Said Goodbye To Our Sweet Reggie Today Options

[AlexisMarie]

Aaron, what wonderful pictures of your family. I'm so sorry for your loss of Mr. Reggie. He is very handsome. Often on my thread I talk about my kitty Alexis. She was pure white just like your Reggie...she had short hair also and when she was about 12 yrs thru 20 yrs she grew into this beautiful long hair angora kitty. Seeing his pictures brought back so many memories for me. Good memories. I hope you and your wife are doing well. I'm glad you have found this site, I don't know how I would have gotten through this alone without the everyone here.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you...your wife...and Kylah

Annette

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, getting caught up on your news. Thank you so much for the wonderful pictures of your Reggie and Kylah. Thank you so o o much for sharing them with us. The picture of Reggie under the table -- - I am always amazed at the positions our beloved companions can maneuver their bodies into. And the pictures of Reggie and Kylah in the windows - - all of them are wonderful memories for you, your wife, and Kylah - - and Reggie - - for he is sharing each of your memories, too.

Every time your Kylah rubs against you and your wife she is "marking" you with her scent - - she is claiming you for her own. Her wild cousins greet each other by rubbing against one another as a means of recognition that they belong to each other and to reinforce that bond and "pride" - - or group - - unity. It's also a form of reassurance when there is stress in the "family unit." So, Aaron, as you are Kylah's "pride leader", it's a good thing you're doing in sharing this physical bonding ritual with Kylah.

It is not surprising to me that you feel more comfort in being home than anywhere else, like at work, for this is where Reggie's sweet Living Spirit is closest to you. And your flower gardens sound so wonderful. I have a natural "brown" thumb - - so I can genuinely appreciate you and your wife's gardening talents. What a loving living tribute to your precious Reggie. And yes, going back to the vet's office is a challenge. After my Eli joined the angels it took me about 6 months to be able to go back to the vet's without tears welling up in my eyes every time. My Oslo had begun to have health issues and required regular visits every few weeks. The vet techs got so used to seeing me crying or trying to hide my tears that once we were in a private exam room they would hand me a box of tissues. I'm laughing now as I'm writing this, but it was very hard at the time. And after Oslo, and then Abbygayle, the first few trips back with Noah for his check ups or to pick up food for him were also challenging, but are getting a little easier now. Just focus on one step at a time, Aaron. Each of these are the "firsts" - -, and we're here to help you and your wife through each of them, during them, and each of the following anniversaries as well.

Aaron, it is always good to hear from you and to share with you how things are going with you, your wife, and Kylah. Thank you again so o o much for sharing the precious pictures of your furkids with us. Please know you, your wife, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how each of you are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Aaron]

Thank you both for the kind words, it was good for me to show you pictures of Reggie and Kylah. It actually helped me to share those pictures because I am so proud of Reggie's life and what he meant to my wife, Kylah and me. I would be doing him a dis-service by not sharing his precious life with others. I am trying my best to celebrate his life and part of that is talking about the good memories and showing off how handsome he is (and how beautiful Kylah is). I know it's not what everyone would do as we all grieve differently, but I smile talking about my sweet Reggie. So I hope I am not offending anyone by taking comfort in sharing these pictures with you as I feel I am in the minority in doing this. I know my wife would not be able to the things I am doing and I would not ask her to or expect her to, as she grieves differently than I do. I wish more than anything that he was waiting at home for me to pick up and hug, but I know he is not.

I have a video on my phone that I took at the vet clinic that someday I'd like to share with you all, but I think that would be too much for me right now. Thinking about that video makes me cry. One morning when I visited Reggie (as I did everyday he was in the hospital) he was feeling better and was acting more like himself, so I took a video and sent it to my wife. I still think about how that video and other pictures are on her phone and know how hard it will be when she sees those again.

Thank you again for being so supportive, I am trying to do the same for others as I know it helps, even if a little, to let others know they are not alone during their time of need.

[Cheryl83]

Aaron, thank you so much for sharing those wonderful pictures. They brought a huge smile to my face They're both such beautiful, well-loved, happy looking cats. Thanks again.

Cheryl x

[LostInDespair]

Hi Aaron. Hope you are ok today. My thoughts were with you. I had a hard day today. My best to you and your wife.
-Di

[Aaron]

Cheryl - I am glad those pictures brought a smile to your face. That makes me feel good knowing Reggie and Kylah can make others happy, even if for a brief time.

Di, I am sorry to hear that you are still hurting. Trust me when I say that I know how you feel. Just keep reading others' kind words and please tell us how you feel, regardless of whether it's good, bad or anything in between.

I appreciate your kind words, which are especially comforting knowing that you are still hurting. We are managing the best we can. She and I went to the gym together 4 times this week in the morning, which has helped us both. Our Kylah has been a big lovin' machine, so we have been enjoying her time as much as possible. We live next door to my wife's sister and her husband and they have been very supportive too. So we have been blessed to have others help us through this. Please remember that others are here for you too - lean on us as much as you need to.

[Aaron]

As the workday and subsequently the workweek comes to an end, I am getting more and more sad. There was nothing more that I looked forward to after a week of work than going home and spending time with my wife, Reggie and Kylah. The realization that Reggie won't be there waiting for me is weighing heavily on me this afternoon. It helps me to type these words here as I know whoever reads them knows how I feel. I miss my Reggie so much and wish he was back at home with his family. I will try to think of the good times and how special he was.

Grief is such a roller coaster as others have said. The last few days were better but for some reason today was not as good. Maybe the thought of how Reggie passed away a week ago is lingering in my mind today, even if subconsciously. I have never been big on anniversaries in general (although I'd never forget my wedding anniversary, LOL) but knowing he passed away last Friday morning is bringing my mood down. I'd do anything just to hear him talk to me as he liked to do or waiting at the door for me as he always did.

Thanks for listening to me.

[Cheryl83]

The early stage of grief is especially hard because you have to deal with all the "firsts". The first weekend without him, the first week, the first month, and so on... And, yes, the feeling better for a few days, and then feeling worse, is all part of this "roller coaster". You will find yourself taking three steps forward, then out of the blue, five steps back. Over time, the steps forward will become more than the steps back. Be it forward, or be it back, we are all with you every step of the way.

Cheryl xx

[Aaron]

Thank you Cheryl, you are right, there will be many steps forward and backward. Over time we'll move more forward as we cope with our loss.

Last night after dinner I took the towels and plates into the kitchen and the pillow and blanket Reggie used to lay on after my wife had finished eating were empty. She began to cry as she knows the comfort he brought us each night is now gone. She said going to bed each night is difficult, as the last thing she or I would do is go find Reggie and plop him on the bed, unless he was already waiting for us. It's the culmination of all those sweet memories and how we can no longer experience them that hurts the most.

I changed out the bed spread for a warmer one last night and as I placed the new bed spread over the bed (such as when you lay out a blanket on the ground for a picnic), it made me think about how we'll never get to enjoy "sheet time" again. When we changed the sheets, Reggie loved to jump on the bed and hide under the clean top sheet. It was just another thing that made him the unique individual he was and always will be. I will never forget those memories as they enriched our lives and are a big part of who we are. Just right now the absence of those special times is hard to swallow.

Thank you again for listening.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, just want to echo Cheryl's comforting words. All the things you and your wife do now, and Kylah, are all "firsts" - - and they are very hard because they are "firsts" without the physical presence of your precious Reggie - - the opposite of all the "firsts" you enjoyed when Reggie became a part of your lives, and then when Kylah joined the family unit.

Just hold on fast to your precious memories, Aaron, and try to remember that Reggie is still with you just as he always has been. It's hard, I know - - for we are still a part of the physically-oriented universe.

Aaron, we are here for you, your wife, and Kylah every step you take - - forward, backward, side ways, up, down, and inside out. Please know you, your wife, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Aaron]

Thank you moon_beam, as always it is good to read your words. Sunday was a tough day, not for any particular reason, but just because I allowed my mind to wonder and it took me to a place that brought me down. But I have come to accept that as part of the roller coaster ride that grief takes us through. There will be good days and bad days, good hours and bad hours. If we didn't love him so much, then the pain wouldn't be so great.

On Sunday I came in from working on my old Camaro to take a couch break and watch a favorite show. As I sat there, I began thinking about our Reggie and how he was usually in his favorite chair in the office or would come into the living room to see what I was up to. That brought me down a lot, more than I had been in the previous few days. But you have all been there before. The adjustment period is tough and there are so many triggers throughout our home and our lives that make us think of him, even though these are all wonderful memories.

My wife was consoling me and we were talking and she said how she doesn't think anyone but she and I will ever know how hard this loss truly is. I told her that while not anyone else will ever truly be able to appreciate the specifics of what Reggie brought into our lives, there are others who know the same pain from losing a beloved pet. While I don't wish this type of pain and sadness on anyone, I am trying to accept that it's the price we pay for bringing animals into our homes. It's the price we pay for the enrichment and betterment they give us. I wouldn't want to know what my life would have been like without Reggie being a part of it. The physical loss is indeed a difficult thing to cope with, but I know he is healthy and happy where he is.

Thank you all again for helping me and my wife through this.

[Aaron]

One thing I didn't mention was that I had a dream last night with Reggie in it. He was at the vet and his head was a little bit dirty and they were cleaning him up for him to (presumably) go home. The dream stopped there (or at least that is all I could remember), but it was one of those dreams that drains you mentally. I am sure you all have dreamed or still dream about your pets. That was the first time I had dreamed about Reggie since his passing. It was bitter sweet to see him in my dreams.

It's really difficult to describe the way I am right now. Perhaps the best way is that we are just going through the motions. Things like working on my Camaro and watching football are just ways to pass time instead of things that bring me enjoyment. My wife says that going to the gym, while bringing her some enjoyment, does not have the same feeling as before. I am glad we can at least go through the motions so that we can continue to heal, but the hole in our hearts is still very big and I am sure will always be there. I know the way we feel is not unique to us, but it helps to paint a picture of how we are progressing.

Kylah is still doing well - she is eating, being social and being a sweet kitty. It's interesting how the relationship with her is evolving now that she is the only pet in the house. It has been a blessing having her through this difficult time. I am not sure how we could have managed had it been just Reggie.

Thank you again for listening. I hope you are all doing well.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for letting us know how you, your wife, and Kylah are doing. Yes, there will be times when you feel the "roller coaster" ride more than others. "Knowing" this, however, does not diminish the grief that overwhelms you and can literally take your breath away for a few moments.

I call the initial grief journey being something like functioning on "automatic pilot." Things get done, we find other "activities" to occupy ourselves with, BUT - - it doesn't seem "real". And in a huge way it isn't, because we are in the process of adjusting our lives to a "new reality" - - only this reality is without the precious physical presence of your beloved Reggie. And this is very difficult to reconcile - - to adjust to. It doesn't happen overnight, it doesn't happen in the first week, or month, - - it's a process that can only happen as you, your wife, and Kylah are able to handle it.

Aaron, I hope this helps you and your wife in some way. Each day, each step in this adjustment journey is truly a "new experience". I hope what I have shared with you will give you and your wife encouragement and reassurance that what you are experiencing is normal, under the circumstances.

Thank you again, Aaron, for sharing with us how you, your wife, and Kylah are doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how things are going whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Aaron]

Thank you moon beam, your words and those of others always help me navigate through these difficult times. Each time I open the front door, it's usually a small step in the right direction. I am already preparing myself for the other "firsts" we know we are going to encounter along the way. As I mentioned in another thread, my wife and I talked about how Christmas was going to be difficult as we would not be able to hang a stocking for Reggie and likely would not hang any stockings this year. Hanging stockings for my wife, Kylah and me would remind us of the stocking that is NOT there. The three-month anniversary of Reggie's passing will fall on my birthday, which I know will be difficult despite trying to mentally prepare for it. I try not to dwell on what might happen or how I might feel, as that is no way to live. I just have to take these things as they come.

Take care all.

[Aaron]

As much as I am trying to shed myself of the memories of that last day Reggie was with us, it is still difficult to not think about that day. Considering Reggie's entire life except for those last few days was a life of happiness and joy, you'd think I could somehow compartmentalize or minimize the pain and memories of that last day. But it's like a disease that I wish I could cut out of me and bury in a deep hole somewhere. From the point that I got home that Thursday evening and saw that he was not acting himself to waking up around 11:00 that evening to find him laying on the living room rug in obvious distress to hearing him tell me goodbye with his gentle meow as I stroked his head, it still haunts me. I don't want it to nor do I try to revisit those last days, but those memories will not stop haunting me.

I can't shake myself of the memory kneeling on the floor watching him pass away and hearing my wife ask if he was still breathing. I can still remember with painstaking clarity how my wife cried after we knew he had left us and how she was going through more pain than I have seen since she had to euthanize her cat Lodi in April 2002. I can remember building his coffin and lining it with a favorite blanket and placing him inside wrapped in the same towel he laid on when he came home from the vet. I am hoping that typing these memories here will help push them out of my head, or at least make them less prominent. I don't want to think about these brief, awful memories as they don't represent what Reggie's life was about. I don't know if I am subconsciously doing this to "punish" myself or what else is causing this to happen. I wish I could erase these memories from my brain like I can erase a file from a computer hard drive. The last days we spend with any loved one are rarely ever the best, but the are the most recent and unfortunately the most vivid.

I want to remember him waking me up at 10:30 at night for attention. I want to remember him following me into the kitchen after I got home for some loving. I want to remember how he loved for me to open the kitchen window on those perfect spring and fall days so he could sit on the sill and listen to the wind and the birds. I just have to try harder to focus on the countless happy memories he left us.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, clinical studies have shown that the mind "records" traumatic events, and then replays them over and over - - like a phonograph needle stuck in a groove on a vinyl record (yeah, I'm ****** myself here). And the more traumatic the event is, the more the mind "replays" it. It is now called PTSD, and the loss of a beloved companion certainly qualifies for post-traumatic stress disorder. The last months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds that we have with our beloved companions are imprinted in our memories, and it is hard to "shake" them because we are engulfed in grief.

So, to try to say it in 25 words or less - - which of course you know by now is impossible for me - - what you and your wife are going through is - - NORMAL. Painful, yes - - both physically and emotionally, but normal. How long does it take to re-focus the memories? Healing time, Aaron. I wish there was some better, faster, way of recovering from those memories you and your wife have of Reggie's final moments with you, but - - it's just a matter of healing time. In severe cases, such as what I am challenged with every day, there is a technique that my counsellor gave to me - - it's deliberate re-direction of your thoughts when you find yourself "transported" back to the traumatic event. When you start finding yourself thinking of Reggie's last moments with you, the technique is to forcibly re-direct your thoughts to something different - - a positive memory of Reggie, or something entirely different. This does take a lot of "work", but it can help - - at the very least help to start take the edge off the final moments you and your wife had with Reggie. Will these memories ever go away completely? Probably not, but the good news is that with healing time you will once again be able to focus more on the wonderful memories you have of your precious Reggie.

I do so understand what you mean about the holidays. Some folks find it comforting to hang their beloved companions' stocking in loving memory and tribute to them - - a recognition that their sweet Living Spirit is still with them. But - - I stress here - - there is no one specific "right" way of finding the path that you and your wife and Kylah need to travel to find your "peace on earth" during the upcoming holidays, your birthday, and any other event - - anniversary - - that comes for you. Whatever you do together, Aaron, is the RIGHT WAY for you.

Aaron, I hope what I have shared with you will be of some help and encouragement and support and comfort to you, your wife, and Kylah. Thank you so o o o much for sharing with us how you and your family are doing. Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers, Aaron, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Aaron]

Thanks moon beam, I always enjoy reading your posts as they help me and Kristy (my wife) heal a little more. You are right, I need to consciously work on re-directing my thoughts to something else when I begin to think of the traumatic events from those last few days. It requires work and I just need to give it more effort as I know it is part of the healing process. I don't want to have these thoughts and have to find ways to minimize them. They'll always be there, I am sure.

My wife and I are squarely in the depression stage of grief, or so it feels. We don't want to feel sorry for ourselves or have a "pity party" but right now we are just going through the motions with work, the gym and hobbies. The things that we enjoy are currently just ways to pass the time rather than bring us joy. We know it won't be like this forever and we have to work to heal, but we still miss him so so much. I am finding that I miss the "little" things that maybe I took for granted while he was here, like he and Kylah playing chase at night and watching that dynamic or just the happiness that he brought my wife. I can look at my wife and tell that a part of her is missing, as she can with me. That's really tough to deal with. Kylah still meows for her brother and it takes all my energy not to cry over it. But Kylah is still doing well and being as sweet as ever, so we are lucky to have her help us through this.

Thank you again.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aaron, just being able to get caught up with posts, and I just want to assure you and your wife that the grief you are feeling is NOT EVER - - NEVER - - to be considered in any way, shape, or form as a "pity party." And anyone who may even remotely intimate that to you is totally wrong.

I can so relate to your and Kristy's feelings of just going through the motions. I call it existing on "automatic pilot" - - things get done, bills get paid, jobs still get done, but - - not with enthusiasm, for our hearts are grieving the physical absence of joy.

Aaron, I wish there was an easier way through this grief adjustment journey for you, Kristy, and Kylah, but unfortunately it's a one day at a time journey that simply cannot be rushed. And unfortunately, the holidays seem to enhance the grief feelings. Clinical studies show that the holidays are a "high risk" time for depression, including the days and weeks leading up to and following the "most wonderful time of the year." It is important that you and Kristy do what is best for you and Kylah through these next several days and weeks. I know it's very hard to put on the "public face" when your heart is deeply missing a beloved companion - - whatever the life form. So, it is important that you and Kristy set aside enough private time for you and Kylah to just be with one another so that you do not feel overwhelmed.

This time last year I had three furkids: My handsome Oslo - - tomorrow would have been his 16th birthday. My beautiful baby girl Abbygayle - - still recovering from her second major surgery for cancer, and hoping and praying that the tumors would not return - - but did. And my precious Noah - - my little caregiver keeping diligent watch over his big doggy brother and baby sister - - and me. And now this year - - I am blessed with the physical presence of my precious little Noah and savoring the wonderful memories of my furkids who are now with the angels. It' never ceases to amaze me how life changes, and so quickly, and that is one of the many reasons why we must hold fast to the precious memories we have, and tenaciously embrace as best as we possibly can every moment we are blessed with our beloved companions.

Aaron, Kristy, Kylah - - please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, hoping that each post you read will bring you comfort and encouragement. I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JanEeee]

Aaron.....

It is such a shock when we lose a beloved friend, especially one who has been so much a part of every day for so many days. When my Molly Malone passed in 2008 I said to myself, how can it be 'home' anymore with no Molly Malone (she was with me for 12 years)? When my Mom passed in 2006 I was incredulous that when I got up the next morning the whole world was still going about as if things were the same, how could it be?!

This is a traumatic event for us, our world has changed and changed in such a way that things do not quite seem real. It is impossible to behave as if everything is just rolling along the same. Something inconceivable and earth-shattering has happened to us.

Please allow yourself the time and tenderness for all your deepest feelings, for they are at the very core of who we are as humans. Remember how deeply you loved Reggie and understand that you will grieve in the same intense way.

Jan

[Aaron]

Thank you both for the kind words. They help guide us through this maze more than you know.

We are all still hanging in there and trying to enjoy our time with each other and enjoy the hobbies that bring us happiness. I can't remember what day it was last week, maybe Wed or Thurs, but I began crying for no particular reason other than I just miss my Reggie. My wife began crying, which I am glad she did as it helps with the stress and allows us to talk more, but we were at least able to smile and laugh through the tears as we recalled all the fond memories we had of him. Kylah came into the kitchen with us and was talking to us, which made us smile too. So while we still are grieving over his loss, we can at least find some happiness in the memories we have of him. Kylah is being as sweet as ever and getting as much attention as she craves. She is a "talker" in general, but I still feel she is still at times calling out for her brother. Their litter box is in the laundry room and anytime she went in there, Reggie had to go "investigate", which I think she was fully aware. She will go in there now and meow some as if she is trying to get Reggie to come find her.

While we are a long time from even considering getting a new furball, we both said how we were "afraid" of how our bond with Reggie was so special and so unique that no other bond could ever come close to matching that. I know that is not really the right attitude to take, as each bond we have with our pets is unique and special in its own way. But Reggie was truly a "once in a lifetime" friend. I have never known a more special animal then him and may never have such a bond again. I know if we ever open our home to another pet, it won't be to replace Reggie as you can never replace your friends. It would be because we are ready to love another animal and to give Kylah a new friend. I feel somewhat ashamed even talking about this, as we are not even remotely thinking about finding a new furball. I suppose I am just getting things off my mind.

My mind at times will try and take me back to those horrible last 18 or so hours Reggie was with us, but I am consciously battling such thoughts by redirecting my mind to remember any countless number of happy memories he left us. I am hoping it will become somewhat "involuntary" after enough practice. I am still not sleeping particularly well, mainly because I wake up every 3-4 hours. I am not really sure why. The only reason I can think of why this is happening is because I would wake up those last few nights to check on Reggie, as if I had some internal alarm clock. Or maybe my mind is waking me up to check on Kylah, although she is fine and does not need to be checked on. Some nights I take over-the-counter sleeping aids, which helps some.

While the above might imply we are not doing well, we are pulling through with the help of friends like all of you, family and each other. We know we cannot rush this process and have to take each day in stride. Thank you all again for the words of support and advice. I doubt we would be able to heal from this loss without the support.