Kasha, Mommys Lil Girl, 18 days without my baby Options

[Stargazer_gold]

I'm so glad to have found this site. 18 days ago I had to put my little westie mix girl to sleep. I am devastated beyond belief! Kasha had a relaspe of a middle ear infection, she didnt know up from down and her eyes rolled around wildly. The Vet didnt have much hope for her. After 3 days of treatment he finally said it was time and that she was suffering. So I said go ahead and put her to sleep. Now I have feelings of guilt, I should of been there for her last moments to comfort her and ease her passage but I wasnt strong enough to do this one last thing for her, I will never forgive myself for letting her down. I wonder if I should of taken her else where for a second opinion..........so many unasnswered questions. I am so lost without her little presence. Tomorrow her ashes should be in at the vets, so tomorrow will be a really hard day for me. I have 2 other dogs but they dont seem to be any comfort to me, I was really only close to Kasha, from the day I got her we formed such a strong and loving bond. I spoiled her beyond reason and for that i do take comfort in, she may not of had long in this world but at least she had it all for the time she was here. I miss the smell of her, sounds crazy but I do. When I went to bed at night she slept with her head on my pillow cuddled up to me and I would put my face down in her fur , smelling her and I would go to sleep that way. Everything I did I did for her. Now I feel as if I have nothing but this empty painful void in my heart. I feel like I have lost something vital in my life that will never be replaced. Kasha truely was one of a kind and unique. 3 years was not enough time.

[Cleo 1]

I am so sorry for your loss, I know how hard it hurts and the guilt you are feeling.
Its been a year since I lost my lovely Byron and It still hurts so much, but all we can do if we love them is take their pain away and take it on ourselves.
Cleo1

[ryancat]

Kasha's Mom, I am so sorry for your loss.Your right,3 years isn't nearly enough...but she had a loving home and folks who loved her and that is what was important.I wish I had words for you to make you feel better,I hope by knowing there are others out there going thur the same pain as you are that it helps just a bit.They say time helps the pain to dull a bit but it really doesn't, you just get used to a new reality. I lost my boy Sox back in Oct. and I still have days where I cry because I miss him so much.I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and do come back often and share more about your baby with us.Again,I am so very sorry for your loss.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

[Stargazer_gold]

I think your right that its a different reality. I don't think time will ever ease my pain on losing Kasha, but time will get me used to dealing with this heartache.

Ryan and Cleo I am so sorry for you loss and heartache. Its a shame we outlive our pets, I think the love we feel them is akin to what you feel towards your children, and like children they should never precede you in death.

Kasha was so very girly. never was there a dog more femine! She loved it when I would put her in a dress, she acted so proud! When I would talk to her she had this cute way of ##ing her head from side to side as if trying to really understand what I was saying. She always brought a smile to my face.

I find myself acting like a kid again, trying to bargain with God, sad isnt it. As if anything could ever bring her back to me. I really don't think I can live with this or ever except it. I miss loving her.

[ryancat]

We all know how much you miss your sweet girl.It's too soon to be better,you just have to take it one day at a time and not look to far into the future.That's what worked for me.I still have days where I miss my boy Sox so bad I can hardly stand it but we have to go on,we have no other choice.I'll be keeping you in my prayers and hoping you will soon feel better.Please keep in touch and know that you are not alone.We all know how you feel and it's a terrible place to be.I hope I can be of some help to you.Take care and when your up to it please share alittle bit about your baby,we'd love to hear about her.That's funny what you said about her liking to get dressed up in dresses and things,what a cute image that creates in my mind.Sox hated to have clothes put on him.He had several outfits but he never wore any of them for very long.He had a reindeer hat, a little irish hat for St. Patty's Day, and a top hat (you know,because he was black and white and looked like he was always wearing a tuxedo!) Anyway,I hope things get better for you soon.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

[Stargazer_gold]

Renee, your support is such a balm to my soul, it does help to know that others feel this deep despair and grief and that I'm not alone. You would think that at the age of 44 I would be better equiped to handle something like this. But it seems that grief has no age preferences when it comes to our little babies. I was looking on ebay at pet urns but alls I did was sob and found nothing that really said Kasha. I only have 2 photos of my baby to remember her by. All the pics I took with my cam got lost in a computer crash. I wish I had more physical memories of her and not just whats in my heart.

Heres a cute Kasha story.

Kasha has never wetted in the house but ...........for some reason she would sneak into our bedroom and poo on my side of the bed. I guess she figured her secret was safe with Mommy! My husband and I never had the heart to break her of this habit so we invented the "Poo-Poo Fairy" . It was never Kasha doing that it was the poo poo fairy. Brings a smile mingled with tears remembering that.

[myhrtisbrkn]

It never fails to pierce my heart...each time I read one of these posts. I know how much you hurt. I was fortunate this time, my last prayer for my baby boy was answered and he died in my arms at home. But I have walked dowm that long, terrible corridor to euthansia too many times. I believe it is the hardest decision we ever make. But as I have said before, this is the covenant we make with our babies, to replace their suffering with our own.

I'm so sorry that you and Kasha came to this terrible point after only three years.
I was shocked and angry when Mack became terminally ill at 8. You loved that baby girl so much I can't imagine that you would have taken her to a vet you didn't trust. It's natural to second guess...but you must try to stop. Based on your expression of devotion to your baby, I would have trusted you with mine. Trust yourself; you did the right thing. Isn't it odd that doing the right thing almost always means doing the hard thing?

I hope that our mere words will be of some help to you. I know that it is far too early for comfort. Try and take care of yourself; this pain will always be with you, but time will make it more bearable.

Macks Mom,
Dayna

[sheps mama]

Kahsa's Mom, I understand your feelings of guilt and anger just now having gone through the same thing recently. What i have learned here is that guilt, anger, frustration etc are all part of the greiving process and you must go through them to come out of the other end. Sucks I know...only too well. 3 Years was not enough time for either of you but from your words I can tell that you were devoted to her and gave her a life any mother would have been proud of.

Like Danya says, you made the decision to replace her suffering with your own and this is the greatest gift you could ever give your baby - although I know it feels nothing like that at the moment. The pain is physical and drove me to insanity almost, when i lost Shep. But scream and cry if you have to because if you don't it will threaten to overwhelm you. You will soon learn to live with Kasha's memory a little easier and the tears, although they will probably never stop (if you are like me) will get easier to control.

I am so sorry for your loss and wish I could reach out to you as we all understand exactly how bad & guilty you are feeling right now. Maybe you could try to show us a picture of Kasha as she sounds like a real mommy's girl. Hope to hear from you soon, and take care.

Debbie
Sheps mama

[ratlover]

Dear Kasha's Mom,

Please don't punish yourself; having to let a precious pet go is one of the hardest things in the world to do, and no matter how much we feel it was the right thing to do, we always end up with self-doubt. You listened to the advice of a vet who told you that it was best to let her go; likely, another vet would have told you the same thing. Your sweetie was suffering, and now the suffering has ended; only your love for her, and hers for you remains and that love is something that will last forever.

Your sweet Sasha knows that you love her, and she always will. What is important here now is remembering the good life she had with you; all the love and time spent together.

Although you may have bonded very closely with Sasha, your other two dogs are likely sensing your pain and you might notice that they are coming around you more, for they will miss Sasha too. Perhaps you and they can all help comfort each other during this difficult time. I am so sorry for your loss, but please don't fill yourself with self-doubt. You made the decision that you felt was best at that time and your Sasha knows this.

I hope that your heart can start to heal soon. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

[Moose Mom]

Kasha's Mom

Oh I'm so sorry you lost your Kasha, she sounds like a darling. Only 3 years? Oh no, way too soon. Honey my heart is hurting for you.

You did what was best for her, always. Even in the end, you did your best. No one, not even you, can ask for more.

We lost our Moustache kitty 3 months ago, he was 10. It's still hard, and we felt like that was way too soon. I know what you mean about missing the smell of them. Moose always smelled so sweet, I loved to smell his tummy. I miss that so much.

I love how she liked to wear dresses. I have a great memory of an elderly man bringing his westie into Petsmart. I was just their shopping and they came in, that little dog was so proud! OMG I think it was a little boy, he had on the most darling coat! I'm sure Kasha was so beautiful in her dresses.

Your story of the "Poo-Poo Fairy" made me laugh! What a great story, and a great mommy and daddy that would invent that for her. Thank you for that.

Isn't Renee (Sox's mom) just wonderful? I think we are very lucky to have her on the site. She has helped many people like she helped you. She has great words of wisdom.

Again I'm so sorry you lost her. I too would love to see a picture of her.

Thinking of you and Kasha
Lori

[myhrtisbrkn]

Mooses' Mom,

I say you are wonderful yourself, and we are lucky to have you as well.

Kashas Mom,

I hope you are feeling a little better.

Thinking of you all,
Dayna

[AlleysMama]

Kasha's Mom

I just wanted to add my condolences to the others that have already posted here. It has been just over a month since I lost my kitty Alley and it seems my heart will never stop breaking, a little more each day, missing her.

Your story about the dresses made me smile though. I dressed Alley up in little dresses one time to take pictures but unlike your Kasha, Alley Hated it! I only have one of them scanned but I'll try to scan the other two soon and post them. She had to be held in place for the pictures and the look on her face is one of pure disgust! How different some pets are about things like that!

I know there are no words to take away your pain, how I wish...

Just know that we are here for you.

[ryancat]

Stargazer,thank you for sharing that wonderful story about dressing up your baby girl in dresses...it was so cute.And that story about the poo poo fairy,that is just too precious.It's funny how some pets will allow that and others want no part of it.My boy Sox didn't like to dress up.he had a few hats and we would put them on him and laugh non stop at him and he would just give us a look as to say...I hate you both for putting me thur this,I am a gentleman,can't you see I'm wearing a tuxedo for crying outloud! Oh, the memories we have of our beloved babies...It's not fair that you only had her for 3 short years but in that time she knew she was loved so much and you gave her a good home that was safe and warm.She'll be waiting for you at the rainbow bridge. and until then you can come here and talk out your feelings with all of us.I have found this site to be a wonderful place for me to let out my feelings and hopefully I'll help someone else out along the way.Lori,thank you for what you said about me,I feel the same way about you.This site is lucky to have you on it and you always know just the right thing to say to a person who has just lost their beloved animal.Dayna,I can say the same thing about you too,You are so sweet and you always say the nicest things to those who are in pain.Bless your heart...Oh,and I'm sorry you lost your photos of your baby but that's okay.She'll always live in your heart and that's what's important.Why don't you tell us some more about her? We love hearing funny or sweet stories so by all means share them if your up to it.I hope you know that we're all thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.You'll be in my prayers tonight.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

[Stargazer_gold]

You guys are the greatest, I can begin to tell you comforting it is to know there are others out there like me grieving deeply for there lost babies,

Today was a really bad day for me, my 14 terrier/chihuahua mix has had a bit of a cough now for several yrs, well in the last few days it has gotten really bad, so we took her in to the vet, he gave her 3 shots and sent her home with antibiotics, right now he is treating her for kennel cough. He said SHE DOES have a arithmic heatbeat and some fluid in the lungs, and if this treatment doesnt work then we are possibly looking at dejenerative heart disease

My husband also had a few questions about our baby Kasha, which now are haunting me terriably. When we decided to put her to sleep it was because she wasnt improving and rolling constantly. The vet said she had bruised her head and he felt she had a anyrism however thats spelled. So now I am tormented with thoughts that she had worsened,his words over night and when he came in she was in such terriable shape. To think my baby left alone overnight at the vets had suffered needlessay for 15 hours is something that I can't seem to forgive myself for. If only on the second day I had put her to sleep she wouldnt have went thru a night of complete terror and pain.

[Moose Mom]

Dayna

Thank you so much, you are wonderful yourself! It's just so nice to find so many loving compasionate people here. You are all wonders, be proud of yourselves.

Kasha's Mom

You did the very best you could, remember that. Maybe it would have been better another way, but you COULD NOT know it. The best you can, with the information you have at the time, is all anyone, even you, can ask. Whatever you did, you did because you loved her and wanted her here with you.

I'm so sorry about your other baby! What is his name? I'll keep him in my thoughts too.

Love
Lori

[Stargazer_gold]

Lori, my other dogs name is Sissy, so far today she hasnt coughed and the medications seem to be working, what a blessing!

Heres another Kasha story for everyone.

My son had moved in with us briefly after his fathers death and along with him came his dog tabby and THE BONE BOX. The bone box was literally a big plastic shaped bone filled with doggy treats. Well right away Kasha claimed the box as her own. She would lay by it guarding it and wouldnt let the other dogs near it. She would scratch at it when she wanted us to take the lid off so she could have a treat. Once the lid was off she would stick her head and and look side to side intently as if she was counting the treats to make sure the loot wasnt pilaged! Well my sons dog tabby decided to make sport of Kasha, she would sneak up while Kasha was doing her bone counting and take one paw and slap Kasha on the butt to get her going, Kasha would swing around with her girly little growl and charge and tabby would smile and run away. And as soon as Kasha went back to counting yep you guessed it tabby would slap her with her paw again! When my son moved into his own apt he left the bone box for Kasha being she loved it so much.

[Moose Mom]

Kasha's Mom

Oh too sweet for Sissy! Keeping my fingers crossed for her, that she gets all better soon.

Funny story about Kasha and Tabby. It looked like she was counting the treasure, too cute. She sounds like a real one of a kind.

Love
Lori

[ryancat]

Hello,Stargazer,I am glad to hear that little Sissy is starting to feel better.Let's hope it continues and you won't have anything to worry about for awhile.Thanks for sharing that story about the bone box, too too funny! Don't you just love all the crazy things they do? Living with a pet is the best that it can get.I hope you are feeling better and do keep on posting,we love to hear the stories.Sincerely,Renee (sox's mom)

[Stargazer_gold]

why am I having such a hard time accepting that shes gone? My mind knows she's gone and I did the best I could for her but my heart just doesnt want to except the fact that she's really gone for good now.
I don't feel that i'm making any progress in the grieving process. I only wish I could be with her.

[ryancat]

Dear Stargazer,oh,I know just how that feels.......I still miss my boy Sox so much and he's been gone since Oct. 13th.Our home is still so quiet and empty without him even though we have another kitty who's name is Miss Mini. She isn't a replacement for him and she never will be.You are still hurting because you miss your baby.It hasn't been that long since it happened and you have to give yourself some time to grief for her.I know that's so hard and at times you don't feel like you want to go on but you have to.....I hope you know that it will get easier in time.You'll never get used to it,you'll just have to live in a new reality.My thoughts and prayers are with you and you are certainly not alone in your grief.I'm still there with you so I understand how much it hurts.I'm so sorry for your loss.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)