moon_beam,
Thankyou, i appreciate it.
I hope those angels play nice...My son is only small.
I'm sorry..I always want to say more to the kind people that post here..
But right now..I feel like i'm closing up..
Which isn't good, as i know all to well...
Thankyou moon_beam.
Full Version: Lost...
QUOTE (LoveThem @ Aug 10 2008, 07:53 PM) 
P.S. But I will worry about you...if I don't see a Hi after a few days of rest.
I'm here..
Oh Judy...Please dont worry about me!
I'm not worth the worry.
their was no rest...Words are absent..
I'm a shell now...And thats it.
It doesn't matter now.
I want (need) to say this..
Words cant express how thankful i am to the people that have offered words of comfort and support to me, here on a thread i never would of thought i'de create..
From the bottom of my heart, i thankyou...All of you.
I dont want to name names but...You know who you all are...
Thankyou
Hello Justme,
Been a while since I said hello. You are on my mind even tho I don't post alot.
Many Hugs To YOu!!!!!!
Been a while since I said hello. You are on my mind even tho I don't post alot.
Many Hugs To YOu!!!!!!
Judy,
Oh Judy,
all i did was love...Thats it...That doesn't make me worthy.
'It is worse when we are alone and can't think of things to occupy our mind and the pain of missing our best friends takes control and we hurt...so very badly. It can become difficult to concentrate on a movie, reading a book...things we hope will penetrate the sadness and make it disappear, even for just a little while. We wonder....where is the relief?'
--
Your right...Where is it?..
I loved movies and books...
Both of which were 99% done with my Raggs in plain sight...
Another, i could hear breathing in the same room. My comfort.
My escape route was a good movie in the dark, sat at home, with my Raggs on my knee.
Now i sleep with my desk lamp on..
'I read a news article recently where they talked about a new discovery about grief. It is called "complicated grief" and it is that some people who have lost a loved one have great difficulty recovering from grief. And they actually found a difference in the brains of people who have this syndrome compared to the ones who don't. '
--
Oh God Judy, my brain was proven to be a little 'unbalanced' since a very young age...Honestly, that news doesn't supirse me or make an impact on me at all..
'So this can explain what we all have realized is that people can grieve differently and that no matter what form it takes....it is a normal grieving. The pain is the same for us all but the grieving, while many things are alike, can be different and still be okay and normal'
--
In all honestly...I think this is just the icing on the cake for me. A finishing move, if you like.
Normal? Maybe...Probably yes...But like i said, the icing on the cake for me.
Things that have no place here.
I was watching a morning talk/debate show we have here..Called 'The Wright Stuff'. (the host is called Matthew Wright)
They had a phone-in segment on...'Do you talk to your pets and is it healthy?..
...I felt sick, angry and disgusted...'How could we be so small minded!', that such a topic should show up on a 'debate' show...I switched it off before i could hear any comments...
I cant explain how i felt at that time..
'You said once how you &%^yze things...well, I guess that's why I found this article interesting, as I am the same way and why I thought about sharing it here.
Maybe through understanding it .. someone can feel a little better instead of wondering why maybe their grief may seem different from someone else's'
--
I understand and thank you for that...And no doubt anyone else that reads this/your post will feel a little comfort..
'Pretty soon, you will be back at Uni and studying...maybe if you have psychology classes, you will run into this finding. I took psych in college myself and found it interesting..after all, it appears to the the "ultimate &%^ysis"...which for people who like to do such things..will be attractive to investigate'
--
I study computer science...psychology is a no no for me anyway...Had my fill of that.
And who can say psychologists are correct anyway...Not me.
'You don't have post a response if you don't feel like it. Just having you do the recent post..lets me know..you are there as you said you would be. After all, we do have a summer to get through..as we agreed, right?'
--
Of course i have to post a response...I will call upon every last inch of me to post a reply...Thats the very least i could do.
Thankyou Judy..
Judy, (anyone!)..Do you think that...Maybe their are some that can't be reached?...Some that are...plain broken and nothing can be done?
Oh Judy,
all i did was love...Thats it...That doesn't make me worthy.
'It is worse when we are alone and can't think of things to occupy our mind and the pain of missing our best friends takes control and we hurt...so very badly. It can become difficult to concentrate on a movie, reading a book...things we hope will penetrate the sadness and make it disappear, even for just a little while. We wonder....where is the relief?'
--
Your right...Where is it?..
I loved movies and books...
Both of which were 99% done with my Raggs in plain sight...
Another, i could hear breathing in the same room. My comfort.
My escape route was a good movie in the dark, sat at home, with my Raggs on my knee.
Now i sleep with my desk lamp on..
'I read a news article recently where they talked about a new discovery about grief. It is called "complicated grief" and it is that some people who have lost a loved one have great difficulty recovering from grief. And they actually found a difference in the brains of people who have this syndrome compared to the ones who don't. '
--
Oh God Judy, my brain was proven to be a little 'unbalanced' since a very young age...Honestly, that news doesn't supirse me or make an impact on me at all..
'So this can explain what we all have realized is that people can grieve differently and that no matter what form it takes....it is a normal grieving. The pain is the same for us all but the grieving, while many things are alike, can be different and still be okay and normal'
--
In all honestly...I think this is just the icing on the cake for me. A finishing move, if you like.
Normal? Maybe...Probably yes...But like i said, the icing on the cake for me.
Things that have no place here.
I was watching a morning talk/debate show we have here..Called 'The Wright Stuff'. (the host is called Matthew Wright)
They had a phone-in segment on...'Do you talk to your pets and is it healthy?..
...I felt sick, angry and disgusted...'How could we be so small minded!', that such a topic should show up on a 'debate' show...I switched it off before i could hear any comments...
I cant explain how i felt at that time..
'You said once how you &%^yze things...well, I guess that's why I found this article interesting, as I am the same way and why I thought about sharing it here.
Maybe through understanding it .. someone can feel a little better instead of wondering why maybe their grief may seem different from someone else's'
--
I understand and thank you for that...And no doubt anyone else that reads this/your post will feel a little comfort..
'Pretty soon, you will be back at Uni and studying...maybe if you have psychology classes, you will run into this finding. I took psych in college myself and found it interesting..after all, it appears to the the "ultimate &%^ysis"...which for people who like to do such things..will be attractive to investigate'
--
I study computer science...psychology is a no no for me anyway...Had my fill of that.
And who can say psychologists are correct anyway...Not me.
'You don't have post a response if you don't feel like it. Just having you do the recent post..lets me know..you are there as you said you would be. After all, we do have a summer to get through..as we agreed, right?'
--
Of course i have to post a response...I will call upon every last inch of me to post a reply...Thats the very least i could do.
Thankyou Judy..
Judy, (anyone!)..Do you think that...Maybe their are some that can't be reached?...Some that are...plain broken and nothing can be done?
QUOTE (sissycat @ Aug 11 2008, 06:40 AM)
Hello Justme,
Been a while since I said hello. You are on my mind even tho I don't post alot.
Many Hugs To YOu!!!!!!
Been a while since I said hello. You are on my mind even tho I don't post alot.
Many Hugs To YOu!!!!!!
Thankyou sissycat...I appreciate it..
You too are never far from my thoughts...
I hope that...From what i read last on your thread, it worked out ok..
Hi justme
So sorry about Raggs - I just wanted to say how beautifully you wrote about him. Everyone on here has helped me so much and we are all in the same boat.
I noticed you are from the UK - well so am I... I found it hard with the time difference posting and receiving replies to the States (many are asleep while we're awake) so just wanted to say hi and am thinking about you. I've been through some of the things you mentioned you struggle with and I know what a comfort our pets are. When no one understands, or seems to care, they are always there. Raggs will always be with you...
Am off to bed now myself, I got my little dog Marilyn's ashes back this evening so hopefully I will sleep better than I have knowing she is, back home, sort of.
Take care and keep posting
meens x
So sorry about Raggs - I just wanted to say how beautifully you wrote about him. Everyone on here has helped me so much and we are all in the same boat.
I noticed you are from the UK - well so am I... I found it hard with the time difference posting and receiving replies to the States (many are asleep while we're awake) so just wanted to say hi and am thinking about you. I've been through some of the things you mentioned you struggle with and I know what a comfort our pets are. When no one understands, or seems to care, they are always there. Raggs will always be with you...
Am off to bed now myself, I got my little dog Marilyn's ashes back this evening so hopefully I will sleep better than I have knowing she is, back home, sort of.
Take care and keep posting
meens x
Justme,
My heart really goes out to you as I understand exactly what you are going through. I had my cat since I was 8 (28 now) and grew up with him, my last grandparent died when I was 11, aunts and uncles have died but I was never that close to them. This is also my first 'close' loss. Its heartbreaking when you think (in your case too) how they were there for you through all lives ups and downs, but this is probably the hardest thing either you or I have had to go through. We have to take little baby steps until we can live with this. My family also seems to be able to function better than me and I think they are wondering why I am grieving so much. Yes they saw Pepsi as part of the family, but because they were 'ours' our grief goes deeper, we had that special connection with them that no one else did.
The only time Pepsi meowed and we knew he was in pain was just after he had his fits not long before he died. I believe Raggs would have let you know if he was in pain. He sounds like he was just slipping away, as Pepsi was.
I am thinking about you x
My heart really goes out to you as I understand exactly what you are going through. I had my cat since I was 8 (28 now) and grew up with him, my last grandparent died when I was 11, aunts and uncles have died but I was never that close to them. This is also my first 'close' loss. Its heartbreaking when you think (in your case too) how they were there for you through all lives ups and downs, but this is probably the hardest thing either you or I have had to go through. We have to take little baby steps until we can live with this. My family also seems to be able to function better than me and I think they are wondering why I am grieving so much. Yes they saw Pepsi as part of the family, but because they were 'ours' our grief goes deeper, we had that special connection with them that no one else did.
The only time Pepsi meowed and we knew he was in pain was just after he had his fits not long before he died. I believe Raggs would have let you know if he was in pain. He sounds like he was just slipping away, as Pepsi was.
I am thinking about you x
QUOTE (meens @ Aug 12 2008, 11:30 PM)
Hi justme
So sorry about Raggs - I just wanted to say how beautifully you wrote about him. Everyone on here has helped me so much and we are all in the same boat.
I noticed you are from the UK - well so am I... I found it hard with the time difference posting and receiving replies to the States (many are asleep while we're awake) so just wanted to say hi and am thinking about you. I've been through some of the things you mentioned you struggle with and I know what a comfort our pets are. When no one understands, or seems to care, they are always there. Raggs will always be with you...
Am off to bed now myself, I got my little dog Marilyn's ashes back this evening so hopefully I will sleep better than I have knowing she is, back home, sort of.
Take care and keep posting
meens x
So sorry about Raggs - I just wanted to say how beautifully you wrote about him. Everyone on here has helped me so much and we are all in the same boat.
I noticed you are from the UK - well so am I... I found it hard with the time difference posting and receiving replies to the States (many are asleep while we're awake) so just wanted to say hi and am thinking about you. I've been through some of the things you mentioned you struggle with and I know what a comfort our pets are. When no one understands, or seems to care, they are always there. Raggs will always be with you...
Am off to bed now myself, I got my little dog Marilyn's ashes back this evening so hopefully I will sleep better than I have knowing she is, back home, sort of.
Take care and keep posting
meens x
Thankyou meens.
Yeah, their is a good 5-8 hour's difference between the US and the UK...But i'm finding it ok as i can bearly sleep anyway.
Thankyou for taking the time post meens, i really appreciate it..
I hope you sleep well meens,
and again, thankyou.
QUOTE (LauraK @ Aug 12 2008, 11:50 PM)
Justme,
My heart really goes out to you as I understand exactly what you are going through. I had my cat since I was 8 (28 now) and grew up with him, my last grandparent died when I was 11, aunts and uncles have died but I was never that close to them. This is also my first 'close' loss. Its heartbreaking when you think (in your case too) how they were there for you through all lives ups and downs, but this is probably the hardest thing either you or I have had to go through. We have to take little baby steps until we can live with this. My family also seems to be able to function better than me and I think they are wondering why I am grieving so much. Yes they saw Pepsi as part of the family, but because they were 'ours' our grief goes deeper, we had that special connection with them that no one else did.
The only time Pepsi meowed and we knew he was in pain was just after he had his fits not long before he died. I believe Raggs would have let you know if he was in pain. He sounds like he was just slipping away, as Pepsi was.
I am thinking about you x
My heart really goes out to you as I understand exactly what you are going through. I had my cat since I was 8 (28 now) and grew up with him, my last grandparent died when I was 11, aunts and uncles have died but I was never that close to them. This is also my first 'close' loss. Its heartbreaking when you think (in your case too) how they were there for you through all lives ups and downs, but this is probably the hardest thing either you or I have had to go through. We have to take little baby steps until we can live with this. My family also seems to be able to function better than me and I think they are wondering why I am grieving so much. Yes they saw Pepsi as part of the family, but because they were 'ours' our grief goes deeper, we had that special connection with them that no one else did.
The only time Pepsi meowed and we knew he was in pain was just after he had his fits not long before he died. I believe Raggs would have let you know if he was in pain. He sounds like he was just slipping away, as Pepsi was.
I am thinking about you x
LauraK...I dont know what to say...
The age of 8 to 28...Pepsi was/is a special friend..
yes, my grandparents are gone too. Before i knew them. My auntie and uncle are still here, but haven't seen them in years...My parents, well...Their still here...But not HERE...?
If my Raggs was in pain...I'de rather he showed it to me...
Yes people can mention the...'survival instinct'...
..I just didnt think that...he needed to 'survive' with me..
Any thought of a 'survival instinct' didnt exist to me...Something that never entered my mind.
Thankyou LauraK..
QUOTE (justme @ Aug 12 2008, 08:20 PM)
Thankyou meens.
Yeah, their is a good 5-8 hour's difference between the US and the UK...But i'm finding it ok as i can bearly sleep anyway.
Thankyou for taking the time post meens, i really appreciate it..
I hope you sleep well meens,
and again, thankyou.
Yeah, their is a good 5-8 hour's difference between the US and the UK...But i'm finding it ok as i can bearly sleep anyway.
Thankyou for taking the time post meens, i really appreciate it..
I hope you sleep well meens,
and again, thankyou.
Hey justme
Just wanted to say am thinking about you. Hope you got through today as well as can be expected.
Am feeling dead inside, just want to hide under the duvet and wake up and everything be OK. Your moving description of having Raggs put to sleep was very similar to my Marilyn. I - and everyone on here - knows the pain you're going through. I feel terribly alone until I come here, don't know how I'd have coped without it.
Take care and hope you get some sleep tonight
meens ***
QUOTE (LoveThem @ Aug 13 2008, 03:17 AM)
Oh Judy,
all i did was love...Thats it...That doesn't make me worthy.
'It is worse when we are alone and can't think of things to occupy our mind and the pain of missing our best friends takes control and we hurt...so very badly. It can become difficult to concentrate on a movie, reading a book...things we hope will penetrate the sadness and make it disappear, even for just a little while. We wonder....where is the relief?'
--
Your right...Where is it?..
I loved movies and books...
Both of which were 99% done with my Raggs in plain sight...
Another, i could hear breathing in the same room. My comfort.
My escape route was a good movie in the dark, sat at home, with my Raggs on my knee.
Now i sleep with my desk lamp on..
I was watching a morning talk/debate show we have here..Called 'The Wright Stuff'. (the host is called Matthew Wright)
They had a phone-in segment on...'Do you talk to your pets and is it healthy?..
...I felt sick, angry and disgusted...'How could we be so small minded!', that such a topic should show up on a 'debate' show...I switched it off before i could hear any comments...
I cant explain how i felt at that time..
'Pretty soon, you will be back at Uni and studying...maybe if you have psychology classes, you will run into this finding. I took psych in college myself and found it interesting..after all, it appears to the the "ultimate &%^ysis"...which for people who like to do such things..will be attractive to investigate'
--
I study computer science...psychology is a no no for me anyway...Had my fill of that.
And who can say psychologists are correct anyway...Not me.
Thankyou Judy..
Judy, (anyone!)..Do you think that...Maybe their are some that can't be reached?...Some that are...plain broken and nothing can be done?
Steve,
You can't question if you are worthy..... Raggs found you just perfect and I will trust a special one's judgment over anything else. Besides you are part of the special people that actually care about these sweethearts.....it is people who don't care..I feel sorry for. It is people who pretend they truly care...they are not worthy..they don't belong. And these oh so very special sweethearts of ours know phonies better than we ever could. And your words of
"all I did was love"....... love is very powerful and so is what you and Raggs have together.
What you did was give your love and your heart to one who became your very best friend, who knew you were genuine..because no one can fool one of these babies when it comes to the truth. You gave your all and so did he and that is what makes it so very special. These babies are given the gift of unconditional love...they all have it...and once we have experienced it..we never want to let it go. All these babies are given this gift...it is sad that so much of it is wasted when there is no one to give it to.
I always loved movies and books too. And I find myself sleeping with the TV on. I just read a book a few days ago...the first time in almost a year..and I did it. I have watched movies during the year but only gentle ones. Doing so many things together becomes such a habit that when one is alone doing them....it FEELS alone. I like to think I can talk to my boy anytime..there is no answer but if there are truly spirits then he can hear me. (I don't blame you for switching off that TV show). My boy knows I could not save him...he was doing very well just a week earlier...all recovered from dental surgery and racing around and actually eating again. But then one day it came out of nowhere and something filled his chest so he couldn't breathe. I didn't want him to go just like you didn't want to believe Raggs would go. We have no control there. All we can do is the best we can at the time and..think of them first..before ourselves..as they would do if they had the choice. You know they always wanted us to be happy...we saw that in them when they were with us. And if they can't be here with us, they still want us to go on and again ..do the best we can..and if we can smile at something..I'll bet they are smiling with us.
Computer Science? What do you study. I absolutely love computers and have built my own and written programs..do they teach you that there?
As to your last question...I am basically a negative thinking person regarding the world at large and some people I have met....yet I cannot believe that there are some that are so broken that nothing can be done. I can believe grief can take a harder toll on some. I can believe that some may need a lot more time than others...to find their way back. And just maybe, the right thing said at the right time by someone else might help light the way back for them. I can believe that some things are harder or may even be impossible to accomplish...alone. Because the mind gets so full of conflicts it is hard to sort them out and see them for what they really are. When someone can point out something that makes sense enough to relieve a conflict of one trying to make sense out of something....that's what friends are for.
I found in life the easy way can be just giving up trying to find a solution to a problem. It is hard to fight for yourself but sometimes THAT IS the way. I know in my life there have been times I felt truly down and continued down and down and once I got to a certain point...I would get angry at feeling down and wasting that time and the anger is what motivated me to turn my thinking around.
I guess the old saying about...Where there is a Will, there is a Way...is not bad. The problem is to FIND the Will to find the way. I believe the Will is there in us...the trick is to find how to access it. To find what will "turn the light on" for us.
Here is your cyber-Hug for you and for Raggs. If I had a magic wand..the world would get very crowded because I would bring everyone's babies back to them...healthy and with umpteen years to go.
Judy
all i did was love...Thats it...That doesn't make me worthy.
'It is worse when we are alone and can't think of things to occupy our mind and the pain of missing our best friends takes control and we hurt...so very badly. It can become difficult to concentrate on a movie, reading a book...things we hope will penetrate the sadness and make it disappear, even for just a little while. We wonder....where is the relief?'
--
Your right...Where is it?..
I loved movies and books...
Both of which were 99% done with my Raggs in plain sight...
Another, i could hear breathing in the same room. My comfort.
My escape route was a good movie in the dark, sat at home, with my Raggs on my knee.
Now i sleep with my desk lamp on..
I was watching a morning talk/debate show we have here..Called 'The Wright Stuff'. (the host is called Matthew Wright)
They had a phone-in segment on...'Do you talk to your pets and is it healthy?..
...I felt sick, angry and disgusted...'How could we be so small minded!', that such a topic should show up on a 'debate' show...I switched it off before i could hear any comments...
I cant explain how i felt at that time..
'Pretty soon, you will be back at Uni and studying...maybe if you have psychology classes, you will run into this finding. I took psych in college myself and found it interesting..after all, it appears to the the "ultimate &%^ysis"...which for people who like to do such things..will be attractive to investigate'
--
I study computer science...psychology is a no no for me anyway...Had my fill of that.
And who can say psychologists are correct anyway...Not me.
Thankyou Judy..
Judy, (anyone!)..Do you think that...Maybe their are some that can't be reached?...Some that are...plain broken and nothing can be done?
Steve,
You can't question if you are worthy..... Raggs found you just perfect and I will trust a special one's judgment over anything else. Besides you are part of the special people that actually care about these sweethearts.....it is people who don't care..I feel sorry for. It is people who pretend they truly care...they are not worthy..they don't belong. And these oh so very special sweethearts of ours know phonies better than we ever could. And your words of
"all I did was love"....... love is very powerful and so is what you and Raggs have together.
What you did was give your love and your heart to one who became your very best friend, who knew you were genuine..because no one can fool one of these babies when it comes to the truth. You gave your all and so did he and that is what makes it so very special. These babies are given the gift of unconditional love...they all have it...and once we have experienced it..we never want to let it go. All these babies are given this gift...it is sad that so much of it is wasted when there is no one to give it to.
I always loved movies and books too. And I find myself sleeping with the TV on. I just read a book a few days ago...the first time in almost a year..and I did it. I have watched movies during the year but only gentle ones. Doing so many things together becomes such a habit that when one is alone doing them....it FEELS alone. I like to think I can talk to my boy anytime..there is no answer but if there are truly spirits then he can hear me. (I don't blame you for switching off that TV show). My boy knows I could not save him...he was doing very well just a week earlier...all recovered from dental surgery and racing around and actually eating again. But then one day it came out of nowhere and something filled his chest so he couldn't breathe. I didn't want him to go just like you didn't want to believe Raggs would go. We have no control there. All we can do is the best we can at the time and..think of them first..before ourselves..as they would do if they had the choice. You know they always wanted us to be happy...we saw that in them when they were with us. And if they can't be here with us, they still want us to go on and again ..do the best we can..and if we can smile at something..I'll bet they are smiling with us.
Computer Science? What do you study. I absolutely love computers and have built my own and written programs..do they teach you that there?
As to your last question...I am basically a negative thinking person regarding the world at large and some people I have met....yet I cannot believe that there are some that are so broken that nothing can be done. I can believe grief can take a harder toll on some. I can believe that some may need a lot more time than others...to find their way back. And just maybe, the right thing said at the right time by someone else might help light the way back for them. I can believe that some things are harder or may even be impossible to accomplish...alone. Because the mind gets so full of conflicts it is hard to sort them out and see them for what they really are. When someone can point out something that makes sense enough to relieve a conflict of one trying to make sense out of something....that's what friends are for.
I found in life the easy way can be just giving up trying to find a solution to a problem. It is hard to fight for yourself but sometimes THAT IS the way. I know in my life there have been times I felt truly down and continued down and down and once I got to a certain point...I would get angry at feeling down and wasting that time and the anger is what motivated me to turn my thinking around.
I guess the old saying about...Where there is a Will, there is a Way...is not bad. The problem is to FIND the Will to find the way. I believe the Will is there in us...the trick is to find how to access it. To find what will "turn the light on" for us.
Here is your cyber-Hug for you and for Raggs. If I had a magic wand..the world would get very crowded because I would bring everyone's babies back to them...healthy and with umpteen years to go.
Judy
Judy,
I always loved movies and books too. And I find myself sleeping with the TV on. I just read a book a few days ago...the first time in almost a year..and I did it. I have watched movies during the year but only gentle ones. Doing so many things together becomes such a habit that when one is alone doing them....it FEELS alone. I like to think I can talk to my boy anytime.
--
Gentle movies?...Only horror has a chance of distracting me...
And your right...It is never the same...Everything i've known, is completley different now...A 'different' i dont like. A 'different' i despise.
Its like...ugh' like being born again..
I've said it before but i'll say again..I've never known a life without my boy...
And now...Well now, i hate it.
I'm just wandering through with my eyes closed.
Since July 6th, i've said 'goodnight' to what seems such an empy front room...
'Computer Science? What do you study. I absolutely love computers and have built my own and written programs..do they teach you that there?'
--
Yes computer science...
Programming, algorithms, AI, etc..
A lot to do with Mathematics as well as computers..
I too have built my own from scratch and written numerous programs.
'As to your last question...I am basically a negative thinking person regarding the world at large and some people I have met....yet I cannot believe that there are some that are so broken that nothing can be done. I can believe grief can take a harder toll on some. I can believe that some may need a lot more time than others...to find their way back. And just maybe, the right thing said at the right time by someone else might help light the way back for them. I can believe that some things are harder or may even be impossible to accomplish...alone. Because the mind gets so full of conflicts it is hard to sort them out and see them for what they really are. When someone can point out something that makes sense enough to relieve a conflict of one trying to make sense out of something....that's what friends are for.'
--
I too am i very negative person when it comes to viewing the world..And have been for a long time.
'I can believe grief can take a harder toll on some. I can believe that some may need a lot more time than others...to find their way back. And just maybe, the right thing said at the right time by someone else might help light the way back for them.'
--
Yeah i know that. I watched the neighbour's opposite me who lost a daughter in an accident at the age of 13...
Being opposite me...I saw, (although never the complete picture), how they coped and still cope to this day...
I think it's great that you can believe that...the right thing at the right time by someone, can help the light back into another.
'I can believe that some things are harder or may even be impossible to accomplish...alone. Because the mind gets so full of conflicts it is hard to sort them out and see them for what they really are. When someone can point out something that makes sense enough to relieve a conflict of one trying to make sense out of something....that's what friends are for.'
--
When completley alone, yes, i can believe that 100%, simply because i'm feeling it now.
I've never EVER felt lonely not having a human presence around me.
Heck', i never needed to...And to be honest, i didnt want to...Because i had my Raggs.
Now...Well now, i just dont know.
'I guess the old saying about...Where there is a Will, there is a Way...is not bad. The problem is to FIND the Will to find the way. I believe the Will is there in us...the trick is to find how to access it. To find what will "turn the light on" for us.'
--
Your absolutly right...The problem is exactly that.
I just cant find it, if indeed it does exist in me.
I'm just so tired now...I really am.
If my own 'will' wont come and slap me in the face, i dont know how i will find it.
Thankyou Judy, i appreciate it.
QUOTE (meens @ Aug 13 2008, 09:51 PM)
Hey justme
Just wanted to say am thinking about you. Hope you got through today as well as can be expected.
Am feeling dead inside, just want to hide under the duvet and wake up and everything be OK. Your moving description of having Raggs put to sleep was very similar to my Marilyn. I - and everyone on here - knows the pain you're going through. I feel terribly alone until I come here, don't know how I'd have coped without it.
Take care and hope you get some sleep tonight
meens ***
Just wanted to say am thinking about you. Hope you got through today as well as can be expected.
Am feeling dead inside, just want to hide under the duvet and wake up and everything be OK. Your moving description of having Raggs put to sleep was very similar to my Marilyn. I - and everyone on here - knows the pain you're going through. I feel terribly alone until I come here, don't know how I'd have coped without it.
Take care and hope you get some sleep tonight
meens ***
meens,
Thankyou meens,
i too am feeling a little dead inside...If the heavy heart and sick feeling in my stomach dont count, yes dead inside.
Yeah, if i hadn't found this forum then...Well i dont know what..
Comming here just...Doesnt seem to extinguish the loneliness for much now...It still seems to be their, burning strong.
I just dont know what to do with myself.
Best wishes meens.
QUOTE (justme @ Aug 15 2008, 06:17 PM)
meens,
Thankyou meens,
i too am feeling a little dead inside...If the heavy heart and sick feeling in my stomach dont count, yes dead inside.
Yeah, if i hadn't found this forum then...Well i dont know what..
Comming here just...Doesnt seem to extinguish the loneliness for much now...It still seems to be their, burning strong.
I just dont know what to do with myself.
Best wishes meens.
Thankyou meens,
i too am feeling a little dead inside...If the heavy heart and sick feeling in my stomach dont count, yes dead inside.
Yeah, if i hadn't found this forum then...Well i dont know what..
Comming here just...Doesnt seem to extinguish the loneliness for much now...It still seems to be their, burning strong.
I just dont know what to do with myself.
Best wishes meens.
Hey justme
Glad you posted back, been worried about you. Nothing can ever replace the love they gave us, nothing at all. I just try and take it an hour at a time, anything else is too scary. I so know what you mean about the heavy heart and sick stomach. There's a physical pain inside, yet at the same time I feel so numb and so empty.
I just nodded off watching one of the horror films on FilmFour (I saw you watch them to distract your mind), as I was waking up I thought, I must let the dogs out, its been a while, and I was thinking they were both either side of me like they have been for the last 15 years ... and there was that horrible sick realisation that only one was there, my mind still fuddled from sleep I still looked over expecting to see Marilyn in her bed, then the last 11 days came crashing back. Oh God, she's gone, I suddenly remembered and the pain starts thumping away again.
I wish I could make it better for you I really do. Please keep posting, people here really do care and understand.
meens xx
meens,
'I just try and take it an hour at a time, anything else is too scary'
---
Yes, your right it is...I've never been one to 'think' ahead anyway...
For example...Next summer's vacation maybe...Its a year away, and that scares the hell out of me planning for it now..
And now...Well yeah, Its down to every hour of every day...Everything is 'up in the air' so to speak.
Nothing seems grounded.
I'de even go as far as to say..Nothing seems 'real'...Or even matters now.
'so know what you mean about the heavy heart and sick stomach. There's a physical pain inside, yet at the same time I feel so numb and so empty.
'
---
Thats right...
A numbness feeling has always been their to me but...I've been somewhat reluctant to use it because the heavy heart and sick feeling is still their..
Can you feel numb and yet still feel those feelings?
'as I was waking up I thought, I must let the dogs out, its been a while, and I was thinking they were both either side of me like they have been for the last 15 years ... and there was that horrible sick realisation that only one was there, my mind still fuddled from sleep I still looked over expecting to see Marilyn in her bed, then the last 11 days came crashing back. Oh God, she's gone, I suddenly remembered and the pain starts thumping away again.'
---
Oh meens, i know what you mean...
I have woken in the early morning with a couple of seconds of peace..Thinking that my boy was beside me...And in those couple of seconds, although short lived, everything was ok.
And then...Well then it hits me head on all over again.
The sick realisation hits me like a train.
My heart sinks lower and lower,
my stomach turns to mush and an overwhelming sense of loneliness washes over me.
Thankyou meens, best wishes.
Steve
'I just try and take it an hour at a time, anything else is too scary'
---
Yes, your right it is...I've never been one to 'think' ahead anyway...
For example...Next summer's vacation maybe...Its a year away, and that scares the hell out of me planning for it now..
And now...Well yeah, Its down to every hour of every day...Everything is 'up in the air' so to speak.
Nothing seems grounded.
I'de even go as far as to say..Nothing seems 'real'...Or even matters now.
'so know what you mean about the heavy heart and sick stomach. There's a physical pain inside, yet at the same time I feel so numb and so empty.
'
---
Thats right...
A numbness feeling has always been their to me but...I've been somewhat reluctant to use it because the heavy heart and sick feeling is still their..
Can you feel numb and yet still feel those feelings?
'as I was waking up I thought, I must let the dogs out, its been a while, and I was thinking they were both either side of me like they have been for the last 15 years ... and there was that horrible sick realisation that only one was there, my mind still fuddled from sleep I still looked over expecting to see Marilyn in her bed, then the last 11 days came crashing back. Oh God, she's gone, I suddenly remembered and the pain starts thumping away again.'
---
Oh meens, i know what you mean...
I have woken in the early morning with a couple of seconds of peace..Thinking that my boy was beside me...And in those couple of seconds, although short lived, everything was ok.
And then...Well then it hits me head on all over again.
The sick realisation hits me like a train.
My heart sinks lower and lower,
my stomach turns to mush and an overwhelming sense of loneliness washes over me.
Thankyou meens, best wishes.
Steve
QUOTE (justme @ Aug 15 2008, 08:02 PM)
meens,
'I just try and take it an hour at a time, anything else is too scary'
---
Yes, your right it is...I've never been one to 'think' ahead anyway...
For example...Next summer's vacation maybe...Its a year away, and that scares the hell out of me planning for it now..
And now...Well yeah, Its down to every hour of every day...Everything is 'up in the air' so to speak.
Nothing seems grounded.
I'de even go as far as to say..Nothing seems 'real'...Or even matters now.
'so know what you mean about the heavy heart and sick stomach. There's a physical pain inside, yet at the same time I feel so numb and so empty.
'
---
Thats right...
A numbness feeling has always been their to me but...I've been somewhat reluctant to use it because the heavy heart and sick feeling is still their..
Can you feel numb and yet still feel those feelings?
'as I was waking up I thought, I must let the dogs out, its been a while, and I was thinking they were both either side of me like they have been for the last 15 years ... and there was that horrible sick realisation that only one was there, my mind still fuddled from sleep I still looked over expecting to see Marilyn in her bed, then the last 11 days came crashing back. Oh God, she's gone, I suddenly remembered and the pain starts thumping away again.'
---
Oh meens, i know what you mean...
I have woken in the early morning with a couple of seconds of peace..Thinking that my boy was beside me...And in those couple of seconds, although short lived, everything was ok.
And then...Well then it hits me head on all over again.
The sick realisation hits me like a train.
My heart sinks lower and lower,
my stomach turns to mush and an overwhelming sense of loneliness washes over me.
Thankyou meens, best wishes.
Steve
'I just try and take it an hour at a time, anything else is too scary'
---
Yes, your right it is...I've never been one to 'think' ahead anyway...
For example...Next summer's vacation maybe...Its a year away, and that scares the hell out of me planning for it now..
And now...Well yeah, Its down to every hour of every day...Everything is 'up in the air' so to speak.
Nothing seems grounded.
I'de even go as far as to say..Nothing seems 'real'...Or even matters now.
'so know what you mean about the heavy heart and sick stomach. There's a physical pain inside, yet at the same time I feel so numb and so empty.
'
---
Thats right...
A numbness feeling has always been their to me but...I've been somewhat reluctant to use it because the heavy heart and sick feeling is still their..
Can you feel numb and yet still feel those feelings?
'as I was waking up I thought, I must let the dogs out, its been a while, and I was thinking they were both either side of me like they have been for the last 15 years ... and there was that horrible sick realisation that only one was there, my mind still fuddled from sleep I still looked over expecting to see Marilyn in her bed, then the last 11 days came crashing back. Oh God, she's gone, I suddenly remembered and the pain starts thumping away again.'
---
Oh meens, i know what you mean...
I have woken in the early morning with a couple of seconds of peace..Thinking that my boy was beside me...And in those couple of seconds, although short lived, everything was ok.
And then...Well then it hits me head on all over again.
The sick realisation hits me like a train.
My heart sinks lower and lower,
my stomach turns to mush and an overwhelming sense of loneliness washes over me.
Thankyou meens, best wishes.
Steve
Hiya Steve
I know what you mean totally - I think my birthday, no Marilyn, Christmas, no Marilyn etc etc. Its horrible but we just have to take it really slowly. Things will never be the same for either of us (and everyone else on here). Things don't seem real, or that they matter. I am lucky in that I have two other dogs, Marilyn's sister Chi Chi and a rescue dog called Betty. But its still WRONG, I want my sweet, kind and caring little girly back. I read at the beginning of your posts how Raggs would lay his head on you when you were feeling down, she would do similar, jump up and put her little paws on my leg and look at me as if to say, I'm here, and I'm worried about you. And after a really horrible time, she would scratch at the bathroom door til I let her in so she could check I was OK. I had to have leave the door open from them on, bless her I miss her so much.
It does seem like a contradiction doesn't it, feeling empty and yet having a heavy heart and the physical pain. But it is like that. Despite trying to eat and sleep and be "normal", my health has never been worse. I've coped with hard times before, now in a rather ghoulishly fascinating way, I'm watching my body fail me, my hair's falling out, I've got mouth ulcers, my lip has split and a serious medical condition I had years ago has suddenly come back with a vengeance, so I'm in pain as well. Just seems so unfair, and just adds to the misery, highlights it in fact.
The loneliness is horrendous, this is the only place I can come where i feel people understand and I can remember my little angel without feeling guilty for being upset, or going on, or being a burden. Sometimes I think it would actually be easier being completely alone, ie with no family or people around that you can tell just by looking at them, that they're thinking, oh god, isn't she over it yet, it was just a dog etc etc. I don't know if its the same for you but this place, when there's people around me like that, is like an oasis in a desert.
I don't know what I'd do without it.
I am so sorry for how you're feeling, I wish I could make it better. Just a thought, I don't know what part of the country you're in but I help out at a local dog rescue, its hard cos it does break you up inside but channelling the grief into something positive may help, and the dogs are so grateful. Maybe something to do over the holidays?
Just a thought. I'm thinking of you Steve
meens xx
Hi, Steve, it's been a few days since I have had a chance to check in to see how you're doing. Just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers every day, and look forward to hearing from you whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Steve
Are you here for my day..as you said? Haven't heard from you here but thought I might today.
Judy
Are you here for my day..as you said? Haven't heard from you here but thought I might today.
Judy
Hi, steve, well, here I am again like a bad penny just checking in with you to see how you're doing. I hope you're back in school beginning a new semester of courses. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and look forward to hearing from you whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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