Three Months Ago Today, I still miss Dixie just as much as day one. Options

[Kristina]

Thank you Cheryl and moonbeam for constantly checking in. I too don't come around as much as I should, it's just too hard sometimes.

I guess the biggest thing right now is that my job I was so excited for, ended up being terrible. I seriously hate it, and have been sending out resumes like crazy, just biding my time until I can get a lead on something else. We have had a rough couple of weeks, so I can only hope things will turn around soon for us. Normally if things are not going the way we would like them to, we literally hit rock bottom, and then something happens to turn it all around.

We lost Aj's Grammy the Monday of Thanksgiving week, so our time in GA was extended for her services. Grammy was very Catholic. I have never been a religious person, but sitting in her funeral mass moved me so deeply. I honestly do not know where it came from, but I found myself praying on so many levels. My Dad is Catholic, but again it's something we have never really talked about. I am seriously considering going to mass one day. Maybe it will do me some good. Who knows.

Today, right at this moment, I am so beyond sad. We got out our Christmas decorations today, and one of the first things I found was Dixie's stocking and jingle bell party collar. Both still have her scent and hair all over them. I brought the items back into our bedroom and just sat on the bed with them, crying so hard. Macy came over and was frantically smelling them and wagging her tail. Then she just gave me this look that said "I miss her too Mom." A few days after Christmas will mark her 6 month anniversary. Almost half a year. I cannot believe it. Still to this day, when I walk in to the bathroom I fully expect her to be lying there, as she always was. I miss her.

So my friends, if you could send some good thoughts/prayers our way. We definitely need them. Our life needs to go in a different direction, and soon. And that I can get through the holidays without my girl for the first time. It is going to be very hard.

[Cheryl83]

Oh, Kristina, I'm so sorry to hear that your new job hasn't lived up to it's expectations. It's so unsettling and disheartening when something like that happens. I really hope something else comes along for you soon. I know how it feels to have to get up every day and go somewhere you don't want to be. I worked in a job like that for 6 years, and it was soul destroying. I'm a much happier person since I left and haven't got that job dragging me down. Please let us know how you get on with the job search. Wishing you the best of luck with it.

I'm also sorry to hear about AJ's Grammy. If you found the mass comforting, then I definitely think you should start to attend a few. It doesn't really matter if you're a religious person or not - if it brings you some comfort, that's all that matters. You definitely need all the comfort you can get right now, so reach out for it in any way you can.

I know exactly what you're going through over Christmas, and finding Dixie's stocking. I remember being in a pet store around Christmas last year and seeing the "Small Animal Gift Stocking" that I bought my Daisy every year (that was just one of her many gifts!) and I literally burst into tears in the middle of the store, and had to run out. I went home and cried for the rest of the day. That was my first Christmas without her, this will be my second. The firsts are always the worse.

You'll most certainly be in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time, Kristina. If you ever need to talk more, feel free to send me a PM any time. Or you can even add me on Facebook if you'd like.

Sending you hugs -- Cheryl x

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kristina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to DITTO everything that Cheryl has so eloquently shared with you. I am in a horrible job situation right now, too, - - almost for 12 years now, so I too understand how difficult it is for you with your current job. Since I am a senior citizen employee now there are not many opportunities for interviews when appropriate jobs are advertised. Hope has been given me as I have a job interview this coming Wednesday, and if I were to get the job it would truly be a blessing to me. I hope and pray with all my heart that you will get positive responses to your resumes and that you will find a much better job very soon.

I add my sincerest sympathies to Cheryl's in the loss of AJ's Grammy, as well as to another "first" you are facing - - the first Christmas with your beloved Dixie sharing it with you from heaven's perfect garden. I totally agree with Cheryl's advice to you: "It doesn't really matter if you're a religious person or not - if it brings you some comfort, that's all that matters. You definitely need all the comfort you can get right now, so reach out for it in any way you can."

Kristina, I hope the coming days and weeks will offer you comfort and hope. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how things are going for you and how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Kristina]

Thank you moonbeam and Cheryl. Having the two of you be a constant source of support really does mean a lot to me. I am due to start work at 9 am tomorrow, and I am really wondering if I will still have a job, and if I do have a job, will I be able to tough it out any longer. I actually haven't been at work since the Sunday of the week of Thanksgiving, with being out of town, and then once we got back home I got very sick. I sent a text to one of my bosses Monday night to let her know what was going on, and I never got a reply from her. I am just so disappointed. I quit school for this job, and thought it was going to be so great. The benefits and pay are fantastic, the job itself is hell. I have had a few terrible jobs in my life, and this takes the cake. I was getting discouraged earlier because I haven't had any calls for interviews, but Aj reminded me that I have only been sending resumes/applying for jobs for 2 days. I did find out that one of my friends from training class quit a few days ago for the same reasons that I want to, so I do feel better knowing that I am not alone. It just sucks though. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that I get a call that leads me to a new opportunity. Finances just suck right now. There is no way around it. We have so many things we need to take care of and the funds to do everything just aren't there. I suppose we could ask his parents for a loan, but that would be an absolute last resort. We are adults, we will figure this out somehow. We always do.

Thank you for being a sounding board for me. Sometimes keeping everything inside gets to be too much, and needs to be let out.

[Kristina]

Well puppy it's been a while since I have come here to write to you. One week from today will be the 6 month mark. 6 months without you here. How is that even possible? Mom is really struggling lately. This will be the first Christmas without you. Then a few months later it will be March and your birthday. You would have been 11 years old on this birthday coming up. It is just too much to bear sometimes.

I know you know this already, but your Grandma got me a cremation pendant for Christmas. Your Dad got some of your ashes out to be sent off so the jewelry could be made. I didn't plan on looking at them, but I did for the first time. It made me very sad.

There isn't much I can say right now, because my heart is hurting so bad. I miss you so much.

[Cheryl83]

Hi, Kristina,

My hearts goes out to you. The first Christmas is so, so hard, and I know there's nothing that I can say that will make you feel any better. This is my second Christmas without my bunny-girl, and it is a lot easier, though I'm still feeling a little sad. You just can't help but think of the memories and the routines. I know you're heart is hurting so, so much, and I'm so sorry for that. If you're able, try to take a little time to yourself on Christmas day, where you can just sit and think of your girl. Have a little cry if you need to.

Thinking of you and sending you hugs -
Cheryl x

[Kristina]

Thanks Cheryl for stopping by as always. It means a lot to me.

6 months today. It doesn't seem real. I cannot believe you have been gone half a year. I still think I will walk into a room and you will be there. The hits just keep on coming for our family, add to that how much I miss you and it is almost too much to bear. I know things will turn around eventually for us, but the question is when?

I am keeping this short tonight, because if I wrote out everything I am feeling it would be pages. I love you puppy and miss you so much.

[Kristina]

Not alot to say tonight, but I wanted to come in here and say that I sent some of Dixie's ashes off on Dec 22nd to have the cremation pendant made. 3 weeks went by and I hadn't gotten it yet. I emailed the guy. Her ashes are freaking lost in the mail somewhere. I am devastated. It is only a small amount but still, pat of her is missing. He said he has had things get lost before, but they have always shown up so I hope that is what happens this time. He is supposed to be sending me another kit so I can still get my pendant, and I think this time I will be getting a tracking number.

[Kristina]

I got an email from the person doing Dixie's pendant today. Her ashes finally showed up and he made the pendant today! He is sending it out tomorrow so I should have it early next week. I am so happy that they finally got there. I was so scared they were lost forever.

[Snicky's Mom]

Kristina, I have been reading your posts. I'm so glad that the ashes arrived. I know that Dixie's pendant will be beautiful. Blessings, Jennifer in Texas

[Kristina]

Thank you Jennifer. I still don't come around here as much as I should. Hopefully one day soon I will be able to post more, but now its just too hard.

Her pendant is out for delivery right now! I should have it within the hour. I will post a photo once I get it!

[Snicky's Mom]

Hi Kristina, don't be so hard on yourself for not coming around as much as you think you should. Sometimes focusing too much on painful memories can keep you stuck. The work of good grief should propel you forward in a positive light. Take care of yourself and come here when you are ready.. You are in my thought and prayers. Jennifer

[Snicky's Mom]

Kristina, how are you? I would love to see a photo of Dixie's pendant when you are ready. xoxoxJennifer

[Kristina]

Here is Dixie's pendant. I am having trouble getting a good shot of it for some reason. I really love it, and I love having a part of her with me at all times. The white swirls and bubbles are her ashes. I am so happy I decided to have this made.

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[Kristina]

I almost forgot, here is a recent pic of Lily from a few days ago. She is 7 months old now and she is just perfect!

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[Snicky's Mom]

Kristina, Dixie's pendant is beautiful and Lily is precious!! Be good to yourself. Surround yourself with people who love you and comfort you. And be happy. oxxo Jennifer

[Kristina]

Thank you Jennifer. I love Dixie's pendant so much. It seems like every time we go somewhere someone stops me to comment on it, and then I get to talk about her for a few minutes. People really like it and ask me for the website of the guy that did it. It is really nice to be able to talk about her without crying, but I miss her more than ever. Her birthday is coming up next month, so I know I am going to have a difficult time with that. I was thinking about buying a bunch of flowers and going to the pet cemetery nearby and putting a flower at each gravestone. Plus at that cemetery each year the doggy funeral home that took care of Dixie does a memorial service, and they plant a new tree each year in remembrance of all the animals that have passed. It's just a really nice place. She would have been buried there if we didn't do cremation.

Things are pretty quiet around here. The dogs are chomping on their chew bones, Aj is out with his friends and I am sitting here enjoying quiet time. I think we may go to the dog park tomorrow, since the weather has been unseasonably warm this year.

[Kristina]

And once again it's been a bit since I have posted. I come here sometimes to post, and then just end up rereading Dixie's threads and end up not posting. What more is there really to say though? My dog is gone and I miss her. I have been taking muscle relaxers for this dang pinched nerve, and they make me have really vivid dreams. I had one about her the other night and it seemed so real. Then I woke up.

Things are going along fairly well here. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do for Dixie's birthday next month. I want to get up to the cemetery and see the tree the doggy funeral home planted for all the animals they took care of last year. Aj and I were gonna stop by today but by the time we got done running around we were both pretty tired. We had a really nice day though. We went for an early dinner/late lunch, stopped off at ULTA so I could look at their hair extensions to get an idea of what I want, cause I plan on ordering hair online and I needed to actually see what NOT to get. The hair they had there was terrible! went to PetSmart and got Lily a harness, doggy toothpaste for her and Macy, and some toys, then went to the grocery. It was nice though cause we haven't had a day like that in a very long time, where just the two of us go out and do something together.

We had to get Lily a harness cause her collar keeps getting loose and she can get out of it. I really thought she was going to fight us on wearing a harness when she goes out, but she is so good! After the first time of putting it on and taking it off she is acting like a pro! She sits down real good, lets me put it on, goes out and comes back in and lets me take it off with no fuss. Dixie was the exact same way with her harness. She also let Aj brush her teeth. What a good girl we have. She is so smart.

I have also kind of been stepping back from the internet. I come here and read, and get on FB and read, but I haven't been updating lately. Mostly I have been just watching movies on Netflix, and rewatching seasons 1 and 2 of Downton Abbey. I am in love with that show. Everyone should watch it cause it is amazing.

We are still waiting for it to get warm enough to get to the dog park and do baths. I think later in the week it is going to be pretty nice, so hopefully then. We also are waiting for things to dry up a bit, so we don't have muddy dogs on our hands.

And on that note it is apparently potty time!

[Kristina]

Well we finally did bath time. They were pretty smelly.

My father in law was up here this weekend and he took us out to lunch on Friday. And dropped the mother of all bombshells on us. My in laws want to buy us a house. In Georgia.

Aj and I talked about it a lot and we decided to do it. We don't have any details ironed out yet, but we should be down there by the end of April. I started looking at houses today.

I can't believe it. I am still trying to wrap my head around it. It will be our first house, the dogs will have a nice yard to run around and play in. I knew things would turn around for us somehow, and apparently this is the way. We are very blessed to have parents who are offering to do this amazing thing for us.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kristina, stopping by to say hello and to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Congratulations on your parents buying a house for you!! How exciting!! I hope all goes well with the purchase of your new home and the move.

I read that you are a Downton Abbey fan, as am I. This is an incredible show, and I am looking forward to Season 3, whenever it begins. It is a wonderful portrayal of history.

Kristina, the first year of adjustment to the physical absence of a beloved companion is recognized as the hardest - - because it is filled with all the "firsts" which are constant reminders that the physical presence of our companions is no longer with us. Although the deep grief eases there will always be the feeling that the physical presence of someone very special and important is missing.

I'm glad you an AJ had an opportunity to get out together and enjoy the time together. This is important. And I know you will come up with a fitting way to honor your beloved Dixie's birthday next month.

Kristina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and the very good news about your in-law's offer. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look foward to knowing how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam