A Blessing...and A Problem, She just doesnt like him. Options

[Distant_Shorelin...]

I've got a problem with our two kitty cats. Lillie is the sweetest cat at 10 months and isnt very large, and Steeler is four months old (thats what the vet just told us) and is very small as well. The thing is:

1. Lillie is missing Chubbers something awful
2. Steeler has abandoment issues, I believe, and is very skittish from being left on the side of the road and who knows what the poor thing went thru and the effects of that are apparent. For example, he'll always look over his shoulder and all around him when eating to make sure no one's going to take away his food.
3. I think Lillie thinks we gave Chub Chubs away for this kitten
4. Steeler hides as soon as anyone except my brother comes near him; even with me, it takes some coaxing to get him to come out. But when I hold him, he's fine.

We'll put them in a room together, and Steeler wont mind. It's actually quite sad; he'll look hopefully at Lillie and she'll start hissing and growling. I dont think she'd ever attack him but she's clearly telling him "I dont like you, back off!" nonetheless. Then, when I take Lillie out of the room, she'll start crying in my arms and curl up on my lap and becomes depressed.

I tried to get them familiar with one another's scents with the whole sock-passing-around thing, and talking soothingly to Steeler and trying to comfort him, comforting Lillie and nothing is working. Lillie's the sweetest thing except when she's around that cat. The only break was when we brought Steeler down here to the living room, and Lillie reduced to growling a little bit.

It was a sight to behold though when we saw Steeler playing out in the middle of the floor for the first time, undaunted. He had just met our three year old border collie mix, Shadow, and the two got along quite well, nuzzling and licking each other's faces. I think he finally knew he had friends. I just wish him and Lillie could get along...any tips???

[SRCT]

I've had similar problems with my kitties. I had a pair of littermates.
Winston (the gray one) escaped and got hit by a car at 15 months
of age, leaving Crumpet (the orange) hearbroken. Three weeks
later we took in an abandoned kitten found by the side of the
road. We didn't expect them to like each other right off, but they
got along really badly.

Most importantly, I guess, it takes a lot of time for two cats to
become comfortable with each other. We tried keeping
ours separate and various other tricks with no real success.
Once the kitten was a little older and we were sure nobody
was going to get seriously hurt we just let them work it
out for themselves. Maybe six weeks later they were sleeping
within a foot of eachother. I don't mean that they were best
friends, but that they were willing to accept each other.
Unfortunately, they were separated for about a week when
the kitten got fixed, and now Crumpet is relatively hostile
again. They're having a growling argument as I write
this.

It is really hard to have to deal with hostile cat politics on top
of grief. It can be confusing for both the people involved
and the cats. I'm sure Lillie misses Chub Chubs and is
hostile to Steeler, but I doubt she blames you for the swap,
especially since there are other animals in the house.
Try to lavish extra attention on her if she's open to it. It
will help with both the grief and the hard feelings.

Our kitten is a big dominant boy who likes to romp, and Crumpet
is a smallish, quiet lady who likes to be left alone. The kitten
bullies her to no end. The addition of the kitten changed Crumpet's
personality. She doesn't get to play as much, she isn't as friendly,
and she always looks harried. But if we try putting them in
different parts of the house, she'll usually follow him, and
I think once the kitten grows up she'll be glad for his company.

Your situation sounds a little different, as your kitten sounds
timid. That will, I think, make it easier for Lillie to accept him.
One trick that worked fairly well was giving them a little
canned cat food (a treat) in the same room. It got them in
the same room in a relatively non-hostile way,
and helped them associate something good with being
together. You start by having them at opposite ends
of the room, then move them closer together if they
seem OK. Essentially, though, you just need to accept
that it is likely to take a lot of time and patience before
they're happy together. Hang in there.

Best wishes,
Sarah

[LS Support]

Most importantly, I guess, it takes a lot of time for two cats to
become comfortable with each other.

yes, it sure does. especially with a male/new female. sounds like you did the right thing with the pre-introduction. i would give it time, show both of them lots of attention and reprimand as necessary. sometimes a little catnip party can get them more loving, i have found

[gillian]

I think all cats are the same. Our 4-year-old cat, Sasha, who we've had since she was only 8-months-old, hates our new kitten, Darcey. We've had Darcey since she was only 7-weeks-old, and even though she's now 4-months-old, Sasha still hisses, spits, and growls at the poor little kitten, who really just wants to be friends. There is a slow, progressive improvement; for example the two sniffed each other's noses yesterday, before Sasha hissed and then attacked Darcey, but they'd never so much as touched each other before, so it's improvement! I don't think they'll ever be friends, but if they at least tolerate each other, then I'm happy!

[Chaos, my little...]

I too am having problems. I have adopted a 2 year old Siamese boy (Zen), and he is the friendliest guy. But Katie is my 13 year old tortie and she is still missing Chaos (he was Siamese too). Sometimes I think she mistakes Zen for Chaos, and when she goes to lay next to him (which perks him up), she does so, then sniffs the air, turns around, looks to see who it REALLY is next to her, then the hissing and spitting begins. His feelings are always hurt when she does this. It's been 10 days or so, and I didn't do a proper introduction for the two (I had Chaos and Katie for so long, and she was a kitten when I got her to keep Chaos company), so I had no idea that I should have kept them separated for a few days.

At this point she has him very frightened (he's about 13 lbs, she's 6 lbs). He still wants to be friends, but will avoid her if he can.

Slowly, she has started to come around, but oh so slowly. She will now sleep a few feet from him, and eats next to him with few problems. So I'm hopeful. Just remain patient, and use the catnip, ALOT!!!

Much Love,

Jenn (Chaos' Mom)