I can reach the phone in the workshop, but that won't matter because it doesn't work any more.

Jon was really concentrating on something when a telemarketer called.
He threw the phone at the wall, and scared me. My tail was all fluffed out like a bottle brush! I was proud of it!

He said I can EAT next one who calls though, after he tears their guts out.

I believe him.

I hope they taste like CHICKEN!!

The one I ate tasted more like **BURP!** snake....

Iggy.

DOGS play with shoes.

You refuse to fetch, you only roll over when you FEEL like it, you only sit up and beg when we are eating, and you were annoyed when I dressed you in Pepper's harness...

Click to view attachment

and the Job Description said, "Cat, Tuxedo, Affectionate, One Each, Fish-Fueled, Pink Nose Premium Option".

Read your contract or I'll go to the Union.

You pulled the linings out of my work shoes, too. Where did you hide them?

Sometimes I wonder if Iggy thinks HE is the boss and I wonder what his Job Description would say for his "staff"?

(I think we all know who is the boss in our homes, don't we?)

Thanks for the smiles, Jon....and Iggy!

Pssst!.....Jon.....they're probably wherever you hid the lutefisk...

They probably smelled better.


(My friends in Scandinavia know I'm joking.)

My wife accused me of spoiling Iggy. I denied it.

"Well, then, why are there Iggy pawprints on the kitchen counter next to the refrigerator, with CHICKEN CRUMBS on the counter??"

"It...Just...HAPPENED. I don't know what came over me..He looked SO HUNGRY..."

"Well, how do you explain THIS? It was running in your Swiss Memory keychain!!

TXA 00C9F0 000C00
TYA 00BB35 00C000

REM: I AM A CAT. USE OLD CBM BASIC 4 FINGERS=OCTAL

0001 REM JON JOB DESC TASKLIST
0002 D1="REFRIGERATOR":D2="IGNATIUS UNIT":D3="JON":D4="MEOW OUTPUT DEVICE":D5='"LITTERBOX"
0003 GOSUB 0010
0004 OPEN D1
0005 OPEN D2
0006 LOAD D2: REM IGNATIUS UNIT LOADED:CLOSE D1
0007 FOR I=1 TO 10: IF I >10 GOTO 0020:NEXT I:GOTO 0004

0010 OPEN D3:REM RS232 I/O
0011 DSR CTS : LOCK GAZES
0012 OPEN D4: PRINT 4, "SQUEAK"
0013 PRINT 4, "MEOW"
0014 CLOSE 4
0015 RETURN

0020 REM UNLOAD LITTERBOX
0021 OPEN D5: DUMP STACK
0022 CLOSE D1:CLOSE D2:CLOSE D3:CLOSE D4
0023 REM NEVER CLOSE D5
0024 END

You realize, Jon, if Iggy wrote that little routine.....he is employable and you can get him a JOB.

Just don't let him catch you reading the classifieds for him.

Oh, no we outsource that stuff now.

While he will nibble shrimp curry, he has trouble with Hindi.

Besides, their trickster Hanuman was a monkey, not a cat. I checked when I was trying to name him.

It may be offtopic but I did pull an outsourcing joke on a friend of mine. I knew it was a sensitive subject with him, but could not resist.

Kitchens of India put up these delicious Heat and Eat packets of various curries, etc., and one came with a neat CD of Sitar music.

I was listening to it, fondly remembering '60's-'70's Ravi Shankar concerts, when the phone rang.

I saw it was him on the Caller ID, and could not resist.

I turned up the volume, and answered, "Thank you for calling American Express Customer Service! My name is Ravi! Using the touchtone pad, please enter your account number."

You know how sometimes when there is confused silence on the end of the phone you just KNOW the person has taken the reciever from their ear and is just STARING into it, baffled as to how they dialed that?

That story about you and your friend got a real LOL from me reading it.

Thanks, Jon. I needed that today.

MMMmmmmm!!!!!!!! Curried lutefisk.

HORROR with morning coffee.....
Maybe if the curry were strong enough.....?

Poor Iggy has such a weakness for fish he may well eat it.

His next visit to the litterbox would probably ...

Okay, Jon....fess up....who really did this???

I bet the whole insoles caper was a frame too!!

Actually, we really do do many things together, perhaps unwittingly.

"THERE ARE SMUDGES ON THE CORNERS OF THE WALLS ABOUT FOUR FEET FROM THE FLOOR FROM WHEN YOU COME UP FROM THE SHOP.

THERE ARE ALSO MATCHING SMUDGES FROM YOUR SON ABOUT EIGHT INCHES FROM THE FLOOR!"

I have a spare "Leaper" hood ornament I bought as a hoot..I intended to put it on my riding lawnmower, since it is British Racing Green.
(Along with a parasol and the gimballed beer can holder.)

I think I really shall give it an Official Iggy Paint Job. I can't help myself. it's the pink nose.

I know!!!! I could drill a hole and put a little tiny red LED in it for a nose!!!

"ALL TOGETHER, NOW!...."

HAHAHAH! Oh, that's precious!

We will fan his little pink-nosed ego some more. Knowing how spoiled he is, he probably wants hymns of praise next.

He is such a friendly, happy little guy he deserves it. I never had an animal friend who makes me laugh so much.
It it so amazing that they all have such different personalities.

He invents games.
My wife was telling me.."No! You have to put the little stuffed spider on the Cat Condo like this. See? He gets inside and pushes on the roof till it slides down the front. Then his hand comes out and gropes around till he catches it. The he expects you to do it again!"

What can I say? Iggy inspired me to revisit one of my favourite pastimes that I used to do on behalf of my kids.


And here we have the classic "Games I Make My Humans Play Amongst Themselves" syndrome. Gee...that sounds so familiar.....

But, why YES!.....there are RULES for these feline games, you know, and one must follow them religiously once they're established by whichever Master or Mistress of the House you are blessed with at the moment! e.g.....

.....NO! Do not drag the 'snake' ACROSS the paper, foolish biped, but UNDER the paper, at a speed ranging from:

• 5 km/hr
• 10 km/hr
• speed=my present mood
• in 1 inch spurts, speed unimportant

and I will catch the:

• tail end
• mid-section
• head
• other sneaky source I'm fully aware of, i.e. your hand/stick/whatever
• all of the above

...ONLY!! NOTE: It is your duty to discern whether or not I have arbitrarily changed said rules and henceforth govern yourselves accordingly......and no, I do NOT care in the slightest what my fur-mates' rules are! Did you not read the section in the manual that states "My Will Be Done"??? Well, okay, I will take the odd suggestion, but for the most part, you WILL obey or I will relay my choices through whomever is quickest of observation.......but here....let me rub against you now and make marshmallows of your fragile human ego.....pppprrrrrrr-rrrrrrrrrrr-rrrrrrrrrrrrr..........

Okay, Dayna.....that was WAAAAAAAAAY funnier than anything I just wrote!
(and, as an aside......oy, that's a LOT of "a"s and my pinkie finger didn't like it!....but the fact that you are able, and even willing to be able to also joke around in Iggy's Pages right now.....well, just outstanding, and I'm in awe of your strength! )

I don't know about that...I'm still laughing at Iggy Claus.

Iggy's pages are a wonderful balm to my spirit. I love being able to share Jon's kitten, especially in these my arid, catless days.

I think the "Lion Sleeps Tonight" thread was one of the most moving on here, for me, because, you know, they really are miniature lions and tigers.

I hope you can take the story of Iggy's first year, turning first into a cat, then into a little person, as a kind of singing laughing commercial for the time your catless days are over.

Iggy saved me from a horrible depression, and I do not care how many friends and relatives express concern over my "obsession" with him.

The entire point is that he did what they did not do.
(deleted ) them, all.

All our animal friends are special people, all different. At the time, I guess I needed a clown and magician.

Can my attraction to the Tuxedo Cat have been a subconcious memory of seeing "CATS!" in London at a happy time? Mephistopheles was a conjurer..

I'm quite partial to formal evening attire myself, albeit BK.'s was vintage Eighties blue.

Dear Friends and Fans,

I need your help, and am asking you to write jon730 and straighten him out.

As you know, I am an adorable cat, and no one can resist me, especially when I pose on my Begging Stool at dinner time, or come running with a squeak every time the refrigerator door is opened.

THEY ARE PUTTING ME ON A DIET!!! Auntie says I am getting too big in the middle and has been calling me...calling me...

"IGNATIUS THE GRAPE"!!!!

I am 27" long from Pink Dot to Pink Dot, and my tail is 13" long. This makes my overall length 40", about a Meter.
13.4 Pounds is NOT too much for a long cat, right? That's ONLY 6 Kilograms (For my EU allies.)

Talk to them. It was Auntie's idea. She ruined my whole setup here, and Jon will not Treat Cheat even when she is not looking any more.

Meow

Good Heavens ! Alert the U.N. , Call N.A.T.O., Call the Vatican, Call Richard Simmons,

Atrocities at Jon's House!

OK, looks like I might actually get my wish!.......and dying from laughter has GOTTA be one of the best ways of all to go! (K, take it away again, Jon, Iggy and Dayna, cuz the job's not quite done yet...)

Iggy............... Jingles here.... MR. Jingles that is....

You need to listen to Auntie. You want to be buff like I am don't you? Sure, I love to eat and beg too................. but I WORK OUT!!!!

AND JUST LOOK AT ME

This is right after my employee & I had about an hour in the living room chasing some darn thing she has rigged up for me to jump high in the air practicing for when she takes me back to the farm so I may be able to catch at least one of the hundreds of birds that fly around. She almost had a heart attack when I threw myself into the glass doors on her curio cabinet full of something called "antiques, momentoes, nick-nacks". This was immediately after I had landed on the glass top coffe table. I had impressed her so with how high I can jump and the fancy twists & turns I threw in just for fun. She made the dog leave me alone cause I crashed right after these pictures were taken.

So, Iggy, if you want to be slim, trim & jump about 4ft high...... cut down a bit on those snacks that Jon is sneaking around giving you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iggy, remember those troops can't stay there for a hundred years. There are going to be some benchmarks you have to meet.

How about for a start:

1. Iggy learns that chicken wasn't invented solely for his benefit.

2. Iggy actually shares chicken with Jon and the rest of the household.

3. Jon doesn't need a forklift to take Iggy to the vet.


You get the idea.
Good luck,

Rules.



I'm a Cat. Cats rule, dogs drool. It's Nature.



Oh, I share. They dole it out to me in tiny, measly, stingy portions. It's abuse.



Jon is a drama queen. He worries about me too much.
I easily jump four feet.
The chair in the kitchen is more than four feet below the top of the refrigerator.
How does he think I get there...Levitation?

OK, I only do it so I can stare down at him when he opens the door and make him feel guilty for starving me, but still.

I have been informed that I nowoo weigh 13.7 Pounds.
It's an error prone industrial shipping scale, and obviously has inaccuracies at low weights.

There is a plus side to this libel and defamation and disprespect..I am getting lots of play time nowoo. He is using feathersticks and string toys and lasers to make me run and jump a lot more, so we are having quality time together.

Now if I can get HIM to wheeze and waddle around a little faster, it will be a mutual gain.

I mean if the old fool drops dead, who's going to serve me.....Auntie? She works for Sam and Murphy!

Going........to........die!....................talk about WHEEZING, Iggy!..............and the best part is that, with all that exercise.......you're only going to get that much STRONGER, too, so soon you won't NEED Jon to open the fridge door for you! (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more.....)

BTW Iggy, so you don't feel like the Lone Ranger...Amos has been put on a diet too. the vet said " the good news is your Addison's dog has put on weight...the bad news is your Addison's dog is starting to look like a coffee table." (Primates you know, Can't live with 'em...can't has cheeseburger without 'em.)

I'm not sure how that happened because like you, Amos is not spoiled, pampered, or in any way at all indulged.

So misery loves company, huh buddy! Even if it is a dog.

I see Mr. Jingles is now a Sgt............. a DRILL Sgt. no less

Is that a recent promotion? He'll be good at it! He's been practicing on bossing us around for 8 months now.

I'm afraid it's even worse. A MARINE one. They like to use a certain slang name for "Cat" when castigating their less-fit charges.

The prognosis is not good for Iggy's pear shape. I received a report from the Kitty Lady regarding Iggy's brother Buck.

She described him as "A porker".

Seriously, Iggy is not that bad YET, but a trend is developing, and it's best we address it sooner than later.

He's just such a happy, affectionate, friendly guy, really, that it is VERY easy for him to mistrain us.

That's the same problem we have with Amos. He is just so cute and lovable it is hard to say no to him.

Jingles is by far the most enchanting D.I. I've ever seen.

This is a bit late in Iggy's thread, but it bears posting regardless. So going back to the whole game-playing section, here's an excerpt from my daily cat calendar for today's date:

"Although all cat games have their rules and rituals, these vary with the individual player. The cat, of course, never breaks a rule. If it does not follow precedent, that simply means it has created a new rule and it is up to you to learn it quickly if you want the game to continue." ~Sidney Denham~

So thar ya go, Jon. Some other guy already knew the rules!

(and this goes along with a picture of a beautiful, grey cat who looks very much like my girl.....except for the horrendous fact that someone has dared strip her of her dignity and donned her in this hideous, red, white and blue, cap-sleeved DRESS, thus impeding her ability to play naturally with the accompanying pompoms......and where all similarities totally disappear! Poor kitty!!)

This is pretty much a Cat Law. When Iggy posesses me, and I write as him, I try to be a narcissistic, spoiled brat with delusions of grandeur.

In a human, when we encounter such, it is pretty sickening. But in a cat, it does not even elicit a yawn....We know what they are like and how they act.

In all truth, Ignatius is a mellow, loving cat, who has never responded to Murphy's jealous hisses. He has never hissed or growled, and never really defended himself.
He is actually fit and very strong, and as the biggest cat here, could do serious damage, were he not such a mellow creampuff and so sweet.

What with the Kitty Lady's report on his brother, Buck, being a "Porker", she did note that he also is sweet and friendly, and it brings to mind the Nature Vs. Nurture issues. Is the offspring of King Tut, that father of innumerable litters, including Iggy and "the Porker", Buck, the result of genetics, or is it the result of the lovely Kitty Lady spending critical human bonding time with them as newborns? She genuinely loves animals, and has a sweet disposition herself.

I suppose it does not matter...Iggy will not be having descendants, though sometimes I think if I won the Lottery (I do not buy tickets!) I would have him cloned.

Yah, no....I no longer subscribe to genes being the biggest factor in anyone's disposition or even physicality. As I'd written in someone else's thread recently, Darwin himself had written a letter to one of his peers, which we the masses never heard about, that he'd 'done wrong' in not giving more heed to environment being a far bigger factor than he'd first thought. They now know that DNA can and does change. So I'd have to attribute Iggy's Iggishness and Buck's Buckishness mainly to the love that helped shape them....errr.....I guess in Buck's case, a little too MUCH 'love' in the form of foodstuffs.

And, oh, I'm not even gonna GO there, regarding cloning! (some couple just had their now-deceased dog cloned, for $120-something grand. I almost threw up)

EDIT:

*Sputter!*.....HUH???!!! Whaddaya MEAN, " When Iggy posesses me, and I write as him....."?!?!?!!?!? I thought he'd already mastered the art of typing without the use of opposable thumbs! Isn't that what TAILS are for?!

Iggy uses a ghost writer?

Hi, Jon

On Page 17 I read the following:

I am 27" long from Pink Dot to Pink Dot, and my tail is 13" long. This makes my overall length 40", about a Meter.
13.4 Pounds is NOT too much for a long cat, right? That's ONLY 6 Kilograms (For my EU allies.)

Talk to them. It was Auntie's idea. She ruined my whole setup here, and Jon will not Treat Cheat even when she is not looking any more.



It reminded me of something I read about AlleysMama's new boy, Riley. She adopted him and wrote on May 20, 2007 he was about 6 months old. Then she did tell me in February 2008 that he weighs about 13 pounds but he is very long, so not fat at all.

Maybe, Iggy can take heart from that. Being long.......stretches the pounds .

If he ever talks to Riley....you might get ganged up on..for treats. I'll have to tell AlleysMama there is another 13 lb one hanging around here. (I still have it written down that at age 1 year, 2 months...my Little Guy weighed 16 pounds, his twin brother weighed 12 pounds, and his tiny sister was 9 lbs. and that was the weight they stayed at until I lost them, the twin at age 10 and Little Guy at age 16 and the girl at age 15. The weight was constant.).

Sounds like Iggy is growing into his long body. Don't let him read this cause he may use it as an excuse for getting more treats....and right now you say it is a no-no.

Judy

He really is an adorable kid Jon! I'm envious. But I'm so glad you have him to ease the pain of Miles passing.

Actually, though there is such a person as "jon730", he does not post all that much since I grew thumbs.

Most of "His" posts were actually my ideas, when you ponder it.

I did the tricks, I put on the expressions and postures, I am the one who was just so charming and interesting and endearing, that all he could attempt to do in his clumsy way was to describe them and interpet them.

It is only right that, having cheered him up, others can revel in knowing me.

I am too much Cat for one person, and this is why I am always the first to greet visitors.
Female primate visitors often announce their intentions of stealing me.
I tell you, if I had a sardine for every time my pink nose has been kissed, I WOULD have a weight problem.

Anyone who had a racket like this would purr all the time!

Ooops..here he comes.

Better curl up in front of the monitor before he figures it out...I'll roll over on my back, wave my hands around and squeak, and he'll forget what he was doing. It always works.

It's only fair to Iggy to post some really recent pictures of him exercising so people will be able to determine if he really is obese yet.
This is from a few minutes ago. This digital camera is worthless for taking fast midair shots; I have ordered a new one, an SLR.