Another Loss, Two precious kitties in heaven Options

[Precious26]

My best friend of 20 years passed away a few days after Thanksgiving. I wrote of her before when I was having a difficult time getting through the holidays. Though it has gotten easier, I still miss her with every day that passes. She was my world.
A few weeks after her passing, my mom adopted a new kitten from a local shelter. It took a while to warm up to her but before I knew it, I was so attached to this sweet kitten who was between six and eight weeks old. We named her Tootsie. She had so much personality!
Shortly after we got her, we noticed she was very itchy so we got a flea collar to put on her. Within a matter of days she was very ill, lethargic, throwing up and not eating or drinking. We took her to the vet and she got fluids and medicine. After several days she was able to come home. They tested her for two common diseases in shelter cats that can be deadly, but both were negative. We all assumed it was the flea collar.
When she came home she was loving and playful and by now I was extremely attached to Miss Tootsie, especially after having lost my sweet kitty just a short time ago. But a few days passed and Tootsie was ill again with a fever, lethargic and not eating. We took her to the vet Saturday and they said they didn't know what it could be. Today she was still running a high fever, throwing up constantly and slowly suffering. My mom made the difficult decision to put her down because the vet said she wouldn't make it through the night.
I am angry and sad and an emotional wreck all tied together. Not only do I feel like I've just experienced the loss of my sweet girl again, I'm angry there was nothing else we could do for miss Tootsie. I'm angry at the vet because I feel like they should know what to have done. I'm sad because the sweet bundle of joy that helped mend my heart a little after such a huge loss is no longer here.
My home isn't a home without a kitty. I want another kitten so badly because having one around was so fulfilling, even though it wasn't my sweet girl. Tootsie was different than her, but I still loved her. Tootsie wasnt even in our lives for a months but I felt like she belonged here. I don't know what to think about another cat, and im not sure what to think in general. I hate this depressed sad feeling. I wish there was more we could have done. I feel so bad for her because she deserved to have a great life yet we couldn't give it to her. It just feels like my heart has been ripped out all over again.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Precious, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Tootsie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Losing two, or more, companions in a short period of time intensifies the grief.

As you are already too familiar this grief journey is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time, and anger is one of them. Unfortunately, as with human medicine, veterinary medicine cannot always make our precious companions well, and this is very, very heartbreaking - - particularly when our companions are so very, very young and we were looking forward to a long, healthy, and happy earthly journey with them. Although I am not a qualified vet tech, I did take courses several years ago toward that goal. From what you have shared with us, Precious, it sounds like your beloved Tootsie's veterinary care providers did the best they could for her, but also realized that the only way she could be made well again was to release her from her frail, failing, physical body. Sadly flea collars, like any other topical treatment for fleas, ticks, and other parasites, can cause severe toxic reactions in our companions - - cats, dogs, rabbits, ferrets, etc.. Sometimes when treatment is provided the toxins absorbed in the body can be sufficiently removed. And sadly sometimes even after treatment is provided there is still enough lingering toxins that can cause a serious relapse. And of course none of us know how our companions are going to react to these treatments - - we do the best we can for them and hope they will be okay. This, too, applies to medical procedures and treatments provided for humans.

Precious, I can feel the deep pain and emptiness in your heart, and I so wish there were some miraculous words I could share with you that would take your deep sorrow away, but unfortunately I know there are no adequate words in any language that can do this. But I hope you know you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Precious, thank you so much for sharing your beloved Tootsie with us. Although her earthly journey was all too brief, you and your beloved Tootsie are now blessed to share a love bond that is eternal, and nothing in heaven or on earth can ever take this away from you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers as you travel your grief journey, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[mollycat]

I understand your pain. I lost two sweet babies in the past year. My precious Molly was 16 and was sick. My sweet Kyle was only 2 and we think he was hit by a car. It is very hard but it does get a little better.

[Precious26]

Moon beam and Mollycat, thank you both for replying. Mollycat, I am so sorry for both of your losses and encouragement that it does get better.

A few days have passed since Miss Tootsie had to be laid to rest, and things are a little better. I realize my words about our veterinarian may have been harsh because I was angry at the time. Moon Beam, thank you for reminding me the vet likely did everything they could to preserve Tootsie's life. It is just still so hard to comprehend why she had to leave the earth so young.

With my first loss of my sweet girl, Precious, she was old and her health had been declining for some time. I knew she was hurting and I knew she had lived a full and wonderful life, or nine, whichever way you prefer to look at it. I wasn't angry, but I was utterly heartbroken.

With Miss Tootsie, I just don't understand. She was such a small kitten, having only been on the earth for a short period of time. She was truly a blessing in the lives of my entire family. I of course don't know what she was exposed to before we adopted her, and it could have been something internal or it could have been the flea collar. We will never know. It just breaks my heart she wasn't able to live a full and wonderful life like many other kitties do. She was so sweet, she listened so well and she was so loving. Her personality was like no other cat I've ever met. My sweet girl, Precious, had some attitude--she was definitely a diva and knew she ruled our household. She was the queen bee, but sweet nonetheless! And while Tootsie most certainly had some diva in her, she was also very dainty and she was so loving and loveable. Maybe because she was so young she hadn't fully developed her personality, but she even had my dad and best friend--who are not cat people--wrapped around their fingers within days!

I hate it for my whole family, who obviously was also attached to Precious because she was a part of our family for so long. So losing two kitties in less than a month has been very trying on us. While my feelings of anger have subsided for the most part, there is still a little bitterness in my heart due to the fact we couldn't help Miss Tootsie more. I am sad because our home isn't complete anymore without a kitty, and sad because of how innocent and sweet she was.

I will forever be grateful for Miss Tootsie. I thought for sure I'd never love another cat after Precious was laid to rest. The pain was just indescribable when she left my side. But Tootsie showed me that I can love another cat, even if it is in a different way than I loved my sweet girl.

Thank you both again for your comments. They helped beyond measure! I attached some pictures of Miss Tootsie (top) and my sweet girl, Precious (bottom), below.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Precious, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing, and these WONDERFUL pictures of your beloved Precious and Tootsie. They are soooooo beautiful. How blessed you are to be privileged to be their heir to their memories and eternal love.

Precious, please let me try to offer you some words of comfort and reassurance that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief. It is perfectly natural for you to feel bitter about losing your beloved Tootsie at such a young and tender age. It isn't fair - - and it's okay to say it. I truly wish I had the answers that could bring some measure of comfort to you. Unfortunately the only thing I can offer you is my sincerest friendship which includes all the comfort, support, encouragement, and hope that my words can offer you as you endure your grief adjustment journey.

If there is any good news in the midst of your pain it includes this: None of us know how much time we have in our earthly journey, and unfortunately this also includes our precious companions. Even though your precious Tootsie's earthly journey was so heartbreakingly short, she is blessed to have your and your family's eternal love - - and you are blessed to have her eternal love as well. If there is any deep hurt that a living being can know on this side of eternity it is traveling this earthly journey without knowing love. Your beloved Tootsie knows she is loved - - and she is forever embraced in love in your heart and memories.

Precious, thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Tootsie and Precious with us. I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Tootsie's and Precious's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Precious, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam