Another Loss

My best friend of 20 years passed away a few days after Thanksgiving. I wrote of her before when I was having a difficult time getting through the holidays. Though it has gotten easier, I still miss her with every day that passes. She was my world.
A few weeks after her passing, my mom adopted a new kitten from a local shelter. It took a while to warm up to her but before I knew it, I was so attached to this sweet kitten who was between six and eight weeks old. We named her Tootsie. She had so much personality!
Shortly after we got her, we noticed she was very itchy so we got a flea collar to put on her. Within a matter of days she was very ill, lethargic, throwing up and not eating or drinking. We took her to the vet and she got fluids and medicine. After several days she was able to come home. They tested her for two common diseases in shelter cats that can be deadly, but both were negative. We all assumed it was the flea collar.
When she came home she was loving and playful and by now I was extremely attached to Miss Tootsie, especially after having lost my sweet kitty just a short time ago. But a few days passed and Tootsie was ill again with a fever, lethargic and not eating. We took her to the vet Saturday and they said they didn't know what it could be. Today she was still running a high fever, throwing up constantly and slowly suffering. My mom made the difficult decision to put her down because the vet said she wouldn't make it through the night.
I am angry and sad and an emotional wreck all tied together. Not only do I feel like I've just experienced the loss of my sweet girl again, I'm angry there was nothing else we could do for miss Tootsie. I'm angry at the vet because I feel like they should know what to have done. I'm sad because the sweet bundle of joy that helped mend my heart a little after such a huge loss is no longer here.
My home isn't a home without a kitty. I want another kitten so badly because having one around was so fulfilling, even though it wasn't my sweet girl. Tootsie was different than her, but I still loved her. Tootsie wasnt even in our lives for a months but I felt like she belonged here. I don't know what to think about another cat, and im not sure what to think in general. I hate this depressed sad feeling. I wish there was more we could have done. I feel so bad for her because she deserved to have a great life yet we couldn't give it to her. It just feels like my heart has been ripped out all over again.

Holidays Without My Sweet Girl

Coming home tonight from my boyfriend's family's dinner, I knew my sweet cat of 20 years wouldn't be here to make Christmas eve complete the way I have always remembered. It was very hard looking at our porch where she always was. I just wanted to go outside and grab her, but it broke my heart she wasn't there.
It's been a month now since I had to put her down for kidney failure and it still hurts. I still miss her terribly, despite having a new kitten in the house. I wasn't ready for a new kitten, and still am not some days, but my mom was hurting just as much from the loss of our old cat, so she needed a new friend. It has helped some, but this is the first Christmas I will remember without my sweet girl.
I am not sure how to deal with this situation this holiday. I've lost family members and have missed them at Christmastime, but this is different. She was always there to help me through missing those family members, but now I don't have anything to help me through missing her this holiday.
How do we cope with the loss of our furry friends and companions through holidays? She should be going to sleep with me tonight, but instead I'll be going alone. I am just not sure how to deal with these feelings. If anyone has any advice, it would be much appreciated.
Merry Christmas.