How Do I Stop Crying?, My friend is gone forever Options

[LoveThem]

Thanks for stopping by, Joanne. I love your cat stories. You do so much work taking care of those babies...that hearing of the lighter moments does make us smile, doesn't it?

I look forward to seeing that picture of your baby with a Coke can on her head. She actually kept it there for a picture....how precious is that?

Of course, Lucky is right here as I am typing. He is standing on his hind legs , meowing, like he wants attention or to get into my lap. He did give me a couple of "kisses" on the cheek this morning. His rough play is somewhat calming down. He doesn't mean anything mean by it...he doesn't realize he has sharp teeth that hurt even on slight contact. Someone must have taught him to play rough in his first 2 years and he thinks that's how to have fun. Sometimes I think it is easier to teach a baby something than trying to unlearn it from a bad habit.

Take Care...

[LoveThem]

I understand what you are saying, Joanne. I also remember taking my pictures and sometimes wish for a moment I could go back in time to that moment. Now what I think is I am so glad I took the ones I did. I know after Keeper left and then we lost the Little Girl in 2006, I tried to hug Little Guy as much as possible, whether he was just laying on the bed all curled up and I would walk by but then stop and go hug him and tell him how precious he was and such a good boy. I'm glad I thought to do that, it helps me now to know I got in some extra hugs even though I really thought he would make it into his twenties...which I have read about can happen. Wishful thinking I guess but I didn't expect what happened to him...he is the first one to really catch me by surprise (losing him). Oh, now, this makes me cry so I am stopping typing now.

Hugs to you, Joanne. We are survivors, aren't we?

[forduffy]

Awww-Don't cry, Judy. You are definitely a survivor and so is Joanne. I know Little Guy treasured all of those extra hugs as much as you did. I still visit your posts to look at your pics of Little Guy and Little Girl. I can almost see how they interacted by your narratives. I love Little Girl in the bookshelf. And I also love to see Lucky pics. They help me get through the day.

[LoveThem]

Thanks for your thoughts, Joanne and ForDuffy. When we write in our topic and many times..it may be a short note to our babies...we know when we come back....there will be no reply from our special babies so when others, like you, do post...it does mean a lot, doesn't it? Next best thing to actually hearing from our lost ones.

By the way, ForDuffy..you mentioned pictures...well, I am close to posting some new ones of Lucky and I believe I will post a few kitten pictures of Little Guy, Keeper, and the Little Girl. I didn't take many but at least I thought to take some. So as soon as I decide which ones and scan them and shrink them for viewing....there will be more pictures coming. Otherwise, the only "new" ones I can ever post anymore will be of Lucky cause I can't take new ones of my 3 sweet babies no longer here.

Take Care, you two wonderful friends, and we will talk again.

Judy

[goliath]

Hi Judy............I hope to see your new pics very soon. You know how much I enjoy them. Little kittens are so cute and frisky.

One time long ago I took in a very young cat who was pregnant. She gave birth to 5 kittens. (I have their pic somewhere and will have to look for it) Anyway they were all chocolate colored with black ears, black paws, black nose, with a black M right in the middle of their foreheads. Yhey were just the prettiest kittens I had ever seen. I had no problems finding good homes for them.

It's funny how a post can remind me of something like that after over 30 years.

I will look for your pics and send you hugs in the meantime...........Beth

[forduffy]

You're very welcome, Judy. I can not wait to see more pictures, especially kitten pics. It makes me sad because most of my pictures of Duffy were taken with an old fashioned 35mm camera and I don't have a scanner. Bue's mommy showed me how to take pictures of pictures with my cell phone so that's what I have done but the quality of my pictures seems lost. And, like you said, I can't take any new ones anymore.

[LoveThem]

Hi, ForDuffy:

You mentioned taking pictures with an old 35mm camera. Well, the pictures I have taken were with the new throw away 35mm cameras. You know, 27 pictures then take the whole camera in for developing and get prints and negatives? So I see 35mm in both our conversations.

I do ask for 4x6 prints and then I get prints and negatives. I do scan the prints into my computer.

Since we are talking of pictures of Duffy, which have to be the most precious things to you.... do you know you can take your prints and/or negatives (you'll have to ask the photo place) and they can put your prints on a CD as picture files that you can print out on paper or you can post here once they get resized if they are too big.

You can copy the pictures from the CD onto your computer and then open them and see them on your screen (you probably have a graphics program or photo program on your computer). You might want to call or go to a place like Walgreens or Walmart or Savon or whoever has a photo section that develops photos and ask if you bring in some prints and/or negatives, could they put them onto a CD?

If you lived here, I would do it for you with my scanner. But when I have my pictures developed..one choice is to put them on a CD so I can copy them to my computer. And, once you have the CD, you also have those pictures forever and can put them on a newer computer in the future, etc. You can also have them take a print or negative (you have to ask which is better for them to work with ..if you still have both) and create an 8x10 of your favorite picture of Duffy. Joanne has done that with Rassy Cat's pictures and she said they turned out great.

So your "old" 35mm size is exactly what is used today in the throw-aways so the photo places know how to make more prints, make bigger ones, or create a CD so you can copy the prints to your computer. What do you think? Hope this helps.
Judy

[LoveThem]

Hi, Joanne: About getting rid of your old camera, just remember all my pictures were taken with the $4.99 35mm modern throw away cameras. I just take the pictures and then the whole camera goes in for developing. If you don't want to wait for Jim to use his digital...you can find these throwaways at the grocery store and at the drugstores like Walgreens, Savon. They really take very good pictures and they have a built in flash. I'm not an expert at pictures so I am glad to have such an easy way to do it.

Talk to you later.
Judy

[LoveThem]

I just wish you the best of everything, Joanne. You are doing so much trying to help so many babies...I hope you get all you try for and they make your home fill with laughter and smiles. You have Mario, your kitten, doing lots of that right now but adding these others..and they are beautiful...that's a lot of love. You really will need a bigger house!

[LoveThem]

About my babies:

Momma cat really was beautiful and her eyes..you could drown in them.
The picture does not do her justice and I was sorry when we moved because our home was a place for food and our back yard was safe for him but she was 100% not friendly. She would let me talk to her only through the screen and always kept a certain distance away. I don't know what happened to her because we moved to another State but she survived before us and at least she was spayed cause she appeared to be one who would get pregnant every time she could.

My 3 were a delight for many years. Actually when I was about 10 years old, a neighbor of ours had a beautiful black cat that I used to pet all the time and so I guess deep down...they were special. I didn't actually have the kittens born in my yard until 20 years later....it seems as though it was meant to be. Momma cat carried them into my yard, then moved them to my neighbor's yard, then back to my yard and one day we opened our shed on the side of the house and there were all the kittens waiting for momma. I eventually coaxed her into bringing them into my screened in back patio and left the door ajar so she knew she was not trapped and could get in and out and I put food in there and she taught them to eat. I didn't shut her out until they were about 8 weeks old and only cause my Little Guy got very sick and the mother's actions told me there was a serious problem. I rushed him to the vet on the 4th of July and he had pneumonia. I had to give him antibiotics and so I had to keep him safe in the patio and shut the mother out and take over for her.
I felt badly but she wouldn't let them come near me outside. Except Keeper, Little Guy's brother would walk toward me and the mother would make all kinds of warning noises but he would stop a few feet away and listen to me talk to him. I never tried to touch them in front of her because I heard years ago a mother cat can attack anyone she thinks is "hurting" her babies. Thanks for doing and seeing them.
I do have some new ones of Lucky which will go in New Beginnings soon.

Joanne: You are welcome about the pictures of Black Wonder. They will bring smiles to any who stop by and see them and this way you can look at him as much as you want to until he is there with you in your home.

Judy

[LoveThem]

Joanne: I LOVE that story about Mario. It kind of reminds me that where our TV is there is a glass door behind which are our stereo receiver, cassette player, etc. and I have when Lucky looks in that..he too goes a little nuts and all I can think of is he may see his reflection there and is reacting to it.

I remember my first cat years ago...a good memory is we had a big mirror and I would prop it in the middle of the floor and that cat used to see himself and go crazy and the funniest part was he would peek around the back of the mirror to see if that cat was there since he couldn't touch him when he touched the mirror!

They can do things we absolutely would never think of..everything is play for them and that's a good thing.

Talk to you soon.

[goliath]

Hi Judy................Just wanted to let you know I went back and looked once again at all of your pics and stories you have posted of Little Guy, Little Girl, and Keeper as well as Lucky. I needed to change my att*itude as a result of a very hectic day from the time I rolled out of bed this morning until I arrived home, after locking my keys in my car. Your pics and stories always put me in a heathy state of mind and I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate all the love and smiles you bring to me.

Hugs to you my friend sent with a heartful of thanks and love.

[LoveThem]

Thank you, Beth. It makes me feel so good inside when I hear others have used the pictures I posted to make them feel better even if only for a short time. So many say that it even surprises them that pictures actually brought a smile to their face. But then when you love these special ones as we do, that means we also can smile and feel warm looking at ones who are special to others because we know the bond, the connection, the feeling between us and the furbabies. We understand because we feel our own and so can feel others.

I will be adding a third set of Lucky's kind of silly pictures soon in a new topic in New Beginnings. The more smiles the better the healing.

Hugs back to you.

[goliath]

I will be looking for your "silly" pictures. Revisiting older posts as well as seeing new posts is what allows me to remember why I come here. The continuing exchanges we make with each other helps to keep our furloves alive and well in our hearts. That can only bring happiness and joy and o what a joy it is for me to remember.

Warm hugs Judy

[LoveThem]

Hi, Joanne:

I saw the pictures on your thread of your new baby. I'm glad you figured out how to post. It is hard to explain something sometimes when one is not there in person but you did really really well and your pictures being posted shows it.

Whiskers looks like quite a doll.

I wonder what Little Guy would have thought of him...or of Lucky.......

I was glad to find this forum after Little Guy was taken away in September 2007.

I never got a chance to answer people who were grieving before then since I did not find the forum until afterwards.

Years ago when I was losing pets there was no real Internet to reach out and touch others but now in the present, just by being in this forum, we can see there are many people being helped by coming here. That's a good part of the Internet.

Unfortunately, we have seen examples of the not so good part also..but that is life, isn't it?

Thanks for stopping by my boy's thread....you know this is one place I can be found always.

[LoveThem]

You are so right, Joanne. There are no words to express the pain. We try to put words to it but emotions are difficult to describe. And yes, the support I have found here does mean a lot...that is what it is all about, isn't it? Hoping to work through the grief and pain as best we can...as the song goes...with a little help from our friends. And there are many special people here who truly care about helping others..you can read it in their posts.

[goliath]

Indeed we do have many friends here. We learn from each other and care about each other. When we give from the heart with love and respect and everything that lies within our souls we all grow together in peace and harmony.

I am sooooooooo thankful for each and everyone of you here. All of you have added a different kind of flavor to who I am today and I love you all for it.

Beth

[LoveThem]

Okay, Joanne, you have done it. You have said such beautiful words that I am typing this reply through tears. Thank you for your kind thoughts. Sometimes I get so caught up in checking around here to be sure people who are crying out are being heard and it never fails that there are so many here who do not hesitate to jump in and let them know they care. You are one of those and whenever I see these type of responses it makes me smile and know that a soul in pain knows they are not alone because of many here who truly care about helping others in spite of their own grief. I see Goliath has been here recently..I have noticed her also being there for others without hesitation. And, there are others.

When we help to heal others' pain.....we are working on healing our own at the same time. While it is true our pain and grief will never disappear entirely, no matter how much time goes by, the good memories we shared with our babies, as well as new memories made by some of us with our new ones, and helping others to smile even for a moment by responding to them letting them know their pain is shared.....all these things helps keep the pain and grieving that is always in the back of our minds...stay more in the back of our minds and let us move on in the present.

Thank you again. I have always admired the care you are able to give your babies, being a nurse as well as a "mom" and all of them are blessed when they have you taking care of them and giving them your home and your heart.

You have gone through so much this past year and yet you don't hesitate to open your home to a new one again. Anytime you want to talk about Whiskers here in my thread, I'm listening. I know Little Guy wouldn't mind. He was special too.

Hugs, Joanne.
Judy

[Claire]

For some reason I was drawn to your post and I hope you are doing well. Perhaps because you too are the parent of a black kitty and I recently lost a black kitty. I can't believe that for me it has been over a week. Everyone goes through different stages, and then they overlap and repeat themselves. I start crying in stores and restaurants. I make jewelry. I already made a piece of jewelry to honor my boy's 20th birthday, but will make something for him again as soon as I can bring myself to begin to design it. That is one way that I deal with loss. I am working on memorial pieces for everyone, human and animal, who I have lost. It really helps.

One big thing that has helped me was to stop bottling up the tears -- except when I'm in a restaurant or in the mall or something. I don't like crying in public.... When I threw a coin in a wishing well in honor of my kitty a week or so ago I cried and people were looking. That made me feel uncomfortable, but I'm glad I threw the coin.

Anyway, I put photos of him up around the house and talk to him, his spirit, whatever you want to call it. Poor thing was sequestered in the kitchen with its linoleum floor the last few months of his life because of his CDS and the physical symptoms that went with it. He'd lost much of his litterbox training and was on hospice care. I made nearly hourly visits to the kitchen to check on him, clean up any messes, change his bedding, wash his pads so his feet would stay healthy...

But it's helped me to keep talking to him. Silly things I used to say to him. For several days, I figured nothing would help me. Seemingly insensitive things that people said stuck in my brain instead of the sweet things that friends who also loved Mister were saying. We are planning a wake for him to be held probably in June, and we're planning to get him a kitten brother or sister. I'm hoping his paw wil somehow guide me to the perfect kitten and he'll be okay with that.

I apologize for talking more about me than anything else here, but the thing is not to bottle your emotions. Talk about it, talk to your cat might help, photos, just don't distract yourself too much regardless of what people say or what might seem 'logical.' Keeping them with you, that feeling, that love, may well help and if you do get another kitten if may help you to be a happier parent to the new kitty. Something tells me that many of us on this board are some of the best parents that animals could get. My friend told me not to even think of not getting another kitten.

Mister's Mom

[LoveThem]

Hello, Claire

Thank you for stopping by here and seeing my Little Guy. So far I have found here that those of us who have lost a black furbaby do seem drawn together..there is something so special about them..we all agree.

I did have 3 of them, siblings, and I loved watching them all. Well, you can see from my signature below that I have lots of pictures in Tributes on my 3, as well as in New Beginnings for Lucky, the shelter cat I recently adopted.

Stop by and talk about Mister anytime..I love looking at his picture as your avatar.

I can understand all you have said you are feeling. While I read your post, I feel myself in your shoes and I nod that I do understand all that you felt. I know you have put up photos of Mister in your home and do see him when you walk into a room and can talk to him also. I do that so much with my babies, especially Little Guy. He was my last one and the one I had the longest and I guess he was special because he almost died of pneumonia as a kitten but he was strong inside and survived and I think that care I had to give him to help him when he was only about 8 weeks old..created a special bond between us so that even though he had a twin brother who I loved dearly, there was always something extra special about my Little Guy..the survivor.

I believe Mister's little paw WILL guide you to know the right one when you pick out a new baby. Something will feel right inside you and that will be Mister in your heart helping you decide.

I totally agree with your friend about getting another and I will tell you that if I had my preferences my babies would still be with me but since they are not, I see no reason to have an empty home that just keeps my sadness going when I can have a new one here who thinks the world revolves around him and right now, it kind of does.

I hope you do get another black furbaby. The similarity has helped me so I feel my black beauties are not totally gone...not as long as I have one of them in my home as a good feeling reminder and my new one does that.

I have posted to your threads also, as I am also drawn to one's black cats and I hope my words have made you feel better, just as your stopping by here today has done for me. Come by here anytime and talk about Mister or whatever makes you feel better to talk about.

Take Care and I do wish you peace and healing and I know you will feel a joy when you meet your next furbaby....it is just their nature to make us feel that way.

Judy