2 Weeks, too many Options

[susanka1113]

It's been 2 weeks (plus one day) since I had to say goodbye to my Kona dog. I posted a memorial, hoping that it would help ease the pain today, but it hasn't. I'm afraid to say that I feel almost as bad as the day I had her euthanized. I don't know what to do. Nothing seems to ease the pain. I was hoping that a little time would help. I know that 2 weeks isn't that long, but it seems like an eternity to feel this bad. I miss her so much. I didn't realize that my whole routine revolved around her and her happiness. Now that she's gone I'm lost.

I have a reputation at work for being the clown and making people laugh. Nobody knows how to interact with me now that I can't be happy or funny. I wish I could be, but right now I don't feel like I'll ever be that person again.

Well meaning people have offered me other dogs, but I just can't bear the thought. I don't feel like I can ever risk loving again like I loved Kona. It hurts too much to have it taken away.

Don't know what else to say, just had to rant.

Susan

[Pamela]

Susan,
I know exactly how you feel, and it is something that cant be rushed. I have had such a hard time getting used to Moose not being here, even as I sit her at his computer I miss his presence so much...he's soppose to be laying on the floor beside me until I say.....time for bed! Every time I have gotton in the car or walked to the gradge or took a drive out to the county has been a forced effort. I can never go to Birch Bay......a place where we spent alot of time, his favorite place in the whole world. It has truely left me alone he was my constant. It will be 8 wks tommrow and I am only beginning to get back into life, not enjoying it yet but participating and everything is different. My well meaning friends say "get excited it is a new life" well.....I dont want to get on with life without Moose, I just have no choice, it keeps going even though my whole world has stopped. I dont want another dog, but I also know if I am open to take one in if I am ever in a situation where I am all they would have, but I wont go looking, Give your self some time, the process of getting used to them not being there is not easy, it will get barable though, painfully barable. Pamela and Moose

[Steph]

I'm really sorry that you lost your beloved friend. She was a beauty.

The first few weeks really are the most difficult. Somehow it gets better along the line.

I just passed my 6 month anniversary date, and can't believe half a year has gone by since my sweetie died.

I'm glad that you found this site.

Don't try to rush your grief.

[SJ J & S]

Hi Susan
You are so right that it is early days, it may as well have only been yesterday.

Your friends if they are friends will be patient and wait for you, you will slowley but surely come around to your old self just not for a while yet.

Take each minute as it comes you are only at the begining of the roller coaster ride.

Be kind to yourself, when you can wrap yourself up in a blanket and feel sorry for yourself, you deserve time.

Rant as much as you like some of us still are ranting and the rest of us understand only too well what you are going through.

God Bless you
Love Sue

[dietersmom]

Susan,
I'm sorry you are going through this pain. I haven't been around here much lately because I just couldn't cry anymore. It's been 3 months since Dieter lost his battle with cancer and it's just hard when you love them sooo much.

Crying had become second nature to me and all of a sudden when I shed tears it actually hurt, the tears burned my eyes like I'd gotten shampoo in them. It scared me and I realized it must be my body telling me to stop, that it couldn't do it anymore. I know it sounds strange, and it was. Whoever heard of your own tears burning your eyes?!

2 weeks is so very early in this process, and the holidays make it even more difficult. At 2 weeks I still was crying myself to sleep every night. Life will never be like it was, it will be different. In time you will learn to live with this change, you have to, and it is not easy. I found that coming here and writing my feelings down helped and the wonderful souls here at LS are just the most special people in the world and understand what you are going through and will never judge you.

Susan, take care of you. Give yourself time to feel the pain and go through the grief. Your Kona was your special girl and you will see her again one day....I know it
Libby

[SharonL]

I share your grief. I had to have my Ebony Euthanized on 12/6 and all my wounds are raw and open and feel like they will never heal. I agree, don't rush your grief. Kona was a beautiful dog, it helps me when I think that when I would cry when my Ebony was around, she would like my tears away. I Know in my heart of hearts she hated to see me sad or cry ing so I am now trying to remember that she wouldn't want me shedding tears over her going to a better place and getting rid of all her pain. I should rejoice in the fact she doesn't hurt anymore. It's very hard but I do try, I miss my girl so very much, but I am trying to live as she remembered me living, a smile on my face and lots of love for my other ##er spaniel daisy.

Hugs
Sharon

[Ann H]

Susan, Everyone has given real good advice and there is not much more I can add. I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and share in your pain.
Ann

[susanka1113]

Thank you all for your kind words. It really does help to know that there are people who understand. I wish we didn't have to understand this. It REALLY hurts. I'm going to try and be patient with myself.

I was scrolling through and looking at all the beautiful pictures of some very special animals. I can tell that they all were very happy and knew that they had landed with people who truly loved them.

Thank you all,
Susan

[Seth]

Susan,
I suppose another way is to help owners like me whom have just had to put their best mate's down over the last day or so. You've been there, and now some weeks on, yes, you do still hurt. I understand and accept that as we've done it with relationships and deaths of family members (both human and animal). I'm only begining my journey in this grief. Be at peace and strong that you're down the path alittle more, and that you've gained courage and knowledge since your loss. In more weeks or months to come, you'll look back and say "I made it!". It might only be your version of "Made it" and it might not be the same ever again, but you keep waking up in the morning. That's important. I've just started dreading turning out the lights at night. Last night was my first night alone without Seth. Last night I awoke to the neighbours cat's scratching at the catdoor - i've since locked it - since Seth no longer needs it, and as they used to come into the house to eat Seth's food when he decided to sleep instead of eat!

I thought so much it was Seth coming or going from the house. I now sleep with a torch next to my bed.

There will always be places you'll never go ever again. I know I act like that when a relationship goes wrong and i've ended up the hurt one. Everywhere I look here at home, a peice of my Seth remains embedded in my memory. Where he lay to soak the sun, Where he lay to get some peace and quiet from my guitar playing (and singing!!) every lil thing holds something only you can connect with.

Lil Steps Susan. Don't plan on visiting Kona's favorite play area, but instead, break the whole journey into parts/steps/stages. Do a bit day by day. Until within weeks, you'll be able to sit or lie and relax where you and Kona played. Don't try and do it all in one go. Break it down into stages. Do each stage at your pace. But think visiting there just once, may assist in closure.

I didn't think i could move house! What a mission!!. But I could pack a box...........step by step. Before I knew it, i had moved house. Took 2 weeks!

I have to wait another 10 days till I have Seth's ashes back. It's not exactly an efficent, "get it all out of the way within a week" service the vet's provide, so, like you, I'll have good days, then when they have Seth's ashes for me to pick up, I'll end up going backwards again for another space of time.

Only time heals. And acceptance is the biggest hurdle I'm dreading each day I wake up and go to sleep without Seth.

Hang in there

Hamish