Longing For Him Options

[jenn]

I've always wondered when I'd find another little sign that Freeway used to live here... Its seemed as though his presence has slowly faded away.. his fur is all gone... his smell... His stuff all put away... Then today, I moved our bar fridge into my bedroom... And underneath it was a piece of a bone... He used to leave little pieces everywhere... I know it was a bone he had not too long before his death, because I changed the brand I fed him when he got sick for easier digestion. I wonder how long he tried to get that piece before he gave up and decided it was lost under the fridge... I wonder if perhaps it's a little sign to me that his presence is still here, just not in physical form.

I moved his spot today as well. The table with his urn and all his favorite things used to sit where the fridge now is. Now, he is right beside me as I type. I felt funny moving him... I felt like I was disturbing him... I imagined as I dusted his urn that he was getting upset with me, as he would have in life if I bothered him.. He hated baths, hated being brushed.. just liked to be left alone, he didn't mind being dirty or having matted fur. Eventually, I learned to keep his fur good and short... he was more comfortable this way, and his fur was easier to take care of...

Oh, how I long for my baby right now!!! My broken heart has not had any time to heal, my soul still searches for him, my body still longs to feel him near me... I stay so busy and try to act so strong, but I am now a shattered soul. Part of me is gone and I can't ever replace it.

Thank you to all who read.. I merely needed an outlet... I must now take my teary eyes and get back to work... But first, I will add the piece of the bone to the one I found 2 days after he died... No other canine will ever feast upon them. They are forever his.

[Leonpup]

It is so difficult. My love of my life just left me a little over a week ago. I'm not at all sur eof how to deal with the pain. You sound like you had the kind of relationship with your little one as I had with Leon. The missing is terrible. I have a hard time finding meaning in things now- especially now that it is the holidays. I miss him so much. I hope that our favorite furry ones are playing together- Do you think they might be? It is all I have that gives me a brief moment of peace.

I'm so sorry for your loss...

-Rebecca

[jenn]

Rebecca,
I imagine that all our pets are playing together.. Happy and now free of pain... I know they are in a better place, I've felt some peace about it, especially considering how terribly ill Freeway was... It never could get rid of the horrible longing though.. I too am having a horrific time dealing with the holidays.. I can't wait until they are over..

Hang in there.. the first few months are indeed the most difficult... then the mind numbing pain seems to lift a bit, and you're left with the occasional breakdown... I'm down to twice a week or so now...

I am getting a tattoo to forever commerate my boys memory... a small pawprint with his name above it... I hope that when it's finished, just above my heart, it will remain as a constant reminder that he is still with me.. forever embedded into my heart and soul.

[Leonpup]

Jen- That is a great idea... I am obsessed with trying to figure out how I can be close to Leon- when he isn't here physically. I am thinking of having a picture of him turned into a painting or a drawing. My husband and I just went to have our Christmas cards made- they are a beautiful photo of Leon ripping into a gift on his first Christmas. That was my first step in trying to get through the holidays.

-Rebecca

[dougsmom]

I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, I do think all of our dogs are playing together, happy and peaceful. Knowing that my sweetie Doug is right here, in spirit, helps me, but I miss the hugs and the licks and the playing together.

I was thinking last night of getting a tattoo, too! I wasn't sure where to put it. I was thinking on my ankle, since that's where he was all the time- he was a little guy, a French Bulldog. But I carried him a lot, I don't know.

Anyway, I am thinking of you and Freeway, I love that he left a bone there! It's a sign from him, I think. He loves you so much. It's so funny that he didn't care if his hair was matted! A little Rasta dog! hee hee

Take care and don't work too hard!

-Dougsmom