How Do I Stop Crying?, My friend is gone forever Options

[LoveThem]

Sissycat

Thanks so much for keeping in touch here. You are so right about there being a lot of good friends here. It's not perfect but then neither is life.

Next to having these furbabies with their unconditional love...the next best thing is true and honest friends. We always appreciate people who are themselves and not judgmental......

actually, when you think of that....that's as close to being like our sweethearts that we miss so very much....as humans can be.

It is easy being your friend and thinking of you as mine too. Your words to Sissycat always make me smile...seeing the love in each and every sentence you post. We share that feeling of love for our babies.

Hope you and your new kitten enjoy the Holidays. I know from having my adopted boy, Lucky, that it always feels good to have a furbaby to hug.

There is something special about Hugs...

So Hugs to you and your baby and your special Angel, Sissycat. We are grateful to have had the love and the sweet memories of those we know we will never forget, and grateful when we make another connection and regain some of the things we have been missing so much.

Peace and Hugs,
Judy

[LoveThem]

Hi, Joanne

Thank you for your answer to my question.

And I can answer back that I think you said it all very well and I totally agree with all you said.
There are probably those who might not agree but I am sure they are in the minority. After all, who in their right mind would deliberately disrespect a loss like we and so many here have been through? Now that I think of it, I think I found the answer to this last question...in the question itself.

Although I would wonder what these people see when THEY look in a mirror?

Thank goodness for the majority.

Judy

[LoveThem]

Thanks for stopping by, Joanne. I posted to your topic as I know this is your one year anniversary on Mew and Howard.

I missed my boy a lot over the Holidays. A lot.


I don't think there will ever come a time when we won't feel that ache when we think of them.

We do move on...and have given new homes to ones who need them but we will never ever
forget the special ones who brought us here to this forum where we have found most people here are so warm and caring. And when we can ease the pain of new members by sharing the burden,
it is special.

Take care,
Hugs to all our Angels

Judy

[LoveThem]

Hi, Joanne:

When I think of how nice it is when people help others especially when we are grieving, nowadays that also reminds of the fact that not everyone can help.

It seems like there are always people ready to judge us and to force their opinions upon the vulnerable, and some in particular, invoke God's name, as if He has their opinion also. And
if they are not agreed with, they become hurtful...to the very people they are telling they are praying for them. Well, someone can only make fun of my loss one time....I have no forgiveness in me for that.

People like that just make all grieving sadder. But wherever we go, we cannot get away from them, can we? All we can do is protect ourselves and others most vulnerable.

I miss the honesty of my Little Guy. And..everything else about him.

Take care and hugs to you and your babies,
Judy

[LoveThem]

To my Little Guy:

I have missed you so very much lately. Even Lucky cannot distract me very often. He just turned 3 years old so he was alive when you were alive and you were still healthy when he was a kitten. I don't think he ever really had a home cause he doesn't know things I thought were natural but he loves people very much and that is a big plus.

I look at your picture as you rest on the couch on a blanket or on the bed as in my avatar picture and I remember towards the end when you would curl up on that bed and I would walk over and hug you and tell you what a good boy you are....knowing deep down something was going horribly wrong inside you and I could not fix it. It makes me cry to think about that even right now. You were such a beautiful good boy...always thinking of me first. I miss you so much it is hard to type through the tears.

(And if that Judge here doesn't like the way I talk to my boy here..well..I don't care what you think, I'll talk to my boy when I want and how I want and if you want to make fun of this..I just wish you would go away and leave us in peace).

Hugs, Little Guy, lots of love and hugs.
Your Mom and Dad do miss you terribly...and always will.
(A hug for your sister and your brother too).

[ann]

I hear you about those distractions or lack there of. I got Arthur 3 yrs ago today. I relived that day all day today..Never new how much joy he would bring me and such sorrow 2 1/2 yrs later. It's so very hard, but you do have Lucky to hold and love. I have Piper, who bites me, alot, and the nieghbor too. Oh boy!..Sending you lots of hugs...Ann

[toonie]

And really who can judge or fault anyone who loves their baby

LS is a place where compassion plays the biggest role, welcome all of those who can find it in their hearts to be compassionate.
Amen!

[LoveThem]

Thank you ..Ann, Joanne, and Toonie.. for the supporting words.

Ann: Yes, I have Lucky and you have Piper..but when we remember Little Guy and Arthur...they hold such a place in our hearts that sometimes we can't help the tears and grieving and while our current pals are good to hug.....we cannot forget how it felt to hug our best friend who was taken from us. Received your hugs, Ann...they help too.

Joanne: We know there is a "who" whose own loss was never made fun of....yet showed the true colors recently when ... making fun of what someone writes to their lost one .. is more important than compassion and whose actions show they believe their own loss is more special than anyone else's here. I just kept thinking of those hurtful words while trying to write to my Little Guy and they just made me cry harder. It was my words to him that were made fun of. I can't forget or forgive such a person. I agree with you about the pain of our loss being so terrible. Thanks for stopping by with your support.

Toonie: You are so right about LS and compassion and there is always a welcome for those whose words of compassion are true feelings and whose actions are one's true self. There is no room for actually making fun of what we say to our lost best friends. Thanks for stopping by with the reminder of being compassionate. We can only wish all were that way but the proof is in the written words of hurt, that not all are capable of being that way.

So, thank you all again for responding. I was close to feeling I could not write TO my boy anymore because of what was said to me about doing that...but that's not right and so I came back here and wrote to him and I do appreciate your thoughtful responses. You all have helped.

Take care and I do wish peace and healing for all of us. No matter how much time has passed, I know it is still difficult for all of us in that we miss our best friends and will do so forever...until there is a reunion day filled with happiness, healthy, and love...cause that's where they all must be and so shall we someday, if we are lucky.

Judy

[Nemo's Mommy]

Oh my gosh Judy, I just had to reply.

It's unbelieveable to me that anyone would ever make fun of someone's loss. I just wanted to tell you- don't EVER for a second feel bad about writing to your Little Guy. If someone was so unbelieveably selfish and self-centered to make fun of your loss, they are not WORTH even another second of your time or thoughts, really!!!! Don't let it get to you. I can't believe someone would do that, but I can assure you 99% of people are not like that, and don't let their bad thoughts/issues/problems get to you. Please don't ever doubt yourself or your feelings. You are such a good person and so caring. I can only make an assumption that who-ever would do such a thing has such deep-seated issues of their own, it has nothing to do with you or what you write. Perhaps you were just a target on one of their really bad days. BUT please let me assure you not to think of it for another second, don't give what they did another second of your time. They just aren't worth it, honey!!! There is good and good people in this world, and you are one of them. HUGS!!


“Don’t let one cloud obliterate the whole sky.”

--Anais Nin

IF I WERE ASKED to give what I consider the single most useful bit
of advice of all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable
part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely
in the eye, and say, "I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me"."
~~ANN LANDERS, Syndicated columnist

Just remember when you think about what they said, they were leading a small life....
"Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else's hands, but not you."
-- Jim Rohn, Author and Speaker

Never doubt yourself or your feelings!!! We are all just part of this thing called life, and our humanity and compassion for each other gets us through....

[LoveThem]

Hi, Joanne:

You said: Yes Judy, those who think they are more special are just more self centered or even perhaps just selfish....Words can be hurtfull and thats for sure...Those that use words as hurtfull weapons would throw a fit if what they did was done back at them. I believe in Karma...and we always get back what we dish out. So I hope you continue to post your tributes to your little guy. That is what this forum is all about.

Yes, I can agree with all your thinking. This forum is about not being fearful about our grief being judged and when it happens, it is hard to forget the words once written. They burn into your mind at a time when you are trying to "touch" your baby by talking TO them. It is hard enough to put aside the sadness and the terrible pain we remember especially on the final day we had to let them go and we try to talk to them again...to feel better, hoping they are listening, but to have those words actually made fun of.....just throws us backwards into that terrible black abyss of hurt.

As I said I will write when I want to and whatever I want to say to my boy, in spite of the lurking Judge. And in spite of that hurt sent to me, I would never ever make fun of anyone's loss.

Thanks for the support. It is good to be reminded this is a place with many, many, good and caring people who are here coping with their losses and yet at the same time, letting others know they feel the pain and are here as support.

Take Care.........Hugs to your babies and mine............we miss them so very very much.
Judy

[LoveThem]

Hi, Nemo's Mommy:

Thank you so much for the wonderful words of support. I enjoyed reading the quotes at the end of your message too. I know you are right about trying not to think of what was said. But when I see such a one post again...it is a reminder of what was said to me and that's what makes it hard to forget.

I guess just like with grief....time will help heal how we feel....

Thanks again for writing....the support I feel here helps me a lot. So much more positive is here vs a small amount of negative...and as I said earlier...hopefully there will be peace once the negative leaves.

Hugs and thanks,
Judy

[toonie]

Judy why don't you be upfront about the lurking judge on LS and tell us who it is. There is no way most of us can find any posts to substantiate what you say, and truly, the person you are accusing deserves to have an equal opportunity to defend him/herself . You have twice expressed the wish that the person would go away, I find your attitude goes against the LS spirit, before another LS member is excluded, shall we have the whole story please!!!!!Those who come here are as vulnerable as you and being told to go away is unfair. No one else has ever said things like that about/to you. Lets be upfront or not say anything at all shall we!

And really who can judge or fault anyone who loves their baby

[LoveThem]

Thanks, Joanne. I understand what you are saying. It does help to read words of support and I really appreciate hearing from everyone urging me to ignore what hurts as best I can. Being able to freely write to our lost ones has always been an important part of healing for some.

I know my Little Guy will understand if, right now, I do not feel I can talk to him freely. I will work on that.

I did want to send you best wishes in your upcoming surgery this week and hope you can come back soon after.

Hugs to all our babies...after all, they are the true Angels here, aren't they?

Judy

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Judy,

I don't know the particulars of what happened here (to you) but I just have to say that I can't imagine why in the world anyone would criticize anyone for using whatever space they want here as a journal of sorts, to speak to their babies. For heaven's sake, so MANY of us do that, here and there, in amongst all our other 'dumpings'! That just sounds outrageous. And it's really up to each of us to decide what we want to post.

On another board I've used, that kind of thing/therapy is encouraged, not frowned upon! That's what boards like this are FOR, to write whatever we feel inspired (taken from the latin root = in spirit) to write. Goodness gracious....whoever doesn't get that simple concept should perhaps stay away from public forums where free speech (w/i standard board guidelines) is encouraged. What use would they be w/o such freedom?

[LoveThem]

Thank you, Furkidlets' Mom, for your supportive words.

I completely agree with all you said here. Talking to our babies is so very important. The freedom to say to them whatever we feel is simply priceless.

We have been through the absolutely most terrible time of all....that day we lost our beloved special ones. It means so much to have a place to come and feel free to talk to our best friends who are gone physically. I agree with your wording about being "outrageous". And, your last paragraph summed it all up very well.

Just like we use good memories of our special ones to help make the sad ones fade, words of support are positive and can also help to make other kinds of words fade away.

But just like the pain we feel losing our babies any kind of pain associated with them never goes away 100%. We wait until it becomes bearable..then we know healing will come.

Thanks again for being here.

Judy

[LoveThem]

Hi, Little Guy

Just want you to know I miss you so very much. And I have to tell you so here as well as at home.
I don't want you to think I have forgotten you but I know you understand what happened lately about my words to you being made fun of..is something I don't know how to forget. If I talk to you, I remember that. If I don't talk to you, that hurts too.

Miss you, my boy. You are loved every day and missed every day and the tears still come too easily.


Mom

[ann]

Words can be very painful, or very healing. Like you said to me our angels hear us. No matter where you talk to your boy, surround yourself with your healing words to him. It is your special time. Today at the shelter I gave a little long haired black cat named Fenway some extra attention. I thought of you since he looked like the pictures of Little Guy. Hugs to you Judy and of course your boy too..Ann

[LoveThem]

Thanks, Ann...I needed those supportive words. I'll bet that kitty appreciated that extra attention. Looked like my Little Guy? Good thing I wasn't there...I'd probably take him home.

And yes, I believe our babies do hear us...that's why it is important that we feel we can talk to them and why it can make us feel better inside...to talk to them.

Hugs back to you and to our Angels...they can never get enough hugs, can they?

Judy

[LoveThem]

Hi, Little Guy

I just thought of another reason you should have been allowed to stay with me...I would never have met the "Judge" if you had stayed. That would have been double wonderful. The one who now pretends to have gone but the "anonymous" "footprints" have been very clear to see...constantly.

I never thought my words to you were "rehashing redundant words" until I was told and, of course, our dear friend here who lost her babies was told the same thing about her words.

Tell me people like this do not exist where you babies are....all of you. For then what would Heaven really be like?

I still love you and miss you terribly. So you see, there were lots of reasons you should have been allowed to stay longer.....it is sometimes difficult to make the pain of missing you more bearable when my words to you (which are my thoughts) are made fun of.

Hugs and kisses my boy,
Mom

[Flossie's Mom]

Judy & Joanne,

You both have such a love for your babies... both those that have crossed over and your new ones. And you are both so helpful to those of us who have not journeyed as far along as you have on this path that none of us know how long it will be.

Many new people who have come here have been comforted by your words and you have helped so much with your words that are obviously from the heart and from the losses you have experienced. You take the time for people you do not know that are hurting while you too are missing your special ones.

Thank you both for being here and keep it up............. you are good for us!!! It must in some small way be helpful with your own loss to comfort others. Painful at times I am sure, but also healing in a very subtle way.

Ginger