My Dakota, My boy is gone. Options

[4theluvofdgs]

My dogs name was Dakota and he was a 10 year old Belgain Malinios. He was a huge presence in my family's life. We unexpectedly had to put Dakota to sleep yesterday morning due to Autoimmune Hymoletic Anemia and some other problems.He also had degenerative myelopothy and could not stand anymore. He had sugery to remove his spleen 2 weeks ago and was on many medicaitons. His anemia seemed to be getting better and we thought he was on the mend. Little did we know that he would take a horrible turn for the worse and no other medications would work.

We layed next to him as he died and was put out of his misery. It was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. My family is heartbroken and we are in so much emotional pain. We are missing a part of our family. Ive only been morning his loss for since yesterday morning and people are already telling me that I need to get on with things. I just cant. I miss him so much and feel such desperation. I want to somehow go and get in the car and bring him back. Im angry and just want my boy back. I want to hold him and smell his fur and hold his face in my hands and I cant. This pain is unbearable and so much worse than I ever thought it would be.

Please someone tell me that it gets easier.

[DJ - Edgar, Jess...]

It DOES get easier... in a way. The pain fades and you are left with the wonderful memories and only occasionally longing...

You don't need to "get over it" - EVER. You have lost a member of your family and I think that people are sometimes very ignorant and insensitive to the feelings of others.

Anyone who has ever truly loved another being, and can sympathize, should understand. But not everyone puts our furry babies on the same level. And that is THEIR loss.

You are experiencing a great sense of loss and a lot of pain - and this is in direct proportion to the love you had for your Dakota.

Rest in peace, Dakota - tonight a much larger family will be praying for you as you learn how to fly....

HUGS.

[4theluvofdgs]

Thank you so much for your response. I have been so desperate for someone to talk to. I just feel like part of my life has died with him.

For other out there who are of Christian faith, is there anywhere is scripture that talks about our animals going to heaven ? I'm so worried about him and want to know that he is with my family members that have passed on. I know it seems strange, but Im hoping he will be there waiting for us someday with his tail wagging.

Thank you.

[Muffins]

Hello:

I am sorry that your beloved Dakota had to be put to sleep yesterday.....

I want you to know that you did give your sweet boy the most unselfish and loving gift that you could..............
You helped Dakota from this life to the next.........
And, I know that your sweet Dakota is sending you much love, and is thanking you for helping him pass on....
He couldn't do it alone.

I can truly understand your emotional pain and I want you to know that I grieve with you......
It is one of the very, very hardest things that you will ever do..

DJ was correct in saying

Anyone who has ever truly loved another being, and can sympathize, should understand.    But, not everyone puts our furry babies on the same level...  And that is THEIR LOSS.

You have come to the most wonderful pet-grief site....and, there are sooooooo many people here that will help you while you are on this new journey.......

I truly believe that yes, your sweet Dakota is with family members, and "furry family members", who have gone on before him.
And, I also believe that a place called "Rainbow's Bridge" exists.............
It is a wonderful place that all of our furbabies go to, when they pass over.........
There is no sickness, there is no more pain.........Your beloved Dakota is having a wonderful time, running through the grassy meadows, and playing with all of our furbabies who have gone on before him.....

It will get easier.........I promise you that..........
Our sweet girl was put to sleep on 2/7/2004............so, I know how you are feeling......The pain is extremely unbearable, but please trust that it will get better..........

Sometimes it's two steps forward, and three back..........
But, you have a number of people here who will help you, and be there for you!!!

Don't ever forget that you have soooooooooooo many memories of your darling Dakota........and those will never be taken away......

And, your Dakota is near you..........Yes, his "shell" is gone, but his spirit lives on......

Please, feel free to write here as many times as you need...........and, what I and so many others found helpful was
to read other people's posts... (pick a name, and "follow their journey" -- read that person's posts)......
For me, that was extremely beneficial.....

We are all here for you, my new friend.......

God Bless you Always....

Love, Denise

[dietersmom]

I'm so sorry you have to experience this pain, but glad you found Lightning-Strike. We lost our special little guy 5 weeks ago and at that time I felt so helpless and grief stricken that I really didn't know how to get through it. Like you, I'm a Christian and the thing that bothered me so much was exactly what you are wondering. I found a book through a link on this site to Amazon.com called "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates", and it is helping reassure me that animals are in heaven too

You will see Dakota again! Your family did a very brave thing and allowed Dakota to be free of pain and suffering. I know it was the hardest decision to make and you need to give yourself time to heal. You've lost a member of your family and a very special one, who gave unconditional love and never judged, and it's normal to feel what you are experiencing. I found that coming here and sharing my feelings with people who understood and never judged and just gave so much love and support has helped me on my healing journey, tenfold. Write as much as you need.

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Libby

[j4lorn]

Hello 4theluvofdgs,

On August 24th I had to put my boy down too in a sudden manner, I know how awful that is. The first day was awful, I felt like my heart was literally shattered and broken. Then I cried. Now the pain is, well, not less but it's different -- a level of acceptance has moved in. I still cry a couple of times a week and I can make myself cry in about 30 seconds if I let myself dwell on it.

DJ is right, NO ONE has the right to tell you to get over it, and if they don't love animals like we do, it is their great loss.

When my Jake first died, I did alot of web searching, and I did come across a Christian oriented page which discussed exactly the question you asked. I will see if I can find it again and post the link.

Meantime, here is a prayer I found on a Christian page where they had a whole service for a deceased pet. I can find that link again for you too, if you would like. I had put in my dogs name, Jake.

Most merciful God, we return to you Jake, a creature of your own making and your gift into our lives. We praise you for his beauty and strength, for his grace and power; we thank you for his faithful companionship in our joys and sorrows; and we bless you for the time during which you entrusted him into our care. Receive now Jake back into the arms of your everlasting love, 0 Giver of life, through whose Son our Savior Jesus Christ all that is lost to death is restored to life, and in whose Name we pray. Amen.

[Gort]

Hi 4theluvofdgs

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dakota. You have done the most brave and courageous thing for him... as difficult a decision it must have been to make. I've said it many times but I will say it again, I was forutnate that I didn't have to make any decisions for my Ava, she left on her own accord.

You will probably run into lots of people through this sorrowful time that basically tell you to 'get over it'. These people have most likely never had their lives touched by a fur buddy. Either that or they have forgotten the pain (similar to maternal amnesia, women forgetting the pain of child birth). I've had people react similarly when they hear about my Ava passing on. The people that count tho, are the people that knew how close of a relationship I had with my dog. They have all been very supportive and understanding as I've gone through the roller coaster ride of grieving.

There is some very helpful stuff in the forum above (Support and Resource forum) that you might want to take a look at. Anger is one of many strong emotions that are part and parcel of the grieving process. If you can handle it, read through some of the other threads here and you'll find you are not alone. Many here have had to make the most difficult decision for the fur buddy and the subsequent guilt, anger and other emotions that goes along with it.

All I can really say is that the passage of time will ease your grieving. Losing a pet for alot of people is equivalent to losing a child. I know that in my case, I have felt more pain over losing Ava than I felt when I lost my parents and brother, combined. I didn't think I had that many tears in me but obviously I do (seeing as I haven't dried up and blown away yet).

Take care of yourself and your family through this difficult time. Take it one day at a time. You'll probably be surprised at the range of emotions that you will go through in the next days, weeks and months. Try to stay busy. Dwelling on your decision and those last few days, hours and minutes is such a small portion of the time that your family and Dakota were together. Time will make things easier to deal with.

I'm not a christian but I do strongly believe that we will be reunited with our buddies once we have finished our own time here on earth. Dakota is at the Rainbow Bridge, no longer suffering, and back to prime condition, running and playing with all our lost buddies. Your loving memories of Dakota will keep his spirit alive in your heart forever.

[LittleGirl's...]

Hi!

My heart goes out to you and your family!!!

You did all the right things for Dakota.

I'm so glad you and your family have each other to talk to, share memories, comfort... The people who tell us to get over it are ignorant and/or insensitive. It has been 29 weeks and 1 day since my Little Girl passed on. At first, I shielded myself (in person and by phone) from anyone who wouldn't totally understand my grief. Then, as time went on and I got stronger, and as I found myself interacting with others outside that sacred circle, I didn't hesitate to mention her and to mention that I still spent lots of time on my pet-loss grief site. I guess part of me wanted to spread the word of animals' importance in general, and of the love that I had and will always have for my Little Girl. If any of them had DARED to tell me that it was time to get over it, I was prepared to give a lecture !

I remember reading something on another pet-grief site that I used to go to, written by a minister, with assurances that animals are with us after death. It was a powerful letter. If you want me to, I can try to find that site and that letter again. Send me a PM and I'd be glad to. I can imagine what you're going through right now, and I know we all want to be there for you.

I love the way Denise put it: And, your Dakota is near you..........Yes, his "shell" is gone, but his spirit lives on...... It's true!

You're in my thoughts and prayers. Write again when you can!!

Love,

Kathy

[4theluvofdgs]

Thank you to all of you that have taken the time to write such beautiful words of support and encouragement. I cannot thank you enough. I feel at home here even in my grief and know that you understand just what I am going through. My eyes are so swollen and every time I think Ive cried more that I could ever cry again, I prove myself wrong. Dakota was a incredible boy and I hope you will read my tribute to him that I posted. For some reason I have this urge to tell his story to everyone who will listen. I guess its helping with my pain and making me still feel connected to him. I want the emotional pain to end, but I dont want to every forget the sound of his bark or the feel of his fur. I cannot believe the grief I am feeling for my boy.

Thank you all so much !

[MAXIESMOMMY]

Hi
I lost my Max suddenly, but I was spared having to make that decision myself. He died from a heart attack while they were looking at a rash he had developed. The raw, emotional stage you feel right now will pass in time. There are still days I cry and I still talk to Max every day. I hug his urn and kiss it. I only say that here because everyone here understands that. You can say and feel and talk about the crazy things you do and NO ONE would ever tell you that it's not normal or you should "get over it". The wonderful people here helped me through what was the most heartbreaking devastation I have ever known. Even people with pets say "I know what you are going through", but if they have never lost one of those pets, they really don't because it is 100 times worse than what you imagine it will be. It will be almost 2 months that I last held and kissed my baby, and I miss him soooo much. But time does help and talking and talking here helps. It takes a while to be able to cope with day to day living without your precious Dakota, but I assure you, you will be able to go on. It just takes time.
My thoughts are with you,
Carol

[DJ - Edgar, Jess...]

I am not Christian, but I know a great deal about the faith. I have never been able to understand how one can believe in a compassionate, loving, sensitive God - and have ANY doubt about whether or not our pets are in heaven.

I hope there IS some sort of afterlife - but I'd rather wander the emptiness for eternity than find out my babies weren't going to join me in whatever "afterlife" we have.

So - I suppose - the only thing we CAN do is have some sort of faith. The faith that says the nobility and pureness of spirit aren't HUMAN traits - they are angelic traits - and THAT is what will determine where we are after this lifetime ends. Regardless of whether or not we're human.

[j4lorn]

4theluvofdgs,

Ok I've found some web links for you.

Biblical references to Animals & Heaven
http://www.petloss.com/scriptur.htm

some books about animals and the afterlife:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/096...0277506-2286500

'Dogs Have Souls Too' book/website:
http://dogshavesouls.com/

The full funeral service for animals that the prayer I posted is from:
http://www.philosophy-religion.org/dogs/pe...pet-funeral.htm

good article on the same site about when it's time....
http://www.philosophy-religion.org/dogs/time.htm

Hope these help you get started, follow the links on the pages for more.

[4theluvofdgs]

j4lorn,

Thank you for the links ........they are helping very very much.

Thank you for taking the time to find them for me. You are so kind !

All the people here are such a blessing .......thank you for helping through my pain !

Colleen