Having A Hard Time Options

[Chuck]

My wife and I lost our beloved cat Wednesday night and I am having a really hard time dealing with it. I am new to the forum but I'm sure many of you may have experienced this: After having many loved pets through the years, there is one that just stands out as being so close to you that it is hard to describe. My wife found this kitten wandering on a country road in 1999, two years before we met. Because of the way she found him, she named him Fate. He was a beautiful cat, long hair and with one green eye and one blue eye. He was the most affectionate animal I've ever seen, just full of love. He used to curl up between us at night or next to me and after a couple years together she and I just called him "The Baby" because he was like a child to us. I have two grown kids from a previous marriage and we also have three other cats and a dog, but Fate was just special in a way that I have a hard time putting in to words.

Wednesday night I got a call from my wife (I was at a conference a couple hundred miles away) saying that Fate was having trouble breathing and she was taking him to the emergency vet. I left right away and by the time I got there about 1 am x-rays had shown that Fate was filled with cancer and there was no choice but to put him to sleep. I sobbed and said my goodbyes to him. The next day my wife slept all day and I kept finding myself just bursting into tears. This is really weird because I always considered myself sort of a tough guy. I have been in a daze for two days now and I can't believe I'm living in a world that's now without my little baby. I keep expecting to see him dart out around a corner around our house and when I get in bed it's almost painful because he's not there to curl up beside me.

I guess I just wanted to put this in words and find some hope that time will make this better. Right now it's so painful that it's making me physically ill. If there are others out there that know what I'm talking about and have eventually found peace I would love to hear from you. Thanks.

[Bubba]

Hi Chuck-------I'm very sorry to hear about Fate.I lost my bulldog Willy just over a month ago and I understand all the things you have described above.There are no words for the pain.On this forum you will receive the most understanding by far compared to anywhere else or to whom you ask during this time of grief.We are here for you.................
Bubba..............

[Zita'sMom]

Right now it's so painful that it's making me physically ill. If there are others out there that know what I'm talking about and have eventually found peace I would love to hear from you. Thanks.

Hi Chuck

I totally understand about the "physically ill" part. I've been through this several times over the last few years and I have been able to find peace, however right now I'm going through it again, far too soon and not feeling very peaceful. It is a process.

I am always happy to see men on this forum expressing their grief as I think too many hold it inside.

Jan.

[sunrize]

Chuck. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Fate. I too, know all to well the terrible feelings of pain and emptiness of loosing a fur child. I lost my sweet Athena July25 , and over the years have lost others. I still miss them all but with time the pain has lessened. Time is the only thing that can heal that kind of pain. I have found a great compfort in my two surviving fur kids. Our pets are part of our familys and not everyone understads that. This forum has helped me so much. To share grief with people who understand means so much, to know you aren't alone. Ava

[Chuck]

Bubba, Jan and Ava: Thank you so much for your caring replies. Since you have all been through this I am sure you know how much it helps to know that others are willing to take the time to offer comfort to those in pain. I hope that as I become strengthened that I can help others on the forum as you are doing. It made me feel so much better to get up this morning and find your words waiting for me. It seems like bedtime and morning are especially hard since I guess that is when we often have rituals with our little friends. Thank you again for caring.

Chuck

[moon_beam]

Hi, Chuck, please permit me to offer you and your wife my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Fate. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have had the blessing of their company. You and your wife did the very best for Fate by releasing her from her painful physical body. Euthanasia is similar to stopping life support for a human family member or friend. It is never an easy decision to make but is the last act of love we can give to our companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they may join the angels with their dignity still intact. This grief journey is both physically and emotionally painful, Chuck. Some people find it helpful to hold onto something that belonged to their furchild - - like a blanket or a collar or favoritie toy. This helps to bridge the painful physical adjustment to not having the physical presence of your furbaby. When my number one kitty son Eli died almost 2 years ago I kept his collar under my pillow and slept with it for several months. You and your wife need to do what is comforting for you in order to adjust to the physical loss of your beloved Fate. And as you come through your giref journeys hopefully you will come to realize that your relationship with Fate has only transformed to a temporary different dimension. Her sweet living Spirit is still with you as she always has been, and you can continue to share your lives with her as you always have. And equally important, Chuck, please know that you and your wife are not alone in this grief journey. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[AngelCareOne]

Dearest Chuck, I read and replied to you at about 2:45 AM this morning. Florida time that is. I didn't hit the "add reply" button because I truly felt my words would not be of any comfort to you and I know what great pain, grief and devastation you're feeling about losing your most precious fur kid baby.

I do want to say how very, very sorry I am for your loss, that I perfectly understand you being what I refer to as a "basket case" about your baby's passing. Oh, I sure do, Dear One. Please accept my deepest condolences and yes, I do weep with you. I'm not just saying that, Chuck.

Please know that you, your dear wife, and Fate are in my thoughts and prayers as I send many Comforting Hugs, and Loving Angels to soothe and guide helping you to get through what must be one of the most gosh awful difficult times in your life. Big Big Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. The more you can come back and talk, the better you'll feel. You can even talk to Fate, tell more about her or go into more detail about anything you've already mentioned. I realize how hard it will be to even see your PC monitor through your tears but it is by caring and sharing that helps get through these terrible times. More Hugs!!!

[LoveThem]

Yes, Chuck....many many here understand how you are feeling. We all share the same pain. With time it becomes bearable and goes to the back of our minds ....then at other times...it comes back and overwhelms us again. It is just because we love them so very much and we miss them so much it is heartbreaking to think about.

I understand the quickness this happened as my Little Guy was a breathing emergency last September 07 and I will never forget that day. Total shock..when everything happens so quickly.
And that decision has to be made immediately. Just horrible. But we have to do what is best for them....always. They come before us.

I have dealt with cancer before and have had it come with a vengence before my Little Guy. His was the worst because he was unable to expand his lungs to breathe due to fluid that filled his chest...out of the blue.

Yes, you will feel lost cause Fate was a part of your lives...a very special part..and it can seem so empty without that sweet little one being right there.

Time will give you a sense of peaceful acceptance that it really happened. But the pain is normal. The tears are normal. And we just have to find what it takes to help us feel better with the days and nights.

When I had other animals...they helped ease the pain. My last one was Little Guy and when his emergency came...my home was empty of these special best friends. Finally, for me, after weeks of tears, after months of screaming inside....I asked myself what I thought would make me feel better and my answer was...another furbaby galloping through my home....to give a home to one who needs it and just having them occupy my time would be my distraction. It helped me a great deal. I adopted a boy (who looks like mine) from our local SPCA. I still miss my special boy I had over 16 years but the new one keeps me busy and at times from a distance....it is as close to seeing my boy looking out a window again as I can get.

It is the quickness and the shock of what happens so quickly that makes it really worse. I have had ones I had time to make the decision and no matter what..it still is horrible...but when it is not shocking.....I guess we have time to prepare a little inside...never truly believing it but knowing deep down it is the best decision for them.

Our memories of healthy, happy times and especially pictures that remind us can help so much...when the time is right and we can think of the good things and push out the sadness.

My favorite Mom's saying is: The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her.

That thoughts helps me a lot. I hope it does the same for you.

Take care...I wish you peace and healing...it does take time but here you can always come and post your thoughts and feelings and sometimes just getting them out helps. We truly all have the same pain which is why we understand exactly what you are going through and if we can pass on what has helped us to cope and heal....helping others also helps us.

Judy

[Chuck]

Moon_beam, Dottie and Judy: Thank you so, so much for your words, your prayers and your hugs. And thanks again to all who have sent their comfort to me and my wife. As I said in an earlier post, I am going to do my best to stay on this forum for a long time and do for others what you are doing for me. There is an old saying that grief shared with another person is half the grief. This forum has shown me that when your grief is shared with a good many others it really makes it bearable. I had to go to work Friday and a few people there understood my pain, but others were more like "How can you get so upset about a cat?". I am so grateful that a place like this forum exists where no one would think to ask such a question. I can tell that you all understand the pure and unconditional love that these little ones give us. It is people like you that really make life worth living. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart! I am going to try and figure out how to post a photo of by little friend Fate soon so that you can all see him.

Chuck

[Cathy]

Dear Chuck, I have read about dear Fate, and my heart goes out to you. You replied so kindly to my post of last night; I'm the owner of Vicki, who was mauled to death by dogs. It's been just over 48 hours now, I think, for both of us; we both lost our babies on Wednesday. You and your wife did a lot of the same things that we did with Vicki. She would spend whole days lounging on my bed; we called it her throne! I can still see her lying there with her noble, dignified look as she surveyed her domain!

It doesn't seem right now like the pain will ever go away, does it? But I know that it will eventually become manageable. I lost my first cat back in 2001. Her name was Nyssa; she was a tuxedo cat, and she died peacefully of old age. She just crawled under a chair, went to sleep, and didn't wake up. My daughters and I still cried and cried; even though she didn't die violently, I hated it that we didn't know she was dying and so she died without us holding her and comforting her. I was comforted by the fact that we shortly after moved out of that house, so I didn't have to see that spot and think, "Nyssa died there." We were even able to take her body with us back to our old house and bury her in our back yard; she is back there now, not far from where Vicki is buried.

Just hang in there and know that Fate is hurting no more. He's healthy and happy where he is, and you will see him again one day.

Take care.

Cathy

[Chuck]

Thanks Cathy...I hope your pain will lessen with time as well. I really appreciate you taking the time to write while you are suffering like this. Please hang in there...I wish the best for you and your family as you begin to heal. For all those who have offered me and my wife comfort, here is a picture of our beautiful angel Fate who left us Wednesday.

[beth26]

What a beautiful kitty!

[Chuck]

Thank you Beth. Yes, Fate was beautiful both in appearance and in spirit. I'm sitting in bed this morning typing this on my laptop and it's still hard to believe he's not curled up beside me. I am going to try to get through this and turn my grief and memories of Fate into something positive by helping other animals and other pet owners who are going through these difficult times. Thanks again for caring.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Chuck, thank you so much for sharing with us the picture of your beautiful Fate. It is a good thing to try to find a way to help others, and perhaps you can do this in a way that will also honor your beloved Fate. Some folks do fundraising for local charities with their furkids as the "poster children". Some folks who are bikers and belong to biker clubs do annual biker ralleys to raise funds for non-profit organizations in honor of their furkids' memories. Some folks do volunteer work at the local humane shelter, while other folks do puppy raising for Service Partner organizations, or become foster "parents" for rescue groups. And of course there is comforting other folks who have lost their beloved fur and feathered companions. Some humane societies have grief support groups that always need volunteers - - as a suggestion. All of this will come in due time, Chuck, for you and your wife. For now you need to give yourself some time to heal from the loss of your precious Fate. Please know we are here for you, Chuck, for as long and as often as long as you need us in your grief journey.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[sunrize]

Chuck, Fate is so beautiful. I love the eyes, so unusual. I'm sure he was as sweet and loving as he was beautiful. I like what you said about grief shared is half the grief. I think that is what has gotten me through my Athena's passing. I too, want to do something positive with the grief I feel over the loss of my little friends. I have lost 2 fur babies and a feathered friend to cancer. It is such a horrible disease, cutting so many lives short. When possible, I try to buy products that contribute to cancer research in animals. I am checking to see what else I could do to help the cause. If anyone has any information, I would love to hear. You and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, Ava

[LoveThem]

What a beautiful picture, Chuck. I am so glad you found it to post. Yes, Fate did have unusual eyes. When I look at this bundle of fur, I can see how easily one would want to just scoop him up and hug him.

He has left you with some beautiful memories and hopefully, more pictures. We love pictures and stories because we know it is those times that are the happy, healthy ones....the memories that will help us with our healing as we are able to replace a sad thought with a good memory until it is harder and harder for the sad thoughts to overwhelm us.

I put pictures of my Little Guy in a frame in each room, several in the living room, so he and also his siblings will still be in my home forever..through those pictures. It helps me to walk in the room and when I look at the picture, my first thought was how it was when it was taken..which is a good memory.

Again, that is a really beautiful picture and I hope you have it made into an 8x10 and put it in a very special place.

Hugs to you and your wife and special hugs to the furbabies still with you.....and to your special Angel named Fate.

Judy

[Chuck]

moon_beam, Ava and Judy: Thank you all once again for boosting my spirits by sending your comforting messages. It's been five days now and I'm feeling just a little better. I still keep expecting to feel Fate on top of me when I wake up or to see his little face peeking around the corner when I get home from work. But I guess part of me is now beginning to accept this and hoping to find some positive way to honor his memory. Moon-beam, I am going to find some way to support our local SPCA, either with money or time or both. Maybe someday when I am feeling better I'll be able to help as a grief counselor as you suggested. Ava, if you can suggest some products that help with animal cancer research I'd love to know what they are. And Judy, I am going to have a nice framed picture of Fate made. There is a place (I think) where you can send a photo and get a nice oil painting type picture back. I may try and do that. Again, thanks one and all for helping me and for the help you give all others in pain on the forum. You guys are truly angels!

[Chuck]

I found a penny!!! In another thread I read this morning someone said that when you find a penny it is a way of your little furbaby telling you they love you and that everything is OK. This morning as I was putting my shoes on for work, very heavy-hearted, I lifted up my left shoe and there was a penny under it! I have no idea where it came from but it really lifted my spirits...thank you to whoever told us about the penny story.

[shannon2183]

chuck..thank you for your support w/ my Penny girl. I hope i find a penny too! I'm having a tough time today too...very sick. I was on my way out to work, and just couldn't get myself to leave. I don't have the motivation to eat, I can't sleep, all I can do is see her, hear her, pray that I wake up from this horrible nightmare. Everyone tells me it will pass, and I know it will. One thing my mother mentioned that has been helpful is that our pets remain with us...that Penny, like Fate, will still be curled up next to me at night, and will still keep her brother, Jax, company when I'm not home. She used to clean his ears and eyes, and they were inseparable. I have to believe she's still here with me, or I'll go crazy. I had to leave Penny at the vet, and I found out the following morning she had passed. I can not imagine having to put her down, but at least you were able to say your goodbyes, and I'm sure Fate knew you loved her dearly, and know that you gave her a wonderful life. Thinking that no matter what, I gave Penny a good life, and that she was happy, is the only way i'm getting through minute to minute.

[AngelCareOne]

Dearest Chuck, she is so very, very Beautiful indeed! You can tell how loved she is!
I hope you don't mind that I used several enhancing features and applied them to Fate's photograph. The first one, I reduced in size and added some images. The others are just a bit smaller than the size that you posted, still enhanced as best I could to bring out more color and sharpened her photo so it really brings out her wonderful beauty and sweet, precious personality. Here's the first one.

The others are quite large so I'll put the URL link for you to click upon and bring them up. The first one is your original photo close to the size you posted with all the enhancing features I mentioned and the rest I used several different frames. She is so very, very awesome, adorable and so dear! I can see why you miss her so much! Here are the URL Links to click ...

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...FateKitty-2.jpg

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...teKitty-2-1.jpg

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...teKitty-2-2.jpg

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...teKitty-2-3.jpg

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...teKitty-2-4.jpg

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...teKitty-2-5.jpg

Please know that you that you and Fate are in my thoughts and prayers as I wing even more Angels to you for Comfort, Hugs, Love and Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. I'm pretty sure I put in all the links of Fate's framed photo but will check to be certain. If I left out any, I'll come back and edit them in here. More Big Big Hugs!!!