Our sweet Reggie lost his battle with liver illness this morning after being diagnosed Monday Oct 18 with fatty liver disease. He was able to pass in the comfort of his own home surrounded by my wife and me. This was rather unexpected as he had made good progress while at the hospital so that makes it hurt even more, although it always hurts to lose one of your best friends. It feels like the pain will never go away, but over time we will find peace.

Reggie "adopted me" back in Nov 2001 when he was just a kitten. I remember hearing a cat crying outside so I went out the backdoor of my townhome and looked around. I didn't see anything at first but then he spotted me looking around and dashed down to see me. He had a collar on, so I told him he needed to go home, but he knew where his new home was. He kept crying outside my back door so I let him in to hang out. And the rest, as they say, is history.

We bonded a few nights later when I laid on the couch and sat him on my chest and picked fleas off him, one by one. He sat there, patiently, with his eyes closed and let me remove fleas from him for what seemed like hours. From that point forward we were best friends until he left us today. I will always have a place in my heart for Reggie and will always remember the joy and happiness he brought into our home.

He was the sweetest cat I had ever known. He could be in a room with 50 people and would be hanging out like it was nothing. He was always there to greet us when we came home, which we will miss greatly. He was our best friend and we will try to take solace in the fact that he is no longer suffering. You will always be loved Reggie and you always be remembered. May you rest in peace, best friend.

Hi, Aaron, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Reggie. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

I am so glad your precious boy was able to join the angels surrounded by the people and things he loved the best - - you and your wife and his home. It is never easy to "prepare" ourselves for the physical absence our beloved companions, for how can we ever truly prepare ourselves to live without the ones we love? I hope you will find comfort in knowing the bond of love we share with our beloved companions is eternal - - it is not bound by the physical laws of time and space.

Aaron, right now there are no adequate words I can think of that can come close to soothing the pain of grief that is in your and your wife's heart. This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we can have on this side of eternity. But please know you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you and your wife are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. And, if you would like, please know we would so enjoy seeing a picture, pictures, of your precious Reggie, and sharing any memories you'd like to share with us.

Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, Aaron, and please do let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

moon_beam, thank you for that heartfelt message. It brought tears to me eyes. I am glad I can find support from others who know the pain we are suffering. The pain is unbearable now and we can only pray that it eases with time. I am trying to find peace so I can support my wife as much as possible. This is the most difficult thing we have been through during our 8 year marriage.

There are so many good memories of Reggie, I am not even sure where to begin. For instance, my wife wears her house shoes at night and they kind of scrape on the floor and make a "woosh woosh" noise. Sometimes that would flip a switch in Reggie's head and he'd start to chase her. She'd have to flip him over the attack his belly to get him to stop. We think he did it on purpose as a game. It worked.

He loved unraveling the toilet paper roll in our bathroom, so we had to always make sure we flipped it around so it would not spill all over the floor.

Reggie was addicted to gift ribbon. He liked to chew on it for some reason. So all the gifts we ever wrapped never had any bows or ribbon on them. We always had to explain to people why our gifts were so "boring"

Here is Reggie with his favorite red sock



Here he is in his favorite napping spot



Another handsome shot of Reggie

He is indeed handsome!

I know he brought joy to both of you. I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend Reggie. Only "pet People" can understand the loss we feel at times like this.

I lost a brand new friend after only 5 days and the feeling is as if I'd had her for a long time. She was one of the sweetest most loving cats I've ever known & I'm no kid! She deserved better & I was ready to give her that at first sight. She seemed like you describe Reggie.... just comfortable around people and was at home the second I brought her in the house.

I know you'll both be OK as you are already remembering the good, fun things about your Reggie. If possible focus on that as much as possible.

Thank you and I am sorry for your loss. While I don't want others to know this pain, it helps to know that we are not alone.

Reggie was such an important part of our lives and helped make our house into a home. It feels like a piece of us died when Reggie left us, which is probably true. It's going to be the little "triggers" that make us remember him, which makes us grieve. Seeing a lizard on the window, thinking how he won't be there when we light the fireplace for the first time or him just being there to say hello to us. He was our little shadow and loved us as much as we loved him. We are trying our very best to think about how truly blessed we were to have him in our lives and how we are better because of the time we spent with him.

I told my wife that it wouldn't matter how long our pets lived, as we'd always feel pain when they left us. It just hurts more since we felt he had more years to share with us. But life can be cruel and unexplainable sometimes. We just need to keep remembering how much joy he brought us and how we are better because of it. I like to think if Reggie could speak English (he talked to us, just not in English), that he'd tell us to celebrate his life and cherish each day we have on this planet with our friends and family. I don't want his passing to be in vain and want us to learn from it.

Thank you again for your kind words, they help tremendously.

My wife and I are still grieving for our Reggie, as I am sure we will be for sometime longer. Today seems marginally better than yesterday and Friday, although Friday was rock bottom and we can only go up from that horrible day. Last night was the first time we sat on the couch in our living room since Reggie's passing. We usually eat dinner together on the couch and he'd either be laying under the coffee table in front of us or in between us on the couch. But he was not there and that was painful for us. After dinner Reggie would climb up on the blanket-covered pillow on my wife's lap, which we called his throne, but he was not there last night. Those are going to be the most difficult memories to deal with, although I pray that we will be able to look back at those memories and smile rather than cry. He was such a huge part of our lives, from being there at the door to greet us after a long day at work to being in the kitchen as we prepared dinner. He was intertwined into our lives and the void left by his passing is immense. But we will continue to find peace in his passing and know that he is no longer suffering and that our lives were better because of him.

Hi, Aaron, thank you so o o much for sharing pictures of your precious Reggie with us. What a handsome lad he is!! You are so right about the time we share with our beloved companions on this side of eternity never being long enough - - for they could live to be 50 years old and we would still want just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, one more month - - one more life time with them. And yes, they do take a part of us with them when they precede us to the angels - - the part of us that belongs only to them, and this is one of the many reasons why losing their precious physical presence with us is so painful - - both physically and emotionally.

Professional counselors are now recognizing that the physical loss of a beloved companion is as devastating as, if not more so, as the physical loss of a human family member or friend. The grieving process is the same, and the first year is recognized as being the hardest - - for it is the beginning adjustment to all the things that "used to be" during our beloved companion's earthly journey with us. The "anniversaries" are hard - - whatever they may be - - like the first dinner in the living room, the first birithday, the first holiday, the first vacation - - throughout the year there is always a "reminder" that a very integral part of our hearts is no longer physically with us. But even though we are temporarily physically separated, their sweet Living Spirits are forever with us in our hearts and memories, and they are still sharing our lives just as they always have and will. They are still a very integral part of us, and always will be.

But right now it's a difficult journey that you and your wife are traveling, for grief does form a dark veil around our hearts and lives - - like a protective cocoon - - to allow us to heal from the physical and emotional sadness as we begin to adjust our lives to the physical absence of our beloved companions. I personally call it "the winter of the heart" - - a season where everything seems bleak and barren, frozen - -. Hopefully someday, perhaps when you and your wife least expect it, you will be thinking, talking about your precious Reggie and you will find yourselves smiling and laughing - - and hopefully you will feel the warmth of your precious Reggie's sweet Living Spirit filling your hearts and feel the warmth of his presence still with you. And then you will begin to feel the dark veil around your hearts lift, and the grief of physical separation will no longer will be so painful.

Aaron, thank you so much for sharing your memories of Reggie. I hope you will continue to share your wonderful memories with us, as in sharing our memories it is like keeping an "eternal flame" of remembrance always burning.

Aaron, please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam, your words bring more comfort to me than you know. I know you have endured great loss this year and I hope that we can find the strength you have found to get through this difficult time. I am slowly reading others' stories of loss and will try to add my own comforting words as best I can, as it helps me to read others' words. It's touching that complete strangers are so willing to support one another through their difficult times. Right now I feel like I am only taking from others, but part of the healing process is being able to give back to those who need.

While my wife does not read these support forums (not yet anyway, maybe in due time as we all grieve and heal differently), I pass along your and others' words to her so that she may find comfort in them. Your words echo what my feelings are. We always want more time with our friends as they only bring us joy and happiness and they love us unconditionally - why wouldn't anyone want that for eternity?

Today was another difficult day, of which there will be many more. Just as you mentioned, today was the first Monday without Reggie, the first day that I left for work and was not able to tell him goodbye and to wish him a good day. Today will be the first day that I come home from work and he is not there waiting to greet me. Sitting on the couch is also difficult now as he loved to lay with us (and on us) on the couch or at least under the coffee table in front of us. But he is no longer there. It's especially difficult that he passed away under the coffee table in the same spot that he loved so much, but I try to find solace in the fact that he passed away at his home with his mommy and daddy and not at the hospital. It seems fitting that he left us in the same spot that he loved so much.

My wife enjoys going to the gym in the mornings and I rarely ever go to the gym in the morning but instead get into work early. But yesterday I told my wife that I would like to start going to the gym in the morning with her. I am trying my best to change some of the "normal" routine so that we may better adjust to Reggie not physically being there any more. I don't want her to come home from the gym by herself without me and Reggie there. She thanked me this morning for going to the gym with her as she would not have done that otherwise. I told her that while we will continue to grieve for his loss, Reggie would have wanted us to continue living our lives the best we can just as he did each and every day. We did the same yesterday as we planted winter annuals in our flower beds and were able to spend time with one another, just as we think Reggie would have wanted us to. I can say that today is better than the last three days and that is comforting to know we are slowly healing. Having this forum to express my words, even if not many are reading them, is a tremendous help to me.

Thank you again for the kind words, I will continue to let you know how we are doing and share more memories of our sweet Reggie with you.

Hi Aaron,

I'm so sorry for the devastating loss of your beautiful boy, Reggie. In one of your posts, you said, "It feels like a piece of us died when Reggie left us, which is probably true" -- I can totally relate to that. 6 months after losing my precious house-bunny, Daisy, I still cannot shake that feeling. As my signature reads: "It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone, for parts of us went with you, the day God called you home." How true that is! They take the whole pieces of our hearts with them, but I truly believe we will be whole again one day when we our reunited with our precious pets. Until that day, we have to hold onto the memories and the love that we were blessed with. Be easy on yourself, Aaron, grief is a rollercoaster, with many ups and downs, twists and turns. We are all here to help you with your journey.

Take care,
Cheryl xx

Thank you Cheryl. You are right, grief is a roller coaster and we are trying to manage it the best we can. We obviously are not computers that can just delete certain memories and continue living like nothing happened. I don't ever want to forget our Reggie and all that he brought into our lives.

My wife said something so true this past weekend - she said how she wouldn't have traded anything in the world for the time we were able to spend with Reggie. We know that for the 9 joy filled years he gave us, we won't endure 9 years of equally heart wrenching pain. We will never "get over" his loss, but we will be able to manage it. That's the "price" we pay when we open our homes to pets. While we can't and shouldn't think about it, there will come a day when our friends leave us. We can't change that, ever. So we have to remember to love them, spoil them and enjoy them with all our hearts while they are with us. This holds true for ANY relationship, not just ones we have with our pets.

Thank you again for "listening" to me and sharing your thoughts. I am glad I found this site as you are all very kind people.

Hi, Aaron, one of the many "adjustments" we are faced making is "what do I do now?" Our beloved companions are very dependent upon us for all of their needs. Consequently our routines are formed around them - - feeding time, walking, play time, vet trips, etc.. When they precedue us to the angels, we are now faced with the overwhelming task of finding some other way of compensating for the time we would have been sharing with our beloved companions. - - ANOTHER reminder that our beloved companions are no longer physically with us. Defining the "new normal" very hard, to put it mildly.

I'm so glad you and your wife are sharing this quality time together. I hope you can feel Reggie smiling, nodding his head in total approval.

Aaron, right now you and your wife need "to take from others." That's one of the many reasons why we're here for you both. Right now you may be finding it just a challenge to put two consecutive thoughts together, to stay focused on what you're doing right at that moment. The stress of grief challenges us in our abilities to function. So, please just take your time. We are always glad to hear from you, to know how you and your wife are doing, and as you feel up to it, to embrace the caring, comforting wisdom of your heart in each of our journeys.

By the way, you can still wish your precious Reggie a good day - - even though he's with the angels now, his heart is still with you and your wife. The sound of your voice talking to him as you always have is still sweet to him, and he's listening intently to every word. And there are no more "good bys" to be said because he is now with you in real time - - wherever you go and whatever you do. He no longer has to wait for you to come home from work, or shopping, or the gym - - or vacation - - to tell him how your day has been - - for he is sharing it right along with you now at the very moment.

Aaron, please know you and your wife are in my thoughs and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Aaron
I hope you got through today ok. I know how much I miss Squiggy and how lonely I am. I hope you are ok. I'm glad you have your wife too, it helps. My support and blessings to you.
-Di

Thank you both for the kind words, I can't tell you how much they have helped me (and in turn my wife).

moon_beam, you are so right. Our lives were/are formed around our beloved cats and that is by far the hardest part of this adjustment. But then again, they are family and our lives are defined by family and friends. That's why we are trying our best to do things other than "mope" around because we truly believe that Reggie would have DEMANDED we not stop living our lives, but instead embrace each day and love each other and our friends and family as much as we can. As you said, Reggie is looking down on us and nodding in approval as we try our best to continue living our lives and eventually enjoy each day as if he were still with us. I still talk to him and tell him how much we love him and how we can't wait to see him again someday. I know he is happy and healthy on the other side and that gives me some solace. He lived such a beautiful life while on this planet.

For some reason, I am more at peace than I was yesterday. I still miss him dearly and wish he was still here, but I think I am slowly adjusting to the absence of his physical presence. My thoughts yesterday were dominated by those last few weeks when Reggie was sick, but I am making the conscious decision to remember the time before that and how much he made us smile. I want to remember him on my shoulder or me holding him like a baby and rubbing that soft, pink belly of his. Those memories are what will get us through this, as he was a special gift and we were the ones who were blessed to have him in our lives. This pain we feel now will never, ever overshadow the immense joy and happiness he brought into our lives for those 9 special years.

Grief is indeed a roller coaster of emotions. Tomorrow might be different and come with a whole new set of challenges, but we can only deal with our loss one day at a time.

Di, thanks for your thoughts. I "got through" the day the best I could. Being at work was especially difficult because the prior two weeks were dominated by me knowing he was at the hospital getting treatment or was at home. But yesterday I knew he was not at home waiting for me and unfortunately those thoughts dominated my heart and mind. There were several times at work when I wanted to cry but held it in until I was at home and could hug my wife. It felt good to cry and to talk to my wife. Our sweet Kylah hung out with us on our bed for much of last night as we watched TV. So that helped a lot. She seems to be coping as well as we could have hoped. She and Reggie were buddies, but were not "bosom buddies" who slept together all the time or constantly played. They got along wonderfully and were the ying to the other's yang. She is energetic, a princess and a bit of a spazz. Reggie was happy-go-lucky, was always around no matter who was there and was the center of attention. He loved being held and was a lap kitty and Kylah doesn't care to be held and is anything but a lap kitty. So we will miss that dynamic between them as much as we will miss Reggie by himself. Watching them was as fun as watching any TV show or movie.

I am again so sorry for your loss and can empathize with what you are feeling. You wish the pain would just vanish or you could wake up from this bad nightmare, but you can't. Only time and sharing your thoughts with as many others as you can will help ease the pain. I know thinking about your Squiggy only makes the pain worse, but you can't suppress those happy memories as you will one day be able to think about them and smile and find comfort in knowing that the time you two shared was something special. This pain is the price we pay for the years of joy and companionship we enjoy with our furry friends.

Last night was filled with different emotions, but we are slowly healing and getting through the loss of our Reggie. I stopped by my parents for a bit and spent time with both their cats. It helped me to see them both, as I have known them both since they were little kittens. I then got my haircut last night (was long overdue since we were spending time with him every day at the vet) and was able to talk openly and proudly about our Reggie. My "barber" has two Dachshunds and she knows the bond that comes with having a pet. So it was good to talk to her about it.

Yesterday was the first day my wife went back to work since Reggie's passing and it was a hard day for her, just as it was a hard day for me on Monday. She asked her boss to remove pictures of Reggie before she arrived, which was difficult. Then she was going through the mail in the kitchen after work and there was what appeared to be a card addressed to her. She opened it and her office got her a card and everyone wrote messages of support. That was really difficult and she cried in my arms over it. We talked some and I told her we have to keep remembering all the special times we shared with Reggie and that we'll always miss him, but never forget him. I told her to keep talking to him and tell him how much she loves him.

She is also worried about our other cat, Kylah, not because she is acting "strange" but because she can tell Kylah is looking for Reggie and it breaks her heart. It's just a mother's concern over her other children. We are giving Kylah all the love she wants and more, which is all we can do. After we talked she picked up the card and read the messages her co-workers wrote for her, which I was proud she could do. We cooked dinner for the first time since Reggie's passing and ate on the couch like we did before. That was a tough hurdle as he was always there with us around dinner time. He is still there with us though, I can feel his spirit all throughout me. We watched some TV and went to bed early to spend time with Kylah, as our bed is her favorite spot and she loves to "squish" on her blanket next to my wife.

As I have said, while she does not read this site, I take the messages of support that you all share and pass them on to her. I know it is helping her heal, as they help me heal. We will get trough this together and I can't help but think that she and I will become closer and our bond stronger as a result. That is just another gift Reggie has given to us, unintentionally of course.

I thought I would share the lyrics to a song that have been going through my head the last few days. The song is called "I Miss You" by Incubus. We miss you Reggie and will always love you. We know you are doing well where you are and can't wait to see you again.

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for letting us know how you, your wife, and Kylah are doing. I can so understand about going to work, and how hard it is to make it through the day. Thank goodness for the privacy of the restroom where I could go to collect myself for a few minutes before going back to my desk to continue my work. And then there were the gut-wrenching sobbing drives to and from work, the waking up in the middle of the night sobbing from the depths of a breaking heart - - living on "automatic pilot" for days, and weeks, until the mind could once again comprehend a semblance of the new "reality."

I can also relate to how Kylah is feeling - - looking for her house mate Reggie. My precious Noah did that with his big adopted kitty brother, Eli, and it broke my heart. The last time he saw Eli was when I was taking him back to the vet for the "procedure." The vet who had been treating him for cancer and subsequent infections never offered / counseled me that I could bring him home so that Noah could pay his final respects, and it took close to 2.5 years for Noah to make "peace" with the fact that Eli's physical presence could no longer be with us. When Oslo and his baby sister joined the angels, I made sure that he had a chance to be with them, and that has helped him tremendously. Even today, though, he still finds comfort in snuggling down on their blankets that I haven't washed yet because they still have their scent on them. You are doing the very best with your Kylah by sharing as much extra time with her as possible - - as much as she can handle. My little Noah - - he is a snuggler with me, and he will let me hold him - - but he can take just so much mommy "mushy stuff" and then it's time to break. He is so precious, my little Noah. Forgive me - - for tears are welling up in my eyes as I'm writing to you - - because I do know what you, your wife, and Kylah are going through, and my heart is with you.

Some folks find it comforting to do a special memorial for their beloved companions - - like a scrapbook, or a video / slide show, a garden perhaps. Some folks make donations to their local humane society or vet's in loving memory of their beloved companion, some do fund raisers in loving tribute as well. With the exception of Oslo and Abbygayle, when each of my furkids have joined the angels I made memorial booklets with pictures and poems and wrote a brief euology about their lives, etc., and made enough copies to give to my vet and vet techs so that they could remember my babies, their client, for the better days - - not for the illness that claimed their physical lives. When Oslo and Abbygayle joined the angels I did memorial videos/ slide shows on each of them set to music, and the vets and vet techs truly appreicated them. So, that might be something you and your wife might think about - - for whatever it's worth. I did find working on these projects helpful because it did help me to stay focused on their lives - - not just the last few days / weeks / months of their lives of declining health.

Thank you so much for sharing the lyrics to the song, too. My mom was a musician, not by profession but she could have been. She always used to say that music is a universal language because it speaks to the heart - - and our precious companions truly do share the "music of our hearts."

Aaron, this grief journey is a one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time journey. It is an honor to be here for you and your wife, to try to offer you both some comfort, encouragement and support during one of the most sorrowful times you will have in your experiences on this side of eternity. When I first joined the family here on L S I posted a poem in the Tribute / Memorials section that I had written called "Beloved Companion". I'm not sure where it is in the list, but I hope you will find it comforting for you and your wife, if you'd like to check it out, and please feel free to print off a copy of it if you'd llike to put a copy with your beloved Reggie's memorabilia. If you can't find it for whatever reason and would still like to have it, let me know and I'll e-mial it to you or Private Message it to you -- - whichever way.

Aaron, thank you again so much for sharing with us how things are going for you, your wife, and your precious Kylah. Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon beam, your words (as well as those of everyone else) always bring me comfort and help me continue to heal from our loss. I am not sure how to explain it, but I feel more at ease when I am at home than I am at work, despite our home being filled with memories of Reggie. While this may all just be in my head, I can feel his spirit permeating throughout our home and it helps bring me comfort because I know he'd want my wife, Kylah and me to continue being a family in our home. I miss my friend so much and think about him constantly and still talk to him, but I am slowly able to think about all the good times we shared together and allow it to heal me rather than make me cry. I continue reminding myself how blessed we were to have him in our lives and how he still is a part of us and our home and always will be.

I am sorry to hear that your Noah had to go through that. These animals, like humans, share bonds with one another that are as strong as the bonds humans share. My wife's sister and her husband had two cats several years ago, Bailey and Kahlua, and Kahlua passed away suddenly and Bailey did not fare well. She is still with us, but the stress from Kahlua's loss caused her to get sick. Luckily she is better now, but it was tough to see her go through that. Part of Bailey's health issues might have been brought about by them bringing a new cat into their house and the chemistry was not there.

Looking back, I am glad that we were able to bring Reggie back home so Kylah could see him for a few more days. Kylah seems to be adjusting as well as we can hope for. She is still social and still eating well and using the potty like normal. In fact, she is craving more attention than before and we are giving her as much as she wants. She loves to prance around on our bed and get pet and brushed. One thing she likes to do is to pass back and forth in front of me while I smell her head and the top of her back. My wife won't do it, but Kylah loves it when I do it. So she's been getting smelled a whole lot lately. Last night she did something that we don't think she has ever done before - my wife was sleeping on her back and woke up with Kylah sitting on her stomach/chest area. My wife said she woke up and pet her while she sat there.

It's amazing that you would suggest ways to remember and memorialize Reggie, as we have thought about the same things. We laid Reggie to rest at my wife's parents' house as they have graciously allowed us to lay other friends to rest there and we planted a white flowered camellia by his resting spot. I enjoy gardening and have several beds, so we plated another white camellia in our back yard in honor of Reggie. This corner has many white daffodils planted as well, so it will be a fitting memorial of white blooms to honor Reggie. My wife is an avid scrap-booker and has done a book for Reggie and Kylah in the past and maybe someday she will be able to do another for Reggie together. When we were at the hospital to see Reggie (sometimes 2x a day), they put us in various visiting rooms. All of those rooms had pictures of past patients, some who had made it and some who had not, thanking the doctors and vet techs for all they did. I would like to do that someday as they gave him comfort in his last days and gave us extra time to spend with Reggie. I know it will be hard to go back, as I have some supplies to give back to them that we could not use. In the main waiting lobby they have different pictures of vet techs with animals and one of the pictures is a white cat that looks like Reggie's twin. Seeing that picture will be hard, but I think going back and telling the vet techs 'thank you' would help me.

I will go find your poem and read it, thank you for telling me that. Maybe I will be able to share your poem with my wife.

Thank you again for your heartfelt words, they bring me great comfort and are helping us heal. I am not sure how we would be doing now had I not found this site and all its great people. We have been blessed to have friends and family who care greatly for us, which has helped tremendously. We continue to look for inspiration and positives in Reggie's life, which is not hard to do. He was a blessing that we will never forget.

I wanted to share some more pictures of Reggie and some new pictures of our sweet Kylah - I am glad I can look at pictures of my sweet Reggie and smile, although seeing them does make my heart heavy. But I am just so proud of the full life he lived and feel so blessed to have known him that it brings me more joy than pain to share these with everyone else. He was the happiest cat I'd ever known in my life and made everyone he met smile. I will continue to remember and honor Reggie in that way and will always miss him.

Here is the link to some pictures I uploaded this morning: http://www.flickr.com/photos/47365351@N03/...28752/lightbox/

What great pictures! Love the two of them together, they look like fast friends. Thanks for sharing your feline family with everyone, I can see why Reggie is so dearly missed.

Jan

Thank you Jan, those were my favorites out of the ones I have at work (and I have a lot). For some reason, it makes me happy to share pictures of Reggie and Kylah with others because I want everyone to see and know how special he is. I suppose it helps me honor him and keep his spirit strong even though he is not physically with us anymore.

Aaron, what wonderful pictures of your family. I'm so sorry for your loss of Mr. Reggie. He is very handsome. Often on my thread I talk about my kitty Alexis. She was pure white just like your Reggie...she had short hair also and when she was about 12 yrs thru 20 yrs she grew into this beautiful long hair angora kitty. Seeing his pictures brought back so many memories for me. Good memories. I hope you and your wife are doing well. I'm glad you have found this site, I don't know how I would have gotten through this alone without the everyone here.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you...your wife...and Kylah

Annette

Hi, Aaron, getting caught up on your news. Thank you so much for the wonderful pictures of your Reggie and Kylah. Thank you so o o much for sharing them with us. The picture of Reggie under the table -- - I am always amazed at the positions our beloved companions can maneuver their bodies into. And the pictures of Reggie and Kylah in the windows - - all of them are wonderful memories for you, your wife, and Kylah - - and Reggie - - for he is sharing each of your memories, too.

Every time your Kylah rubs against you and your wife she is "marking" you with her scent - - she is claiming you for her own. Her wild cousins greet each other by rubbing against one another as a means of recognition that they belong to each other and to reinforce that bond and "pride" - - or group - - unity. It's also a form of reassurance when there is stress in the "family unit." So, Aaron, as you are Kylah's "pride leader", it's a good thing you're doing in sharing this physical bonding ritual with Kylah.

It is not surprising to me that you feel more comfort in being home than anywhere else, like at work, for this is where Reggie's sweet Living Spirit is closest to you. And your flower gardens sound so wonderful. I have a natural "brown" thumb - - so I can genuinely appreciate you and your wife's gardening talents. What a loving living tribute to your precious Reggie. And yes, going back to the vet's office is a challenge. After my Eli joined the angels it took me about 6 months to be able to go back to the vet's without tears welling up in my eyes every time. My Oslo had begun to have health issues and required regular visits every few weeks. The vet techs got so used to seeing me crying or trying to hide my tears that once we were in a private exam room they would hand me a box of tissues. I'm laughing now as I'm writing this, but it was very hard at the time. And after Oslo, and then Abbygayle, the first few trips back with Noah for his check ups or to pick up food for him were also challenging, but are getting a little easier now. Just focus on one step at a time, Aaron. Each of these are the "firsts" - -, and we're here to help you and your wife through each of them, during them, and each of the following anniversaries as well.

Aaron, it is always good to hear from you and to share with you how things are going with you, your wife, and Kylah. Thank you again so o o much for sharing the precious pictures of your furkids with us. Please know you, your wife, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how each of you are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you both for the kind words, it was good for me to show you pictures of Reggie and Kylah. It actually helped me to share those pictures because I am so proud of Reggie's life and what he meant to my wife, Kylah and me. I would be doing him a dis-service by not sharing his precious life with others. I am trying my best to celebrate his life and part of that is talking about the good memories and showing off how handsome he is (and how beautiful Kylah is). I know it's not what everyone would do as we all grieve differently, but I smile talking about my sweet Reggie. So I hope I am not offending anyone by taking comfort in sharing these pictures with you as I feel I am in the minority in doing this. I know my wife would not be able to the things I am doing and I would not ask her to or expect her to, as she grieves differently than I do. I wish more than anything that he was waiting at home for me to pick up and hug, but I know he is not.

I have a video on my phone that I took at the vet clinic that someday I'd like to share with you all, but I think that would be too much for me right now. Thinking about that video makes me cry. One morning when I visited Reggie (as I did everyday he was in the hospital) he was feeling better and was acting more like himself, so I took a video and sent it to my wife. I still think about how that video and other pictures are on her phone and know how hard it will be when she sees those again.

Thank you again for being so supportive, I am trying to do the same for others as I know it helps, even if a little, to let others know they are not alone during their time of need.

Aaron, thank you so much for sharing those wonderful pictures. They brought a huge smile to my face They're both such beautiful, well-loved, happy looking cats. Thanks again.

Cheryl x

Hi Aaron. Hope you are ok today. My thoughts were with you. I had a hard day today. My best to you and your wife.
-Di

Cheryl - I am glad those pictures brought a smile to your face. That makes me feel good knowing Reggie and Kylah can make others happy, even if for a brief time.

Di, I am sorry to hear that you are still hurting. Trust me when I say that I know how you feel. Just keep reading others' kind words and please tell us how you feel, regardless of whether it's good, bad or anything in between.

I appreciate your kind words, which are especially comforting knowing that you are still hurting. We are managing the best we can. She and I went to the gym together 4 times this week in the morning, which has helped us both. Our Kylah has been a big lovin' machine, so we have been enjoying her time as much as possible. We live next door to my wife's sister and her husband and they have been very supportive too. So we have been blessed to have others help us through this. Please remember that others are here for you too - lean on us as much as you need to.

As the workday and subsequently the workweek comes to an end, I am getting more and more sad. There was nothing more that I looked forward to after a week of work than going home and spending time with my wife, Reggie and Kylah. The realization that Reggie won't be there waiting for me is weighing heavily on me this afternoon. It helps me to type these words here as I know whoever reads them knows how I feel. I miss my Reggie so much and wish he was back at home with his family. I will try to think of the good times and how special he was.

Grief is such a roller coaster as others have said. The last few days were better but for some reason today was not as good. Maybe the thought of how Reggie passed away a week ago is lingering in my mind today, even if subconsciously. I have never been big on anniversaries in general (although I'd never forget my wedding anniversary, LOL) but knowing he passed away last Friday morning is bringing my mood down. I'd do anything just to hear him talk to me as he liked to do or waiting at the door for me as he always did.

Thanks for listening to me.

The early stage of grief is especially hard because you have to deal with all the "firsts". The first weekend without him, the first week, the first month, and so on... And, yes, the feeling better for a few days, and then feeling worse, is all part of this "roller coaster". You will find yourself taking three steps forward, then out of the blue, five steps back. Over time, the steps forward will become more than the steps back. Be it forward, or be it back, we are all with you every step of the way.

Cheryl xx

Thank you Cheryl, you are right, there will be many steps forward and backward. Over time we'll move more forward as we cope with our loss.

Last night after dinner I took the towels and plates into the kitchen and the pillow and blanket Reggie used to lay on after my wife had finished eating were empty. She began to cry as she knows the comfort he brought us each night is now gone. She said going to bed each night is difficult, as the last thing she or I would do is go find Reggie and plop him on the bed, unless he was already waiting for us. It's the culmination of all those sweet memories and how we can no longer experience them that hurts the most.

I changed out the bed spread for a warmer one last night and as I placed the new bed spread over the bed (such as when you lay out a blanket on the ground for a picnic), it made me think about how we'll never get to enjoy "sheet time" again. When we changed the sheets, Reggie loved to jump on the bed and hide under the clean top sheet. It was just another thing that made him the unique individual he was and always will be. I will never forget those memories as they enriched our lives and are a big part of who we are. Just right now the absence of those special times is hard to swallow.

Thank you again for listening.

Hi, Aaron, just want to echo Cheryl's comforting words. All the things you and your wife do now, and Kylah, are all "firsts" - - and they are very hard because they are "firsts" without the physical presence of your precious Reggie - - the opposite of all the "firsts" you enjoyed when Reggie became a part of your lives, and then when Kylah joined the family unit.

Just hold on fast to your precious memories, Aaron, and try to remember that Reggie is still with you just as he always has been. It's hard, I know - - for we are still a part of the physically-oriented universe.

Aaron, we are here for you, your wife, and Kylah every step you take - - forward, backward, side ways, up, down, and inside out. Please know you, your wife, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam, as always it is good to read your words. Sunday was a tough day, not for any particular reason, but just because I allowed my mind to wonder and it took me to a place that brought me down. But I have come to accept that as part of the roller coaster ride that grief takes us through. There will be good days and bad days, good hours and bad hours. If we didn't love him so much, then the pain wouldn't be so great.

On Sunday I came in from working on my old Camaro to take a couch break and watch a favorite show. As I sat there, I began thinking about our Reggie and how he was usually in his favorite chair in the office or would come into the living room to see what I was up to. That brought me down a lot, more than I had been in the previous few days. But you have all been there before. The adjustment period is tough and there are so many triggers throughout our home and our lives that make us think of him, even though these are all wonderful memories.

My wife was consoling me and we were talking and she said how she doesn't think anyone but she and I will ever know how hard this loss truly is. I told her that while not anyone else will ever truly be able to appreciate the specifics of what Reggie brought into our lives, there are others who know the same pain from losing a beloved pet. While I don't wish this type of pain and sadness on anyone, I am trying to accept that it's the price we pay for bringing animals into our homes. It's the price we pay for the enrichment and betterment they give us. I wouldn't want to know what my life would have been like without Reggie being a part of it. The physical loss is indeed a difficult thing to cope with, but I know he is healthy and happy where he is.

Thank you all again for helping me and my wife through this.

One thing I didn't mention was that I had a dream last night with Reggie in it. He was at the vet and his head was a little bit dirty and they were cleaning him up for him to (presumably) go home. The dream stopped there (or at least that is all I could remember), but it was one of those dreams that drains you mentally. I am sure you all have dreamed or still dream about your pets. That was the first time I had dreamed about Reggie since his passing. It was bitter sweet to see him in my dreams.

It's really difficult to describe the way I am right now. Perhaps the best way is that we are just going through the motions. Things like working on my Camaro and watching football are just ways to pass time instead of things that bring me enjoyment. My wife says that going to the gym, while bringing her some enjoyment, does not have the same feeling as before. I am glad we can at least go through the motions so that we can continue to heal, but the hole in our hearts is still very big and I am sure will always be there. I know the way we feel is not unique to us, but it helps to paint a picture of how we are progressing.

Kylah is still doing well - she is eating, being social and being a sweet kitty. It's interesting how the relationship with her is evolving now that she is the only pet in the house. It has been a blessing having her through this difficult time. I am not sure how we could have managed had it been just Reggie.

Thank you again for listening. I hope you are all doing well.

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for letting us know how you, your wife, and Kylah are doing. Yes, there will be times when you feel the "roller coaster" ride more than others. "Knowing" this, however, does not diminish the grief that overwhelms you and can literally take your breath away for a few moments.

I call the initial grief journey being something like functioning on "automatic pilot." Things get done, we find other "activities" to occupy ourselves with, BUT - - it doesn't seem "real". And in a huge way it isn't, because we are in the process of adjusting our lives to a "new reality" - - only this reality is without the precious physical presence of your beloved Reggie. And this is very difficult to reconcile - - to adjust to. It doesn't happen overnight, it doesn't happen in the first week, or month, - - it's a process that can only happen as you, your wife, and Kylah are able to handle it.

Aaron, I hope this helps you and your wife in some way. Each day, each step in this adjustment journey is truly a "new experience". I hope what I have shared with you will give you and your wife encouragement and reassurance that what you are experiencing is normal, under the circumstances.

Thank you again, Aaron, for sharing with us how you, your wife, and Kylah are doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how things are going whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon beam, your words and those of others always help me navigate through these difficult times. Each time I open the front door, it's usually a small step in the right direction. I am already preparing myself for the other "firsts" we know we are going to encounter along the way. As I mentioned in another thread, my wife and I talked about how Christmas was going to be difficult as we would not be able to hang a stocking for Reggie and likely would not hang any stockings this year. Hanging stockings for my wife, Kylah and me would remind us of the stocking that is NOT there. The three-month anniversary of Reggie's passing will fall on my birthday, which I know will be difficult despite trying to mentally prepare for it. I try not to dwell on what might happen or how I might feel, as that is no way to live. I just have to take these things as they come.

Take care all.

As much as I am trying to shed myself of the memories of that last day Reggie was with us, it is still difficult to not think about that day. Considering Reggie's entire life except for those last few days was a life of happiness and joy, you'd think I could somehow compartmentalize or minimize the pain and memories of that last day. But it's like a disease that I wish I could cut out of me and bury in a deep hole somewhere. From the point that I got home that Thursday evening and saw that he was not acting himself to waking up around 11:00 that evening to find him laying on the living room rug in obvious distress to hearing him tell me goodbye with his gentle meow as I stroked his head, it still haunts me. I don't want it to nor do I try to revisit those last days, but those memories will not stop haunting me.

I can't shake myself of the memory kneeling on the floor watching him pass away and hearing my wife ask if he was still breathing. I can still remember with painstaking clarity how my wife cried after we knew he had left us and how she was going through more pain than I have seen since she had to euthanize her cat Lodi in April 2002. I can remember building his coffin and lining it with a favorite blanket and placing him inside wrapped in the same towel he laid on when he came home from the vet. I am hoping that typing these memories here will help push them out of my head, or at least make them less prominent. I don't want to think about these brief, awful memories as they don't represent what Reggie's life was about. I don't know if I am subconsciously doing this to "punish" myself or what else is causing this to happen. I wish I could erase these memories from my brain like I can erase a file from a computer hard drive. The last days we spend with any loved one are rarely ever the best, but the are the most recent and unfortunately the most vivid.

I want to remember him waking me up at 10:30 at night for attention. I want to remember him following me into the kitchen after I got home for some loving. I want to remember how he loved for me to open the kitchen window on those perfect spring and fall days so he could sit on the sill and listen to the wind and the birds. I just have to try harder to focus on the countless happy memories he left us.

Hi, Aaron, clinical studies have shown that the mind "records" traumatic events, and then replays them over and over - - like a phonograph needle stuck in a groove on a vinyl record (yeah, I'm ****** myself here). And the more traumatic the event is, the more the mind "replays" it. It is now called PTSD, and the loss of a beloved companion certainly qualifies for post-traumatic stress disorder. The last months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds that we have with our beloved companions are imprinted in our memories, and it is hard to "shake" them because we are engulfed in grief.

So, to try to say it in 25 words or less - - which of course you know by now is impossible for me - - what you and your wife are going through is - - NORMAL. Painful, yes - - both physically and emotionally, but normal. How long does it take to re-focus the memories? Healing time, Aaron. I wish there was some better, faster, way of recovering from those memories you and your wife have of Reggie's final moments with you, but - - it's just a matter of healing time. In severe cases, such as what I am challenged with every day, there is a technique that my counsellor gave to me - - it's deliberate re-direction of your thoughts when you find yourself "transported" back to the traumatic event. When you start finding yourself thinking of Reggie's last moments with you, the technique is to forcibly re-direct your thoughts to something different - - a positive memory of Reggie, or something entirely different. This does take a lot of "work", but it can help - - at the very least help to start take the edge off the final moments you and your wife had with Reggie. Will these memories ever go away completely? Probably not, but the good news is that with healing time you will once again be able to focus more on the wonderful memories you have of your precious Reggie.

I do so understand what you mean about the holidays. Some folks find it comforting to hang their beloved companions' stocking in loving memory and tribute to them - - a recognition that their sweet Living Spirit is still with them. But - - I stress here - - there is no one specific "right" way of finding the path that you and your wife and Kylah need to travel to find your "peace on earth" during the upcoming holidays, your birthday, and any other event - - anniversary - - that comes for you. Whatever you do together, Aaron, is the RIGHT WAY for you.

Aaron, I hope what I have shared with you will be of some help and encouragement and support and comfort to you, your wife, and Kylah. Thank you so o o o much for sharing with us how you and your family are doing. Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers, Aaron, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks moon beam, I always enjoy reading your posts as they help me and Kristy (my wife) heal a little more. You are right, I need to consciously work on re-directing my thoughts to something else when I begin to think of the traumatic events from those last few days. It requires work and I just need to give it more effort as I know it is part of the healing process. I don't want to have these thoughts and have to find ways to minimize them. They'll always be there, I am sure.

My wife and I are squarely in the depression stage of grief, or so it feels. We don't want to feel sorry for ourselves or have a "pity party" but right now we are just going through the motions with work, the gym and hobbies. The things that we enjoy are currently just ways to pass the time rather than bring us joy. We know it won't be like this forever and we have to work to heal, but we still miss him so so much. I am finding that I miss the "little" things that maybe I took for granted while he was here, like he and Kylah playing chase at night and watching that dynamic or just the happiness that he brought my wife. I can look at my wife and tell that a part of her is missing, as she can with me. That's really tough to deal with. Kylah still meows for her brother and it takes all my energy not to cry over it. But Kylah is still doing well and being as sweet as ever, so we are lucky to have her help us through this.

Thank you again.

Hi, Aaron, just being able to get caught up with posts, and I just want to assure you and your wife that the grief you are feeling is NOT EVER - - NEVER - - to be considered in any way, shape, or form as a "pity party." And anyone who may even remotely intimate that to you is totally wrong.

I can so relate to your and Kristy's feelings of just going through the motions. I call it existing on "automatic pilot" - - things get done, bills get paid, jobs still get done, but - - not with enthusiasm, for our hearts are grieving the physical absence of joy.

Aaron, I wish there was an easier way through this grief adjustment journey for you, Kristy, and Kylah, but unfortunately it's a one day at a time journey that simply cannot be rushed. And unfortunately, the holidays seem to enhance the grief feelings. Clinical studies show that the holidays are a "high risk" time for depression, including the days and weeks leading up to and following the "most wonderful time of the year." It is important that you and Kristy do what is best for you and Kylah through these next several days and weeks. I know it's very hard to put on the "public face" when your heart is deeply missing a beloved companion - - whatever the life form. So, it is important that you and Kristy set aside enough private time for you and Kylah to just be with one another so that you do not feel overwhelmed.

This time last year I had three furkids: My handsome Oslo - - tomorrow would have been his 16th birthday. My beautiful baby girl Abbygayle - - still recovering from her second major surgery for cancer, and hoping and praying that the tumors would not return - - but did. And my precious Noah - - my little caregiver keeping diligent watch over his big doggy brother and baby sister - - and me. And now this year - - I am blessed with the physical presence of my precious little Noah and savoring the wonderful memories of my furkids who are now with the angels. It' never ceases to amaze me how life changes, and so quickly, and that is one of the many reasons why we must hold fast to the precious memories we have, and tenaciously embrace as best as we possibly can every moment we are blessed with our beloved companions.

Aaron, Kristy, Kylah - - please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, hoping that each post you read will bring you comfort and encouragement. I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Aaron.....

It is such a shock when we lose a beloved friend, especially one who has been so much a part of every day for so many days. When my Molly Malone passed in 2008 I said to myself, how can it be 'home' anymore with no Molly Malone (she was with me for 12 years)? When my Mom passed in 2006 I was incredulous that when I got up the next morning the whole world was still going about as if things were the same, how could it be?!

This is a traumatic event for us, our world has changed and changed in such a way that things do not quite seem real. It is impossible to behave as if everything is just rolling along the same. Something inconceivable and earth-shattering has happened to us.

Please allow yourself the time and tenderness for all your deepest feelings, for they are at the very core of who we are as humans. Remember how deeply you loved Reggie and understand that you will grieve in the same intense way.

Jan

Thank you both for the kind words. They help guide us through this maze more than you know.

We are all still hanging in there and trying to enjoy our time with each other and enjoy the hobbies that bring us happiness. I can't remember what day it was last week, maybe Wed or Thurs, but I began crying for no particular reason other than I just miss my Reggie. My wife began crying, which I am glad she did as it helps with the stress and allows us to talk more, but we were at least able to smile and laugh through the tears as we recalled all the fond memories we had of him. Kylah came into the kitchen with us and was talking to us, which made us smile too. So while we still are grieving over his loss, we can at least find some happiness in the memories we have of him. Kylah is being as sweet as ever and getting as much attention as she craves. She is a "talker" in general, but I still feel she is still at times calling out for her brother. Their litter box is in the laundry room and anytime she went in there, Reggie had to go "investigate", which I think she was fully aware. She will go in there now and meow some as if she is trying to get Reggie to come find her.

While we are a long time from even considering getting a new furball, we both said how we were "afraid" of how our bond with Reggie was so special and so unique that no other bond could ever come close to matching that. I know that is not really the right attitude to take, as each bond we have with our pets is unique and special in its own way. But Reggie was truly a "once in a lifetime" friend. I have never known a more special animal then him and may never have such a bond again. I know if we ever open our home to another pet, it won't be to replace Reggie as you can never replace your friends. It would be because we are ready to love another animal and to give Kylah a new friend. I feel somewhat ashamed even talking about this, as we are not even remotely thinking about finding a new furball. I suppose I am just getting things off my mind.

My mind at times will try and take me back to those horrible last 18 or so hours Reggie was with us, but I am consciously battling such thoughts by redirecting my mind to remember any countless number of happy memories he left us. I am hoping it will become somewhat "involuntary" after enough practice. I am still not sleeping particularly well, mainly because I wake up every 3-4 hours. I am not really sure why. The only reason I can think of why this is happening is because I would wake up those last few nights to check on Reggie, as if I had some internal alarm clock. Or maybe my mind is waking me up to check on Kylah, although she is fine and does not need to be checked on. Some nights I take over-the-counter sleeping aids, which helps some.

While the above might imply we are not doing well, we are pulling through with the help of friends like all of you, family and each other. We know we cannot rush this process and have to take each day in stride. Thank you all again for the words of support and advice. I doubt we would be able to heal from this loss without the support.

Hi, Aaron, the stress of grief will affect all aspects of your physical health, including your sleep patterns. This grief journey is both physical and emotional, Aaron. So, if the OTC's are helping you, that's good. If you continue to have difficulties - - like months down the road, you may want to have a chat with your doctor because the stress of the grief can change the chemical balance in your brain, which controls your sleep patterns.

I'm glad you, Kristy, and Kylah are "hanging in there," and that you and your wife can smile through the tears at your memories of your precious Reggie. Aaron, whenever you and Kristy and Kylah are ready to embrace another precious companion you will know it, and there will be no doubt in your hearts. For your precious Reggie will lead another beloved companion to you, and he will be smiling on his mom and dad and sister - - and new family member. You won't ever have to be "worried" about another precious companion "replacing" your precious Reggie - - that will never happen, I promise you - - you won't even feel it in your heart. For now, just take things one day at a time, Aaron - - enjoy the present of every moment of every day with your wife and Kylah, and take this time to heal from the grief of losing your Reggie's precious physical presence with you. The rest will come in time, Aaron.

Thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your family are doing, Aaron. Each day brings its own agenda it seems with this grief journey. Please know you, your wife, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, Aaron, and will look forward to knowing how each of you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you again moon beam. Last night was the first night that I have had a "normal" night's rest, albeit with the help of an OTC sleep aid. I only woke up once. I think another part of that was the fact that I cried again last night after coming home, which is a double edged sword. It means I am still hurting but it helps with the stress.

I had an afternoon work appt near the vet hospital that we took Reggie to. I drove home the same way we drove home after all those visits with Reggie at the hospital. It's funny how that happened, as traffic on the freeways was so bad that I had to take that path home. Oh how I miss those visits, even though he was in the hospital. I'd see him in the morning and then my wife would meet me in the late afternoon. We did that every day he was there except for Saturday and Sunday. The last 6-7 days he was in such good spirits and that is how I choose to remember him. But there is still such a large amount of pain associated with those memories. I can remember how my wife was upset those first few days (as was I) and esp the Thursday after he had a feeding tube placed since he was still groggy from anesthesia. My wife hated seeing him that way but I kept telling her it was part of the path he had to take to get well. The next day he was doing so much better and when we saw him together that night, his eyes were bright and wide as they always were. He actually purred when we visited him after the feeding tube was place (which was rare for him when he was at the vet) and even laid in my wife's lap.

I can remember him being on the floor and walking around on Saturday Oct 23 and we were sitting on the floor with him. Boy how he hated the little "sock" he had to wear to keep his feeding tube secure, but he managed like a trooper. He walked over to my wife and crawled up on her lap like he always did when she was on the couch. Seeing that brought tears to my eyes....tears of happiness, not just for me or Reggie but to see him bring my wife happiness and to see them together again like they always were. I leaned over and kissed her, not knowing that would be one of the last times we got to spend with Reggie like that. As you said, humans don't have the most accurate foresight, but all we were thinking while he was in the hospital was how he was going to get better and how we would do whatever it took to bring him back to health. Never for a second did we think he would not make it, which made his passing that much more difficult. But that was the only thing we could possibly think. It pains me to recall those memories but also brings a smile to my face as we got to spend a little more time with him before he passed, time with him when he was the happy, loving Reggie we knew and will always remember. Man, he was such an incredible friend and I wouldn't trade this incredible pain for all the time we got to share with him.

I attached a picture of the moment I described above just so I could share some more memories with you all. It's a bitter sweet picture (much more sweet than bitter). It was difficult for me to scroll back through my pictures on my phone, as I had to pass up the video I took of him one morning. I still have not looked at that video again, but I will someday. It's the only video memory I have of him, sadly, besides all the "videos" in my mind.

Rest well Reggie, for you are healthy and happy where you are. Your mommy, daddy and sister miss you more than anything, but we are also glad you are not in pain anymore. We know your life was cut short, but we will see you again someday and can't wait for that reunion.

Oh Aaron, my eyes filled with tears looking at that picture. So beautiful, yet as you say, bitter sweet. But isn't it wonderful that Reggie and your wife got to share a moment like that again before he passed? If a picture paints a thousand words, then that one paints a million. Talking of which, when looking at that picture, a song came into my head. "If" by Bread:-

--
If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away
--

Quite fitting, huh? Peace to you, Cheryl xx

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for sharing with us this wonderful memory of your precious Reggie. Thank you for sharing with us this picture of Reggie and his mom. You and Kristy had hope in your heart that your precious Reggie would be healed, or at least stabilized and be able to enjoy a good quality of life sharing it with you. It's very painful when this hope is not fulfilled the way we expect it to be, want it to be, pray with all our hearts to be. It's all a part of living in this physical world. It's tremendously difficult shifting our understanding that our hope was fulfilled - - but in order for it to be fulfilled means not having our beloved companion's physical presence with us. It's a very painful adjustment to make - - both physically and emotionally - - and cannot be made overnight, or in a few days or weeks - - or in a set pre-determined amount of time.

The memories you and your wife have of your precious Reggie are to be cherished - - always and forever - - as each of you are able to remember them, share them. And thank you so much, Aaron, for honoring us to share them with us here.

Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you, Kristy, and Kylah are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Cheryl, thank you for the kind words and for sharing those song lyrics. I am very familiar with that song - it is a beautiful song and is quite fitting. It will hold more meaning for me anytime I hear it.

moon beam, thank you again. You took the words out of my mouth. These memories will always be special to us and will always bring us joy, which is how Reggie would have wanted it.

One thing I did not mention was that we are both openly talking about the general idea of adopting again, if anything to see what it even feels like to talk about the idea. We both agree then if and when we open our hearts and home to another pet, it would be because we want Kylah to have a friend and because we know there are furballs out there who need loving homes. We would never try to replace Reggie, mainly because that is impossible to do. We have a lot of love to give still and I am sure someday we will welcome another friend into our home. I am sure Reggie would approve. As you said before, we will know when that time arrives. Until then, we will continue to heal from this loss and be there for Kylah and one another, as well as others here who need support.

Hi, Aaron.

I just read through everything everyone has posted. What a great friend Reggie was! Did he ever strike the jackpot when he chose you and your wife to live with. He knew wha he was doing - cats are smart, even as little kittens! They have a very strategic plan. I don't doubt that for a minute.

The story about the toilet tissue made me laugh. No matter how I roll or position mine, there is toilet tissue in the living room every day. I guess one never knows when they may need a square or two.

I am so glad that you posted such thorough stories and details. It really helps in understanding just how you and your wife felt.

I'm going to keep this page bookmarked and re-read it all when I have a moment. It is both happy and sad at the same time. Quite a love story.

Thanks for the kind words Walk (wish I knew your name). I am sure I have repeated myself a number of times, but it helps to get the words out. I like to think that it not only helps me but helps others who are suffering through the same loss as us. We sometimes think that we are alone and nobody understand the pain, but that's not true at all. Your post helps me know that I (and others here) am at least helping others heal. The stories and the pictures, while at times difficult to tell and look at, really helps reinforce why we welcome these animals into our homes. It's about the "net gain" both us and our pets receive from the time we share with one another. I told my wife that when you welcome pets into your life, it's an "all or nothing" arrangement. You either love them and spoil them with all you have or you just don't do it, or at least that is our attitude. That makes losses like this more difficult to bear because we are their care givers for their entire lives, but we wouldn't ever trade it for what we get out of those relationships. I still miss Reggie dearly and always will, but sharing with others has helped me realize that we were very fortunate to have him in our lives.

Take care until later.

Kristy had a tough morning today. She was taking the sheets off the bed for laundry (she took today off) and started crying. Just one of the many triggers that reminds us of him. As small as it sounds, taking off and especially putting on the sheets brings back memories of Reggie. He loved hiding under the sheets when we put them back on. Even when we were taking them off, he would jump up there thinking it was "sheet time".

My wife said what I have been thinking every day...she said how the house seems so empty without him there, which it does. We have our sweet Kylah, but she is not as social as Reggie in the fact that she hangs our a lot in our bedroom. It's her "safety zone" - she's just a naturally "high strung" cat. We aren't trying to change Kylah nor do we want to, but it's still hard being without Reggie since he completed our home in ways that Kylah cannot (as she completes our home in ways he did not). He was ALWAYS wherever you were. He'd wake up from his naps to come see you. He'd hear me pull up in the driveway and would be at the front door waiting for me. He'd wait for you outside the bathroom. He'd jump up on you if you sat on the couch, the love seat or in "his" chair in the office. He'd be there at night on the bed when we went to sleep. He was our shadow and was such a constant in our lives. He was a constant joy, a constant lover and a constant friend. He was our baby and to have him taken from us has been so hard.

I know you all know the feeling, I don't have to describe it to you. It just helps to get it out. This holiday season will be difficult without him.

Hi, Aaron, I am so sorry Kristy has had a difficult day, which makes it a difficult day for you, too. Reggie's "sheet" play reminds me so much of my Eli, and now my Noah likes to play the "sheet" game, too. Sometimes I just have to leave the sheets alone and go back to making up the bed because Noah simply will not let me get the blankets on without scruffing them up. I'm laughing as I'm writing this, and wouldn't have it any other way.

I also know what you mean about the holidays being a challenge. I do hope and pray that you, Kristy, and Kylah will have a peaceful evening tonight, and as the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, that you will find peace and comfort in your hearts.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon beam. My wife's sister works for the school district, so she is off all week and is there to hang out with my wife. We live next door to her sister and her husband, so they are nearby. I am not sure what Kristy would do without her sister. They know the feeling of losing a pet suddenly to illness, so they can also empathize. I can remember the night that their Kahlua passed away and how it was so hard not being able to help them take away their pain. We went with them to the vet clinic to bring Kahlua back home and we went home to love on Reggie and Kylah. Man, I can remember that night with such clarity. Now the roles have been reversed.

One thing that pains Kristy, which is completely unintentional and unavoidable, is that her sister and husband have two cats and a dog (one cat is an outside cat) and the indoor pets are always out and about like Reggie was with us. She loves their pets (well, not the cat as much, he is kind of mean, LOL), but it's always hard to see others' pets, even your sister's who is your best friend. I'd rather Kristy be around their pets than not though. I love being around my parents' two cats, especially their crazy cat Malcolm. He has enough personality for two cats. It's funny - Malcolm is very social and their other cat Mandy is more "guarded", similar to Reggie and Kylah. I attached a picture of Malcolm (black kitty) and Mandy just to share some visuals with everyone.

It's just that roller coaster ride you talk about. One day you are up and the next you might be down. But you just have to stay on and hang on tight.