Animal Communicators, The Guilt Goes On Options

[Furkidlets' Mom]

It's been awhile since I've posted again, and many of you don't know me very well anyway yet, but I had to write again, of my fears, disappointment and unrelieved guilt.

Yesterday I read the posts on ADC's here and was so touched and relieved to find some really wonderful signs from other kidlets who'd passed. My own furboy (Sabin, a cat) has, I'm still convinced, sent me some remarkable ones over the 5 long years since his own transition back to spirit and they've served to increase my faith that there's continuing life. He was also the being responsible for showing me time after time that telepathy, and the concept of our existence not being dependant on a body, was real and not just a pipe dream. However, his dying was, near the end, hard and traumatic-looking, and for many reasons I won't go into yet here, I let him go on his own....and have suffered mightily for my decisions all these years. Bottm line....I can't ever take it back and do it over, so the guilt has been hanging on, unresolved.

I'd had 2 communications done through 2 different animal communicators after he passed and while both said there's nothing TO forgive, one included the statement,"This cat says he didn't like the way he died." While this could be interpreted in different ways, at the time, I was so traumatized I didn't pursue it far enough to get more answers. I was FAR too upset. So, over 5 yrs later, I decided to try another one to see if I could put this to rest. (the communicator I trust the most is, unfortunately, out of commission this year with an injury) While this new one gave me long descriptions of thoughts, feelings and events, I still wasn't convinced she was getting it all right, even though is did sound alot like MY guy coming through. At the end of the session, he asked if he could come to me in a dream last night, to further communicate with me. Well, YAH!!!, of COURSE!! My husband took extra measures for me, so as not to disturb my early morning dreams (I always have them, and most often remember these ones).....but although I was dreaming, I don't remember ANYTHING about my boy being in any of them. My spirit is absolutely CRUSHED. I had thought this would be confirmation that the communication was, indeed, real, even if I'd had doubts. While I'd felt a little relief, (based on the answers, yesterday) today I'm right back into the burden of guilt, feeling totally miserable again, and even worse after having spent money on something that has only made things more difficult. If that was my 'Boo-Boo' ( one of dozens of nicknames), I can't believe he would have failed me like this.

I've always believed in communicators' abilities, as these metaphysical things have even happened to me in smaller ways, but finding one you can really trust is a battle and some of them charge such high prices. Unless you have a strong recommendation from someone you know, it's very hard to decide if the price will be worth it. That aside, I'm just feeling SO BAD now, I can hardly think of the words to describe it...and that's not like me at all! I waited all these years, to see if I could resolve this guilt another way, and now I feel duped on top of it. Why didn't he COME to me?!?! Am I meant to feel this way forever because I DID do so wrong by him? It's the worst guilt I've ever felt about anything, anyone, in my entire life, and of course it leads to feelings of self-hate, which is not good for anyone. This was my big chance and I truly thought if I was meant to stop suffering, Sabin would find a way to make that happen! That's how much I believed in, at least HIS abilities. Now it feels more like a sign that he, too, thinks I should continue to suffer, for what I didn't do for him. Welcome back to this heck we call earth.

[margo]

I suspect that what really happened was that this so-called "psychic" is a fake. She probably hoped that if she talked about your having a dream involving your cat, your subconscious would obligingly produce such a dream. Just because that didn't happen, is no reason for you to pile guilt on yourself. Of course your beloved cat doesn't want you to suffer.

I'm not saying that all psychics are fake or that there is nothing after death. I have heard of people having near death experiences and seeing their beloved animals. These experiences sound credible. I'm just saying be careful because there are predators out there who are out to profit from the grief of people like us.

Next time you consult a psychic, why not test her in some way, perhaps by asking a question you already know the answer to.

[Patti]

I was going to send this as a private message but decided to post it instead.

I've had a lot of experience with animal communicators over the past five years and found one near Chicago who is very good and doesn't cost an arm and a leg. She studied under Penelope Smith. I've read the books and taken the classes and can do it to a certain degree, but I like to use a pro for the really big problems or questions.

Anyone who would tell a client, "This cat says he didn't like the way he died" is out of line and the fact that you lived with it for five years shows how powerful and negative the words really were. I've also never heard of an animal holding a grudge or willfully hurting his/her person from beyond the grave. (If they were love personified in life, why would they become vindictive and evil in the spirit world?)

The website for the International Alliance for Animal Therapy and Healing states the following:

"A good animal communicator will not ask you for much information besides the animal's name, species and perhaps where it lives. They will want to know if there are any specific questions you want to know about the animal. The "name" of the animal acts as a "tag" or "locator" for the animal consciousness. This process can be done in person or at a distance, as consciousness is not restricted to time and space. The information received from the animal communicator about the animal may come in the form of 'clairvoyant' (pictures), clair-audio (words), or clair-sentient (feelings) depending upon the communicator's expertise and ability. Good animal communicators should be able to interpret information and feelings in more than one way and information should be able to be validated."

Speaking with an animal in spirit (i.e., one that has passed) is different than speaking with one who still has a physical body. I've yet to have a professional communication with my Neko, but it's my understanding that you (the parent) have to be in contemplation, meditation, prayer for 15-20 minutes before the communication with spirit is started. Not all communicators do this type of work either. There's also the hypothetical problem to be faced in waiting too long to communicate because the animal you knew and loved as "Joe" reincarnated and is now known as "Cindy."

I empathize with your desire for closure, but I think you're being way too hard on yourself. You're looking for answers in black and white and you're beating youself black and blue instead. Just because you don't recall Boo Boo in a dream doesn't necessarily mean "he" wasn't there. Do you know what I mean? It's like people who pray with a shopping list of things they want and then get mad because god doesn't grant their every wish. Perhaps their prayers were answered in other ways only they can't see them for what they are.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

She probably hoped that if she talked about your having a dream involving your cat, your subconscious would obligingly produce such a dream.

Next time you consult a psychic, why not test her in some way, perhaps by asking a question you already know the answer to.

Margo,
Thanks for your caring response to my dilemma. I had actually thought of what you suggested about the dream- thing, but it was supposed to be my boy who mentioned it, so because I honestly hoped that his 'powers' could supercede even a not-so-good communicator's, that this request actually might have come from him, as I was told. Naive, maybe, but he's almost always come to me somehow when I'm really distraught over something about him, so I was still hoping.... In any case, I prayed last night for him, and only him, to visit me in a dream, figuring especially if this woman was no good, or an imposter, he'd hear me and help out...but still nothing. I know we can't always get exactly what we want in the form of signs, but as I said, he's normally obliged me in this way, so now I don't know what to think.

As for testing, I was doing some of that, always do, by phrasing my questions so that the communicator won't know what I'm really referring to. This was where I thought this woman missed the target, but the problem is, most won't refund your money ( one well-known one did once for my furGIRL's reading ) once you're paid it upfront, some might offer to redo the reading but it's also hard to 'prove' it isn't your animal unless there's something blatantly wrong with an answer....so you're stuck regardless! I really didn't think this particular woman would be a fake, as she has a very extensive website that addresses a TON of grief issues around losing animals, plus a huge list of other resources, some of which I've never seen listed anywhere else ( this site is on there, too ) and because I tend to be so skeptical when first testing things, I ended up thinking I'd been guided there as well. Gad, it's just so depressing. I suppose at the very least, I can tell her, upon reflection, what I thought of the reading, and see if she's willing to do anything about it, but I'm not very hopeful NOW. There are just too many conflicting theories out there - some say animals are too pure to hold grudges, yet I've seen it with my own eyes on earth, and even with my beloved Sabin (there were certain cats he just detested!), so after that horrid comment through the other communicator (though I realize she wasn't too bright or ethical, and should have clarified some things first with him before letting loose with it ), it did make me wonder if he might not have forgiven me yet (this was fairly soon after he passed), but might later on. After all, I'd taken superlative care of him his whole ( 13 yrs, but too short ) life (this according to even the most ardent animal lovers, not me cuz nothing could be good enough for my kidlets! ) ....yet failed him in a big way in the final hours when he needed the absolute best, the most perfect care I could muster, and that was my last chance to do that 'best care' for him. The way I see it, good intentions aren't enough.

This woman also seemed so kind that I'm really aghast that she could try to dupe someone like that. From her writings on her site, I can't even imagine how someone could come up with such loving stuff if they were so bogus - half the stuff probably wouldn't even OCCUR to someone who didn't think so highly about animals. I remain totally confused and shaken over this, but send blessings to you for caring enough to sit down and try to help!

[Furkidlets' Mom]

She studied under Penelope Smith. I've read the books and taken the classes and can do it to a certain degree, but I like to use a pro for the really big problems or questions.

Anyone who would tell a client, "This cat says he didn't like the way he died" is out of line and the fact that you lived with it for five years shows how powerful and negative the words really were. I've also never heard of an animal holding a grudge or willfully hurting his/her person from beyond the grave.
The website for the International Alliance for Animal Therapy and Healing states the following:

"A good animal communicator will not ask you for much information besides the animal's name, species and perhaps where it lives. They will want to know if there are any specific questions you want to know about the animal. Good animal communicators should be able to interpret information and feelings in more than one way and information should be able to be validated."
but it's my understanding that you (the parent) have to be in contemplation, meditation, prayer for 15-20 minutes before the communication with spirit is started. Not all communicators do this type of work either. There's also the hypothetical problem to be faced in waiting too long to communicate because the animal you knew and loved as "Joe" reincarnated and is now known as "Cindy."

You're looking for answers in black and white and you're beating youself black and blue instead. Perhaps their prayers were answered in other ways only they can't see them for what they are.

Patti,
I'm very glad you posted to my problem, as it sounds like you know quite a bit about the communication thing. I had used one of Penelope's 'star pupils' a few years ago, for my furGIRL, after Sabin passed, and she was the lone one who refunded my money because it was obviously ( in a few blatant ways ) NOT my girl she connected to. However, that didn't help me get the answers I needed, which is the basic problem. I took one wknd workshop, too, from someone who'd taken Penelope's class, but don't consider myself good enough to handle my own stuff, which is common among many communicators - too much personal emotions involved to cloud the reading.

Yes, I thought the comment was out of line, too, but the thing is, this woman is really not that bright in many ways, yet she's been BANG ON with much information ( like coming up with details before I even asked the question ) and I never give her any leading information at all beforehand. It's like she's very good at being a medium, but she doesn't have any formal ethics or counselling training because she's one of those who was just born with the skill....so she's likely to make such mistakes in relaying information. She also, unlike many of them, doesn't believe it's her place to deny telling a client about any 'bad' news because she sees it as disempowering to the client and somewhat underhanded to withhold anything she gets told to pass on. My dilemma is that after that 'unedited', unclarified comment, I don't have the fortitude to hire her again for this purpose, so I had to look elsewhere. (you can read my response to Margo for more details on that ) And, as I mentioned there, Sabin held grudges in his earthly life (although never against his family) and could get very angry at other neighbourhood cats, even if they'd only done ONE, little thing wrong ONCE! Some say some of the 'earthly' personality is retained in the other realms, some say it isn't. Since I don't know for certain, it can be very confusing to decide what's the truth.

Thank you for naming that website - I'll be checking it out as I hadn't heard of it before. As a matter of course, I DO have a list of questions I want answered (if the animal is willing ) and don't normally give out too much if any info. beforehand. However, upon reflection, I realize this particular woman DID ask a couple of questions that I shouldn't have answered during the reading. Most good ones tell you upfront that they don't WANT you to tell them anything...but that still doesn't mean they end up being 'good', or very helpful in getting answers. It's really hard to judge without just trying them. But who's got a whack of cash to try a bunch just to weed the lesser ones out? For validating things, I've found it's not always that black and white, as you may get a part that seems on the mark, but not the whole thing, for example. For the meditation before, I've found most do this (or say they do) themselves before sessions, but may or may not ask the client to do the same. I think it may have something to do with how good/experienced they are. In any case, I usually try to get at least a bit quieter and often have pictures in front of me to focus on, etc. This woman even said a 2 minute-long prayer before beginning, which sounded ad-libbed and was very moving. For reincarnating, my favourite communicator (the one who's injured) had discovered in later years, she could connect regardless, because as she said, the SOUL is the same and most animals seemed to be able to realize on that level that they'd been here before, even while in a new body! So she stopped imposing that as a restriction on her work. (she also partly trained under Penelope's pupil)

Like I said, I KNOW Sabin had visited us, especially in the first few wks after his passing, and I guess he wouldn't do that if he was unforgiving of me (some signs were personal to OUR relationship), but even that hasn't stopped the guilty feelings, nor the images of that last evening and morning. I don't know WHY I need to 'hear' him say it (again), but nothing else I've tried has worked, and believe me, I've tried over the years to talk myself out of the guilt...it just hasn't worked at all. What my intellect knows, my heart is ignoring. I AM beating myself up (I'm supposedly REAL good at THAT!) but don't know how to stop.

[Pat]

maybe he didn't like the way he died because he knew how hurt you would be. He doesn't sound like he would want you to feel this way. Pat

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Pat,
My goodness! My head is actually reeling from your concise, unique perspective on that comment! That's not an angle I'd ever thought of! (if nothing else, it shows one how guilt keeps your perspective stuck in one position!) Now I'll have to dig out that old tape of the reading and see if, in context, that fits with your theory. I can't say yet whether I'll come around to agreeing with it, but I have a smidge of hope now! In this latest communication, that kind of idea was rather predominant in the reading, so maybe you're right. THANK-YOU, Pat. I'll investigate this further! (and I'm so sorry for your loss of Max so recently - may the angels be with you to support and comfort you....and keep you so wise!)

[SJ J & S]

As hard as it may be you have to forgive yourself for the healing to begin.

I have been there the unbearable guilt is overwhelming and each day you add something else to put on the list of punishment.

I too looked to spiritualism, I didn’t just look for someone else to connect for me but took the steps to communicate myself. Now 2 ½ years later I have had as many signs as most people here but nothing concrete.

Then one day I realised that I didn’t want to peak around the corner to make sure they were ok, I wanted them back or to be with them ( I don’t mean kill myself I guess I mean communicate directly with them)

I was sure this was the answer but still to this day I try too hard, and until I relax and let happen what will happen nothing will happen.

In my communications with other spiritual people the saying is ‘expect nothing everything else is a bonus’

I don’t know how to advise you to go about forgiving yourself but you could start with every time you put yourself down just say ‘I forgive myself as Sabin has’

Sabin may have needed to experience death the way he did in order to progress in his spiritual journey and on some deep level you agreed to help him.

We none of us know for sure, but just believe that everything is how it should be.

Love Sue

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Sue,
Thanks to you, too, for attempting to help me out of this dark state that just hangs on and on. I know I should be forgiving myself but what my intellect knows, my heart doesn't want to cooperate with...or maybe that's the opposite, but it feels like the former. While I've managed to convince myself of the 'logic' of certain decisions I made while faced with widely divergent opinions from different vets and other animal lovers, it's still that one, final decision on his last night that I can't seem to get beyond.

I've had quite a few signs, or things that seemed like signs, that should have convinced me that Sabin forgave me immediately (or never saw anything to forgive in the first place), else why would he even have sent such signs, but even this hasn't done it completely for me. This, despite actually feeling him tromping my hair and nuzzling my ear soon after his departure (as he always had), which was a pretty powerful and fairly concrete thing to experience!...and yet I still doubt. Maybe it all stems from not ever having loved myself as much as I love him, so any excuse for self-loathing is easier?

Although I've been assured by some other folks that the same connection, including the feeling of it, that Sabin and I shared when he was here in the flesh, is still there, just the same as always, I can't seem to recreate it without his physical presence.....just as when he was here and I'd recall this wonderous feeling but couldn't seem to duplicate it until I physically saw or touched him, when it flowed with utter ease. I used to try to practise this even then, but he was like the current in the wire that I seemed to need to plug into. I, too, want to reexperience that direct communication that went far beyond words ever could have, and not just know that he's "okay".

I know of the kind of faith that says things happen for intricate reasons we don't have direct access to anymore, yet I find that somewhat frightening as well. Since I consider Sabin to be a very old and wise soul (he just FELT like one, and that's been echoed by a couple of communicators, too) I just can't imagine what he would have done in any past incarnation to warrant having such a painful experience of dying....nor do I want to imagine what kind of ending to this present life I might have to endure...especially since I now suspect I might deserve a bitter one! I know this isn't your theory, but that's the fear it raises in me. And this is despite having actually experienced things in my life that point to a guiding, serendipitous hand in some crises being involved in order for a better outcome out of the chaos.

I know grief issues often severely shake one's faith...problem was, I was just beginning to develop one and have never decided what I could believe for certain in the first place, so this has just made it all the much worse in certain ways. I'm in a total panic now to 'get' one for sure, to believe in love's merciful ways, before my furgirl has to transition herself, with my uncertain hands to help, or hinder her. That's why I think I need so much to hear his forgiveness 'straight' through a medium who can be totally trusted to get everything in a reading bang-on, short of him coming in a dream visitation to speak the words himself. THAT I could believe, as I've had a similar dream from my now-departed Mother, and it was so powerful that it gave me more peace than anything else previously had. What I find so disheartening is that a friend of mine had a forgiving dream about her dog, who she 'euthanized' because she couldn't find her a newer adoptive home, something I considered a betrayal of trust, not an act of kindness, and yet I, who gave up half of my life and lifestyle for my baby, haven't been granted such peace. That doesn't do anything good for any faith I thought I had, either! Sabin's death has just rocked my world in so many aspects that I can't truly progress.

[SJ J & S]

You could probably do with having some counselling and or healing.

The torment you are putting yourself through is unnecessary, it certainly isn’t going to bring him back or alter what happened in the past.

You need some form of closure and I don’t think it is going to come from a medium but has to come from within yourself, a professional could go some way to bringing you peace of mind and helping to release some of the hurt you are storing inside.

Love Sue

[Amphia]

Hi Sue and Furkidlets mom,

I think you would do really well meditating on what sue said about soul's growth, and soul agreemments. I can really identify with you. You seem to get stuck the same way I do...circling around in your head, thinking too much...

I believe that everything in life teaches...everything is conspiring to make you a brighter, more loving being, and sometimes pain is the tool that makes the beautiful flute...by chipping away at it with a knife, so that it can express God's beauty even more!
Death is a part of life! They are one and the same...We watched another family Dog go last year and it was awful...so many cir%%stances I can't explain to you here, but Trust me when I say I can relate to what you are feeling. Kelly died of Kidney failure in an empty apartment...We were around and paying our respects, but she died slowly and painfully, and it was horrific to see. Too many changes and trauma's were happening at once in our family and we simply couldn't keep on top of everything, financially, emotionally, and physically.
But I dealt with it by accepting it. I couldn't change it. She knew she was loved, how could she not? We loved her, we know that. If you are loved, you know you are loved. It's simple! And I firmly believe that there is a reason that some pets CHOOSE to die this way, and the learning is for you both. It's an intimate, soul agreement, and it's a beautiful thing, if you can see it that way.
I don't know if this will help you, but something I was thinking of yesterday in the aftermath of Tazi's death: Tears and grieving are essential to fully healing...real sad grief...honoring grief, being with grief, staying present with it...And I thought about wintertime, how the leaves die, and how it rains in winter to cleanse and to heal and to make the earth ready for new life. If there was no rain one year, we would have a drought...stagnation... there would be no new growth. I have to believe it is the same with our bodies, our spirits and our lives. We need to FULLY experience our tears when something dies, be it a being, a relationship, an event, singlehood, etc. so as to allow for new joy to come and delight us!
Another thing that helps me with my monkey mind, and my obsessive thoughts is this: Your body begins to die when you are holding pain (guilt is a big one) Anger, guilt, fear, anxiety...over prolonged periods create cancer, they make your body less resistant to anything harmful. Your body actually starts to become healthier and younger the happier you are! What does THAT tell you! It's your responsibility to bring make peace of mind a priority...that, and nothing else. But it doesn't mean you should not feel pain, or even avoid it, because that would be holding on to FEAR (life subtracting). It simply means, BE present.
Try this: when you start to blame yourself, or obsess over your pet's death or anything related to it...STOP...and look around at your room, get quiet and listen fully to the small sounds going on around you, the sounds of the world. If you start to obsesss, say: Everything is OK in this moment. In this Moment, there is no pain, there is no tragedy.
Because really, there is none. You are reliving something that does not exist. The only thing that exists is You in this moment. I wish you love and light and new life! May there be Joy in your heart over the seasons of your life!
A