I can't keep this up any longer. Every morning I don't want to wake up because I will just have to think about getting through another day without TJ. Everyday is spent running from my emotions. Everyday I think where can I go or what can I do to keep me busy and occupy my mind so I won't have to think about my loss. Tomorrow night will be one week since I lost TJ. It's really taking a toll on me. I am greatful every night when it's time to sleep so I can rest my mind and my emotions.
I didn't think life was supposed to be so hard...I have had more grief than I thought any person should have to bear in one lifetime. They always say that God will not give you more than you can handle. Well Lord...My shoulders are only so strong...I'm only human.

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

Dear Lisa,

I don't know if this will help to know, but what you're feeling is very normal. For the first weeks (and maybe even months) after Shiloh died, I'd go through the motions of living, but deep down I felt that I had died right along with Shiloh. I couldn't talk to anyone about her...I couldn't even say her name without crying. When I'd drive home from work, by the time I got to my front gate, I'd be sobbing because I knew she wouldn't be there to great me at the door. After Shiloh died, I remember saying that I'd cried more tears over Shiloh than I'd cried in the last 10 years...it was true.

Today...it's been almost 11 months since I lost Shiloh, and 2 months since I lost Hobbie...I still feel like a part of me was lost when they died, but I'm past feeling like I myself had died. Healing takes time. You had TJ for many years...he was a major part of your life for a very long time, so it's going to take you a long time to heal. Give yourself that time...be gentle and kind with yourself...you just lost a dear friend and you deserve the time to grieve your loss and heal.

Take care.
Hugs,
Kathleen

LISA, YOU JUST WROTE A CARBON COPY OF HOW I FEEL. LOUSY ! IT'S BEEN 6 WEEKS AND IT ALL FEELS SO SURREAL. I'M NOT EVEN SLEEPING WELL. "DOLLY" , MY BELOVED GIRL BEAGLE OF 13 , AND I LOVED EACH OTHER SOOO MUCH. THERE'S NO GUILT HERE OR TRADGEDY SADNESS, BUT STILL THE PAIN IS UNREAL. THERE IS A "PEDIGREE' DOG FOOD COMMERCIAL OUT CURRENTLY; STARTS OUT SAYING "WE'RE FOR PUPPY'S' THE 3RD OR 4TH PUPPY IN, THE BASSET/BEAGLE, WITH THE BEAUTIFUL EARS, LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE HER WHEN SHE WAS A PUP. I FEEL LIKE IF I SEE THIS COMMERCIAL FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, I WILL 'LOOSE IT' EVERYTIME..EVEN IF I AM IN A VERY CROWDED PLACE. I DON'T WANT HER MEMORY TO EVER FADE, BUT I WOULD LOVE FOR THE VERY INTENSE PAIN AND SORROW TO START TO GO. I KNOW YOU MUST FEEL THIS WAY TOO ?

Oh Lisa,

I am so sorry. No one can make the pain go away...you must look for a sign from your pal that will make you feel better . I lost my dear cat, Panther, in April and I still cry everyday. I wonder when it will get better and I know it will. You must get up and out of bed and sit and think of the wonderful times and how lucky you were to have this love and companionship in your life.
I ache for you and it will take time.

Nank and Panther (GA)

I'm sorry that you also lost your beautiful Panther. I had my TJ for 22 years! After such a long time...I don't know how to adjust. He slept with me every night since I brought him home. The last year of his life...I even learned to sleep on my back just so he could sleep on my chest all night. As soon as he would see me put my pajamas on at night...he would follow me out to the living room because he knew it was time to settle down with me and watch TV. Every night when I put my pajamas on...there's no TJ to follow me anymore. I have other cats but none of them are like TJ. He was very unique...he was my once in a lifetime soulmate. It's been 11 days without him and it seems like a lifetime. I will never get rid of his basket that he slept in or his dish that he ate from. Everytime I look at his basket...I can still see him looking at me. I know he is still with me because I have had many signs. I've posted several of them. It makes me feel better for awhile...but it still won't take away the pain. Just knowing that I can no longer see him and hold him is too much to bare. He passed away in my arms 3 days before my birthday.

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

Lisa,
Hi, I am so very sorry you lost TJ after so many years. What a terrible adjustment to be forced to make...
I can relate to what you said, about God giving us more than we can handle.
God KNEW how much I loved Dixie and what a good home I provided her. He also knew what TJ meant to you and how much you loved him. Yet He still decided it was time to take our babies. He KNEW we would fall apart and experience a gut-wrenching grief.... but He chose to take them anyway. WHY????
I guess if we knew the answers, well, we'd be God. But we're not....
I hope with all my heart that your days become easier, that you are able to smile more than cry, and that you will someday soon be able to remember TJ with more gladness than sadness. I know it is hard.
We love something with all our heart and soul and then BAM!!! they're gone. So unfair.
I am keeping you and TJ in my thoughts and prayers.
Dana

Hi Lisa,

It's been one year (on Aug 24) since I lost my Jake.. I felt the same way you do, that he was something beyond just a pet, he was more of a soulmate and the most loving being I have had in my life. It nearly destroyed me when he died, I cried for a good 8 months, I had my days where I just could not stop crying at all. I mean all day long.

Yesterday it was one year exactly from when he had a seizure (out of the blue) that caused so much brain damage it ended his life a week later. I still would give anything in the world to have him back, to scratch his cheek and hear him do his little dog-purr again. I have been thinking about him alot the past few days, trying to get words for what our relationship was, and 'love' is the only word that even comes close.

I just wanted to say hang in there, you will feel better again. It will probably take 8 or 9 months, but the day will come where you realize you have climbed out of the pit of despair, and the passing of time seems to be the only way to get there. Life will never be the same as when they were here, but you will feel better eventually.

I am at one year out now, and most of the pain is gone but the love remains.

ps I just wanted to add that there is a difference between pain and sadness. the pain does ebb away but the sadness is still there, somebody here once said it becomes a 'deep inside sadness' which I think is very accurate. I will always miss my Jakeybug.

Today has been terrible...can't get past the pain of losing TJ. I had him for half of my life. The tears are flowing non stop tonight. Last night was 2 weeks since he passed away. I can't find anything to make me happy.If I do smile or manage to laugh...then I feel guilty. My other cat Muffin (19 years) was diagnosed in April with cancer. For now she is doing well but I know what is coming. More grief and sadness. Where in the H_ _ L is all the joy and happiness?????????????

Lisa...NOAH'S ARK