New Here...just Lost My Cat Options

[mollysmom07]

I just lost my best friend and baby at 3am suddenly. She had been sick off and on the last year. She was 10 years old. I am absolutely heartbroken. I can't stop crying. I am so glad I stumbled onto this forum. I have a daughter that is 4. She is doing better than I and asks when we are getting a new kittie. I am sorry if I am rambling. I have been up all night and haven't eaten in 24 hours. My Molly saw me through so much and was by my side through my infertility, my grandmother's death, my divorce, 2 major surgeries and the adoption of my daughter. In 2 weeks I am having back surgery and my assurance was knowing that Molly would be by my side in bed and on the couch. What do I do know? How will I get through this surgery without her? I walk through the house and see her everywhere. I hear her and smell her. THis is my first pet of my own. I can't even be strong in front of my daughter. She is the one telling me "it will be ok Mom". I feel so much despair. I didn't see it coming. It hit so fast. She suffered really bad the last 12-16 hours. How do I cope? I have been on the phone to my friends and they have been great. My family have been the pits but they are very dysfunctional. My dad cussed the entire time he dug her grave. I just spoke to her and petted her gently and blocked it out. I am just a mess. Somehow I have to pull myself together and go to school and teach tomorrow. Does anyone have any advice? I have tried to read some posts but they really upset me and I couldn't quit crying. I just want her back so bad. I feel helpless. I am sure it will get better but it doesn't seem that way right now. I hurt too much

Thanks for listening.
Kim

[2boycats]

Molly: I'm new here too. I lost my cat on Sunday at around noon. He wasn't sick (although he was a generally sickly kitty) so it came as something of a surprise. I'm devastated too. His name was Maui and he was 12 years old. He was a black cat and he was, quite literally, my best friend. He saw me through more break-ups than I care to mention; through surgery; through numerous job relocations and stresses. He met me at the door everyday when I came home and he slept with me every night. I have his littermate and I'm trying to keep it together for him but it is HARD. So, to make a long story short, I feel your pain completely.

[Moose Mom]

Kim

I'm so sorry for your loss, Molly was a special baby. It's so hard when they leave when you need them so much.

We lost our cat, Moustache almost 3 months ago. It was very sudden and it still seems like a bad dream. The first 24 hours are the worst. Then the first week. Be gentle with yourself, and take care of yourself. I know it's hard to want to. If you can't eat at least be sure you are drinking enough. If possible, take some time off from work. You should be able to get some sleep soon.

Try to stay away from people who make you feel worse, and talk to friends who understand and help. Try to not think about the last 12-16 hours, when you do, try to find a good memory of Molly. You will cope, put one foot in front of the other, until.

You may not be able to read and respond to post here for a while. Don't beat yourself up, we understand. If you need support we will help all we can.

When someone dies your reality changes. It's hard but all we can do is learn to live in the new reality. I know you can. Your daughter needs you now, try to focus on her. When you can I would love to see a picture of Molly.

Thinking of you and Molly
Lori

[Moose Mom]

2boycats

I'm so sorry you lost your Maui. If you can, and I know it's hard, I would love to hear his story, maybe see his picture? It's just so hard to lose one suddenly, such a shock to the system. He sounds like a special boy.

Thinking of you and Maui (I LOVE that name)
Lori

[mollysmom07]

I am trying to figure out how to post a picture of her. She is a black cat. Olivia and I just laid flowers by her grave. It is a muddy mess because of the rain we had. I hope and pray she isn't wet. I am looking through pictures and now realize that at Christmas she didn't look well. But then I complained at her for trying to climb the tree and took her down more times then I want to count. Now I feel guilty. I took her water and food bowl away. Now that sits empty. I pitched the litterbox. I just fear getting through my surgery that first two weeks and being without her. When do the tears lessen? I would love to take tomorrow off but my boss is a witch and I have already taken off quite a bit with my back so that won't fly. I thought about going in and if my daughter isn't well then coming home. I just feel so empty on the inside. I want the pain to go away. Now I feel the guilt like I didn't do enough. I am also doing nothing for my daughter today and pretty much leaving her alone and that makes me feel guilty. Having this group that I didn't know existed makes me feel better. Now if the tears will just lessen this week.

I am so sorry for Maui. I know what you are going through. Since he was black I bet he looks just like my Molly.

Thanks again. I hope our pain lessens. I didn't know my heart would break this much.

Kim

[julzappacat]

Kim,

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through but I would also like to thank you - it helps me to hear from someone going through the same thing that I am. I lost my cat recently as well and I find myself saying many of the same things you are, like "I didn't know my heart would break this much" and it truly is hearbreaking to lose a pet.

It sounds like you are finding the support you need and hopefully that is what will help you through it. Many people have told me that I just have to give myself some time, but it's hard to see that happening when I just feel so sad all the time.

If you would like to hear the story of what happened to my cat Zappa, you could read my post ent*itled "My zappy is gone". I hope I can help you as you have helped me.

Jules

[ryancat]

Kim,I am so sorry for all that you are going thur.My heart goes out to you.You are certainly not alone in your feelings.All of us here on this site know what it's like to lose a beloved pet.It hurts more than words can say.Lori said it right that when you experience a death your reality has to change.That is not an easy thing to do.For the sake of your daughter please try to take care of yourself.Try to eat something and if you can't then at least drink lots of water.The first few days are the toughest but you never really get used to it.You just learn to live with it.I would love to see a picture of your baby too when you feel up to it.As for your family not being supportive then forget about them for awhile.Take care of you and your daughter.If your a teacher couldn't you use some of your sick days to call in tomorrow?As for your surgery ask a friend to come and stay at your house with you for awhile if you can so you don't have loads of time to sit and think about your baby being gone.And for your guilt,please,please,please let go of it...it won't help you a bit to feel guilty.You did everything you possibly could for your baby but it was just her time.Take comfort in knowing that she's no longer in pain and that you will see her again some day.I hope by knowing that there are other people in the world who are feeling the same kind of hurt that you do that it makes it alittle bit easier to manage.We care and we understand what your going thur.Please come back as often as you need to.We'll be here and together we will get thur this most awful time.My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

[mollysmom07]

I wrote a nice long blog and attached a picture and it didn't go through and I lost it. Being sleep deprived I forgot what I wrote but I am sure it is a repeat. I did have my first shower without Molly sitting and waiting for me. That was a killer. I also had my first "nervous breakdown". I sobbed and cried til I puked. Olivia came in and told me it was ok and that Molly was with God in heaven. This came from a little girl that just turned 4. A good friend called and said that after my first few days she will bring Olivia here and spend the night so I won't be lonely. I keep looking at every corner she laid in yesterday and see her. I saw Olivia's black leotard on the floor and thought it was her. I wish the tears and sobbing would stop. I wish I was stronger for my daughter.

For those of you just experiencing loss, I am so sorry. Your pets are so precious to see. We will get through this. I hope you all can keep me strong. I have to for my daughter.


I have tried to post pictures but it won't let me. I don't know what I am doing wrong. She is black with beautiful green eyes.

Kim

[KatSpirit]

I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and am so very sorry for your loss. I can truly feel the heartbreak over the loss of your precious Molly. This forum has been a godsend for me and I'm glad you found it too. I am really sorry about how your dad treated you when you so desperately needed a hug and understanding. I'm sorry you have to feel the guilt on top of everything else-it's like a double blow. Your baby KNOWS how much you loved her and that you did do everything you could. I know what you mean about having to go back to work and trying to get through the day. Somehow I did-I think I just was numb and merely went through the motions of my job and would do my falling apart at night. Even though it's been 10 weeks since I lost my T.C. that emptiness is still within. I would love to see a picture of Molly when you can get one posted. I had trouble at first too-I tried to post a picture several times as a bitmap and it wouldn't work-then when I tried it as a jpeg it finally worked. Take care and you and Molly will be in my thoughts-Kathi

[ryancat]

Kim,have you tried using a web service to upload your photo? I got advice here and was told to go to photobucket.com and set up an account (it's free and very easy to use) Then after I uploaded my photos into an album it was fairly easy to attach it and use it as my avatar photo.Hope that helps you out.Can anyone else offer Kim any advice on uploading a photo? I'm not the smartest gal when it comes to using the computer.Hopefully someone else can offer more advice.I would like to see your baby too.Take care,my friend. Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

[vizsla-angel]

Mollysmom, and 2boycats & JulzappaCat too,

I want to let you all know how sorry I am for your losses. I had to put down my Copper boy on New Year's Eve after we learned that the tumor that was removed along with his spleen a few days before Christmas was cancerous.

The past few days have been pretty tough, so please excuse me for covering you all with a "blanket condolence". I do try to address everyone personally, but I'm just not up to it. It's hard to try to offer words of comfort when there just are no words to comfort me. All I can really say right now is that I know how much it hurts and I promise it won't be this gut-wretching forever. Do the best you can to avoid people who are jackazzez about your feelings. If you can't bear to read other people's stories, just post your feelings here. Some of the other stories are very tragic. But I've also seen some of them take some twists and some really funny stories start coming out.

Zappa is quite the handsome boy, so don't get me wrong. We all do think he is quite the looker! There are two "tuxedo" cat moms here also. But for some reason, there are quite a few moms of black cats including me. We look forward to seeing your photos of Maui & Molly.

Love
V

PS: My theory is there is a conspiracy behind posting stuff. I think it's supposed to make us have to focus really hard to pull us out of our grief. Some sort of pseudoscience nonsense! Usually I have no problem posting photos.
Step by step:
1. type message
2. put cursor in box down by file attachments
3. don't type in photo name - click "browse"
4. window pops up with all the files on your computer
5. find name of photo you want to post and click on it ONCE so it's highlighted
6. click the "OPEN" button on THAT window
7. click "ADD REPLY"
*******For some reason, every time I try to preview a post with a photo in it, I lose the photo. Maybe that's what's going on.
If all else fails, post your problem in the Tech Support Forum. Something might be wrong with the pseudoscience.

[lynda]

Dear Kim.
The things you are feeling are as normal and natural as anything could be. Someone dear to you, who was part of you, has passed away. This tears the heart right out of a person. We understand what a loss this is to you, although unfortunately there are plenty of people out there who do not understand. I want you to know that I have been where you are, and it is excruciating pain, made worse by people who seem cold and heartless about it. Made worse by every tiny little memory of times when you did not do what you would have done if you'd known this was coming so soon. Please try to put both of those out of your mind, they won't help you. Those people are not worth thinking about right now, and as for the guilt-thoughts, I don't think there is anyone alive who doesn't regret some little thing or another. You loved your baby and cared for her, and she knew that. Keep in mind that your task now is to care for yourself, and you can do it, if only in little steps at a time. We are here for you. We've all been there.

Oh, Kim, the words you write, I could have written them myself...crying so hard, seeing the reminders, not being able to eat or drink. I'm sorry, Kim. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I feel you are going in the right direction, wanting to keep Molly's memory alive in your treasured photos. Remember that thinking about doing this may be easier emotionally than doing it. I've been taking a lot of computer courses, so I know how to do this but I have been having a hard time posting because of the emotions involved. But it has done me a lot of good. Saturday was when I was able to scan some of my film photos...lots and lots of tears later I got them onto the site, and it has been well worth doing because I have shared my precious keepsakes with so many who appreciate them. This site has been a Godsend for me. Please know how welcome you are here and how much we are all supporting you.

lynda

[mollysmom07]

Good morning to all,

Well, I did get some sleep from exhaustion. Olivia slept right by my side. This is technically my first morning without Molly. I get up this morning and usually Molly is right in the hall waiting for me. The tears start. THen I feed her and she talks, talks and talks to me. That one killed me in the kitchen. So I am bawling. I talk to her picture for awhile. Sleeping was much better then being awake. I did force myself to eat a little. I hope my 5th grade class cuts me some slack today. They are really good so they should. The sad part will be the tons of cards my girls will make me today. I will cry again. They are the sweetest. I will probably eat with them as to not be alone.

I can't thank all of you enough for YOUR stories and support. You have NO idea how much this helps me. I would totally lost right now. I am trying hard to focus on my daughter and let go of my guilt. Molly was totally spoiled and I hope she knew that. She was a butterball and I treated her like a human. Heck, I even caught Olivia putting eyeshadow and glitter makeup on her. Now that is laidback!

Thank you again for listening to me. You all are the best.

I will work on the picture. That would really help me.
Kim

[AlleysMama]

Kim

I'm so sorry about your Molly. I know that there are no words to take away your pain, but I do want you to know that we are here for you. It has been just over a month since I lost my Alley and I still cry myself to sleep every night thinking of her.

It will never stop hurting, but it will become more "manageable". I can function at work now, I can watch a movie, I can cook and eat dinner. You will be able to do these things soon as well. It is the quiet times, where there are no distractions, such as going to bed, that it will creep up on you.

I treasure my pictures of Alley and would love to see your Molly when you can get the pictures to upload.

Paula

[mollysmom07]

I got a picture of Molly in my avatar!! As I was figuring it out the dining room chair creaked just like it did when Molly was in it. She is still here with me. Of course, I was crying. Olivia and I went after school and got a headstone from PetsMart. Yes, I was nuts to go in there. Then I got a little memorial Demedko figurine saying comfort of a woman holding a cat.

My great set of girls got me through the day. I still cried in front of my class a handful of times. One was when a girl wrote me a letter saying Molly will always be with me in my heart just like my class will be because I will always be like their mom.

Olivia was really upset this morning when she woke up and realized Molly is really gone. She is worse today.

I am feeling so much guilt today and worrying about her body being in this cold weather. My dad used such harsh language and it is haunting me. I know her soul is in heaven and my heart but I just want to go get her and bring her in and hold her.

Today I have been thinking of all the good times we had. Oh, we used to play we be so silly. She tolerated Olivia so much. I just wish this last week I loved on her even more. Maybe she was distancing herself for a reason. I knew this would be hard but had no idea how hard it would be. No matter what anyone says, it is losing a child. I just didn't know the grief would be so overwelming to where I couldn't eat or do much of anything. My house is a wreck. I can't imagine being like this for a month. I still can't imagine my surgery. I am so scared to be without her.

Thank you again for your support. A friend today said, she was a pet, get over it. Ok.... Everyone else has been wonderful. But you all are my pillar of strength. I am at the weakest I have ever been. That includes my adoption. I didn't think anything would ever top that!

Kim

[AlleysMama]

Kim

One thing I can say is that if you feel like crying, then cry! Anytime. Anywhere. I tried so hard to hold it in when Alley died and it just made it worse. Molly was your girl and she is worth every tear. As for your dad, and your rude friend, just ignore them. They don't matter right now.

My stepdad wasn't happy about having to dig a grave in the frozen ground for Alley and I guess I can be thankful I wasn't there to hear what he had to say. He already used the words "just a cat" and I could choke him for that. Alley was never just a cat and I know you feel the same about your Molly.

She is so beautiful in your avatar. I've always loved black cats best. I hope she has found Alley wherever they are. The headstone and memorial figure sound wonderful. I'm still waiting to receive my pictures of Alley's grave

I would love to see more pictures and hear more about Molly when you are ready.

[vizsla-angel]

Great job on the avatar. Molly is BEAUTIFUL!!!!

A friend today said, she was a pet, get over it.

Where do you live? Would you like me to come over and slap these people?

My Copper is buried in the backyard too. I don't think of him as being cold. Copper isn't out there. All that's out there is the shell that held him. And you know the same is true for Molly, you even said so yourself. Molly's sitting on the dining room chair. Maybe a stuffed kitty or teddy bear to hold at cuddle will help get you through. Hold Olivia, she needs it too.

I've loved and lost so many furbabies in my lifetime. Dogs, cats, hamsters and birds. I even had a special fish that I mourned for a few days. Some have been more gut-wretching are horrible than others, I'm not exactly sure why. Copper is definately in the top 3. I must say the worst period of mourning I've ever had was when my Dad passed 3 years ago, three dogs and two cats come in next before any people. Could it be that mourning relates to the amount of loss that we feel in our lives when the loved one is gone? I haven't lost any people closer to me than those animals other than my Dad.

I promise you'll get through this. Hang in there.
Love,
V

Do not stand at my grave and weep:
I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the softly falling snow,
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the field of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,
I am in the grateful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom.
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing.
I am in each lovely thing.

So do not stand by my grave and cry.
I am not there.
I did not die.

[Moose Mom]

Kim

Oh your Molly was so beautiful! Congrats on getting the avatar up, it can be a challenge when you feel so bad. Thanks for letting us see her.

Honey her body is in the ground, but she isn't. She isn't wet or cold, she is happy. Her soul is filling the universe. Go outside tonight and pick a star, that is her now. Forget whatever your dad said, she didn't hear it, she was listening to your love.

It is losing a child. The only difference I can see at all is that you expect your child to outlive you, but you know you will have to see your kitty daughter through her death.

Guilt is part of grief, I try to feel it then let it go. Don't live there. Give Olivia lots of love now, she is so young to learn that things die.

Love
Lori