Said Goodbye To Our Sweet Reggie Today Options

[Cheryl83]

Once again, another wonderful set of photos I'm glad sharing them helps you, because seeing them makes me smile, so in turn helps me. Reggie is sooo handsome and you can just tell he had such a loving nature. I love the one of him and a kitty Kylah sharing a bowl.

I hope you and your wife are having a pleasant Christmas filled with happy memories of your boy.

Cheryl xx

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for sharing these wonderful pictures and memories of your precious Reggie with us, and for sharing your "baby sitting" adventure last night with Lucy. I truly hope and pray that the peace and blessings of this Christmas Day will be with you, Kristy, and Kylah throughout the coming year.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Aaron]

Thank you ladies, I am glad you enjoy seeing the pictures. I think they help tell the story of our babies' lives far better than my words can. You all know more about their lives than most of our other friends do, so you are part of a special group

We had a nice Christmas with both our parents, Kristy's granny (she is an amazing 91 years old) and Kristy's sister and her husband. There were no tears but there were silent wishes of Reggie being here with us. We know he would have been in the living room with everyone else like he always was. But he was with us in spirit, that was for certain.

My mom asked why the fireplace was not on and I had to tell her that it was still too hard right now since Reggie loved laying by it so much. Maybe next winter we will light the fireplace...

I hope you all had a pleasant Christmas with your families (human and/or fur ball). Thank you all again for everything.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, I'm so glad to know that your and Kristy's Christmas went okay with your family. It's another "first" to adjust to without the sweet physical presence of your precious Reggie, but you are so o o right that his sweet Living Spirit is there with you, always and forever.

Aaron, please know you, Kristy, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how things are going with you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Aaron]

Yep, all these firsts are difficult to deal with, but each time we encounter a new first it seems a little easier to "deal with" than the last. Christmas was a major hurdle and we crossed it as well as we could have hoped for. Having our family around us helped a lot and having everyone here to lean on was a great help.

My wife said something small yesterday that normally I would not have given second thought. She said how she got us some new stockings when she went out shopping. We did not hang stockings this year, it was just too painful of a reminder that Reggie was not with us. But the fact that she picked us up some stockings gave me that "warm" feeling that Kristy is still slowly healing from the loss. Lucy the dog came back over again Sunday as we watched football with our brother in law and it made me smile to see her interact with another fur ball the way she did. It's funny how things like that happen and help us heal a little bit more.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, it's the little things, the little steps forward, that help to build on the next step forward, and the next step forward, and - - - . I'm glad Kristy bought new stockings - - a sign of "new beginnings", "fresh starts" - - a presence of hope. I'm so o o glad Kristy has this in her heart, although I suspect that there will still be times when it's "tested" through this healing process.

I'm glad Lucy is bringing comfort and enjoyment to both you and Kristy, and I know Reggie is smiling in approval.

Aaron, thank you for sharing with us how things are going for you, Kristy, and Kylah. Please know each of you in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Aaron]

So my wife asked me something that I *sort of* expected - after being around Lucy for a few days she asked my last night how I felt about getting a dog. I really was not sure how to respond, mainly because I honestly was not sure how I felt about it. Part of me is glad Kristy could even think about bringing another animal into our home but another part of me is not sure I am ready to bring any fur ball into our home, dog or otherwise. I will chalk that up to me not being ready. Although we didn't talk much about it, so I am not sure if she was asking in general or was asking about getting a dog soon.

Kristy's sister and her husband have a male Maltese and part of me thinks, esp after being around Lucy, that she wants a dog because they have a dog. I think Greg and Alicia pet-sitting Lucy was a blessing in that it "tested" Kristy, so for that I am grateful. But I just don't think I have it in me right now, esp a dog as that takes a little more dedication than a cat does (training, walking, etc).

I am just talking out loud at this point. I figured she would ask me but was not sure how I'd feel about it. I am also not sure how Kylah would respond to a dog or even another cat. Just a lot of uncertainty.

[Cheryl83]

Hi Aaron,

Getting a dog certaintly is a huge responsibility, and a decision you have to be 100% certain of, as I'm sure you already know. I have a feeling that Kristy was also just "thinking aloud" -- perhaps wanting to see how it felt just to say the words; and perhaps wanting to judge your response. I'm sure she doesn't mean that she wants to get one right away -- instead simply opening herself up to the possibility that... one day. It's good that you two are beginning to talk about these things, and you will both know in your hearts when the time is right.

Take care,
Cheryl x

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, just adding my 2 cents to Cheryl's wonderful response. A canine companion does require more dedication on a daily basis. Kylah recognizes Lucy as a family member, but this may not be so for a "stranger" who would come into her territory - - including another feline companion.

In July I attempted to bring Noah a little kitty brother who he could mentor, just as Eli had mentored him. Within 24 hours I knew this was not going to work out. Fortunately, my vet - - who was the source of the "trial" adoption -- gladly took the little waif back and within days found him a loving home. Noah is still adjusting to being the sole survivor of HIS fur family, and he has let me know beyond all shadow of a doubt that he needs my undivided attention.

So, if I have any advice to offer on this subject it is that, at whatever time you and Kristy are ready to try a new beloved companion, you might want to approach it on a "trial" basis so that you, Kristy, and Kylah - - and your potential new furchild - - can determine if it's a good match. And to borrow from Cheryl's response: "It's good that you two are beginning to talk about these things, and you will both know in your hearts when the time is right."

Aaron, we're here for you, Kristy, and Kylah in whichever direction your journey takes you. Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Aaron]

Thanks for the advice ladies, it helps. I agree and understand about the responsibility that comes with owning a dog. Greg and Alicia went through significant dog training with their Baxter, so we know what sacrifice it can take. Quite frankly, I am not sure I have it in me to dedicate that much time to getting a dog and would hate to "abandon" Kristy by not giving the same attention she would. I am sure she was just tossing the idea out in general and not asking about getting a dog right now. Honestly, my main concern is Kylah, regardless of what we do. If we welcome a new friend into our home, I want it to be more for her than us. We can adapt easier than she can.

Just even thinking about getting another pet makes me feel uneasy. I am sure someday that won't be the case and I don't expect to feel a certain way by any certain time. I suppose you have to test the waters before you can see how you feel about it.

It took us over a year before we were ready to get a friend for Reggie after Lodi passed away, so that is all I have to go on as far as experience is concerned.

[Aaron]

Kristy and I talked more about the dog topic and it was good that we talked. As you both said, she was not talking about getting a new dog (or any fur ball) anytime soon, but more just talking about it in general and seeing how it made her feel to even mention the idea. She wants Lucy to come over again tonight before she goes back home to her family.

The advice everyone gave me here was always shared with Kristy which has helped her tremendously. She said last night how she knows that Reggie is not coming back and there is no way we could ever replace him...it's as if reality has sunk in with both of us that we have been able to accept it. Coming back from our trip was probably the major step in accepting this reality. We still miss him dearly and a day doesn't go by that we don't wish he was here with us, but we know his Earthly journey has come to an end and we need to cherish the memories, photos and other things we still love about him.

I am not sure if this is good or not, but yesterday marked 2 months since Reggie left us. Obviously I have not forgotten him or which day he left us (I need only to look at when I registered for this site if I ever forget), but I somewhat feel like I did his memory a dis-service by not remembering that day. I suppose it's just "another day" in the grand scheme of things.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, in this grief journey there are different stages of "reality" - - which is actually different stages of "adjustment." There is also an "intellectual" understanding and then there is the unequivocal emotional acknowledgement. In a grief journey, these do not always happen at the same time. Two months is just the "beginning" of these adjustment stages, so please do not become discouraged if you and Kristy should find yourselves still a bit "wobbly".

Aaron, please know that each of us, and most importantly your precious Reggie, know you love him. Your heart has always honored your precious Reggie, so therefore you can never do him a dis-service. Whether or not you realize it, your mind is able to comprehend just so much because of the stress of grief you have been experiencing. You honor him every time you and Kristy share your memories, and you honor him when you share him with us. Each of us have our individual ways of remembering our beloved companions, and each of us look forward to reading your posts aoout your precious Reggie and how you, Kristy, and Kylah are doing.

Aaron, I hope that you, Kristy, and Kylah will have a very peaceful evening. Please know that each of you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JanEeee]

Aaron, I am so grateful for your photos and your shared experiences and heartfelt feelings. I could not deal with the holidays myself this year but it is good to read about your supportive family and friends and how the gatherings were good for you and your wife.

I agree with you about how hard it is to consider getting a new friend, I can't yet imagine it myself. My little Chan was only part of my life briefly but she brought so much exquisite joy with her that I just cannot even consider another kitty at this time. You mentioned that when you lost a previous pet, Lodi, it was a year before you could open your hearts and accept Kylah. I truly understand what you are saying here, I think it will be some time for me, too.

Well, I am very lucky that my two remaining cat kids, Tedly and Zouzou and getting to know each other and playing together. Right now this is the first time they are both sitting with me on the sofa at the same time, what a slice of happiness it is!

All the best to you and your family in the coming year.

Jan

[Aaron]

Thank you ladies for the kind words. I always appreciate the support.

Last night (the whole day actually) was a tough day for Kristy. She cried a lot last night. While she said within the past few weeks how she is coming to accept that Reggie is no longer with us, the hole left in her heart is still very big. She is still missing his physical presence and how he was always around her whenever she was at home. She usually does some work for about an hour in the morning at home and he was always near her, either on the floor or on the couch. When she got ready in the bathroom, he was there on the counter. At night he was with us on the rug or on the couch. He was just always there and she is still having difficulty adjusting to the loss of his physical presence. I know we all heal at different rates, so I am not criticizing her for still being greatly upset.

So this goes back to how Kristy said she'd like to get a dog. I am split on this - part of me thinks Kristy should take more time to heal before we get another fur ball so we can bring that animal into our home under the right conditions (i.e. right emotional conditions). But part of me hates seeing Kristy feel this way and would do anything to help her feel better. I am really indifferent to adopting another pet right now. I am the type of person who would love any pets we had regardless of the timing, but I am not "gung ho' about getting another pet right now. I would be willing to bring another animal into our home if it meant Kristy would be able to heal from this loss. But I am not sure if Kristy is being too hasty by wanting to adopt another pet and instead should continue focusing on healing from the loss of Reggie. But for her adopting another pet might be part of the healing process. <-- this is what I am most confused about.

I think she grew so accustomed to the presence of Reggie that she is still in "shock" from him not being there anymore. So even though she said she accepts that he is not with us anymore, the effects are still lingering. It's only been a little over 2 months since Reggie left us, so not that long.

I feel as if she wants to adopt a pet to replace the presence Reggie provided, not to replace Reggie as a friend. Does that make any sense? I am not sure how healthy that is at this stage.

[Cheryl83]

Hi Aaron,

You are both still so early into the grieving process and you experience a lot of conflicting emotions at this time. Sometimes your emotions cannot be trusted. I know a few weeks after losing my Daisy, I thought I HAD to get another pet. I couldn't bare the lack of animal presence in the house, the silence, not having something to care for. One day I was certain I wanted to adopt another bunny and went down to the pet store, but when I was there I started to panic, as something did not feel right. I decided I wasn't ready. The next day, I couldn't believe I was even thinking about it. During the intense stages of our grief we want to do anything just to make the pain better, and sometimes we think getting another pet can achieve this. For some people, it might help. But sometimes we just have to ride through the grief.

I'm not saying that I think you and Kristy shouldn't adopt -- I'm just saying you both need to think things through carefully and make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. If you do decide to adopt and then find out it was the wrong decision, it could make things even more difficult and traumatic for Kristy. That being said, there ARE people on this forum who adopted soon afterwards and said that it helped them through.

Just know, Aaron, that whatever you decide to do, we are here for you to listen and support you in every way.

Take care,
Cheryl x

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, just adding my two cents to Cheryl's already wise and wonderful counsel. Some folks serve as "rescue" hosts for companion animals who have been in a crisis situation. Some folks serve as "foster" hosts to companion animals who are waiting for a loving home. This can serve as a "transition" for you and Kristy. It might help to fill a void for Kristy as well as providing you both an opportunity to not have to make a commitment for adoption at this time. You might also check into local pet sitting organizations and see about doing that - - again, to help fill a void knowing that you are not committed for the full time care of your client.

These are just some thoughts that came to mind, - - for whatever they are worth. I do agree with Cheryl that it sounds right now that you both are still on that deep grief roller coaster, and you need to be patient in making "life changing" decisions. And bringing a new furchild into your lives is a life changing decision for you, Kristy, Kylah, AND the new beloved companion.

Unfortunately this is a decision that only you and Kristy can make. Please know you have our support whatever you decide to do, whenever you decide to do it. Please know you, Kristy, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that Kristy, and you, have a more peaceful evening tonight, and will look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Aaron]

I really appreciate the candid advice, it helps greatly. I agree with what you both say. We need to really step back and make sure that we are thinking clearly, regardless of what decision we come to.

While it was a blessing in disguise, my wife's sister dog-sitting Lucy in December turned out to somewhat be a bad thing for my wife. Having Lucy over at our house for those 3-4 nights showed my wife that she can love another fur ball and that Kylah can be around other animals, so I was grateful for that in general. But it reinforced even more how much Reggie's companionship meant to us, esp to my wife. It's not like we don't know how much his presence meant to us, but having Lucy over and then having her return home let my wife know how important companionship in general is to her and maybe slowed the healing process.

So while Kristy specifically misses the companionship that Reggie gave us, she also misses the general feeling of companionship. It's really two separate losses she is dealing with. I wish she would be more open to talking to others about how she feels as I think it would help her. I think I have been able to adjust faster than her thanks in large part to the people on this site. So we are probably still in different stages of grief.

I challenged her last night to really think about whether or not getting another fur ball sooner than later would be the right decision. She thinks having Lucy over and how she was genuinely happy is evidence enough that she can welcome another pet into out home, specifically a dog.

I know had Reggie been able to say something to us, he would have told us to be happy and love other fur balls. But it's just tough because there are a lot of different variables to process.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, it is natural that no two people "heal" at the same pace. Perhaps for Kristy having a dog will be a way of keeping Reggie's presence alive - - but not be "replacing" him with another feline companion. Does this make sense to you? Having Lucy stay with you is great, but - - - it was temporary, and did not present the 24 / 7, 365 - - lifetime (however long that will be) of the commitment to the care of a dog. It is more involved on a daily basis. Reggie's attachment to you and Kristy is very special -- now compound that by at least a 1,000 fold every single day. And regardless if you get a puppy or an older canine companion there will still be the matter of training him or her for appropriate house and social manners and routines - - which takes a LOT of time. So, is the physical setting of your house ready to accommodate the physical needs of a canine companion? For example, is there a comfortable place where he / she can stay when you and Kristy are not home so that, if he / she were to have a "transgression" that it would be easily cleaned when you get home? If Kristy really wants a canine companion, then preparation needs to be made just as if you were bringing a newborn baby home.

I will never forget when my mom presented me with her wanting a dog. We had never had a dog before, and I just wasn't up to the prospects of taking care of a dog, and we were just barely financially able to manage for ourselves and our feline companion, Holly. But eventually my mom convinced me that we would be okay, so one Saturday we visited several shelters, and the last one we found our precious Samson - - a barely 8 week old mixed Border Collie / Lab puppy. Yes, we went through many transitions in our home as Samson so patiently "taught us" what he needed and wanted. He brought MUCH JOY to my mom during the day while I was at work, and when I got home I saw all the things that his "grandmother" had taught him how to do. I did basic obedience training with him in the evenings, and we bonded as though we were one heart and spirit. He and Holly were my purpose for waking up in the morning during my traumatic recovery and rehabilitation, including grieving the physical death of my mom.

So, I can so relate to your caution about adopting a canine companion, particularly at this time, Aaron. But I can honestly say that I am so very blessed to have had Samson's precious presence with me during his earthly journey, as I am so very blessed to have had Oslo's as well.

So, take your time. Get some books either from the library or from Amazon or wherever - - and read up on the different breeds - - for each breed has it's own physical and medical pros and cons. Check with your homeowner insurance agent to see if there are any "riders" you would need for your policy for any particular breed of dog. Yes, some breeds - - unfortunately - - have earned the label "dangerous" and can increase your premium. Even if you adopt from the shelter, your beloved canine companion will be a "mix" of different breeds, and will eventually mature into its "dominant" gene pool. So, for instance you adopt a companion who has Lab / Rottweiler genes. The Rottweiler genes may be the "dominant" as your companion matures, and Rottweilers are on the "dangerous" list for most insurance companies. So, it is important that you check with your insurance agent first because there are "liability issues" now for folks who have canine companions.

I hope this helps you and Kristy in your considerations for a canine companion. I definitely do not want to discourage you from ultimately embracing a canine companion - - but it's best to prepare yourselves as much as possible ahead of time for this new life coming into your hearts and home.

Please know you, Kristy, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, Aaron, and I will look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Lulu's Mom]

Hi Aaron
I have not had time to read throughout this entire thread...but I have read yesterday and today's posts and I think I get the drift. Ironically, my name is Christie and I think your Kristy should call me! I too, miss the companionship. I had no other pets, so the emptiness is, well....horrifically empty.

I somehow managed to escape the vet today without a burned puppy in tow. I guess I knew that it was not right. I know what I want in my next pet. I will be patient enough until I can't be anymore.

Anyway, since I am unaware of what this whole thread entails, If I am off base, then please forgive me. I DO know, that whatever would fall into my lap, regardless of what kind of animal it was, I would love with all I have.

That's pretty much it. If I have infringed in any way, it was not my intention. Just adding my two cents.

Christie

[Aaron]

Thank you moon beam and Christie As always, the advice is very helpful and much appreciated.

I told Kristy the other night that we could have gone and adopted 10 fur balls the day after Reggie passed away and we would love them because that is just who we are. Would it have been "right"? No, but I know no matter what fur ball we adopt or when we adopt, we'd love it because that is just the way we are, just as all of you adore and love these animals.

Re: the time and dedication it takes to own a dog (truly own a dog) is something we know all too well. Kristy's sister and her husband have a male Maltese and they have gone through training classes, take him on walks 2x a day and take him to the dog park as much as they can. Dogs need more attention in general than cats do, which Kristy and I know about thankfully. But that also is something we have to consider, regardless of WHEN we decide to adopt again.

I can say for certain that Kristy would prefer to adopt a dog because we both think if we adopted a cat (at least at this time), then we might compare him/her to Reggie, which is not fair. Reggie was an incredibly special cat (we all say that about our pets, huh?). He was truly a one of a kind and I am not sure I will ever again experience a relationship with a cat like that. It was just that special from day 1. When I talked to him, I could tell he knew what I was saying. He had his different voices and tones like any person and I knew them so well and knew what he was saying to me. It makes me tear up just typing these words out because it reminds me of just how special he was.

If I lived alone, I don't think I would be considering adopting at this point. But that is the thing about marriage, when your spouse hurts, you hurt and you want to do whatever you can to ease their pain. In my mind, I would rather my wife adopt a dog if it truly helped ease her pain. Would I "reject" whatever dog she adopted? No way, that is not in my nature. I suppose the net gain for my family would be positive enough by adopting a dog versus not adopting, that is what I am trying to say. Again, had my sister-in-law not been asked to dog-sit Lucy, then I don't think any of this would be up for discussion. I don't think that was coincidence either. But we still need to think hard about any decision we make.