How Do I Stop Crying?, My friend is gone forever Options

[toonie]

I'm so sorry you were trying to hide what must have been some suffering at the end until you couldn't breathe with your chest full of fluid.

Animals will try and hide their pain, in a way, I was so angry that I wasn't able to prevent my cats from pain, on the other hand, when I put down my beautiful Yukon too early because I wanted to avoid any suffering and more so because I realized how animals hide their symptoms, I was crazy with fear that he was even worse than just with bad diabetic symptoms, I made the mistake of not accepting that suffering is part of life, some of it must be endured, to prevent it can be just as traumatic for the animal.
Learned the hard hard way.

[toonie]

Love Them, what a precious, wonderful human being you are. What a joy you must have been during the 16 years your boy got to be with you. Here you are, now you continue this comforting for all of us here, your words are worth gold, do you realize how much you are healing others here , i for one am so grateful to you, just got through reading your last post, it helps so much. All I can say is knowing your kind ways, your boy was blessed and he lived a most happy cat life, now this is something you brought him and it is wonderful. Hugs Love Them, you deserve the best in life and I hope all good things make their way to you, that your kindness be returned x100. Hugs and may the magic of your boy find a place in your heart where he can hum songs of comfort and cheer for you.

[forduffy]

I second that, LoveThem. Toonie is right-I am one of the people who you have helped because of who you are. I am so grateful that you are here-not why you are here-I wish you didn't have to be here-but I am grateful that I met you.

To yours and Toonie's points about animal suffereing-I can relate. I still wonder how much in pain Duffy was before we had to make the decision that his cancer was causing him suffering. There is no doubt that he was suffering by the time we had to put him to sleep but the question remains as to how much of the suffering-how long prior-did he hide from us? That question haunts me everyday and I will never know. I tried to read him to see when he was ready. We were usually able to communicate with each other. But the doubt remains.

Ultimately, I want to reiterate how much of a comfort you have been in these forums even with such a fresh pain. You are very special.
Wishing you comfort and peace,
Stephanie

[LoveThem]

FprDuffy: I have to tell you that everytime I see your avatar picture..it makes me laugh. I have had doggies before and I totally relate to that scene.

Thanks for your words. I like to feel that something given to me to say helps another. About what you said about being haunted by not knowing the answer to when Duffy was hiding his discomfort from you....you know the answer...the answer is as you said "I will never know". In fact when you think about that question, you might consider replacing those thoughts that have no answer, with the thought that he is not in any discomfort at all anymore. He is at peace and in no pain. You gave him that and should take comfort in knowing you helped him as soon as you felt he needed help. I'll never know about Little Guy either but..you know what I tell myself? If it was important to Little Guy to hide anything from me then I don't want to know. I can't do anything about it now and I feel better knowing I was there to give him peace when he had his emergency. The suffering he would have had to go through to stay longer.......I wouldn't want for him to go through. If there is no cure and the quality of life becomes suffering, I have to make the decision to stop that suffering and I hate it, I hate the disease that forces it, but I can only help what I know about. And I remember I also didn't want him to be sick so I resisted rushing a 16 year old cat into exploratory surgery, etc. That's also why I didn't want an autopsy to find out exactly what was happening with him. At the end...he couldn't hardly breathe but I know that so many of these diseases do not show much symptoms until it is too late for we humans to stop it.
Don't let that haunt you at all. Duffy would not want that. Take Care.

[kittymomma]

I know you are still hurting like I am, but I am praying that you find some peace these days. This grief goes on and on, doesn't it? I love the pictures of Little Guy you have posted. Such a handsome young man! They make me smile. I will be pulling some good ones of Orion to post over in Tributes, myself soon. It is difficult some days to look at the pictures, other days, they make me happy to see them. This grief is such a roller coaster. We spent this entire last year caring for Orion and having to be there at all times of the day for his shots and meds and we are going away at Christmas to just *get away* for a while. We have not been out of the house this year, it was year of taking care of him. We NEED to go somewhere to just recoup our strength and to not be around the house for a while. We will be spending Christmas at Disneyland to help bring some Disney Magic and Joy into our lives, but already in my mind, is how last year we went and brought back Disney kitty toys for the cats and Orion loved them. These visions keep going through my head and I know when we are there and I see those toys in the store, it will bring it all back. We want to bring some more toys home for the cats and it just is going to get to me. Thanksgiving was hard because Orion always begged for Turkey. How do we do it? How do we take each day and get through it? It seems I cry at least one time every day, more often many times. I think sometimes my tears are all gone and then more come. It is just one day at a time and time seems to be passing so slowly. I read somewhere once that they say you will experience one month of grief for every year of your pet's life. I don't know if that is true, but it is a long time....Any time is a long time without them.

I am praying for you and sending hugs your way for some peace of mind. We just have to get through all of this, don't we? Someday, they say, Someday, we will be able to smile again. That time seems far off to me still.

With love and hugs

Susan

[LoveThem]

Thanks, Susan, for your post. Yes, it does seem to go on and on. I guess because our special ones are so much a part of our lives, we just can't separate ourselves. They may be taken away physically but we can't separate ourselves from them.

I look forward to seeing pictures of Orion in Tributes. My thoughts looking at Little Guy's pictures are they are good memories, memories that I can smile at remembering. I still can't believe he is gone forever and will never again run at high speed through my home while I yell "Freight Train!" as he flashes by. He made me laugh when he first started that because as simply as going to the litter box was all it took for him to act like he was on top of the world.

Perhaps when you go away for Christmas and bring back your babies some toys, you might pick out a special one for Orion and put it by your favorite picture of him and tell him he is still part of the family and gets one too!

I relate to so much of what you have said. Yes, it does take a long time. Last year at this time mine was here, healthy, and racing around. This year......he is gone...now that will start tears anytime. I feel disbelief a lot too.

I wish you peace also. Hug your babies twice as much..they may not understand why you did but they will certainly love it! It will be good for all of you.

[annie's mommy]

Oh LoveThem...

I have your little guy in my heart, and you too. The fluid filled chest of your kitty sounds so much like my annie's fluid filled tummy. Awful!
And your talk of your pain causing you digestive problems... I'm there too...already! After only a few days. I surely hope you get yours fixed comfortably. I don't know about the new pet thing. I won't do it again this time. I still have 2 other cats, but it doesn't seem to lessen my pain. I hope that you and your husband can agree to what will help you both.

thank you for sharing and caring,
stay in touch.

annie's mommy

[LoveThem]

Well, Little Guy..........

This is the year 2007....you were here for 8 full months.

Last Monday was the 10th of December

I rushed you to the ER on Monday..the 10th of September.

That is the last time I touched you and held you. I will not like when the 10th is combined with a Monday....that's when you had to be taken away from me.

And the other sad part is.....no one outside this forum has ever asked about you, asked me how I am doing. It's like you never existed as part of our home...for those who do not live with us. That adds to the hurt and pain of losing you. Only we 2 humans who lived with you and your brother and sister ....will always remember all of you. When I am asked what do I want for Christmas...I wish I could just scream that I want you back..here with me, happy and healthy...that's what I really want.

I read elsewhere in this forum that people who hate cats will come back as mice......what do you think of that? Sounds fitting, doesn't it? Maybe that could also apply to those who don't care about other people's feelings especially when one knows they are not even thinking about anything because it was.....only an animal. A simple acknowledgment that something happened in one's life that was a big change for them would not take much of an effort to say but it would take a special person to think of it. It is just not part of everyone's consciousness. You were my buffer against people whose feelings are conditional. Maybe that's why animals were put on this Earth and why it hurts so much when their physical time is done. I do miss you so much. You watched over me and always made me feel special...just like I tried to do for you. Each one of us is given a special baby and you were one of mine.....I'll always be grateful for your 16 years of love. Time to cry now......

[LoveThem]

Little Guy:
Christmas is right around the corner now and we will spend the day without you for the first time since you came into our lives in 1991. There will be no celebration this year...no decorations...no Christmas tablecloth you loved to sneak into a chair under and when we couldn't find you and you thought you were hidden, your long tail would hang down from the chair and we knew where you were ...all curled up except for that tail. No more strutting into the living room like John Wayne..that made us laugh. No more you sitting on my newspapers as I tried to read and you just had to be in the middle of everything. If we went into another room and started talking...10 seconds later you would come strolling in and "talk" to us until we went back into the living room. Then you would follow and jump into my lap on the couch and purr so loud you could be heard over the TV.

You had a beautiful personality and lots of love to give and we were blessed for having many years of it. We love you and miss you terribly and the Holidays just make it worse right now. We had hoped you didn't have something that took you away from us but we couldn't wish you health...it was your time to go and all the time you tried so hard to do everything right. You couldn't do anything wrong. You made this world a better place for a while. We won't let you be forgotten..ever!

[lalig]

My deep sympathies for your loss, and for all who are here. I too am grieving over my recent loss of my special, cute and funny cat.
Its been 2 and a half weeks. Today is christmas eve, and up until thursday, I was really a mess, crying often etc. The past few days I have been better. What I learned is that just when you think you are doing 'OK', it comes out, that pain from the gut, and smacks you hard. Like the other day when I thought I was ok coming home to no cat here, then bam, i just lost it. held her picture which is close to the back door, and just cried and cried and cried. Its christmas eve today, and I got home from my fiances parents house and got sad all over again.
Hang in there it WILL get better....but like someone mentioned in a previous entry, its not a straight path to recovery....like my father told me today 'cry, it helps purge it all out'

i love you Gimpy and I hope to share your story soon....when I am ready.

[forduffy]

LoveThem,
Wishing you peace on Christmas Day and feeling really grateful for all of my wonderful friends here in the forum who have helped me through some of the darkest days of my life.

[LoveThem]

Little Guy: You now have a new brother. His name is Lucky and he was at the SPCA shelter. He had no home and really never did. He reminds me of you yet he is his own special self. When he was lying on perch at the shelter with his eyes closed...I thought of you and when I approached him, we were at eye level, and he opened his eyes and I felt the special contact I always felt when you looked into my eyes. His eyes then never left me and he started following me around.

He is here 2 weeks today and is a very good boy. You would like him. He seems to remind me not only of you but also of your twin brother, Keeper, and even talks like a magpie...just like your sister, Little Girl. He still watches me constantly with those eyes and follows me everywhere. It seems like he is close to being the 3 of you rolled into one.

You are always in my heart and I do miss you terribly but when he gallops through the house...I think of how you used to when you were well...and I am grateful I had over 16 years of your being with me where I could hug you and keep you close to my heart.

I put his pictures in the New Beginnings Section and with you and your sister having topics in the Tributes Section, I feel still surrounded by all of you every time I come here. Hugs and Love to you.

[Bonny'sMom]

LoveThem,

Lucky sounds wonderful and what a wonderful new addition. I adopted a baby yesterday from the animal shelter and am thinking about another. The void that Bonny leaves is so big that it's going to take more than one. In her leaving this earthly life she helps to save others. I miss her so much today. Yesterday was difficult also. It seems like this is a tough week. The adoption process is bringing up a lot of emotions for me.

Bonny'sMom

[LoveThem]

Thanks Bonny'sMom and Bue's Mommy for stopping by and sharing your feelings about the new baby.

Bonnys Mom: You said....In her leaving this earthly life she helps to save others. What a wonderful comment and it is so true about all our babies. In fact, I can believe God takes them from us to make room for so many that have no homes or love. The years they are allowed to be with us are really a gift.

Right now, Lucky who is supposed to be 2 years old runs around like a kitten and talks all the time. He really makes us laugh. I sit here by the computer and he gallops by as fast as he can from one room into where I am, runs by the desk into another run, all the while talking. Then 2 seconds later he runs the opposite direction back into the living room and when I turn around to see where he is, all of a sudden he is sitting on a perch looking out a window as if he has been there for hours! The little devil!

I'm glad you are getting another also and hope you will take pictures to post. You could put them in a topic in New Beginnings....

Bue's Mommy: Maybe Little Guy did. Sometimes when I hold him in my arms, my husband says he could swear I was holding Little Guy. Lucky does have his own personality and is a lot more active than my sweet lost 16 year old. Lucky also decides he likes to lick me on the cheek and he tries to get into my lap when I am at the computer. Silly boy!

[LoveThem]

Sure, Bue's Mommy....If you want to look at Lucky on your computer..just pick a picture. Do you know how to set it up on your computer? The pictures are all .jpg image files. I have a regular 800x600 for a screen that size. The ones I post are 50% reduced to 400x300 pixels. I'm still trying to pick a birthday for Lucky..my neighbor suggested Halloween for the black cat (he's so imaginative)

Let me know what you want to do.

[Bonny'sMom]

Hi LoveThem and Bue's Mommy,

Thank you sooo much for your support. I feel so much better. I look forward to the new babies around the house. It will lift my spirits for sure. I have a four year old baby, Jessie also and he's missing Bonny so I think the company will be good for him too. I will send a picture of him when I get home tonight and another picture of Bonny. He was adopted last year when I lost my Chestnut from cancer. He was 12 years old. I had glorious years with Bonny and Chestnut. It's almost like an era has past and a new era is beginning. I'm at my work office so I don't have pictures to download, but later tonight for sure.

Thanks,

Bonny'sMom

[LoveThem]

Bonny's Mom: It was uplifting to read your reply. I am so glad to hear what you are feeling....we do share our sadness so it is doubly wonderful when we can share some happiness. I look forward to seeing the pictures of your babies. There is a topic thread in New Beginnings written by Mink&Willows Mom about Introductions. Looking forward to hearing about a bond developing between Jessie and the new ones. But then he must be good about introductions cause you said he was adopted and Bonny was already there so you have done introductions already. Any cute stories about Jessie and Bonny meeting? My 3 were all born together so they were all together all at once to begin with. If Lucky ever settles down..he may get a companion to play with in the future.

Bue's Mommy: I am still curious about which picture you like the best. I do love looking at all of them but there are some I like better than others and I am curious which one touched your heart.

[Bonny'sMom]

LoveThem and Bue'sMommy,

Thanks for your responses. Today I adopted Elizabeth. She is a Calico cutey. She's about four months old and full of mischief. She will hopefully get along well with Jessie and her new sister Maggie. I pick up Maggie tonight. I will then have a pretty good menagerie of cats. I've never owned three at one time so this ought to be fun. My son Eric named Elizabeth. He had to go to the shelter with me because they want to see all children in the house under 9 to make sure the cat likes kids. That is probably a good thing. I did feel a little bad though because there was another lady on the list to adopt Elizabeth but I was ahead of her and she was soooo disappointed. I hope she adopts another one. It's really hard to go to the shelter. You really feel bad for the cats that are not getting adopted. Especially the adults. The last cat I adopted was an adult. I wish I had a huge property that I could have more. Then I would probably turn into the crazy cat lady for sure. I am attaching a picture of Bonny and Jessie together. As soon as I can I will take pictures of Maggie and Elizabeth and send them to you. I do feel better but I am a bit nervous about new cats. I want everything to work out right. I know I have enough love for all three.

Attached image(s)

 

[Bonny'sMom]

I'm trying to attach photos but all my photos are over 300K. Am I doing something wrong. I can't seem to attach most of my photos.

Bonny'sMom

[LoveThem]

Bonny's Mom: One thing I have found out is that you can only attach one photo to one reply post. You cannnot attach multiple photos to one post but for each reply you can attach a picture. You have to wait at least 20 seconds before doing an additional reply so the forum can catch up with what you are doing.

As far as the size being over 300K. You have to learn about image files. It is best to save a file as a .jpg type. That is much smaller than other types of image files. So your filename can be : Cat01.jpg then another could be Cat02.jpg.

You do have to bring a photo into a graphics program which is a program that handles image files. Many can have a RESIZE option. I usually save my files the size of
800x600 pixels which is the size of my screen, so I can use them as my desktop photo if I want to. Then I go into my graphics program and RESIZE that 800x600 and do it one of 2 ways:
1. I tell the graphics program to scale (reduce) the size to 50% of 800 and 50% of 600.
This gets me a small size under 300K and the picture is 400x300 so I can see it all on the screen at one time. If the picture is bigger...I have to scroll back and forth to see it all and that detracts from the whole picture. See my pictures in Tributes for Little Guy or in New Beginnings for Lucky.

2. Or, I can tell the program to scale the size to 400x300 pixels and get a picture of approximately that size.

Just remember, when you save the new picture...give it a slightly different name so you don't overwrite your original picture in case you want that bigger size for something else.

You have to play around with this and see what happens. Ask any questions as you think of them.

The one picture you posted you said had 2 babies but I only see 1. Is the one I see..Bonnie?

Keep in touch. You can even start a new topic in New Beginnings all about your new family if you want to.

P.S. Bue's Mommy's offer to walk you through it in a PM is also a good idea.

To: Bue's Mommy: Your picture of: a cat in a bag? What did you tell her was in there?