Can It Really Be Three Months?, missing my Alley Options

[AlleysMama]

Tomorrow will be three months since Alley crossed the bridge and I'm having a really hard time accepting the reality that my babygirl has really been gone that long and that I will never be able to look into her sweet face again.

She was such the perfect girl for me, truly my soulmate and I miss her so much I can't stand it. I bought a little book so that I can write down all my memories of her in it, so that I never forget one single moment with her but I can't bring myself to start it. It just seems like such a final step. Like my entire life with her will be reduced to just words on a page. We didn't have nearly enough time together and I also grieve for all those times we never got to have, all the memories I won't get to keep because she was taken from me too early.

Knowing too, that her death was in vain, as will be the deaths of all the others who contract the same disease she had. As I wrote in the cytauxzoonosis thread, their research on it is at a standstill. How many more of them have to die before something is done?

I just want my Alley back. I want to pet her soft fur and hear her sweet meow. Just once more.

I miss you baby kitty.

[Amarna]

Alley's Mommy.... It's me.... {{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}} As I'm hurting at this most profound time, I know you are, too...

I'm with you, at this time, Honey. Know that.

(I know you do.)

[danslady]

Alley, please know you are in my thoughts today. I know how painful this is for you. I wish there were words to ease your grief, but only time can do that. I wish you comfort in this difficult time.

Diane

[Simba's Daddy]

I don't don't think we will ever get over the loss of our babies. But it helps to know that they never leave us and are always with us. The part that we miss is the physical stuff. I know Alley visits you and tries to comfort you.

[AlleysMama]

I woke up crying this morning, before I even had a chance to think about today and what today is. I guess my subconcious knew, because there were already tears on my cheeks when I opened my eyes.

How can this be real? I just want my babygirl back with me.

Remember Our Love

I was chosen today
I'm learning to fly
the world took me away,
but please don't you cry

And I chose you today
to try and be strong
so please don't you cry
and don't say that I'm gone

When you're feeling alone
just remember our love,
I'm up near the stars
looking down from above.

Remember our love
In a moment you'll see
that I'm still here beside you
when you're thinking of me.

Julie Epp

[Amarna]

AlleysMama ~~

Thinking of you today, too. Our 13 weeks together. The numbers haunt me. I just turned around and he was gone. It doesn't seem real at all, does it. We just want them back. I don't know how I'm going to face the coming Spring. I hope the snow never melts, because when it does, I'm afraid it's going to be Spring.

I'm thinking of you, too. *hugs* You're not alone.

[Moose Mom]

Alleys Mama

Oh honey I'm just so sorry you are so sad. I know how much it hurts.

Thinking of you

[Tiffany]

Since I'm new here I'm not sure if it helps for me to respond, but I can only imagine that in three months time, I'll still be counting the days. They are such a part of our life and already (after 2 days) people can't understand why my eyes just hurt from crying. So please know I'm thinking about you today and some of my tears are for everyone here!

[AlleysMama]

Thanks everyone.

Its so hard to be here at work and pretend its just a normal day. All I want to do is go home and curl up with Alley's pictures and her little lock of fur and cry. I should have some new pictures soon as her grave has been decorated and her stone painted.

[radgirl]

As you know, I just hit the three month mark myself, so I know how much it hurts...lots of hugs today....

"I bought a little book so that I can write down all my memories of her in it, so that I never forget one single moment with her but I can't bring myself to start it. It just seems like such a final step. Like my entire life with her will be reduced to just words on a page."

I am doing that too, on the computer....it's too painful right now. And the picture album, I am slowly working toward starting that.....

It is so hard to believe that all that is left is stories and pictures of Alley, Misty and so many loved others. I am hoping, that someday I will not feel the pain we all feel now, but can look back and laugh at some of the funny stuff he did without tears but joy.....I just wish I could force myself to do that, but at 3 months that is unrealistic for us all.

Also sad that like you mentioned there is no research to cure animal diseases. Sad that society puts so little value on pets, when such research could save another pet from the problems Alley had, and her life cut short.

We're with you and sending happy thoughts your way....Amy

[Muffins]

Dear (((((((Alleys Mama))))))):

You are in my thoughts and in my prayers......

I KNOW how much it hurts, and how sometimes you just want to crawl back to bed and think of your precious, beautiful girl .

The pain of a broken heart is the worst pain of all !

God Bless You and Yours,

Peace, Love and much comfort,

Denise

[Mo&Maisie'sMom]

I've been gone since early Wednesday and just got a chance to log back on...I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much. I count the days and weeks and have trouble imagining myself at the 3 month mark with MoMo. You are very strong, and you'll get through this day. Hugs for you...

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Paula,

I know today is another anniversary, and that you're hurting so badly words can't describe it. I'm right there with you, even if it's not a 'special' day for me, too. IT JUST HURTS!, I know!

You've taken a baby step in buying that special book, so even if you haven't begun entering those memories yet, that's okay. I'd done that as quick as I could with Sabin (in total desperation!), but haven't done much yet of the same for Nissa, and as you know, it's been double that time for me. So take as much time as it needs to be for you and try not to pressure yourself too much, as I've done with myself! It doesn't serve us well.

I know what you mean, I truly do ~ "reduced to just words on a page". Even IF it's not JUST that, in reality, it feels like it is, doesn't it? It's where we have to be right now, in our heads and hearts. Yes, you were 'robbed', as I felt I was with Sabin. And while I don't think the same with Nissa, since she did make it to a more acceptable age, it still hurts that the memories are just that now. I love and hate that poem that's often used in people's obituaries:
"But I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you." It's so true, so true.

I know it feels to you like Alley's death was in vain, but perhaps you could think of it this way instead. If they were doing research on that illness, it would be being done with healthy cats who don't deserve to be made sick and all the rest that comes with animal research. So perhaps it's a disguised blessing that no one else is dying in order for that research to be done right now? Perhaps, instead, this will wait until things change enough so that they won't use healty animals anymore in order to combat illness. I somehow think Alley, and all the other animals who died from other diseases, would actually prefer this over the other. It's my sincere hope that you can find some ease on that account, from this other perspective.

That poem was as beautiful as your rainbow/angel picture of your dear girl. I don't ever think of them, though, as "up" or that far away in the spirit world, as I believe it parallels our own plane much more closely than that, so it's more like if anything they're 'hovering' mere inches above the very floors we walk on.....so very close, though we can't see them. I'm sure Alley is hearing and feeling your heart's call today, as she does everytime you think of her.

I just wish I could take away yours, and everyone's pain, and replace it with total peace and knowledge of our continuing relationship with them...the how's, why's and wherefore's of it all....so we could truly rest in complete ease, knowing nothing REAL has changed at all. She's still alive, just not visible....remember that communication, and try to 'see' with your heart, not your eyes, if only for a moment....(((((HUGS AND MORE HUGS!))))))

[AlleysMama]

I found a couple more pictures of my darling girl and wanted to share them with you. The first one, she is only about a year old and quite a bit smaller than her adult size. She was a bit of a late bloomer. The second one is another "dress" picture, which as you can tell, she loved! The cat showing at the bottom is her sister Stinky who also had a dress but this one doesn't show her face and I can't find the rest of the pictures

I was hoping to have a dream or a visit from Alley last night, but didn't get it. I just miss her so much.

[Moose Mom]

Alleys Mama

Thank you for the pictures they are great! I love Alley's one little white whisker. She was so beautiful. The one in the dress made me laugh so hard. The look on her little face! She was NOT amused, but she amused me.

Love

[anne]

For me, as well, it has been 3 months since my Jemima has been gone. It doesn't seem like it. You are having some good days, think the pain might be easing up just a little bit then all of a sudden it hits you again full force. Checkers (he just turned 9) still looks for her. That makes it hurt all the more.