My Sweet Loki

It has been about 3 years since I lost my kitty Pushkin. I really appreciated this site back then, and I need you all again!

Yesterday, I brought my kitty, Loki, to the vet to get a dental procedure. Last year I found out she has lesions on her teeth and she had to have a few teeth pulled. So, this year, I thought I would be preventative and have her teeth cleaned. Loki has had no major health problems except her teeth for these past 10 years.

Loki is a very sweet, but highly sensitive kitty. She has always been terrified of the vet and most people. I dropped her off at 9:10 and headed to my parents' house to go for a drive and have lunch out. Once I arrive to our lunch spot about a hour away, I got a call from my vet saying that Loki was crashing. They had not even prepped her for the dental treatment. They were trying to resuscitate her. 10 min later I get a call back that she was dead.

I was/am in complete shock. I knew she hated going to the vet and was terrified. So my first thought was that she had a heart attack from stress. My vet is very experienced and talented, and had never had an experience like this before. He asked if he could find out what may have gone wrong.

About an hour later he called a back and told me she had Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. This is the same disease that strikes young athletics that appear healthy, but have this undetected condition and causes their sudden death.

My heart is broken again. My Loki was so gentle and comforting. I know she appreciated my quiet household and this probably extended her life.

I know this is not my fault, but I wish I had of course known she had this condition. The extra stress of going to the vet for this preventative care I am sure put her in a state of panic that pushed her over the edge. I have this week off and had so hopes to enjoy the sunshine with my kitty. She loved my yard and would get so excited when we would sit outside together. It has been raining here so much this winter, I hate losing this Spring and this special time we would have had together.

The other sadness I have is that I was thinking of canceling this appt thinking that I would like more time this week to enjoy with her. I had bad feeling about this trip. Mostly, I felt that I wasn't sure if it was completely necessary to have her get her teeth done in which they had to put her under. I knew she did ok last year. So I know my thought process wasn't bad. But, I kind of wish I had just left her alone. I do know that this condition would have taken her. And maybe it would have been worse because it would most likely have happened at home. But of course right now I wish I had her.

I appreciate this forum: for the support and the opportunity to share my Loki's life.

New Stray...bad News

I was so hopeful tonight when I was able to take this new kitty to the vet. He was quite scared, but with lots of help from the techs and the vet, they were able to get blood drawn. I think I was in denial. So hopeful that things would be ok. I've had luck in the past rehabilitating kitties that were not in the best of shape. But sadly his tests were as bad as it can get. He had Feline Leuk and Kitty HIV. Such sad results. We figured he was about year old. So, his prospects having both conditions led me to make a hard decision. For my healthy kitty's sake, and the likelihood of a bad outcome for this kitty, I decided to have him euthanized. I feel a mixture of feelings. I know that I gave him love and care these last two months. He also able to be inside (a separate room from my other kitty) and get all the food he wanted. But it is so sad.

We named him Midnight (the group of techs, the vet and me). He deserved a name.

It is so hard...I just did this two months ago. But I know we did the best for him with such bad odds stacked against him.

New Stray...breakthrough

On Friday, the stray I've been feeding for a couple of months allowed me to pet him A LOT! For a couple of weeks he's allowed me to pet him on the head briefly. But, on Friday morning I wet to pet him on the head and he couldn't get enough this time! He clearly wanted a lot more affection. So, all weekend he's allowed this same amount of petting. He is more in to it in the morning...in the evening he's a little more standoffish.

I'll upload a pic later!

Memories

After responding to AngelCareOne's reply to my post tonight, it brought something up I wanted to put out there as a question. After a certain point of healing, I really relish having memories of my kitty. I notice that when someone dies, pet or human, that the other people in your lives don't often refer to the lost loved one. I think then, the loss feels even more permanent. Today my mom brought up a memory of the day I saw my Pushkin for the first time. My mom first noticed Pushkin (as a kitten). Pushkin was this little furry white kitty. When I picked her up, Pushhkin just dug her claws into me. My mom really thought she was cute, but I was so hesitant thinking that I really might like a nice black and white kitty. I decided to go with what my mom liked. Funny thing was that Pushkin ended up only really liking me, and wasn't very nice to my mom (or really anyone else)!

The point being, that I absolutely love these moments. It allows me to enjoy my happy memories. I think people don't want to bring up the lost loved one, thinking it will give you pain. When in actuality, it often brings you joy.

What do you think?

New Stray...

My cat died about 4 weeks ago (I've been posting in the death and dying section). While she was sick, I was trying to coax her into eating food, so I found a canned food that tempted her. Well, it also tempted a new friend in the neighborhood to come by. Only when I am home, I leave my slider open for my younger cat (9 years ) to go in and out as she wants (she stays in the backyard because she is a true scardy cat). So this stray cat was also tempted by this canned food and started to sneak in to eat food. I was feeding my elderly kitty as many times as I could during the day to keep her nourished as much as possible so she had plenty of eating opportunities (this stray cat was eating my elderly kitties leftovers).

So I've never in my life fed a stray cat regularly. But this one was pretty thin and with all these foreclosures around, I figure might have been abandoned. Because my cat at the time was so sickly and losing weight, I couldn't bare to see this poor stray kitty look so thin. So to stop this kitty from sneaking in (the stray cat was scared of me), I started to put my elderly kitties leftover canned food outside for this kitty.

My elderly kitty just died recently, and now I have this outside stray cat that I am still feeding. I've recently been able to touch him. He is still very wary of me, but he is interested in my female cat (who is spayed). My cat is a scardy cat, so she does not like him. He tries to sneak in my house, but I keep him out since she doesn't like him.

Right now I continue to feed this cat. He is still thin. He is not fixed which I find a problem. I am thinking about trapping him to get him fixed, but I'm trying to win him over so don't want to scare him too much. I'm still not totally certain what to do...I don't want to mess up my other kitty. I generally don't believe in outside cats, but I guess it is not too awful as long as he is fixed.

I can't tell how old he is. He is black with a few gray hairs here and there. His teeth appear quite white. His ears are not cut or ripped. His back legs seem to be a little stiff. So maybe he's older? But then again he jumps the fence really well.

So...is this a new beginning? Maybe??