My darling kitten moved on to another experience early last Friday. She was such a sparkling personality, embracing life and so full of joy, it seems impossible that she is gone. She went quickly, so unexpectedly, only 5 months old.

I think one of the hardest things is that I was out of town the entire time she was sick. I could only manage a few phone calls, mostly it was by email that I learned of her serious condition. She left before I could return home.

Perhaps it was a blessing of sorts not to have to see her so frail and thin, so very sick. I feel very lucky that my cat care person did such a great job.

So hard to be back home without that bouncy little bundle of love, she would perch on my shoulder and refuse to switch to the usual lap sitting. I think she thought she was part parrot!

Miss her miss her miss her.

Lost another dear cat friend in 2008, Molly Malone, and then Mr X in 2009. Very hard to have to go through this again.

Jan

Click to view attachment

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little Chan... she's absolutely gorgeous and you can tell by looking at her eyes what a joyous little lady she was.

My deepest sympathies on your loss.

I'm really sorry about your loss. I am in a similar situation. It's like I still can't believe he is gone because I wasn't there to see it happen. Everyone tells me that he died but I can't quite grasp that in a way because all of my memories say that he is still there going on like he always used to.
I love the picture of your little kittly. Darling and beautiful.
Just know that I feel for you and am thinking of you.
Robyn

I'm sorry you are having to go through another loss, I know it's very difficult for you right now. Chan was a beautiful cat and will be missed dearly. It's times like these when we are reminded just how fragile life is and how we have to remember to embrace everyday as much as possible.

Thanks for your kind responses, it helps to know that others are reaching out and sharing their losses and sending their heartfelt wishes with the deep understanding only one who has lost a good friend would understand.

You are right, Robyn, it is hard to accept that someone who has been so dear to you is gone, and coming home to my house with no Ms Chan has been difficult. I know she came to me for this brief time to remind me to live life to its fullest, we just never know for sure how long we have. She truly enjoyed every moment she was here. Even when they were giving her treatments in the emergency clinic she was purring. An amazing girl.

I hope that you both find ways of remembering your pets and honoring that memory with the love and joy they so willingly shared.

Jan

Hi, Jan, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your sweet precious Chan. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. It doesn't matter if it's been one hour, one day, one week, or 50 years - - our lives are blessed when our precious companions come into our lives - - blessings that are eternal even when our hearts are breaking with grief when they precede us to the angels.

Thank you so much for sharing with us a picture of your precious little girl. Perhaps as you feel up to it you would like to share with us how you and your precious Chan were introduced, and -- if you feel comfortable doing so - - what happened to your precious little girl - - but if, when, you feel up to it.

Jan, each of us do understand the heartbreak you are feeling, and losing two other precious companions within a year of each other, and now your precious little Chan - - I can relate to the shock you must be feeling. Jan, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dearest Moon_Beam.......

What kind and comforting words you have expressed, thanks so much for your compassionate message. I will write some of Chan's short history to share with everyone.

In August I decided that I wanted to increase my cat family. It had been over a year since Mr X had passed and I felt that Zouzou, my giant black kitty, needed companions. I wanted to get two more to make my home complete, and I definitely wanted one to be a kitten.

I went to one of the local adoption spots, where I had gotten Molly Malone 13 years ago (she died in 2008)! Which kitties would come and join me, who would I find to share my life with, who would I bring home to snuggle with, play with, talk to and sometimes shake my head in exasperation at? First I picked out Tedly, or Teddy Twostep as I call him, he has that "drunken sailor" condition and is not quite sure where his uncooperative back legs might land. He was the friendliest of all the adults and came right to me.

Then I looked for a kitten, right away I spied Chan. She was reluctant, not very interested in me and the attendant told me she was from a feral litter. I decided that I wouldn't mind waiting until she came around to being people-friendly and she had the added bonus of almost being a mirror image of Ted.

Once home little Chan settled in to wrapping herself around Ted, following him everywhere and dedicating herself to being his shadow. Soon she also insisted her way into Zouzou's space and both 'uncles' had their plates full with the duties of washing her and being there as her personal cuddle comforter and best friend. She would steal food out their bowls when they were eating and snake herself around them when they walked. They were pretty patient with her and she was very determined to be close to them.

She slowly began responding to me as well and soon became a very affectionate and demonstrative little darling. She bounded up to me on the sofa and loved to perch on my shoulder, insisting that this was the perfect spot, laps just weren't good enough for getting those special snuggles and kisses.

She also began a series of cold like symptoms, runny eyes and nose, coughing and congestion. She would get antibiotics and recover and then relapse, it seemed like a repeat problem. In her chart I discovered that this had been a problem even before I got her. Once I took her to the emergency vet as her head slumped to the side and was nodding, as if she had no control over it. Again, she recovered and the hope was that it was a simple ear infection, but the doc warned me that it might be more serious and she was concerned about the kitten.

In mid-October I left for a trip to Vietnam, a special vacation to an exotic destination. I was going in part to see a friend and in part for the getaway and adventure.

Soon I begin receiving messages and calls from my cat care person that Chan is having serious problems, not only her usual syndrome but also not eating well and low energy. Chan is seen at the vet and goes to the emergency vet the last few days I am gone. She receives a blood transfusion and has some testing done. She is being tube fed and accepting it but continues to be weak, she is not even able to maintain her body heat. The doc says she suspects FIP and I think that her beginning as a feral kitty may have exposed her to many diseases. Finally, the day before I return home, Chan passes away.

Very hard to come home to no little Chan, so sweet and so spunky, what a lively and loving little creature she was. I so very much miss her.

Thanks for your many warm thoughts and wishes, everyone here knows the pain of the loss of a good friend, I hope that you all find some relief and release through my story. We are not alone and sharing our thoughts and feelings does make a big difference.

Jan

Chan and Zouzou snuggling.

Chan and Ted, best friends.

Awe, those pictures of Chan and Ted are really special. Just try to remember that you gave Chan a wonderful life. He was taken from you too soon, but he is happy and healthy where he is now. I hope you can find comfort in others' stories and pictures and know that you are not alone in how you feel.

Hi, Jan, thank you so o o much for sharing pictures of your precious Chan and her house mates, and for sharing with us how you met and what happened. Adopting a feral rescue is admirable - - as all of my kitty kids in my life have been rescues, but they also bring health concerns - - and health mysteries - - because of compromised immune systems.

You gave Chan everything that any little kitty would ever want - - a loving home and heart. What precious memories you have of her, and she went home to the angels knowing that she is eternally loved.

Jan, I wish there was some way to make this grief journey easier, but I haven't found one yet. If I do, I'll certainly pass it along for sure. Your precious Zouzou and Teddy need you, especially now, to reassure them that everything is okay, for they, too, miss their little sister.

Jan, I wish there were some words I could say that could help take away the enormous pain of this grief journey, but right now I know that words cannot ever compensate for the little precious life that is not physically with you anymore. Hopefully in time, if not already, you will be able to feel your precious Chan's sweet Living Spirit with you, and that you will know she is now forever with you wherever you go and whatever you do sharing your life now and always just as she did during her earthly journey.

Jan, thank you again so o o much for sharing with us your precious little Chan. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Yesterday I picked up Chan's ashes at the vet, I didn't really want to do this as it makes everything so final, there's no going back to the time when I had a bouncy loving kitten. I feel pretty numb lately, I miss her and part of me does not want to accept that she is truly gone. Since she passed away while I was out of town it isn't quite real to me.

I am spending as much time as I can with my two other cats, Zouzou and Tedly, and that has helped quite a bit. They are sweet guys and their presence in my life is like the soft touch of a thick warm blanket on a piercingly cold night.

Jan

Hi, Jan, unfortunately, yes, receiving the ashes of our beloved companion is a two-edged sword: one edge is comforting to having them back home, while the other edge is the undenying reality that their physical presence with us has significantly changed.

I am glad you have Zouzou and Tedly there to help comfort you, and to have you to comfort them as well. Your precious little girl is still with you, each of you, in your hearts and memories. Her sweet Living Spirit is with you wherever you go and whatever you do. But right now it is hard for your heart to reconcile this "new reality" that your precious little Chan is no longer physically present for you. The mind has a coping mechanism to prevent it from being overwhelmed with a tragedy, and losing a beloved companion is a tragedy. It's called "denial" which is one of the reasons why you feel numb. Your mind is in a state of shock, and can only process what has happened a little bit at a time. This is normal, it's a normal process of this grief journey.

Jan, I wish there were some words that I could say that could make your grief journey easier. Unfortunately there are no adequate words that can take away the emptiness that is in your heart. Just please know that along with all the other wonderful people on this forum, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Darling Chan I miss your sweet face and boundless energy, I miss your loud purr and loving presence. I wish we had had more time together, your visit was so short. Tedly and Zouzou no longer have a baby sister to wash and nap with, and also to get exasperated with! Such a determined little love you were, following your uncles around, insisting on being at their side.

I am trying to remember how much joy you embraced each day with, a very good lesson to learn. I go out walking in the wind and wild glory of an autumn day and I feel the strong spirit of love through your cherished memory.

Jan

Today the sadness wraps me in a deep dark cloud. I want to tell you, "Please please come back, please please say you will be here, around the corner, under the bed, just hiding, tucked away napping, still within my reach." I do not want to accept your passing, I do not want to feel the pain of losing you, I want your happy face and joyful purr to greet me, as they did not so long ago.

The whys have no answer and I am left talking my way through your memories with Tedly and Zouzou, trying to fly through my hurt and loss quickly without touching too deeply, without feeling the agony that is part of loving so much and losing so much.

The years have been bringing a bit too many good-byes, Mom in 2006, Molly Malone in 2008, Mr X in 2009 and now you. It all piles up and echoes around the same vast empty cavern. I feel hollow and crippled by the absence of your sweet beauty.

Today is full of missing you.

Jan

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard day. Unfortunately, the grief can come in waves, and when it hits you hard it takes your breath away and you feel like you're drowning. Keep on swimming, and slowly the shore will get closer, although you will still encounter days when the tide drags you right back. It's understandable for us to want to try and "rush" through this, but I'm afraid we can't. We just have to take each painful day, each painful emotion, as it comes. Keep talking to your adorable Chan, she is still with you and always will be. You just can't see her.

Sending you hugs - Cheryl x

Chan plays peek-a-boo with the curtain.

Hi, Jan, I'm just now being able to get caught up with posts, and am very sorry that yesterday was so very hard for you. It seems that if there is anything "constant" about this grief journey it's that nothing is the same from one day to the next. As Cheryl so very well shared, one day of being in a dark abyss can be followed by a day of ectasy with our memories and then followed by several days, perhaps, of numbness - - and then to have the roller coaster ride from the dark side begin all over again.

I wish there were some words that I could share with you that would help to ease this pain of deep grief you are feeling, Jan, but unfortunately I know all too well that there are no words in any language that are adequate enough to take away the physical and emotional pain of a shattered grieving heart. That, my friend, is up to healing time, one day at a time. But I hope in some way you will find comfort and hope and encouragement through knowing that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us are here for you, walking beside, with every step you take. And Chan is with you also -- - her sweet precious Living Spirit is forever a part of you, and Zouzou and Tedly.

Jan, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Yesterday I took Chan's ashes down to the shore, I released these last memories of her earthly self back into the ocean. She is now again part of the vastness of nature, traveling everywhere.

So hard to open that little box and see such a small little bag of ashes, she was only a tiny thing, such a short life she had.

Many people were at the park, walking their dogs, strolling by talking to friends, playing with their children. Sometimes its hard to feel fully part of life. I walked and walked and walked, trying to ease my own spirit. Tiredness helps, I am more relaxed, I find some relief in being close to nature.

Cheryl and Moonbeam, your words are very helpful, thanks so much for your kindness. I would be struggling so much more without your thoughtful words, they give me some support while I try to find my way through the loss of a sweet young friend.

Jan

Last week I got a great postcard from Finland, it showed a young child wearing wings and sitting with their cat, an arm around their feline friend. Reminded me of the love and joy of those years I have had with past kitty buddies and especially poignant for me thinking of the newest and littlest of my friends who have said good-bye, little Chan.

If you would like to exchange postcards with people all over the world, you can join this group, www.postcrossing.org .

Jan

Sweet Christmas postcard from Finland, artist: Minna Immonen.

Hi, Jan, thank you so o much for sharing the wonderful postcard with us. What a sweet card for you to keep with your precious Chan's mementos.

It is important for you to do whatever you feel best to help you in your grief journey - - both for your physical and emotional health. I know what you mean about it being hard to feel like a part of life when your heart is grieving the physical absence of a very important part of you. It never ceases to amaze me how life goes on - - doesn't miss a beat. Decisions have to be made, bills have to be paid, chores need to be done, errands need to be run, jobs need to be done - - but it's as if we're on what I call "automatic pilot."

I hope Zouzou and Tedly are doing well these days. I know you are keeping loving watch over them. Please know you and your fur tribe are in my thoughts and prayers, Jan, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you, again, Moonbeam for your generous blessings and good wishes. I can see that you easily give your heart to caring for others and this is, no doubt, what makes you such a wonderful loving pet Mom. Many creatures have benefited from your fostering and nurturing and many humans have been comforted by your warm words and shared expressions of loss.

I have been pushing away my deep hurt at losing Chan, I just don't think I can fully process it right now, not after having had so much loss in recent years. I seem to have shoved her memory back into the corners of my heart and I have been trying very hard to ignore that pain.

There are those moments of bare and naked awareness when I remember and when the shock is full in my face and burning a deep hole of loss within me, but, for now, mostly I am trying to push aside these many chaotic feelings, it is more than I can handle.

Thanks to all who come here and read my story, I hope my words bring understanding and release to you in your own experience of losing a dear and beloved friend.

Jan

Hi, Jan, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I wish there was something I could say and do to help ease your grief. When we do experience multiple losses over a short period of time, the grief and shock do take their toll on us - - I know this first hand. Denial and shock are two very dominant coping mechanisms that kick in to protect us physically and emotionally from having to process the trauma of loss immediately. But as they provide a protective cushion, they also delay the process which can be a two edged sword.

Still, we can only handle what we can handle when we can handle it and as we can handle it. Jan, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as you travel your journey, and that I am walking beside you every step of the way, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Finding gratitude in a time of loss on Thanksgiving Day.......

I desperately miss my loving little kitten, Ms Chan, but I want to focus on thankfulness this day when we celebrate a holiday to commemorate a time of bounty after many seasons of famine and death.

I am very grateful for my two remaining kitty companions, Zouzou and Tedly, who bring love and craziness into my life. Their warm fuzzy wacky selves brighten my days and bring comfort to my dark nights when I am missing little Chan.

I am grateful for good health, a dry and comfortable living space, plenty to eat, loving friends and family and a good quality of life.

I am grateful for the opportunity to travel and see the world and share my experiences with others.

And last, but not least, I am very grateful for this site and all the loving hearts who come to share their stories and reach out to each other across the many miles and throughout the world. We join hands in messages of loss and words of comfort.

Happy Thanksgiving, Jan

Hi, Jan, thank you so o o o much for your most wonderful words. I empathize with your missing your sweet Little Chan. I, too, have some mixed emotions this Thanksgiving day, and like you, am encouraging myself to stay focused on the blessings - - much the same as yours.

I consider you and everyone here my greatest and most cherised friends, and I am thankful for the privilege of knowing each of you. Although it is sadness that initially brings us together, we share a bond of friendship through our beloved companions that is eternal. And while we may be "strangers" during our earthly journey, we will know each other when we greet each other in eternal joy - - for our beloved companions have already introduced us through this wonderful website.

Jan, may your Thanksgiving be filled with peace and comfort, and many wonderful memories to cherish forever in your heart.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Today.......

I sit here with my coffee and miss sharing the morning with little Chan.
I miss her small warm self snuggled up next to me.
I miss her insistent and persistent personality.
I miss the deep joy and love that she embraced every moment of her life with.
I miss her playful mischievous kitty pranks, what would she do next?

How I so miss my darling little girl. The holiday season will be rough and lonely without her.

Thanks to Zouzou and Tedly for their continued presence in my life, they are good kitty friends.

Jan

Aw, Jan, I'm nodding my head in agreement as I read your message. The holiday season certaintly is going to be rough for a lot of us on here. Our loved ones are going to be so dearly missed. I'm so glad we have this forum and each other.

Take care, Cheryl x

I'm glad you have Zouzou and Tedly by your side during this difficult time. The holidays are definitely more difficult since we have so many more memories around that time. Just try to keep your head up the best you can and remember that you gave Chan a life she would not have had otherwise.

Hi, Jan, just stopping by to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and truly understand how you're feeling. This "most wonderful time of the year" can be the "most lonely time of the year" when our hearts are missing the sweet physical presence of our beloved companions.

As Cheryl and Aaron have so reassuringly said, we are here for you and for each other during these coming days and weeks, and all days beyond. May you, Zouzou and Tedly continue to find great comfort with one another, and with Chan's sweet Living Spirit always with you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Such kindness and compassion, it eases my sadness to know you guys are here sharing this with me, and making every effort to travel with me down this difficult road.

Thinking of each of you and feeling very grateful for your loving companionship.

Jan

Some good days, some bad days, some easy days, some hard days.

Funny how little things trigger my deep sorrow over losing Chan. Downloading pictures from my camera I discover an old photo of her in August when she first came to join my family. So hard to see that little girl, young sweet healthy and so alive alive alive. And now, no more.

Even photos of a similar kitty leave me with a tight throat and teary eyes. Or walking down a neighborhood street and a Chan lookalike pops out to greet me. So hard to know that my little girl is never coming home to play. She will not see her first Christmas tree, she will not get tangled up in ribbon or break any ornaments. All those annoying and irritating things now seem like blessings. Sharing life is not always a simple carefree experience, once our loved ones are gone we often cherish some of the more difficult memories of times together.

Hope you all are finding ways to remember your beloved friends this holiday season.

Thanks again for all your heartfelt messages and generous loving remarks.

Jan

Yep, you never know what small thing will trigger something to remind you of Chan. Some people try and guard themselves from such triggers, but they happen eventually. These are very difficult times for all of us in some way or another. I hope you can still enjoy your other furball friends and time with friends and family.

Hi Janee

Lisa and I lost our beloved Misty last Friday who was very special to us, I have always believed that animals bring light into this harsh world where they do not judge us, they accept us for who we are. They can bring great joy and comfort as well as being tinkerbells. Take your time and let it all out and remember their spirit is waiting for you at rainbow bridge.

Christmas is just a short time away, still, I have no tree and have sent no cards. I want to try and do these things but it is somehow harder than it should be, more difficult to find the cheer in the season, the joy and goodwill.

I have put up a few advent calendars, but so far, that is it. I think this year will be very quiet.

I did find something in the season to make me smile. I bought some 'Rudolph' socks, ones with the ribbed bottoms, so they are more slipper than sock. These also had bells on them and poor Mr Kitty Zouzou went dashing out of the room at the first sound of jingle-jingle-jingle creeping up on him! Too funny. So glad to have my plump big guy Zouzou and my wiry wiley wacky Tedly-Bear, such sweethearts they are.

Hope everyone is doing well and celebrating with sweet memories of their much loved friends.

Jan

That made me laugh! Bless him!

I think it's important not to put pressure on ourselves over the upcoming festive events. We often feel that we should be trying to enjoy it, that we should be doing this... Sometimes we just have to take a step back from it all and realise that we've just suffered a tragic loss, and it's okay not to be "up" to doing certain things, and it's okay to still feel sad from time to time. So do whatever you feel comfortable doing

Take care and hang in there,
Cheryl xx

Hi, Jan, just being able to get caught up on your posts. As Cheryl has so compassionately said, may I echo her words: it's okay not to pressure yourself into participating in festivities. Just do what you feel you can handle - - listen to your heart, Jan - - it will never fail you. Last year I didn't send out any cards, either. Instead I wrote a very brief e-mail to immediate family members. This year, I have sent e-cards to immediate family members, and I was able to enjoy doing it.

The point is, Jan, to echo Cheryl's wise words - - do only what you feel up to doing when you feel up to doing it -- and you do not need to make any apologies to anyone about it.

I like your socks with the bells on them. Like Cheryl, that makes me laugh, too. Bask in the warmth of your precious memories of your little Chan and in the precious time you have with your sweet ZouZou and Tedley.

And remember we are here with you and for you and by you always. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Jan, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh, that sweet little child, Ms Chan......how she grabbed my heart when she was here.....how hard it is to no longer have her with me.

Little things, how they bring back the sadness, the tears, the missing her so feelings. I walk past the bedroom and see a small dark ball on the bed. I remember Chan, and how she would curl up in a small dark ball, I wish it was her that I see, but it is only a small piece of clothing. I download pictures from my camera and always the software asks me---replace duplicate photos or not? There is a picture that I see each time and I cannot yet delete it from the camera even though I have a copy on my computer. It is Chan chowing down for dinner with Zouzou and Tedly, all three of them together like they had always been together, even though they actually had only just met a few days or weeks before.

Ah, well, the holidays are hard without those you love, and sometimes their time comes before you know it, just creeps up and snatches away the beauty of that life that was so amazing and wonderful and came to visit for too too short of a time.

Thanks for the warm kindness and compassion of your words, Cheryl and Moonbeam, it means so much.

Jan

I am so glad that the holidays are over, I don't need to pretend that I am jolly and celebrating. I don't need to call out cheery greetings to friends and strangers alike, I don't need to bustle about to happy gatherings, to buy bright shiny packages, to decorate with holiday festivity and try to color my world in a brightness that is missing a very special someone.

How can a little ball of fuzz so small make such a difference? Her loss is acutely felt and her short time here much treasured.

There is no end to the joy she brought into my life so I try to remember her sweetness and sparkle and it eases my heart a bit.

I hope everyone has made it through the holiday season and is coping with the memory of a beloved friend that is no longer here.

Jan

Hi, Jan, isn't it amazing how our precious companions fill our hearts and lives with the very essence of their presence!! I can so relate to how you feel about the holidays being passed and no longer having to put on the "public face".

How are Zouzou and Tedly doing these days? I hope each of you will be able to find some comfort and peace in your hearts through the coming days, Jan, - one day at a time - - knowing you are not alone - - knowing that we are here for you.

Please know you, Zouzou, and Tedly are in my thoughts and prayers, Jan, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I think we all want relief from pain and especially to help those we love who are experiencing pain.

I know that for myself this means I can all too often try to avoid those difficult and uncomfortable times when my heart is screaming with the loss of someone I love. Many times in life there was no opportunity or allowance for that uniquely human mourning process to take place. There is always the rush to "get things done", to maintain a routine and schedule. There is a great focus on accomplishments.

Life does not go by our calendar of duties and events. There are always those times of crises, of loss, even despair. Pain does have a purpose and I prefer to sit with my pain, to honor my feelings. This is the best way for me to begin the healing process. I need to be fully present in this moment, to embrace all aspects of life, that is, both the joy and the sorrow.

Death is part of life and we all too often avert our eyes and try to skirt that inevitability. Better for me to respect my own feelings and acknowledge my deep sense of loss.

I am struggling to be present with all the hurt that I so very often want to press down inside me and pretend isn't there anymore. Recovering from loss takes much time and patience, so hard to give myself that time, so hard to offer up the kind acceptance that I need as I move though this very tough process.

Hi, Jan, it is so very important that you give yourself the time you need as you travel your grief journey. You are so right when you say "Life does not go by our calendar of duties and events." Our society barely accepts the mourning process for the physical loss of a human family member or friend. Once the funeral or memorial service has ended, "life" is supposed to resume as it always had done before. When the loss is a beloved companion the "tolerance levels" can be non-existent.

This grief journey is a struggle, Jan, a very real challenge. Please know each of us are here with you, for you, beside you - - with every step you take, including when you just need to stop, stand still, or drop to your knees in times of deepest sorrow - - when you are feeling it is just too much, you can't bear it anymore.

Thank you so much, Jan, for letting us know how you're doing, for being here with us, and for sharing your precious Chan with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Jan, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam