A Month Today Options

[bluemoon]

Its been a month today since my Gizzy left me, and I have to say it has been the hardest month of my life.
Since a week after he left me I have also lost 2 uncles and Aunt. Onother uncle had a bad car accident and had to have is legs amputated. I have spent a month just crying. I havent posted much on here (sorry for that) I have been trying so hard to deal with my grief.
I love my family so much, but I just keep thinking of my Gizzy. He seems to be the one that comes to the front of my mind everytime I cry. I dont mean to say my lost family members mean any less to me, of course they mean a lot, its just my Gizzy was the hardest loss, my innocent baby that would have helped me through this pain. He addored my Aunt, he would have been so happy to see her on the other side. I know they are looking after each other.
I do keep having dreams of my Gizzy, maybe he is coming back to me then. I just wish I could hold him, and feel his little face rubbing mine when I cry. He hated seeing me upset. He would roll over sometimes like a dog we called it "doing tricks for mummy" he would stretch his little legs out and have a fantastic smile on his face, all this I am sure was to make me smile. My god, what I would give right now to see him do that again.
I wake up almost every morning, wishing I hadnt woken up ! I know its not right to think like that, but things are just too much for me. I am being really tested for endurance now.
Its now harder to talk to people about how I feel, I think they think its been a month, you should be ok now..... but Im not !!
I keep making a mistake for which I feel really bad about after, when I talk to my other 3 babies I often find myself in a muddle and call one of them Gizzy, they look at me as if to say "what" poor babies, im so sorry.
It was mothers day here yesterday, my daughter has always got me a card from my babies, Gizzy's name was missing this year, I just cried.
I know I am lucky to have the other 3, but they are just not Gizzy, they dont do the things he did, and I soooo want them to.
I am sorry to go on, I just needed to say something, today is so hard to do.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Ruth xx

[Moose Mom]

Oh Ruth

I know how hard this time is, and it's worse for you with all your loss. My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry about your 3 uncles and your aunt. Of course you're not over it. I'm not sure that ever happens, you will love and miss Gizzy all your life.

It would give me some comfort to think of Gizzy and Auntie together. Just know I'm thinking of you and your loved ones today.

Love

[AlleysMama]

Ruth

These "anniversaries" are so so hard. I'm so sorry for all the loss you have suffered in this past month. Your "human" family losses are just as hard, but I think the rest of us will agree, that there is something different when we lose our fur family members. Especially when you are so close and bonded to them. Not only is it a loss, but it changes your daily routine and life in a way that losing a relative doesn't, if that makes sense. The loss is more obvious and "in your face" so to speak because Gizzy was a part of your life every day in so many ways.

As for being over it, I had someone tell me I should be over losing Alley after a week. Because she was "just a cat". When I heard that, I literally freaked out and slapped this person and needless to say, don't speak to them anymore. You will never "get over" losing Gizzy. In time, it will be easier to manage and you will become accustomed to your new life, without him. Eventually, I'm told, we will be able to look back and remember only the happy times. But you will always miss him and feel sorrow that he's gone. Don't let anyone dictate to you how you should feel. It takes as long as it takes and you do what you need to do, to get through each day.

[Amarna]

Ruth ~~

I know what you are feeling and I'm so sorry. So many things in what you said also hit home to me, too. Your Gizzy sounds like a lovely cat, indeed. My Caesar also would come to me to dry my tears whenever I was upset and he did a marvelous job of it, indeed. Always could depend on him, and I miss him so very much. It's been over three months now, and I'm still missing him, my heart is still breaking over his leaving, and I know I'll never be the same person again. He was the first dog I ever had and he was perfect for me and my family in every way. I also call Ramses, our other dog, by Caesar's name, so very often, as Caesar is always on my mind. Ramses is trying his best, I'm sure, to help me through this, but it's definitely not the same as having my Caesar. He was my dog, and he knew it.
I also lost family members over the years, and nothing has hit me as much as this. Caesar was a part of me, and when I'm feeling like a part of me is gone, (feeling this constantly these days), I'd like to think that that misssing part of me, of who I was, is now with my Caesar in the Summerland. If I felt whole, he would be alone without his mommy. He definitely has a big part of me with him, now.
Take care...*hugs*

[Amarna]

Ruth ~~

Just a post script to the my entry above, about greeting cards from our babies, tell your daughter to include Gizzy's name on future cards, if it helps you to realize that your baby is still with you in spirit. My husband and I continue to include Caesar's name on our greeting cards, both to and from eachother, and also to others outside of the family. How long we'll do this, I don't know. All I know is that it feels right to both of us, our Caesar would approve, and it harms no one. *hugs*

[Mo&Maisie'sMom]

Ruth, I am thinking of you and I know the pain you are in all too well. I am coming up on 8 weeks since my boy died and it is so, so hard. I spent the first 4 weeks following his death crying from gut wrenching pain. Nobody should be expected to be okay after a month. Your grieving process will take as long as it needs to, and you'll always love and miss Gizzy. A huge part of your existence is missing.

Please know that you and Gizzy are in my thoughts..

[bluemoon]

Thanks so much for your support. The day went by ok I guess, lots of private tears. They have to be private NO ONE seems to understand !

I bought a solar angel for the garden in the first 2 weeks of my Gizzy leaving me. My son inlaw upset me at the weekend, he said " what do you want that to light up at night for, dont you think its a bit silly" I went mad, I just blurted out "its for my Gizzy, dont be so uncaring" Not his fault, I guess he just wasnt thinking, but he made me sooo mad ! This is the kind of comments I have to put up with. I really do think that animals are more thoughtfull than people.

Amarna
My daughter wanted to include his name, but she was worried it would upset me. I dont think she was ready for the upset it caused when his name wasnt on the card.. bless her. My children are treading on glass all the time around me. Not knowing what to say or what not to say. To be honest even the most simple things send me running in tears. I hope I start to feel better soon, if only for the sake of my kids.
Ruth xx