet Ava, but it's a different feeling when they are there physically cuddling and kissing. You have a beautiful little girl that you know will be dependant on you to provide her with warmth, love, protection and don't forget those meals!

Don't get discouraged yet. This is probably good for you! You have tapped back into those feelings that you might have ignored earlier. Cleo can help you heal, and may help develop a strong bond between you both.

I loved Brandy right away. However, it really did take a month or two to REALLY feel like we had a strong bond between us. I'm sure Cleo will find her spot in your heart too.

Please keep us posted on how things go for you both!
Cheri

Gort,

Cleo is such a beautiful girl! Cute name too. I understand how you must feel. It makes me wonder whether I'm really ready to be getting a new puppy this weekend -only one month after losing Allie. I guess I'll see how I feel when I get her and work through any pain I might feel. I don't really have any advice for you right now -I wish I did. I will come back and let you know how I feel after this weekend, as if that would help you, I don't know if it would.

Maybe it will just take a few weeks before Cleo really feels like "your" dog. I hope that she will start to make you happy as you make your own new memories together.

The ones that we lose could never, ever be replaced no matter how similar a new one might be. But thankfully we can form relationships with new pets that will be just as fulfilling -special, unique and wonderful dogs who we will love just as much.

Feel better soon,
Jenny

Cleo is so beautiful! Congrats on your new addition! I hope things work out.

Maybe after Ava died you put some of your grief feelings on the back burner and now that there's dog energy around again, it's bringing back some of those feelings.

Shiloh will be gone 7 months this weekend and I still cry over her. I've acquired 2 dogs since Shiloh died, and sometimes when I'm playing with them, or interacting with them, I find myself really missing Shiloh. It's not that I don't love my new additions, or that I'm comparing them to Shiloh...it's just that the energy reminds me of Shiloh and makes me realize just how much I still miss her. Perhaps that's how you're feeling, too.

I agree with Cheri...I think Cleo will help heal some of your pain.

Take care,
Kathleen

Hi Gort, I hope that your new beautiful baby will bring you years of joy and comfort. I just took on a full grown dog and she was to aggressive for me to handle. My puppy had to have stitches and it was just to sad. Hopefully your baby will be a loving little girl.
Ann

Dear Gort,

Glad to hear from you. Your new little girl is beautiful. I recently adopted a two year old and have found that I cried too. First because I realized again that Stymy isn't coming back and that made me sad. And second I was soooo happy to have this loving little furbaby to love. I was a bundle of emotions and its been about six weeks and the crying is going away. I still miss Stymy but coming home to Esmerelda makes coming home soooo much better. I wish you the best of luck.

Vicki

Thanks for your responses... it's been tough the last few days but today has been better so far. I guess the new pup is reminding me of how much I still miss Ava. I've also already thought about 10 or more years down the road, my heart will be broken again when Cleo's time comes. I know that has bothered me too. Damn I wish our pets lived as long as we do, but they don't. It's difficult to put those type of thoughts out of my mind.

I took Cleo out today for her first full day in the field with me. She rides well in the truck. My work truck is a 3/4 ton pick up so she gets all upset at the distance to jump down from the tail gate (close to 3 ft) and I was actually surprised when she tried to jump into the back on her own. She didn't make it... yet. So after the first attempt, once she put her paws on the tail gate I gave her a boost to get her in. I don't think it will take long for her to get into jumping in and out on her own. Also, she has become a 'stair master'. I don't think she had to much exposure to stairs so she was reluctant to use the stairs on the back deck, but she seems to have got used to them to a degree. I still see signs of nervousnous when she uses them, but I don't need to coach her up or down anymore and it won't be too long before it becomes old hat for her. She got lots of excercise today and she's sleeping now, not too far away from me.

I also have to build a trust with her yet. I'm leary of leaving her unattended (read as out of line of sight) in the house seeing as she is only six months old (approx). Altho she has her adult teeht, she's still in the chewie stage and I'm afraid of shoes, furniture and what ever else those chompers might tear apart given the chance. One of the reasons I bought the rawhide bones right away, so that she would have something to chew on and not get in trouble for. The trust will all come with time. So far she has been quite good.

Cleo is a beauty!!!!!!!!! Health, Happiness and all that's good to you and yours.

I am SO happy to hear this!!! You and Cleo are getting into a routine together
She is a beautiful dog, she really is! I wish you and Cleo the very best and MANY, MANY years together.

Cheri

Gort,

I'm like and don't usually post much anymore but I do read the posts. Cleo is beautiful! I am so glad that you have opened your heart and home to a new little furry one. As for the crying, this seems normal to me. I think that after some time has passed you begin to adjust to life without the lost one but when you get a new little one I think there is a minor setback that occurs ... almost as if you are remembering all that you have lost. This is temporary ... when the tears come try holding on to Cleo and let her help you. This will help with the bonding as well ease some of the heartache.

Congrats on the new pup!

Hugs,
Beth

Hi Gort,

I just now read your original post describing the life you shared with your precious Ava. She was so pretty and had such a wonderful, long life with you.

I love all animals but have a real soft-spot for rabbits (esecially the Flemish Giant breed, like my beloved Rusty in my avatar) and German shepherds. I got "hooked on" shepherds many years ago when my neighbor's huge shepherd, Bismark used to come to visit. He was awesome and to me was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Part of our family now is Heidi, a beautiful 3 yr. old GSD - my "dream-dog" .

Wanted to tell you that Cleo is very beautiful. I think her name suits her perfectly! I love her ears!!! Wishing you many happy years together, working and playing...........She's a very lucky doggie to have you for a dad!

Take care,
Lynn

Hi Gort,

So good to see your post, I often wonder how you are doing. You Ava passed on right about the same time my Jake did, it's been 7 months+ for me now.

We still had an older dog when Jake passed, but we got another puppie his breed within about a month after he died. So we have had Peety for about 7 months. He was a puppy too, only 8 weeks old when we got him, so that part was a shock, I'd forgotten how much different puppies are than mature dogs. At first it was a little difficult, but he has stolen my heart in his own quirky way. I still miss my Jake with all my soul and I always will, but it feels good to have a loverbug around again.

But also, it was just hard having this new being in the house who is a stranger. I don't think it matters how long or how soon it has been since your beloved dog has passed -- whenever you get a new one, there is a period of comparison and adjustment. Not necc comparison in a negative sense, but just a noticing of differences. It's normal.

Believe me, with a little time you will love Cleo for everything that she is but in a different way than you loved Ava.
Give youself time to get adjusted and to get to know each other, and treasure your days with her, even these early awkward ones. I'm sure she's feeling the same discomfort as you!!!

Write more often, please keep us updated.

Hi Gort,
First of all, Cleo is a beauty!! She does look like part shephard and part black lab....and that's a wonderful mix!! She should be a very intelligent dog!!

I'm new here...just lost my Sadie a week ago. I have another dog named Jake, who has been with me for 8 years. I got Jake at Christmas time 1996. I had told my vet that in October of that year that I was thinking about getting another dog. I was so attached to Sadie and just the thought of losing her brought me to tears. I thought if I got another dog, I would be able to divide some of that attachment and if something did happen to Sadie, I wouldn't be nearly as distraught. Well, it just so happened....I think this was meant to be....that some people dropped Jake off at the vet's office after he'd been hit by a car. They said he could do whatever he wanted with him because they didn't want him anymore. He had been their daughter's dog and she'd left for college without him....and he was quite rambunctious. Jake was a Dalmatian, just like Sadie and the vet thought of me immediately. I didn't want another Dal, but when I saw him, I couldn't stand the thought of leaving him there in that cold kennel over the holidays.

Jake has been much more attached to me than Sadie was. In fact, people say that Jake could not live without me. And I always said that Sadie could have lived with anyone, as long as they fed her, petted her and let her sleep with them. I think Jake has been so attached to me because he knows that I saved him.

The reason I'm telling you this story is because I think you'll find that Cleo is going to love you immensely. She was meant to be your dog. And even though you are missing Ava, Cleo will fill a void in your life and bring you just what you need. You'll get her into the swing of things in no time and I think you'll find that she'll be a wonderful companion....just as in friendships, different people fill a different set of needs, but they're all wonderful.

Take care and congratulations!!
Carol

I'm having real doubts about this...

Cleo is going to be a great dog but I am re-evaluating my situation as a pet owner after watching her this evening. This evening I had put her out in the yard to burn off some steam while I tried to get through my bills and mail. When I went and looked out the window when I was almost done, she was playing with and biting the chain dangling from the pulley on the cable. That was only after about a half hour, I can imagine what it is like when I am at stuck in the office for a day or more. I would hate for her to injure her mouth or break her teeth. I wish I could afford to fence my back yard. She has tons and tons of energy to burn being a pup and I wonder if maybe I'm not the best person to be her guardian. I think she needs to be in a rural setting where she could be with someone or a family 24/7. I have work trip in June and already I'm worrying about having her looked after while I'm away and after tonight, what she'll be up to why no one is with her most of the time. My neighbour will feed/water her but they're a young family so won't have time to spend with her.

My cir%%stances have changed considerabley since Ava was a pup. My son was 9, my job was a 2 minute walk from where I lived. Ava was pretty sickly for the first few months I had her so she didn't do alot of bounding around. As soon as she was healthy and old enough, I had her spayed. She had her energy once she recooped from that but she was around 1 and I was only 31, I had more energy then than I do now. As Ava matured, she became an 'adult' and then later, an elderly lady. She didn't run as often nor as fast as she had in her prime. Along with her, I went from 31 to 47, naps have become a good thing after work these days Ava was mature and mellow enough that although she probably wasn't particularly happy when I was away for a few days, she certainly didn't require the attention she once did. I'm not sure I have the energy to devote to Cleo that I once had. Perhaps I should have got a cat, they're alot more indipendant than a dog.

I've felt miserable emotionally and I seem to constantly be fighting back tears when ever I think about Cleo. When ever I think of Cleo, I think of Ava too and that makes me sad again. If only I could have her back but I know that isn't possible. I thought I was ready which is why I had been surfing the rescue and shelter sites, but now that I have Cleo here, I have real doubts that I was ready and whether I am emotionally up for this. The thought has crossed my mind more than once in the past few days, to phone my band partner up and tell him that he should find someone else to be Cleo's family. I don't know if I can do it properly for her.

awwwww, (((Gort))).

I know how you feel, when we first got our new dog he was only 8 weeks old, he's only 9 months old now. I have felt that way quite a few times, that I miss my MATURE sweet gentle Jake. I didn't want to do this, I didn't want a new dog, a new personality to deal with. I wanted to keep my Jake forever. Nothing to be done. I am very lucky that my husband was not as attached to Jake and so has more emotional energy to spend on the puppy, training etc, plus my hus can take him out running and mountain biking and give him the activity he needs.

But I love having dogs and I know this dogs youth will pass too, he will mature. Their lives go by so fast. I'm glad we have him. I am deathly allergic to cats so that would never be an option for me, but I can see your point, a cat would be more independant and more like your Ava, less worries than a young active dog. Would you be happy with a cat's personality around the house as opposed to a dog?

You could also consider adopting an older more mellow dog instead of a young one.
I can't believe people abandon their older dogs but it seems pretty common.

Can you do anything besides have cleo on the chain? I can see the difficulty with that, esp if you are living alone and gone at work for long periods, she is probably just lonely. She may need a different situation.

Bless you for trying to give her a home, I hope you can find her another more suitable place to live a good life if you decide it's just not benefiting either of you.

I am new here - lost my Amber Tabby on 3/28 ~ I understand the feelings of sadness when looking at another ~ my C.C. is the one here with me now and I am having a hard time because he is just not the same as my Ambie ~ he is aloof and to himself ~ big white deaf Angora with a huge mane and tail ~ he is very cute ~ but its not the same ~ I just miss Ambie so much ~ So I can relate to your feelings ~

I love big dogs but cannot have one since I am away for my job much too long and it would not be fair for the fella ~ However my sister has 2 golden retrievers and she works as a Nurse 65 miles from home on 12 hour shifts and she used this thing called crating ~ I don't know too much about it except that it seems to work for her and the dogs are great buddies for her ~

I am so happy you are someone who can open your heart and love animals ~ the world is a better place because of it ~

Good Luck ~ Sincere Thoughts, Kathryn

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that you think Cleo would be better somewhere else
The fact that yo are worrying about her so much tells me you already have feelings for this new girl in your life. I do understand what you are feeling, though.

Our little Brandy is FULL of energy! She is 8 months old and had already caught two squirrels and a mole. One squirrel bite her inside her mouth! She has also broken a bone in her back paw. She jumps our fence, oh the list goes on. Like your Cleo, she is just young and full of energy. My Rachael was older and MUCH more behaved than Brandy. In fact, Rachael could be loose in the yard and would never wander or run off.

Over time, though, Cleo will mature. When I get mad at Brandy, I have to stop and remember that as a puppy Rachael used to chew up all my carpeting! One day our "babies" will settle down more and adjust to our routines. Maybe you could try spraying something on the chain that she wouldn't like the taste of. After a few tries of bitter, maybe she would stop. With a big dog, I understand you wanting to keep her outside. However another option is using baby gates. We started Danny and Brandy in a small room with TWO baby gates, stacked on top of each other. With bigger dogs, we just don't believe in crating for long periods of time. However, they are provided with a crate (door left open), lots of toys and chewy things with a little bit of room to move around in. After they showed they knew how to behave in that room, we extended the baby gates out to include another room. Now Brandy has the whole house, just like her big brother Danny. Oh we still come home to some occassional chewed up something, but on the average she is a good girl

I think your emotions have you a little scared right now. That's totally normal! I think you will feel these emotions whether you wait another month or another 10 years. In time you and Cleo will bond more. Even with your trips, I'm sure Cleo could adjust. These furdogs just seem to adjust to anything!!!

I hope Cleo works out for you. Please come back and give us updates!

Cheri

Oh, I forgot to mention....
Maybe some stimulating toys in the yard with her would help. Since she's a shepard she may not like it (or maybe she would), but with my labs I have a hard plastic baby pool for them. I also run a sprinkler too! Danny just loves running through it. Maybe you could find something that would keep her interest when she's outside. There's got to be something she would enjoy playing with

Good luck!
Cheri

Hello Gort,

I'd hang in there a little longer with Cleo. I agree that the puppy stage requires a lot of work and patience. Heidi's puppy-hood involved chewing the drywall in our kitchen and taking curtains (along with the rods) right off the windows, along with other "unruly" things! Now that she's 3, all of that destructive stuff is over and we all survived!

My trainer said, "A tired dog is a happy dog." That is so true. If you could take Cleo for a nice long run in morning and one at night, she'd probably be OK while you're at work. Maybe you could hire a kid to do the same while you're away on business. How about a run, an enclosed area of chain link fencing instead of enclosing your whole yard? It would be a lot cheaper and there'd be nothing for Cleo to hurt her teeth on.

Cheri - My Heidi (shepherd) loves her plastic baby pool so that's good idea, too!

Maybe you could adopt an older dog who could show Cleo the ropes?????

I hope everything works out for both you and Cleo

Take care,

Lynn

Today was a better day than yesterday... my emotions are still at the surface though. I'm still in a quandary on what I should do.

Thanks Lynn, I'm trying to 'hang in' as best as I can but I'm still stressing. I had the day in the field but the first part of the day was on private land so I couldn't take Cleo. I did pick her up afterwards and headed out into the boonies for the afternoon. It's getting close to the end of break up (break up is the term for spring thawing conditions where roads 'break up' due to moisture and frost at night, thawing in the day and generally too wet to log without doing major ground disturbance) so there isn't alot of logging activity at the moment. A good time to take Cleo out with me. She even managed to jump into the back of the truck on her own with several other attempts falling just short and I caught her and gave her the extra boost into the back. I was quite proud of her for getting in on her own. I took her for a walk after work in the fields at the end of my dead end street as well (I don't run anymore unless there is bear after me ). She wasn't on the leash most of the time so she was able to run around quite a bit more. I started writing this post and realized Cleo was 'out of sight' as in not in my computer room so I had to investigate. I found her sleeping in the living room in the rough area where Ava liked to sleep as well. Phew, no chewed furniture.

Yes CheriAnn, I think very highly of Cleo and her potential which is one of the reasons that I have been questioning my situation as a dog owner and the time that she deserves. I just feel I'm short changing her and by the same token, I might sort of be short changing myself. Since my son moved away last August followed by Ava passing on in September, I have never been truely single/alone. When I moved out of my parents house, I moved in with my wife to be, then came marriage and kids. Then the divorce after 7 years but I kept custody of my son and was in on going custody wars for my daughter with my ex. So you see, I'd never experienced 'total independence' until after Ava went to the Rainbow Bridge. I've felt lonely particularly after losing Ava but that was getting better and wasn't such a bad thing. I love a dog's company but I am also having selfish thoughts, that I just can't up and do something for a few days or weeks without making arrangements to have Cleo looked after. Up until last summer, my son had been here to look after Ava so there was never an issue in that regard before. I didn't realize that I'd really thought about this aspect until after taking in Cleo. I knew I had the thoughts but it didn't sink in until after, damn hard to explain. So it's a bit a of a dilema for me.

BTW, good idea on putting something on the chain to repel her playing with/biting the portion that hangs down but I have no idea what to use that wouldn't ultimately be toxic and make her sick. Any suggestions? I have a couple of balls and rawhide chews in the yard for her to play with but Cleo doesn't seem all that interested in them. She'd be happy chasing the wheel barrow tire if I were pushing it around. I'll see about getting a soccer ball and a something we can tug of war with if she is into that. I'll keep my eyes open for someother toys that might play with. I don't think getting a second, older dog would be very good without a fenced yard. I'm feeling bad enough about my practices of chaining at the moment and to have 2 dogs chained would be a continuous tangle city.

I phoned a fencing company today to see if I get a quote on fencing the back yard. The local fencing company got busted for a grow op of all things, so the next one I know of is in a city 2 1/2 hours away. I've thought about putting in a kennel but that would be more restrictive than the area she can access now on the cable/chain set up and considerabley more inconvenient over all. Granted the biting the chain issue would be resolved... I've thought about fencing a portion of my yard, that would make the part of my yard that isn't fenced, useless. Not ruled out but seems like of waste of property. I will measure the area and give the company the demensions and they will quote me a price for the various heights and extras, like gates. A quote won't cost me anything and perhaps it will be cheaper than I think it will be. I'm pretty sure it will be over $5000 to do.

Kathryn, I hear what your saying. I love cats too and they each are individuals, probably more so in some ways than a dogs. I miss my tortoise shell Mot, still. She died several years ago. I know about crating which IMHO is not an acceptable solution for a big dog. They need their space even if it is at the end of a chain. It might be okay for miniture type dogs, but I just don't see it as an option for me.

J4lorn, thanks BTW. You were the first to respond to my original post back in September. I still appretiate that. I don't know if I would be happier with a cat instead of a dog, it was just a thought. As I said, I love cats too, but they aren't the same as a dog. Both have their pros and cons. As you can see I am looking into an alternative to the chain/cable run, whether I can afford it or not is a different story.

Part of me wants to keep Cleo forever already and part of me doesn't think I can do a proper job of raising her under my present cir%%stances. I going to take her to the vet on Friday to get her shots and a check up and inquire about spaying. I will have to think very hard on what is best for Cleo in the long run (no pun intended). OMG, I'm long winded.

Oh, I see your point now. You have finally adjusted to be alone for the first time on your life. Nobody to take care of or worry about. You could now pick up and take off whenever you wanted. Yes, I do understand. You have a difficult decision.

Personally, I hate having to worry about my furbabies when I want to travel. I had to stick Danny in a local kennel for a week this past December. When he came home he was so hoarse he couldn't even bark! It broke my heart because I knew that meant he spent the whole week barking!! On the other hand, I love going home after work and feeling all that love and warmth they greet me with. When I am feeling down, they seem to know how to make me smile. Well, you know all those wonderful things they can provide too. I think that the amount of time I have to go away (for pleasure or business) is so little compared to the time that I am home with them.

No matter what you decide, I wish you peace in your final decision. If you keep Cleo (which I am personally rooting for~Give me a "C", give me an "L", okay, give me an "E", now give me an "O".....CLEO, RAH, RAH, RAH!!!!! ) I know she will adjust. She'll get used to any trips you may have to take, and she'll eventually get used to the chain/cable system. It's all new to her right now.

Hugs,
Cheri

I'm so sorry everyone. I made my decision. I could not do an adequate job of being Cleo's guardian.

Although yesterday was a better day, today was probably my worst in a many months.

I'd noticed that I wasn't eating properly again and that I wasn't sleeping well. I went to bed early last night because I felt tired but it was almost 1 am the last time I looked at the clock before I fell into a restless sleep. I woke up at 5:45 and couldn't get back to sleep. The last week has been similar but not as bad as last night. I usually sleep until my alarm goes off at 7:15 and generally would hit the snooze button at least once. Because I was up early I figured I would look out to see if Cleo was up an active already or whether she was still sleeping... she was up and she was playing with the chain again.

When Ava died, I took some time off work. One of my co-workers came over to my house a few days after I left work because he knew how much Ava meant to me and that I was extremely depressed and we shared a half dozen beers and talked... and I cried, and cried, and cried... he was very sympathetic and really helped me out at my time of need. He had been sick Monday and Tuesday but came back this morning still a little under the weather. I mentioned that I was seriously contemplating returning Cleo to my band partner. Of course he asked why and when I went to explain my reasons, I burst into tears right there at work. I wish I could say that had never happened before but this was the worst episode and I felt so embarassed about it too. It wound up being an office day despite my best planning so I had no chance to take Cleo out to the bush and that weighed on me, thinking of her bored and playing with the chain.

The cost estimate I received for the fence was for $7750 plus taxes.

I mowed the lawn for the first time this year after taking Cleo for a long walk through the fields at the end of my road. When I brought the lawn tractor out of the shed, Cleo got all hyper and was chasing after the tires and biting at them. Not good. The noise didn't scare her off at all so I had to ancor the chain so she would stop as well as stay out of the way, lawnmowers can be very dangerous at the best of times. I was fine cutting the front yard but like the first time I cut the lawn after Ava died, I was crying again while I cut the back yard.

I came to my decision around 8pm this evening and phoned my band partner and through sobs and tears told him my decision. He said no problem and that he had said it was a trial right off the bat and if it didn't work out that it was no big deal bringing her back to him. He has a farm with other dogs and animals. The key thing is that his property is large enough that she should be okay just loose running about with the other dogs. After talking on the phone, I sobbed for a long time but at the same time, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. My partner came and got her at about 10 this evening, he was surprised to see that she jumped right into the back of his jeep where a week and half before, he had to pick her up to get her in.

I know you all were hoping that it would work like I was and I too am sorry that I wasn't able to do it. I re-read this thread and could see the hesitation in my own words through out. I was thinking of Cleo's best interests as well as my own and it was a difficult decision to make. I'm obviously not finished grieving for Ava. Perhaps it's true that it takes a month of grieving for every year that you have your pet, in which case, I'm only about half way through the grieving process. At least that is the way it is for me, I'm sure it's different for everyone. Perhaps someday I will be ready emotionally to have another dog but for the time being, I will have to do without. I will look enviously at people walking their pooches in the mean time. I'm sure I've made the best decision for both of us.

I thank Cleo for enlightening me to my own state of grieving as well as chaining. I will never permanently chain a dog again and will have a fenced yard if and when I get another dog. Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement, I'm so sorry it didn't work out. I will miss Cleo, but I can go visit any time I want.

Hi Gort, You need not feel bad that Cleo did not work out for you. Maybe some family will take her and keep her in the house most of the time and play with her. You did what you could but it just wasn't time for you to have a new baby yet. So don't go feeling bad that you had to give her up.

Shoot I had to give up a min pin I kept for a few days. She was agressive with her things. She bit my little Schnauzer and my fur baby had to have stitches. She also grabbed my leg and her teeth broke the skin. I could not keep her with my small grandchilden here at my house for fear they would get bit.
Hugs, Ann

awww. Gort, don't feel bad. No one is judging you, sometimes things just don't work out and it is better to admit it than to plow ahead with the misery. It sounds like Cleo will be much happier over on your friend's farm, running free with the other dogs. She's young and has all that extra energy, this sounds like it is for the best.

I hate to see you all alone - maybe getting a cat would be the best idea for now, with such an independant creature you would have some company but still have your freedom to travel and not worry. And you wouldn't feel the conflict that having another dog around seems to bring you right now regarding Ava.

It's just me, I love having animals around. They are so uninhibited and have that constant joy of life.

Hi Gort,

Looks like you did the right thing, for both Cleo and yourself. Now is just not the time for you to have a dog in your life. It's wonderful that you can visit Cleo at your friend's (and you taught her to jump into the Jeep, too!) She'll be very happy spending her days with the dogs and other animals on the farm.

Wishing you peace.

Take care,
Lynn

Gort,

So sorry that things didn't work out but it really does sound like you did what was best for Cleo. Living on a farm and running around with other dogs will be so much fun for her and maybe someone will 'adopt' her into a home full of kids who will have endless time to play with her.

It's great that you two got the chance to try it out though. She just thinks that she went for a visit to your house for a week, not that you gave her up, and she'll be thrilled to see you when you go visit her. It's so nice that you will be able to do that until another family takes her home.

I agree with J4lorn...cats are great company and require much less care than a dog does. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE dogs, but I wouldn't trade my kitties for the world. My cats are so independent that me being on maternity leave for the last year has really put a crimp in their style. They don't know what to do with me, being home all day!! LeStat tries to nap the afternoon away like he did when they were home alone all day but the baby keeps waking him up. I think they would rather me be at work all day so they can get all of their relaxing done in peace. The other great thing about my cats is that I can leave them overnight (with tons of food and water out...they think it's paradise) with no trouble. I think that because there is two of them they feel more secure and they don't need my attention 24 hours a day.

Anyway, there's my plug for kitties!

I think you did the right thing with Cleo Gort.....I hope you find peace in your decision.

Kristie