How Do I Stop Crying?, My friend is gone forever Options

[LoveThem]

Yes, Joanne, that is so true.

Lucky is doing okay. I did finish another camera of 27 pictures and when they are developed...I will be updating him in his New Beginnings pictures topic. He is still learning how to be a cat instead of the boss.

When I looked at him today in certain poses...I really felt as though I was looking at Little Guy...sometimes physically the resemblance is uncanny and other times the resemblance is only slight.

I guess I like to feel that Little Guy and Lucky both reach out to me...through Lucky.

[LoveThem]

Well, Little Guy, it is now June and this is really the last month I remember you were acting healthy last year. I know I became concerned in July, and in August, and you were taken in September..very quickly at the end.

I love coming here and visiting you and going to Tributes and seeing your pictures, fat and sassy and healthy and happy and just a big teddy bear love...just like your twin Keeper was before he left..again suddenly...in January 2002.. and your sister had her problems in June of 2006. Yes, this is the month she left and you were the only furbaby left in our home...the only one sick when a kitten...stayed with us the longest...nothing ever makes sense, does it? Except love...that is always a sure thing from you sweethearts...

You know..I could understand why so many precious ones are taken if they came back inside another furbaby being born..and who knows what really happens..maybe all of you do appear back here...to take care of someone else...kind of like a new job you have to do.

And, Little Girl, I am so very sorry the vet did not try to find out what was wrong with you and even made fun of our suggestions that we had read about on other vet websites. If a cure or treatment could have been found, you would still be here and I am sorry the medical profession truly failed you and us bigtime.

And, Keeper, I can't not say hello to you and tell you...your leaving was the most devastating, being the first of 3 and completely unexpected but no matter what we could never let you or Little Guy or your sister suffer when the quality of life was disappearing so fast and because many years ago a wonderful vet did tell me to look at that part of your lives before any final decision and I have tried to be true to that for not only you but all the others before you.

As hard as it always is, you are more important than me and your quality of life is more precious than keeping you with me for my sake...cause it is a decision you could never make for yourself and even if you could, I think you babies would stay even in pain..just to stay because you love so much.

And so, my angels, I know you are at peace and not hurting but I will never stop hurting over your loss. But I had to give you peace when you were suffering. I think I read somewhere that Death is only a tragedy for those left behind. I can relate to that one.

Love and Hugs forever to you and to all those very very special ones who came before. Heaven must be very crowded with so many angels...maybe someday some of you can be left here longer..healthy that is.....that would really be appreciated.

[LoveThem]

Little Guy:

July is when I had started noticing you were not eating as you should. It was a scary month and then came August and then September..the month that took you away. As these months come by now, it is like reliving that awful time of worry about you. After all, we lost your sister in June of the year before and you were the only one left. You were now taking the place of 3 babies for us and so worrying about you reminded us of our worries before about your sister and your twin brother.

Last summer was a struggle for all of us. This summer..it seems like all it does is remind us of last summer.

You know we love all of you forever. You know we will never forget your last day, asking us to help you breathe...my poor baby... The only way we could have kept you a little longer was to subject you to a lot of pain by having your chest drained everytime it filled up with fluid and that came so fast....we could not do that to you...no, never would we want you to go through pain like that....ever.

I look at your pictures each day and look into those beautiful eyes ....that never stopped looking into mine every chance you got.

Heaven must be getting very crowded with so many sweet special babies being there. If it gets too crowded...maybe someday more of you will be allowed to stay longer with us.

You are in our hearts forever and we are thankful for the many years together we had and, of course, we all wish for many more...but your time was spoken for and so we had to say goodbye..no more kisses and hugs..but we know you are still watching us..never taking your eyes off of us....because....that was how you always were and so still are.

Hugs, baby boy, to you and Keeper and Little Girl.....you really made us feel like a true family.




JOANNE: You said: Gettin through this first year, isn't easy.

You said SO VERY MUCH in so few words.
Take care...I know it is your first year also...
Judy

[havana]

Love Them, I think it is time for someone to say something about you. You, that always have such sweet and conforting words for everybody here, BUT..... what about you? You also need someone to connfort you 'cause we all know about your losses and even though, you are always making people here feel better with your kindness and that I know, I can sense thru your words the pain you almost don't talk about anymore but believe me I know, I know deep inside you are hurting like all of us, and that's why I like to Thank you one more time in the name of every lost Furbabies, their Dads, Moms and all the healthy ones still with us today. GOD BLESS YOU AND ALL YOUR LOVEONES, "they have no idea who they have near", such nice Lady am glad I met here, always Buster and Jorge

[LoveThem]

JOANNE:

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Remembering last summer will be a difficult time this summer. The painful memories of the past will always be painful to remember. That's why we try to spend most of the time thinking of the good memories..that doesn't hurt to remember but it will always hurt that they did end at the point they did. I believe Rassy cat left you in October...my Little Guy was September...and so last year we were frantically trying to help them get well but we can't fight the bigger power in life than we are and so we lost the final battle. The second year will be easier just from the standpoint we will not be able to think....LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME......they were alive and with us but they were not well. We will just get through this time..at least this year the life or death decisions are not present..because they are already gone. Take care, Joanne, the pain will come back now because we cannot help but remember this time..last year. And as the months they were not well, repeat themselves..we cannot help but remember the past and in a way, relive it again...don't we? We will relive some hard moments but we must remind ourselves that their suffering is over..they are not suffering this year......we are.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JORGE:

Thank you for your beautiful words. You are so right about the pain. When I visit this thread...which is my Little Guy's...all the memories of what happened rush back into my mind and it is overwhelming again. It is as if it was yesterday. This is the place I come to cry and let go of my emotions because this is where my baby's story is.

I do cry when I read the stories of others...like you and Buster....because I can feel your feelings inside me..the sadness, the pain, the love, and the loneliness....all of these feelings we all feel alike and we all feel them just as deeply as each other does. When I do write to others and they say my words help them...that makes me feel good inside and helps push down my sadness. I cannot come to my own thread here and post and not feel sadness and pain because being here reminds what I had and what I lost and I cannot write words to myself that make me feel better...it just doesn't work that way.

And again, you saw that when people stop by to visit you and Buster...it does make you feel better. And so, you are right again that when you stop by someone's else's thread...like you just did here in mine....just stopping by is a comfort, Jorge. I think of you and Buster a lot because I understand your closeness. For 10 years my special girl was Gypsy, a beautiful silver and black German Shepherd...the gentlest dog ever...I even took her to work with me and she laid under my desk for 8 hours while I played secretary.
It was only her and me for all those years...just like you and Buster. They will always be with us forever, Jorge....now in spirit ...but they are there....all these sweet ones. I am glad, too, you came to this forum...there are many caring people here as you have seen and we all know by helping one another through their pain.....it is a way of helping ourselves through our own pain. I have noticed you posting comforting words to many yourself so you understand what I mean about a way to help ourselves.

Thank you again, for stopping by and your very beautiful thoughts.. Hugs to you and Buster

[LoveThem]

Well, Little Guy:

Somehow I remember it started for you in July 2007 so I checked my calendar today. And I see a note that on
July 10th, 2007, you started throwing up a lot all of a sudden. Then you were okay for the rest of the month.
It wasn't until August 1st that I started your diary of every day symptoms.

It seems ironic that your first distress I saw was July 10th and I had to let you go on September 10th.

I read cancer can take one in 8 weeks without treatment and since the vet wasn't positive what was wrong, you were
being observed and not treated for cancer. They also felt at age 16, exploratory surgery to see what was wrong inside
was too much for you and I agreed. I don't think there was a cure by that time. From what I read, when you babies really show a symptom...it is beyond the cure stage..as far as cancer is concerned.

8 weeks of H-E-double L

But I remember once in August you galloped through the house as through nothing was wrong and I felt hopeful.

You are not the first we lost to cancer...in fact your twin brother battled it in 2002 for a whole week and lost. And there were
others..many years ago. That becomes a reminder of how many years there has been no help for you babies as far as cancer.

And so, the awful Summer is upon us...the one that reminds us of last Summer and we do not want to remember last Summer
anymore. Soon it will pass and then each succeeding Summer will be thought of as just another Summer and not
the first Summer without you but with the memory of those months in the year 2007.

Be at peace my boy.you and your brother and sister will never be forgotten. You are still a part of our home and our lives.
We have your pictures everywhere plus your favorite toys and some of your fur..which feels as alive as it did when you were
truly alive.

Hugs and love


In life there are anniversaries not meant to be celebrated. We are approaching such times.

[ann]

Hi Love Them, Got your E-mail hope you got my response. Still not sure if I'm doing this right. Ann

[LoveThem]

Joanne:

You are a good friend and have helped me a lot. Thank you for that. I appreciate hearing your thoughts...they are always so very true.
Hugs and peace...we need peace right now at this time.



Ann: Yes, I got your message today and thank you for everything you said. I did answer your questions and hope I helped you. Hugs back to you...sometimes even a cyber-HUG can help the pain...at least we can try to do that with hugs.


Judy

[Candy's Dad]

In life there are anniversaries not meant to be celebrated. We are approaching such times.

So true. It seems like every Friday is an anniversary. I do okay until Friday's then I'm sobbing.

I hope you're doing okay.

Hugz backatcha.

Candy's Dad
Hal

[LoveThem]

HI, Hal

As far as doing okay.....because it is the Summer...the first Summer without him..and it was the Summer he became ill....I am doing not as well as normally now but not as bad as last year.

I normally try to forget exact dates because there is something about knowing exactly..that seems more painful. Unfortunately with my Little Guy..I will not forget his date of Sept 10th because the date was the day before "9/11", a date that has become infamous in our country's history. And so, every year when the country brings up the date of 9/11 as special to remember...it will always remind me of 9/10 and so it will be impossible for me to forget the exact date and what happened on that day. I wish I could erase that from my memory.

It is that this year..being the first year (and it is for you and Chuck also)...there are more reminders of this year vs last year and so when 9/11 comes I will remember that one year ago my home was empty and he was gone..and now I have started tears again....

I hope you change your memories of Fridays into a date because there are too many Fridays to be sad but the date for you might be more helpful in getting through Fridays.

Hugs, Hal, and thanks for stopping by and your kind words.

[sissycat]

LoveThem,

Just wanted to say that you always know just what to say to make everyone feel better.

Also I wanted to say I'm very sorry for the loss you had.

Many HUgs to You!!!!!!!!!!

[LoveThem]

Thank you, Sissycat

I also want you to know I love your notes to Sissy..as I said...you can't post enough...

I know it feels nice to "speak" to my Little Guy here and I get the same feeling when you
"speak" to your Sissy.

We have no time limit on grief here and that helps so very much. Because we cannot turn it on and off like a faucet. We are free here to say or do as we feel comforts us and we also find that sometimes comforting others is something that also comforts us.

Today I am thinking of something someone posted about their loss:
-------------------------------------
One can ask with the depth of pain we go through WHY do we allow ourselves to become so attached to pets? All one has to do is think of the tremendous amount of unconditional love we get from them and then we can ask WHY WOULDN'T WE?
-------------------------------------

I can think of many reasons to love them. I can't think of a good enough reason to not have them in my life. The pain when they are taken from us is not a good enough reason for me to give up the time I have with them....where there is no pain.

Hugs to all who stop by here...we share the same pain..and so we can share a hug that says the same thing.


Thank you Sissycat..your stopping by is comforting to me.

[LoveThem]

Well, Little Guy, July is almost over...you had started having a problem last July....August...you went back and forth...
September....I would lose you. Then the first year will be over. It is very hard to think last year at this time you were
still here.

Last August you had a painful dental procedure and days later were galloping around the house. And..2 weeks later in
September...you could not breathe.

How quickly it all comes about. I am thankful for the 16 1/2 years we had you with us but as always, we wish for more years
of quality time together. You were a miracle to me because you were my longest ...even your twin brother, Keeper, only made
it to age 10, when he had cancer in his chest all of a sudden and was having trouble breathing. Ironic that you twins were
"taken" in almost the same way. But Keeper had a large mass in his chest and you had fluid filling up yours with the end
result being the same...you both were having a problem breathing...and there was no cure. Your sister, who had the
physical markings of your daddy did not have cancer, but she had something you twins did not have.

When it is your time to leave, it seems like whoever decides it is that time...seems to have a lot of different horrible
diseases to choose from...to take you away.

I would have hoped over the years, that the diseases that take you now would have had a cure or been manageable but
I know there is too much money to be made by the drug companies for "treatment" rather than cure, and medical testing and a cure would lose them all that money so you babies and we humans have to hope none of us has to suffer when it is our time. Because there is no constant profit in cures so corporations are not interested and we have to manage the best we can.

I am glad none of you are suffering as each of you were losing your quality of life...the boys lost fast...very fast.
The Little Girl was losing slowly but was terrified daily. Who allows these cruel endings to you babies who only
know how to give unconditional love? It all makes one wonder about many things.

Hugs to Little Guy, Keeper, and Little Girl......3 beautiful souls who can only be Angels because their souls are so pure.

[LoveThem]

Thanks, Joanne

I know this time..July..especially August..and finally..the worst will be September because 9/10/2007 is when Little Guy came dragging his body into our living room needing help...and the only help I could give him ..the only choice..was to put him down and come home to the empty house from the emergency. That's what makes the first year the hardest because just last year it all happened and it is still fresh in our minds. And so, these are the months this year I look forward to passing by and being over with.

This is the time when it is the hardest to keep the intense pain of last year from surfacing again. It is always not far away..waiting to come back. It takes more time to be stronger about keeping it away. I guess because last year was partially a wonderful healthy happy time before it turned into the awful worry and finally...the devastating pain of a loss...of not being able to save him and make him feel better again. I am wiping the tears from my eyes as I type this so I can see the screen.

This year...this Summer is truly the hardest time since last Summer....

[LoveThem]

Well, Little Guy...it is now August ...and last year ..I didn't know...you only had about 4 weeks left..after over 16 1/2 years of being together. This was the time I was being teased with hope..hope that we wouldn't have to let you go in the next few months. You had the easy tests and no diagnosis. Left were the difficult ones for you to go through..you might not even survive them...we wouldn't know but cause of your age....we weren't encouraged by the doctors to put you through them. The "guess" was cancer but it was not proven yet.

But then the doctor found your mouth was very painful from dental lesions and we were hopeful with that surgery...you would start eating again...it sounded logical. After that surgery at the end of August, you even galloped around the house and jumped from the floor to the top of the couch..and..we had hope the problem of not wanting to eat was solved.

But then...we got hit over the head with your ...not being able to breathe..emergency in September. I guess whoever wanted to take you from us was impatient with waiting..so impatient that bad things came out of the blue. I'm so sorry you ever had to go through anything. I know that last day all I could think of was getting you to the hospital so the doctors could HELP you and then I could bring you home soon afterwards.

And so, today you were still here and I kept hugging you everyday and telling you what a good boy you are and so beautiful. I didn't know what else to say to you, knowing you weren't feeling well. Now I have myself in tears so I have to go.

Hugs to you and your brother and sister
We love you and we will never stop telling you that.

[LoveThem]

I don't think you ever will think of Rassy without crying..maybe not outside...but always inside. I will be that way with my
Little Guy.

This is such a hard time of the year for us...and so we think nothing worse can happen right now.

We were wrong about that one. Hopefully, we can protect our friends here.

Now everyone has to be very careful.

[LoveThem]

Joanne:

I just realized our last posts were August 10th.....and September 10th is when I lost Little Guy. I know your Rassy Cat 's date will also soon be here. We will be back soon.

Actually, we are not the ones who need to be on guard here. We know the land mines. And we will help any here who accidentally "steps" on one.

Our one year anniversary is almost here. A whole year without holding that sweet little bundle of fur. I know when Little Guy laid on the bed (like in my avatar), and I knew something was going wrong and felt helpless to stop it, I would make special trips to where he was and hug him and tell him how beautiful he was and what a good boy and I knew those words could not cure him but I felt he would not always be there to say those things to him. That was a "being right" I did not want.



Soon........Little Guy..........right now you were trying...and you were feeling better after your dental surgery and did make it to past my birthday.....jumping from the floor to the top of the couch like you used to and starting to eat better without those painful dental lesions. What a slap in the face we would get within a few weeks.....

Hugs, baby boy

[LoveThem]

Thanks, Joanne.

The friendships are the "good" that came from Little Guy and Rassy Cat. As wonderful as they are...we all know that we would rather have our special ones with us instead of the sadness and pain their leaving has given us.

You are so right about remembering each day now...even that is easy for me as I was so worried I kept daily calendar notes on Little Guy...how much he eat that day...if he vomited...if he had a BM...made sure he did pee...and after the dental surgery, he WAS starting a little to eat better and act better when he got over the pain of extractions.

It was like life looked down and thought....there is hope there..things are looking better...let's slap them all in the face for we want death and depression...and that power, whatever it is, did it.

Yes...each day, especially for me when it is Sept and for you when it is Oct.

Right now....they were both here...not 100% healthy but with a quality still there...it's strange how quickly that changes and slips away.

These babies by leaving do bring people together that truly understand the bond that death tried to break and while it could take them away from us....that bond can never be broken....never.

Right now...I wish us both peace at this time of year and especially..this year.

Judy

[LoveThem]

Well, Little Guy

On this date last year, you only had 2 1/2 more days to be alive and we didn't know that at the time. All I can do is cry..remembering..what happened last September. As the day approaches it is harder to push the sadness away.

Love you, baby boy

[LoveThem]

Little Guy: 1 1/2 days left now for you to live.



Thanks for the thoughts, Joanne. I know Rassy cat is coming up in October for your first year also.
The closer it gets to the day...the more I dread it and at times can feel somewhat dead inside.